Category Archives: Assistance

The Totoro Wallpaper

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Education, Entertainment, Family, Fiction, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social

May 12, 2026- Hana’s mother has been very busy, these past two days, receiving and arranging two boxes of books, and carefully putting a mural of the Japanese character Totoro and his friends on the wall of Hana’s play area. My curious granddaughter now has friendly faces upon which to gaze, when she looks upon the wall, while resting from all the crawling she’s been doing.

Above, are Totoro (bottom) and his two rabbit friends, who are called “Smaller Totoros”.

I am getting a quick education on popular Japanese cartoon characters. Others, who have their own plush toys, include Pompomporin, a dog who likes caramel pudding; Hello Kitty; My Melody ( a rabbit); Kerokerokeroppi ( a frog) and My Sweet Piano (a sheep), These are Sanrio characters. There are also many Pokemon plush toys, including the ubiquitous Pikachu, who is, of course, a pika. With these characters, and more, Hana will be able to let her imagination run wild. I look forward to her weaving stories, in her toddler and middle childhood years.

All this is actually a balm for me as well. Paying attention to the goings on outside these four walls, I almost think the anime world is saner. I know that all that is going wrong will fall away, in time, yet I want to keep my granddaughter’s world as innocent as possible, while her character forms.

By Example

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 11, 2026- Some of what I have modeled for Hana has been physical-even crawling on my hands and knees, a little, so she can see what is involved, and reading words from left to right, pointing,as she follows each word, I also explain what I;m doing, step by step, no matter how simple the task.

She maintains focus, quite a bit more than one might expect a 4.5-month-old infant to keep attention. It seems to be a matter of storing information, either for use in a week or two, as with crawling or the sequence of letters, to recall and use as a toddler.

Funny thing about example: One never knows when little eyes and ears are picking up on what is being said or done. I had given up cursing long before Aram was born, as I just didn’t see any use for such talk, when other words met my needs just as well. He was quite assertive, in calling out what he thought was behaviour that was not in sync with words, especially in middle childhood.

I have a feeling that Hana will do the same. She already communicates quite well, with body language, eye contact and babbles that are fairly comprehensible as words. There is even a fair amount of intonation that give a sense of what she wants to convey.

Example is just the least one can do, to build character in those for whom one is responsible. It is crucial in child rearing-and just as much so, in positions of public responsibility. I had a high bar to maintain, and did, as a teacher, counselor and building principal-and even as a substitute teacher, in my last years of work. I didn’t always meet the expectations of the higher echelon or of the governing boards, but my standing with all but a few students, co-workers and parents was constantly stable.

Elected officials, likewise, would do a whole lot better to adhere to the highest standard of conduct. It’s been a while since that bar has been met, by all too many in public office. This has nothing to do with ideology. As we have seen, there are honest, trustworthy conservatives and progressives alike and there are the opposite, among both camps.

Bringing oneself to account each day seems to be the most effective counter to backsliding and it pays dividends, in terms of how one’s example is followed.

Hands and Knees

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 9, 2026- Hana used her knees to move herself forward to day. She crawled forward without anyone serving as a backstop for her feet. This has been something she’s wanted to do for at least three weeks, and today, the connection clicked. She is not a quitter, and I told her I was proud of her.

Seeing the little girl keep at something, until it happened, brought me back to her father learning to ride a bicycle and, a few months later, how to swim. He was five. The earlier milestones he met all happened when I was at work: His first crawl, his first steps and his first unmimicked words. I will be around for Hana’s little victories.

Many times in life, both individually and as a community, setbacks are faced. I don’t know the cosmic reason for this. Maybe it is a matter of needing to revisit a situation and deepen one’s skill sets. Perhaps someone else involved in a process needs the same, and you are just along for the ride.Maybe those opposed to forward progress need to revisit the situation, in a position of power, and be shown, one more time, why their backward focus doesn’t work.

