Back to Light

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November 3, 2018, Prescott-

It’s no secret that there was a fair amount of darkness in my life, a few weeks ago.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but I had to go through having my ego tested, to see whether I deserved to have the goodness that has been increasing, over the past four months, to continue.

The dark consisted of a number of anomalous situations, involving limited communication means and quickly changing circumstances.  This is how darkness works: Obfuscate, confuse and deflect.  Gaslighting is the name of its game.

Darkness, though, is the absence of light.   Once sunshine re-enters, the confusion gets dispersed, Hopefulness, never completely gone, reclaims its share of the heart.  The commonalities, between seemingly disparate anomalous situations, appear-even to my mind, that can be so slow on the uptake.

So, now, my left knee is functioning just fine again.  A serious impediment to my finishing this academic year has been removed.  A person, who had abruptly left my circle of friends, sent me a conciliatory note and I was reassured, by a mutual friend, that a small but important matter, involving said soul, had indeed been resolved.

My schedule can still be maddening, at times, and I realize I am the one who ultimately drives that bus.  Compromises and occasionally saying “No” are arising, as things get more intense, during this holiday season.  I have also figured out how to more effectively use the time I do have available.

There are only two non-negotiables, in that respect.  I will attend my mother-in-law’s interment, sometime in the next few months, and my son’s nuptials, in the early Spring.  Everything else is a matter of timing and of urgency.  There are good reasons for synchronicity in the Universe, and we do well to not be afraid to prioritize.

There is another aspect to Light, which I am glad to be seeing more often these days:  The importance of marriage and the family.  I will discuss that further, in the next post.

And Then, There Are These

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February 11, 2017, Prescott-

I did a routine workout at Planet Fitness, this evening, after having visited a tax prep office, finding out I was short a critical document, and getting that document printed off a website, which will serve me well- the NEXT time I go to that tax office.

On the way out of PF, I passed some young adults flirting/ connecting.  This is as it should be, especially of a weekend evening.  Life, even in hard times, should continue with certain features:  Infants learn to walk and speak for themselves; toddlers should say “No”, and thus begin learning their limits; children should continue that process, while acquiring life skills-hopefully in a safe, nurturing environment; teens and young adults should be able to visit confirming situations, in which they might feel an ocean of hope and a wealth of encouragement; older adults, like me, should be in a fully affirming, supporting role, for those on their way up the ladder, supporting,.

I am concerned about what lies ahead, for our nation and for the human race.  I know, in my heart of hearts, that our species has a grand future, long-term.  I also know that, in the short run, there are forces of reaction that will play on the fears of some basically decent people, many of whom I know and love, perhaps leading them to do harm to others, who I also know and love, because of the divergent ways they express themselves and live their lives.  I cannot, will not, choose to participate in any movement, group action, or, certainly, any pogrom directed at a people or groups, based on ethnicity, faith, gender, sexual orientation or political affiliation- in either direction.  For having said this, I have already been excoriated by a bitter, diffusely angry man, in another online forum.  So be it, as long as necessary.

My life, by year’s end, will feature: An end to a business affiliation of 36 years;  the second of four school years, in which I work full-time as an educational paraprofessional, with the possibility of a fifth, and more attention to qualitative aspects of my service to others.  I may take stands that will cost me friendships, but it will always be the dispossessed, the downtrodden, the kicked-around, who have my heart.   There, will go my heart and head, in synchronicity.

The Road to 65, Mile 18: Sticks and Bricks

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December 16, 2014, Prescott- Today was a whirlwind, even though there is no work this week, due to the approaching holidays.  Synchronicity, which is a fact of life for most of us, had me at a Slow Food gathering, which I had to leave early, so as to get back home for an online meeting.  Before that, there was laundry to get done, family cards to write out and send, and a bit of shopping to get ingredients for my cookie-baking exercise, tomorrow morning.

How men and women treat one another is much on my mind.  I have known women who were abused by men, men who were abused by women, and those who trade abuse back and forth, like a flaming potato.  The old saw about hurting people who hurt people keeps singing my heart.

Penny and I had differences of opinion, misunderstandings and “cool-down” periods, throughout our 29 years together.  We never, once, struck one another, never spent a day apart, and never slept separately out of hurt or anger.  I guess the whole idea was that nothing individual was more important than the unit that was our pairing, and then the family that started with the conception of our son, in October, 1987, cemented by his birth nine months later.

When there are disagreements between my friends, be they online or real time, I hold back from choosing sides.  I do not, once, favour a person who chooses violence as a way to solve a dispute.  I can’t go along with subterfuge, either.  All parties involved are still in the world, and both have growing to do, as I did when I was a young husband, as my wife did- and all four of our parents, before us.  I will support each friend separately, and all of them collectively- if they work towards resolution.  Sticks and bricks hurt, when they are thrown, rather than used to build structures.