Category Archives: Assistance

What I’ve Done Lately

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 18, 2026- The out-of-the-blue critic questioned whether I have done anything “today” for women and girls. I answered. matter-of-factly, because when someone addresses me by name, my idea of courtesy is to acknowledge what seems to be their concern. My career, protecting and educating children and teenagers aside, what I am doing NOW is to help raise a little girl to be forthright, to articulate and follow her dreams and to grow into a woman of character and strength-like her mother and maternal grandmother, like her paternal grandmother, like her great grandmothers,

That will likely mean little to the ideologue who spent too much time worrying about what a man she’s never met-and is unlikely to ever encounter-does to help womankind. Actions are never enough for someone whose anger, mindset, life experiences create a blindness that would take years of counterbalancing to relieve.

So, I consider the comment that I made, on a longtime friend’s site, about narcissists not having anyone to blame but themselves, for whatever lack of success they may have in finding a mate. Even after pondering the critic’s remarks, I hold fast to that conviction-and do not regard it as making excuses for anyone’s bad behaviour. Narcissism is a condition, not a dodge; just as, for me, autism is a condition, but does not give me a free pass to conduct myself in an untoward manner.

I will carry on, tomorrow, and for years to come, helping my granddaughter embrace life to the fullest. I will stand beside, and help, other women and girls, whenever time allows and in the manner that they request. I will address statements and actions stemming from misogyny, to the best of my ability. I will not, however, be a slave to the loudest voices in the room. One size does not fit all, and mere ideology fits few, if any.

Progress

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 17,2026- My chiropractor saw a fair amount of progress, in the loosening up of vertebrae that had been tight after my slipping on ice, in late January. It’s nice to be on track to be where I was, spine-wise, in December of last year. My overall medical state is excellent and a dental check-up will happen soon, under new auspices.

Hana is making progress of her own, building on her mobility skills. She is also very good at making her needs known-and this afternoon, while I was “burping” her, after a feeding, she spat up some and it got on my shoulder. She immediately pulled her head off my shoulder and fussed at me until I actually noticed the spots, a few seconds later. She notices changes in furniture and in what one of us is wearing. Not having much language yet, her visual focus tells the story.

Aram and Yunhee are each solving problems, in their respective job sites. The cybersecurity and logistics industries are lucky to have such proactive and dedicated workers. That’s not just me being prejudiced; each of them is working past hours, putting the actual task in front of them as the criterion for when to stop. on a given day.

On a wider level, humanity is making more progress towards solving various environmental problems. It may not be universal, by a long shot, but National Geographic has identified 33 people who are actively making inroads into specific problems, from ocean health to climate-friendly housing. Some of these folks are famous: Harrison Ford, Russell Westbrook, Stella McCartney and Shailene Woodley. Others, like Francis Kere and Lauren Eatwell, are bound to become well-known, for their efforts.

May your own efforts at improving your family’s and community’s well-being likewise make a difference, as the days roll by!

Reading

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Education, Family, Literary criticism, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 16,2026– As part of my activities with Hana, I read to her for 15-20 minutes, each post-feeding session, before I put her on the mat for her stretching and crawling practice. I have read her a few small cloth books and several small picture books. Around the time she reached three months, I started reading “Heidi”, by Johanna Spyri. It was one of the books that Penny had as a child. Hana pays attention quite well, especially when I change my voice for different characters, like the mercurial but loving Grandfather or the sullen but efficient Fraulein Rottenmeier.

I hope to impart to her a love of the printed word, both as a listener and as a reader. I learned to read basic words around age four, and mastered phonetics by the age of six. Aram was able to read by the age of five. Hana focuses on the words that are on some of the t-shirts I wear around the house, and I tell her what they say, several times a day, when we are together. When she is able to sit without assistance, I will start introducing letter cards and familiarizing her with the sounds associated with each letter.