Regardless, getting through the situation, with the equivalent of the hands and knees working in synchronicity, is always essential. Whether the cooperation involves two people or a thousand, commitment, consultation and mutual understanding are the keys. Whether it entails the use of hand tools, power tools or electronics, making sure the devices are appropriate to the job, are in good working order, and that the instructions for their use and care are read, understood and followed, is imperative.

Every task comes back to the hands and knees.

False Equivalence

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 8, 2026- I read a post, this evening, in which a grown woman complains that a 6-year-old, who has been diagnosed with autism, “conveniently” reins in her tantrums-when there are no flashing lights and sudden noises. My, my!

I am mildly autistic. Much of my more “inconvenient” behaviour has fallen away, over the past few decades. It’s been a while, since I was six year old -or thirteen-or twenty-five. Learning which foods aggravate my neural functioning, and avoiding them, has helped. Meditation and daily prayer also help focus my energies. Maturation, though, has been largely responsible, for changes in my behaviour.

I will say, though, that we still have a society which is poor at recognizing developmental differences between young children, adolescents, young adults and people of “middle age”. I spoke yesterday about magical thinking. People like the complainer in the above-mentioned post tend to indulge in wishful thinking. Too lazy, rigid or ignorant to recognize and accept differences in people, they stage public shaming rituals and look under rocks for reasons to excoriate those with disabilities.

While I, out of common courtesy, have made a concerted effort to evolve my own behaviours in a positive direction, If I encounter a confrontation between a neurodivergent child and an adult, other than a parent*, who is passing judgement, I will stand up for the child. There are ways to calm and refocus an autistic or other neurodivergent person. Confrontation and “tough love” are certainly not among them.

Beside, saying that a 6-year-old should be held to the same standard as an adult is false equivalence and says more about the unmet needs of the complainer than it does about the child.

  • Parents of neurodivergent children are most often supportive of their child and seek non-escaltatory solutions to situations that arise, involving their child.

Magical Thinking

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Fiction, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 7, 2026- Hana pushes herself to reach certain places on her crawling mat, but was showing a bit of frustration at being limited to the same route, day after day. It was time for another segment, so down went the multi-modal quilt, with its alphabet, colour bar, shapes and illustrations of animals and objects. This doubled the area that she has to navigate, and she took to it right away.

My granddaughter had been acting as if she should be able to go through walls or pieces of furniture, getting frustrated at this also, so Papa has the task of gently encouraging her to turn, when confronted with a barrier. I even showed her that my almighty self can’t go through a wall, which she found amusing, while getting the point.

Many of the old stories I am reading her now, European fairy tales, present magical solutions to harrowing scenes. I choose to focus more on the character-building elements that are embedded in the tales, rather than the amazing feats of derring do. It only touches a slight level of her consciousness, of course, but I can recall, from my own toddlerhood, having a sense that I had heard stories that pointed the way to correctness, even earlier in my life. So, we go down this path together, She will retain what sticks in her mind and re-learn the rest later.

Much magical thinking comes from being used to having certain things happen almost instantaneously- like fast food being prepared and served in minutes, or AI popping up with answers to questions, in mere seconds. Another friend, examining the matter, points out that experiencing something, even several times, does not mean that it will be integrated with one’s psyche or behavioural repertoire. “I spent a week in Sweden” hardly qualifies me to claim any more than cursory knowledge of the country and its people. “I changed the spark plugs in my Ford LTD, back in 1975”, does not make me anywhere near a skilled auto mechanic. It is integration, not encountering, that determines the level of any change one wishes to see in life.

There is also a larger process at work, sometimes called “the arc of history” and in other forums, “the Major Plan of God”. We on the ground can only understand a smidgen of it, but here’s the thing: Just as a motor vehicle can go either forward or in reverse, it moves most efficiently forward. Reverse is meant only for short distances, like backing out of a parking space, or going a few yards back to where a loved one is waiting to communicate a last-minute thought. Going backwards in society can only be temporary, mostly to correct errors made in moving ahead too quickly. It cannot be done with a view towards reinstating the “Golden Days of Yesteryear”.

I will have more to say about this in an upcoming post.

