“A Space of Quiet Promise”

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May 28, 2026- I am now halfway through my diamond year. Much has changed, since my 75th birthday, and much, at least inside me, has remained the same.

I have left a mountain community, with many acts of service in the course of a week. There was also much in the way of natural beauty, in which I could become refreshed, even at the risk of encountering an apex predator. I left a solid community of friends, of all Faiths, though a good many of my interactions were with my fellow Baha’is; Friends were also from all points on the political spectrum; as apt to be women as men; many were older than 60, and many were younger. I finally mastered the art of teaching, just in time to retire.

I came to a place of quiet promise. (The phrase is borrowed from blogger Cynthia Ward’s essay, “Who I Used To Be”.)* I left a one-bedroom apartment and came into a two-story house, with three bedrooms and two offices that could convert to bedrooms. The kitchen and living room, alone, are the size of what I left behind. I came to live with family, as an active contributor, rather than as a dependent. My educational skills now go towards the development of my infant granddaughter. My Red Cross volunteering is strictly on weekends, and my Baha’i activities are on evenings and weekends. I have not changed my American Legion post, as yet. There is no activity at the nearest post, save gatherings centered on drinking and smoking, neither of which interest me, nor would they suit my coming home to a nursing mother and a little girl. As time goes on, Slow Food Dallas-Fort Worth could draw me into its activities.

Health-wise, I have found a fine, competent VA doctor, dentist and chiropractor. I go to a Planet Fitness, about ten minutes from here. There are plenty of parks nearby and several safe neighbourhoods in which to walk, day or night. I can still do a plank for 1 1/2-2 minutes. I can still walk 3-5 miles. (It’s mostly flat here, but the humidity makes up for the lack of elevation changes).

I have several bounties here: A loving son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter; a large and supportive Baha’i community; a quiet neighbourhood connected with the outside world by well-ordered streets and roads; and, for the next few months at least, a reliable supply network for what we need. This house, this community, are places of quiet promise.

  • “Who I Used to Be”, Still Amazed, Cynthia Ward May 25,2026

Regenerating

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May 27,2026- I took a walk this evening. It was the first real solo walk that I’ve taken in months. I’ve been on short jaunts to Hoblitzelle Park with my family. yet these were done according to someone else’s schedule and at a pace set by others. My most satisfying steps have always been taken at my own pace-neither halting nor frenetic, but steady. That was true of hikes in Arizona and elsewhere. It’s true here in Plano, and thereabouts. It is what will keep me alive and well.

When I moved from Phoenix to Prescott, the door to regeneration had blown wide open. So, I took in nearly every natural space in the Prescott area, gradually widening my circle. There was someone whose point of view was that hikes don’t count, if one has to drive to the trailhead. I chose to ignore that particular admonition. My regeneration, after eleven years of caretaking, of watching the love of my life fade away, could stand no boundaries. I was a veritable Waldo, for a few years-sans the red-striped shirt and stocking cap. Fifty eight hiking trails, forty-eight states and twenty other countries later, that part of my resilience was well-established.

There was one part of me that waited: Who will be walking in my place, thirty, forty, fifty years from now? That question was answered, at least in part, in 1988, with the birth of my son, and was underscored in December of last year, when my first grandchild burst on scene.

For five months, though I have made forays around Plano and to surrounding towns in my car, most of my time has been spent cocooning, keeping my focus on Hana. That aspect of life will be even more pre-eminent, starting next week, when her mother starts a new job that will take her out of the house, five days a week. I will be Hana’s sole adult presence during the workweek.

This, however, brings about the need for an uptick in her daily routine-and walks in the stroller will be the first adjustment. I will be getting a car seat installed in Sportage, and short hops to the Public Library, for puppet shows and story time, will happen as the months roll by. Hana’s world continues to evolve and for me, there is a fifth regeneration.

Shared Loads

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May 26, 2026- Hana’s solid food introduction schedule was devised today, just as her first tooth, or two, is starting to erupt. She accepted the three spoonfuls of rice porridge, which of course are still supplemented by mother’s milk. We three generally share feeding responsibilities, with me taking on the feeding-and everything else pertaining to her care, during the workday. It is one of the most rewarding jobs I’ve ever had.