Around age two, I hope to start introducing short words on cards, and have her repeat the sounds. Of course the read aloud activities will continue, even after she starts pre-school. I look forward to talking with her about the books we read-what she likes and dislikes about the book; who her favourite and not favourite characters are and why. Most importantly, I want to encourage her to think about what is read.

The printed word has been, in many ways, a medium that kept me grounded, while at the same time expanding my horizons. I wish the same for my grandchild.

Comfort

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 14, 2026- Both my son and daughter-in-law work from home, most days. Hana knows when her mother is in the office, which is across the hall from the living room, where her play mat is located. For several days now, she has been getting frustrated at reaching the end of the play mat and having to turn around and army crawl back the other way. I finally figured it out, this afternoon. She wanted to try and crawl to her mother’s office. It would involve going on a section of carpet, then up onto the wooden foyer and over to the office. I deflected her. Instead, she got to sit in the office for about ten minutes, until she was getting too chatty while her mother was on a conference call. It was okay that I took her back out. She had been able to have a little time, realized her goal, and felt comfort.

A little bit later, some heating/cooling technicians came by, and fixed some duct work issues that had left us feeling like we were living in a sweat lodge. It hasn’t been too hot outside, so the fix is a proactive one-given that we can expect several days of 100 + F temperatures, between late May and September. The four of us will now have comfort. We will also save on energy costs.

The second most important thing I can do for my family, right now, is to provide some relief for Aram and Yunhee, in household maintenance, as much as possible- especially in keeping the kitchen and bathrooms clean and the yard in order. It is in the interests of all four of us, that they not feel overwhelmed by the trifecta of job, parenting and home. I remember all too well how that felt. There is no shame in providing a fair amount of comfort.

Meticulous

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 13, 2026- The semiannual check-up began an hour late, and lasted two hours. The late start was due to the doctor spending an extra hour with the patient before me. When I came in, he spent the first hour going over my experience with Prescott VA, then spent an hour going over my recent lab results, and explaining his position on a certain medication. During that time, we each ate our lunch items, while he meticulously went over my vitals, which he found quite good. The one area that he found could improve, is the focus of the medication he is prescribing. Otherwise, he feels I am on track for a reasonable longevity. Suffice it to say, this physician is easily the most thorough and knowledgeable medical professional I have consulted since I left Phoenix.

Hana had a surprise of her own, this morning. I had to answer Nature’s call, while I was working with her on her army crawling, so I put her on her back, on the mat, did my business and came back a minute later. She had turned over and was back to army crawling, on her own. She repeated this same action, this evening, when her mother set her down and put something in the next room. The little girl has a very strong drive to build her developmental skills. She is also quite systematic, already, in how she goes about her activity.

Aram went around the house, this evening, and catalogued all the points that I will need to go over, with some workmen who will be here tomorrow, regarding the heating and cooling system, and a few peripheral issues. He is getting out in front of the potential heat waves that are bound to come in a month or two. My son has grown into a meticulous man, though I saw the seeds of that early on, even when he was a middle school student. He would want to go back over certain material, two or three times.

I am getting the sense that now the key to good health and well-being lies in careful attention to detail. I find that most gratifying.

True Blue

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 11, 2026- The penultimate speaker, in this evening’s memorial to the late Baha’i teacher, Glenford Mitchell, began by noting that the hour was getting late, and saying he would be brief. He then went on for ten minutes. No reminiscence about Mr.Mitchell could ever be ever be brief, though he himself was the model of brevity, in his talks and speeches. He simply meant too much, to too many people.

I sat for the live-streamed broadcast of this memorial because of the tenor of Mr. Mitchell’s work. An early founder of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Council (“Snick”) and co-author of “The Angry Black South” (1962), he became enamoured of the Teachings of Baha’ullah, first taught him by his paternal uncle, in his native Jamaica and coming again to the fore of his heart while he lived in Raleigh, NC as a student at Shaw University. Glenford threw himself more fully into Baha’i work and by dint of his devotion and work ethic, was elected to one Baha’i administrative body after another, serving fourteen years on the National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha’is of the United States, then twenty-six years on the Faith’s Supreme Body: The Universal House of Justice.