Brevity and Longevity

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Entertainment, Family, Fiction, Historical, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 2, 2026- If I live to be 100, or longer, it may well be partly due to the things in which I invest time and energy. Certainly, being fully involved in the life of my grandchild has a part to play. So does any exercise or even resuming travel again, once Hana is of school age and her parents have earned vacation time. Diet also comes into play.

Then, there is the reading material in which I invest time. I am rediscovering classics, in my choice of what to read to Hana. I have read her “Heidi” and am currently reading her “The Red Pony”, by John Steinbeck. It’s a bit tougher than Johanna Spyri’s classic,and shows a different way of looking at life’s challenges. She will only have a slight sense of the mood of the story, so I am not concerned with its effects. I will revert more to more conventional children’s works, going forward, as her awareness grows and she actually starts asking questions. That day is coming faster than some of you may think.

My personal reading, both print books and long form Substack pieces, is also going to keep the gray matter oiled and lubed. Both media are comprised of thought=provoking pieces. I am presently reading “The Beginning Comes After The End”, by Rebecca Solnit and “The God of the Woods”, by Liz Moore. Substack sites range from “The Hungary Report” and “Life Intelligence” to “The Gut Check Guy” and “The Good Men Project”. There are a total of ten sites, not all of which show in my feed every day.

Many people opt for the fast food of journalism: Reels and clips. The problem I have with high brevity is that only part of any given story is presented. Then there is a hint, “Click to continue”, which the one time I fell for it, I was asked to subscribe to the reel’s host site-big bucks for the equivalent of a Big Mac.

Brevity has its place, but the maintenance of a well-oiled thinking machine needs a considerably higher-level investment. I may not be digging into “War and Peace” anytime soon, but long-form is a better investment of time and energy.

May Day

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Historical, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 1, 2026- As another gray day dawned, yet in a new month, Hana and I looked out at the squirrels frolicking on the lawn and in the trees, as they went about their day of climbing and parkour. (Squirrels are premier roof-vaulters.) For her part, my granddaughter was focused on army crawling and semi-crawling, as she is now able to move with her hands and knees in sync, though not yet with her torso fully off the ground.

Several people, across the country, and in some other nations,observed a day of protest. Many were on strike. May Day is traditionally a day for Organized Labour to call attention to its grievances, and on this particular day, concerns are many. We did our shopping earlier in the week, so it was not hard to honour the call to refrain from discretionary commerce. Son and daughter-in-law had light work schedules, and I, being retired, had only my labour of love to engage, as I have done every day for the last four months and two weeks. So, we were, in a de facto sense, in sync with the day’s mood.

Protest and criticism often rankle their targets. A parent may take umbrage at a child’s refusal to go along with a directive. Government officials, increasingly these days, don’t like it a bit, if citizens stand up and voice a contrary opinion. I watched a program this evening, in which a judge ordered a witness to break confidence, and the witness refused, thus invoking a contempt-of-court citation and time in a holding cell. (The judge’s move backfired, as the witness’s confider took the stand and spoke truth to power. The jury then convicted the defendant-who was a friend of the judge.)

We are all made different, distinct from one another, right down to our basic building blocks. Even identical twins have differences. So, there is no way that any two people are going to agree, 24/7. Yet, there is, especially among insecure people in positions of authority, an increasing intolerance for criticism, either public or private. The operative word here is insecure.

A better course of action is always to hear out the criticism, find points of truth in it, and examine how those points of truth could help one improve. That requires reflection and trust in one’s basic abilities.

Bugs

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 30, 2026– When my son returned from a shopping run, this evening, among the items he brought out were two electronic flying insect zappers. This sparked a conversation about the pests that occasionally find their way in from the outside-the houseflies, mosquitoes and sewer cockroaches. We maintain roach motels for the latter, which only show up after a heavy rain. So, the zappers should take care of the rest.