As a child and teen, I had certain specific chores-and was also raised to notice what needed to be done-and to take care of it. Dad’s words were “Don’t expect an engraved invitation….” I was not the ideal child, but I did take some pride in helping around the house. My siblings, likewise, did their share.

We don’t issue engraved invitations to each other here, either. If one of us is the first to come upon something that needs to be done, we don’t wait around for permission. It is just how a well-oiled household has always worked, in my experience-and it will be a good example for Hana (and her siblings, if there are any.)

A community would seem to be much the same. I have taken on a couple of committee roles in the Baha’i community here and serve as a Red Cross Blood Donor Ambassador in two or three weekend blood drives, each month. While it is a far cry from the volunteer activities that found me in Prescott, these roles dovetail nicely with my first responsibility: My grandchild.

I know of people who work far harder in a volunteer capacity-and my hat goes off to them. It is, however, a truth that “Many hands make light work”; “Teamwork makes the dream work”, and so on. We will continue to make our homestead, and our youngest member, thrive.

In Memoriam

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May 25,2026- When I was a child, each Memorial Day was spent visiting the graves of both of my grandfathers and, starting in 1961, that of my maternal grandmother. Helping my parents place flowers at the sites was taught to us as a form of respect, and more importantly, of gratitude for the love that the departed elders had given my parents and, in Grama’s case, to us. I would, in time, do the same at my wife’s gravesite on Memorial Day weekend. On visits to Saugus, I would pay my respects at the grave of my parents and youngest brother, stopping at my grandparents’ and godparents’ tombs, along with those of a childhood friend or two.

This year was the first time in many years that I was not at a cemetery at any time on Memorial Day weekend. My honouring of my ancestors, and of Penny, came in the form of what I’ve done each day since January 2-spending quality time with my children and grandchild. I took care of Hana, so that her parents could pick up a playpen. She crawled intently, as she is now given to doing, and is lifting her torso off the ground, as she engages hands and knees. She is slowly demonstrating more confidence.

I see Penny in her granddaughter, who is also her namesake. Hana Penny will answer back, when she understands a request and doesn’t agree with it. She pushes herself quite hard and needs to be persuaded to take a rest. She has a winning smile and infectious laugh, along with a quick temper. She has a laser focus.and wants to examine something thoroughly, once it gets her attention.

The departed souls never really leave us-and I’m sure that the idiom “present in spirit” is more real than many imagine. Indeed, a few times, we have observed Hana looking up towards the ceiling, smiling and laughing at whatever, or whoever, she sees up there.

May all the departed rest in paradise.

Solid

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May 24,2026- Hana began her transition to solid food in earnest today, A simple meal of rice porridge accompanied her liquid feedings. She was quite happy about this, and recognizes, on some level, that this puts her on the path to being a bigger child. Food items, pureed of course, will be added gradually, one food at a time, according to a nutritionist’s plan that her mother has adopted.

My granddaughter is generally a cheerful little girl, who laughs easily. She also has a serious side and when she is crawling towards something, she does not like being distracted. She puts her attention on doing a certain task-usually on pressing buttons on an educational toy, to elicit a spoken instruction or a little song, to the tune of which she will kick her legs, even while lying prone. She carefully lifts up a section of her crawling mat, to see what is underneath and examines the tags on a quilt or other fabric.

I want to help her build on both of these aspects of herself-the gregarious and mirthful, as well as the purposeful and focused. All three of us read to her, show her the pictures in the books and have her turn the pages, as much as she is willing to. If she wants to linger on a certain page and absorb the illustrations, that’s okay, too.

There is no day off, or holiday, in raising an infant or toddler. At the same time, it is a labour of joy. A solid human being is in the works. The days fly by; with the sameness of each day’s schedule intertwined with the growth that each new day brings. It’s said that this will all “be over” too soon. Maybe so, but in the interim, I will savour every step forward and every inch grown taller.

Transactional

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May 23, 2026- Two people contacted me, earlier today-one for a small amount of financial assistance and the other, to cover a meeting tomorrow. In both cases, I had to decline. I have to tighten my belt, at least for a week or so, and family obligations conflict with the second request. Both were more understanding than I had expected-and will seek other options for their needs. There should be no one solution for any problem, no matter how “unexpected” it is. I have been in both situations, as well as far worse. Sometimes, family or friends have been able to help. Other times, i was on my own. I got through the situation.