In his later years, Mr. Mitchell’s health declined, but his spirit kept on and he continued to welcome friends and family to his home, even if he could no longer walk or speak. His wife and family stood by him, and saw that his declining years were not those of misery. Glenford Mitchell’s spirit remained true blue-even through his passing on February 7.

Randy Smith, who also passed on recently, served the Baha’i Faith in Washington State and in Prescott Valley, AZ, for nearly thirty years. I knew Randy, and his wife, Linda, as steadfast, long-suffering community servants, in the Prescott area. Others recall the same about them, in the Olympia and Longview areas.Randy was most often found in his shop/garage, attached to the family home. He welcomed neighbours, including youths, who were either interested in his various projects or who simply wanted to borrow tools. He also spent long hours with his grandchildren, either when the family came up from the Phoenix area or when he and Linda went down there for a visit.

Randy was a quiet man, who shunned the limelight, but he was most often the first to arrive at a gathering, and one of the last to leave. Making sure a job was complete was his trademark. If that involved learning a new skill, well, that was a natural outgrowth of his upbringing in Ketchikan, at the southeastern tip of Alaska. Randy was also true blue.

It was my good fortune to have become familiar with Mr. Mitchell’s life and work and to have known Randy as a personal friend. May there more people who show themselves, like the scholar and the tradesman, as True Blue.

Obsessions

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 10, 2026- As I sit at the computer, reading some articles and writing my own, I watch one or two squirrels traversing the neighbour’s roof and nearby trees, living the full life of exercise, play and acorn gathering that make up the life of a tree squirrel. I also listen for my granddaughter, napping downstairs in her bassinet. She will call out or coo, when she wakes up, knowing that I will shortly come downstairs and tend to her needs.

In neither the rodent, nor the innocent child, is there an excessive focus on anything other than surviving and thriving. Once a person reaches the age of reason, however, unmet needs can turn into obsessions, almost exclusive foci on one or two persons or concepts, even to the extent of neglecting one’s daily duties or responsibilities.

A friend has written an article about “derangement syndrome”. I have yet to read the piece, but I can say, ahead of the game, that such terms indicate obsession, not only by the person who hates, but also by the one who is receiving the vitriol-if that person encourages the attention. It is well-understood, by child psychologists and parents, that a neglected child, one deprived of attention over an extended period, will construct his or her own universe, in which he or she is the center.

We all do this, to a modest extent, as no parent, however dedicated and loving, can shower attention on a child 24/7. For the well-adjusted person, however, there are limits to self-absorption: A spouse, a friend, a sibling, a child or an organization will have needs that the individual, of own volition, will choose to help meet.

For the deprived individual, however, everything in the constructed universe becomes transactional, with him or her as the end recipient. The longer and stronger the deprivation, the deeper the delusion, the louder the demands for attention, and the more creative the transactions. This has been borne out, throughout history, across nations and cultures.

Now, it’s time to tend to my granddaughter.

Scapegoats

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 8, 2026- I recall my father telling me, when I was nine, that President Harry S. Truman said “The buck stops here”, as a point he was making on taking responsibility for one’s actions. I largely managed to stick to admitting my mistakes and taking the consequences, for about the next twenty-five years.

As time went on, and life threw a few curve balls at me, and at my family, I fell into the habit of blame casting: “The politicians” or “Big Money” was responsible for my being let go from different jobs. I saw myself as an honest servant of the common people-and it was corrupt overseers who wanted me gone. That may have been the case, but the fact remains that I didn’t learn anything, or make any progress as a human being, by not owning my part in my own situation.

We seem to have created a situation, in which scapegoating is a national pastime: Depending on who is talking, the nation’s ills are being created by “the Democrats”; “the Republicans”; “drug cartels”; “immigrants”; “Fascists”; “Communists”; “Californians”; “New Yorkers”; “Texans”; “Europeans”; “the Chinese”; “Sleepy Joe”; “MAGA”.