To be clear, we maintain strict standards of cleanliness around the house. With a baby becoming more mobile, we take no chances. Besides, who wants to “share” food with flies? The kids loathe them, and even I, in my sanguinity towards all life, will wield a fly swatter or kill a mosquito with my hands, before seeing either harm anyone in my family.

This brings up the place of scavengers in nature. Aram would gladly burn all vermin, if given the chance. So, what would the planet look like, with no flies, cockroaches, mosquitoes, rats (which we don’t have, thankfully) or carrion-eating birds? Since all living things eventually pass on, I daresay the planet would be far more of a mess, if not for the clean-up crew.

Further, I have been in places where there is either irregular trash pick-up, or none at all. My penchant for being a good citizen and picking discarded paper or plastic off a sidewalk and depositing it in a trash receptacle would have seemed ludicrous in such communities, The animals are, in such cases, fully “on the job” and humans have their work cut out for them, in maintaining hygienic boundaries in their homes.

So, we carry on with the balance of cleanliness and dirt, life and decay, conflict and resolution. The effort is a constant-and the bugs will keep getting zapped.

Threads

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 25,2026- “Where have you been?”, fumed the Farmer’s Market assistant director, as she was sweeping up a pile of vegetable refuse. In the next breath, she said “Oh, that’s right, you moved to Texas to be with family,” At that point, I woke up and realized it was the day for Farmer’s Market, alright, but I was going to the Plano market-and I am not a volunteer there, The vendors all have their own tents and chairs, which they keep with them. There is no set-up/breakdown crew here, as there is in Prescott.

I read the newsletter from Prescott Farmers Market, so I know they are doing well and have a sizeable group of volunteers. Threads of nostalgia come every so often-and mostly in dreams. It seems like a healthy way for good memories to intertwine with a good feeling about my life here.

A Navy colleague of Aram’s stopped by this afternoon, with some of his family members. Turns out they live in West, TX, which is one of the places I visited on my first real Texas jaunt, in 2012. The place where they live now is a stone’s throw from the site of the fertilizer plant explosion that devastated the town in April, 2013. The town has recovered quite well from that tragedy. This is just another thread that keeps me connected to places that helped me re-establish my sense of equilibrium, after losing my wife.

At one point, this evening, there were ten of us in the house: Our family of four, the four visitors from West and two HVAC workers, who were on the last portion of the installation of a new heating and cooling unit. Hana had never seen this many people together in the house, and was actually quite happy. She smiled broadly at the visitors, while being uncharacteristically quiet. She is usually quite vocal, when we are sitting around, or when she is involved in an activity.

The threads of belonging are fashioning another fine quilt-like the ones in Arizona,in the Northeast, in the Philippines, in Canada and in parts of Europe.

Whose Voice?

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 21, 2026- My family had a brief “conversation”, between the three of them, about going out for a brisk walk after the adult dinner. Hana had the veto poser, since it was intended for her benefit. She “spoke” her opinion and essentially wanted to stay in. It’d been raining most of the day, and she was hungry, besides (She usually has a feeding just before bedtime). They stayed in, she had her feeding, then quietly went to bed. Mom and Dad relaxed in the family room and had a much-needed private conversation on another matter. I stayed out of both situations.

Earlier, there was some discussion about an enterprising rabbit, which was trying to collapse the cover over our lettuce patch. Aram chased it off, as I would have. While he, as property owner, has the final say in how wild animals and birds are tolerated on the property, I would focus mainly on keeping the small garden safe and leave the rest to be grazed. It saves on mowing.

People in Virginia narrowly approved a redistricting proposal that could be used to favour one party over another. The cities and suburbs voted “Yes” and rural areas, “No”. I am personally against any gerrymandering and if Texas ever came up with such a referendum, I would be a naysayer, for the simple fact that I believe every citizen of voting age should have an equal voice. I think the Legislatures should also stay out of it, and an Independent Redistricting body, in each state, should do the honours.

Basically, my take is that each person deserves empowerment, commensurate with their developmental level, from Day One. If one can understand the matter and have good reason for their opinion, then he/she should have a say. A full range of voices brings out the fuller truth.