I read, this morning, of a leading participant in the January 6, 2021 incident at the U.S. Capitol, who was complaining that his life was a mess because of his having been tried, found guilty and incarcerated for his involvement. Now, he is free, due to having been pardoned, but he wants money, with which to get a fresh start. Some wishes are best not granted, in the way they are requested. The money would have to come from Congress, and that body is not inclined to honour the request.

The surest way to overcome a transactional mentality-or even the appearance of being transactional, is to build a treasury of options. I have been the one with his hand out, often enough, to know how humiliating it feels, and how powerless. Yet, once again, I made it through. Loans were either paid off in full, or were forgiven. Being stuck somewhere, either a ride was arranged, I waited the night in place or, in a few instances, I walked to my destination. I have even bartered goods for services. There is always a solution.

Five Months In

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May 22, 2026- This afternoon, we set up a plastic mat as a ramp that covered the small ledge between Hana’s play area and the dining room. She crawled up the ramp, with my bracing her feet and her mother on the other end of the ramp, encouraging her. Hana made it up into the dining room, looking surprised, as she looked down into her play area, then quite happy that we helped her.

Earlier today, she crawled over to the bookshelf in her play space and touch several book spines, babbling insistently, until I took a couple of books out and read them to her. When one of us reads, Hana looks attentively at the pages, and has taken to turning the pages herself and looking through the books.

She will now be slowly introduced to solid (pureed) foods, and watches us very intently as we eat, and how we use utensils. She will be shown how to use the soft rubber spoon, when we begin the feeding schedule (one solid food, for one meal, per day.), starting on Sunday.

Most importantly, her speaking and eye contact are acknowledged and affirmed. Insistent and enunciated babbling can be reasonably interpreted, given attention to body language and where her eyes and body are pointing. When she is acknowledged correctly, her face lights up, so we know we’re on the right track.

This is where we are as a family, five months in.

Agency

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May 21, 2026- Hana came up with a simple game today. In her play area, there is a multi-coloured arch. As I was in front of the arch, she pushed it gently towards my head. I nudged it back with my forehead. She pushed it towards me again, and I returned it. Back and forth, we did this, ten times. Then, she changed direction and began crawling towards her multi-tasking cube,with its alphabet blocks, animals making sounds and the numbers 1-10.

I let Aram have his own agency, in matters that did not present any safety risk. He learned, early on, that his opinions, and methods of doing simple tasks, were as valid as anyone else’s. I got some push back on that, from some family members, but I pointed out that no one of us can be around for him, all the time. He kept and grew his agency.

The three of us are equally at home with Hana having her ability to choose what she wants to do, within her play area. If she wants to leave the area and watch whoever is in the kitchen, from the safety of her bouncy chair nearby, she will look in that direction and focus on it, while babbling insistently. My granddaughter is curious over just about anything. She also notices when I have removed something that might be an attractive nuisance, and crawls towards the area to which I have moved it. The important thing, to me, is that she is processing what she sees and is making decisions about how to handle it. We will provide the safety and the guidance, but it will not come at the expense of her agency. When she can’t be allowed in a certain area or be near certain things, we will take that responsibility and explain to her, when she is old enough to understand.

There are two primary schools of thought about agency: Empowerment and acquiescence. The former seeks to build the decision-making capacity of the individual and teaches risk assessment, self-confidence and networking skills. The latter teaches trust in authority, deference and obedience.

Most of us use a mix of the two. This is especially true when one wants a child or underling to be able to make some decisions on their own, but does not see the value in either too much independence or in relegating oneself to an advisory role or mentorship. It depends a lot on one’s personal sense of security and self-confidence. I made the decisions that I did, regarding my son, with the conviction that he would honour his own agency. Life threw some curve balls at us, and in his teen years, the choices we made backfired somewhat, Fortunately, the military helped him, as it did me, and his agency is on track.

That brings me back to Hana. She is a bright little girl and seems to listen well, so I have confidence in giving her a limited measure of independence, based on her developmental level. This would include both limited choices and, once she can walk and talk, some small responsibilities.