My late father-in-law had a simple cure for my own blame-casting “No one is that powerful. Besides, even if there was a person who contributed to your being let go, you bear the ultimate responsibility. You don’t live rent free in anyone’s head. Why let them squat in yours?”:

Each of us can identify people who contribute to the nation’s well-being, or to the nation’s ills. In the end, though, how we fare depends on the actions of the citizenry as a whole. Scapegoats, as my FIL said, are little more than squatters.

Messy

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 6, 2026- Babies can be messy. They need to be bathed, have their diapers changed, undersides cleaned, faces washed and mouths rinsed with pre-dental solution.

Children can be messy. They need to be taught to take their shoes or boots off, when entering a house, or wipe their feet, when entering a public place. They need to be trained to wipe themselves after using a toilet, and wash their hands afterward, then dry them with a cloth or paper towel. They need to be shown how to make their beds and clean their rooms, putting things back where they found them.

Teenagers can be messy. They need to be held to account and actively encouraged to slow down and be present in a situation. They know how to focus on others; they do so with their friends, all the time. Extend that focus to people older and younger than themselves.

Families can be messy. Patience and communication are the cleaning agents. So is reflection-remembering when one was in the same position as the one who made the mess, or looking ahead to when one will be in the same position. The child will become an adult, and very well may be a parent. The parent may very well become a grandparent. The grandparent must never forget what it was like to be a baby, a child, a teenager, a parent.

Communities, and organizations, can be messy. Patience, and communication, are even more essential here, even as they become more complex. Technology can help, and it can also hinder; the way in which it is used determines which will be the case. The viewpoints of leaders, and members, will decide how tools, including technology, are used.

Life is messy; it can only be cleaned by those living it.

Restoration

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 2, 2026- I watched an episode of “Chicago PD’ on restorative justice, this evening. Like all procedurals, this one took some twists and turns, but ended up with the back story of the attempt at restorative justice. The offender was killed, as it turned out, by his actual victim.

It became another case of a woman killing her male assailant. The police did everything they could, to advise the young woman and prepare her for what she might face in the correctional facility, pending trial. The story reflected what is an all too common occurrence in criminal law: A battered woman, or girl, fights back and either maims or kills, in self-defense. The legal system puts an emphasis on the “rights” of the male and puts the full burden on the female.

There are two aspects to this phenomenon that I would like to address here. First, there is an overemphasis, in popular culture and in its attendant media, on the physicality of human existence. The physical attributes of a human being are stressed, and become the initial basis for a relationship. Men feel pressured to “score” with attractive women. Women are held to a certain standard, from which deviation is grounds for various sanctions. Most of us have been there, to one degree or another.

We are though, at our core, spiritual beings. The most enduring relationships are always those that are rooted in a spiritual bond. Physical attractiveness is bound to fade, at one point or another. It is no mistake that the “ties that bind” are always based on the “inside” aspect of “beautiful, inside and out.” In my own life, I probably felt closer to my late wife in the time of her physical decline than in our earlier years together. The inner beauty never faded, but became clearer, as her life edged towards a close.

The second aspect is derived from patriarchy. The idea that men and women have set roles to play in the course of society, and there should be no deviation from those roles, is the mark of a culture that is hemmed in by its own hand-and is hoist of its own petard. It penalizes females who don’t play by the rules, which are, essentially, that there are separate codes for men and women to follow. In its worst form, women are categorized as property of a male. Men, from heads of family to pimps, have used this to maintain an inordinate amount of control over the women and girls in their midst.

A society, in which the unique gifts of every human being are valued and celebrated, will not continue to let such an unbalanced system continue to rule the conduct of daily affairs. Replacing patriarchy with equanimity is the only way out of the box in which we have, as a society, imprisoned ourselves.