Loyalty

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May 20,2026- My granddaughter kissed me on the shoulder, when I picked her up from the crib, after her first nap, this morning. She will roll over to get next to me, when I lower myself to her crawling area. She holds onto my shirt, when I am rocking her, at the end of a play period. A baby is motivated by survival instinct, and gravitates to the person(s) who show her/him the most consistent positive attention. That is the beginning of loyalty.

My own loyalties are very specifically ordered: Family, Faith, Friends, Humanity, Planet Earth. I am loyal to government when it treats the common people with love and respect. My loyalty to the Human Race requires standing up, when there is a widespread disregard for dignity and worth-no matter the source of that disdain. Furthermore, I see no conflict between standing up for my family and standing up for the planet. My family’s survival needs a healthy environment. I don’t want my granddaughter, or anyone else, ingesting a host of microplastics or breathing in Diesel fumes, generated by someone who is angry at Elon Musk, or at the environmental movement.

I am loyal to the Baha’i Faith. That also means that I show reverence and respect towards all creeds that are based on the Golden Mean. All knowledge comes from the Divine, else it is contrived, and is not true knowledge at all. We have never been left alone, nor will we ever be.

I am loyal to my friends, no matter how long it has been since we’ve seen one another or how often we may communicate. Many are overwhelmed by life and have both my daily blessings and constant thought. My loyalty should never be measured by how much money I spend on a person. I have a few in my circle, who are transactional. The only time I hear from them is when they are short on cash. I occasionally help one family with the basics, but generally speaking, I prefer my charity to be that which helps larger groups of people.

My loyalty to Humanity reflects a conviction that “all means all.” I don’t make a distinction between “rightwingers” and “leftwingers”, Christians and Muslims, citizens of one country as opposed to those of another. My only guidepost is to be discerning, as to the basic human rights of a given person. Even a tyrant has inherent dignity. If he/she chooses to squander that dignity, that is not a choice made by me. I will not harm anyone, but neither will I allow them to harm me or anyone close to me.

My loyalty to Earth lies in being as responsible a steward of what is in front of me and of the planet as a whole. Minimal trash, maximum recycling, regular maintenance and proper use of my motor vehicle, respect and kindness towards all life forms, to the greatest extent possible, conservation of resources-all these add up, when practiced regularly.

Loyalty begins with self-respect and is reflected outwards.

Worlds Within A World, Part VI

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May 19,2026- My granddaughter, Hana, has taken to spinning a couple of little wheels on her multi-level “School House” toy. She likes to press the colour and shape buttons on another toy, and is trying to figure out how to push the tiny “Menu” lever. That would put some snappy music on, but she doesn’t seem sure how she feels about snappy music. She can listen to it for a few minutes, then looks at me and says “Not”. She blows kisses at us, and carries a wiper cloth around with her, as she is crawling, then wipes her mouth, if there is any spittle. She laughs heartily, sometimes at a silly story one of us is reading. (I think she is good at reading our faces, as well, and laughs along with us. She will be five months old on Thursday.

Plano world began on January 2,2026, when I moved my necessary belongings into the comfortable home that I share with Hana and her parents-my son and daughter-in-law. I kept everything else in storage. Plano world is small, even more so than Low Desert world was, while I was Penny’s caregiver. but not as small as Saugus world. Tending to Hana’s needs, when her parents are otherwise occupied, is my raison d’etre. There are, though, some Baha’i activities and Red Cross Blood Donor Ambassador shifts-the former mostly in the evenings and the latter on weekends only. I visit Plano Farmers Market, on Saturday mornings, but there is no need for volunteers there, so I just buy what attracts me. There are a few coffee shops, restaurants and book shops that I go to, now and then. Mostly, though, my granddaughter, and her parents, are my life.

Son asked me, some time ago, whether I wanted to keep certain items in my car-for when I travel. This Sagittarian has no plans for travel-at least until October, and that will depend on Hana’s needs and her parents’ work situations. If I have two weeks to myself, I will go either east or west. If I don’t have that time, it’ll suffice to enjoy the growth of my precious little girl.

It’s different now. I still correspond with a dear friend in the Philippines and with several others, across the continent and across the globe. It all feels so far away, though. Even Arizona, so embedded in my heart for so many years, feels like another planet; thus, my series being entitled as it is. Prescott felt like that at first, then I threw myself wholly into the community and into traveling. As Hana grows, there may well be an expansion of Plano world-but we’ll see..