Tag Archives: games

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 22

2
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

August 12, 2026- Hana played Hide and Seek with me, this afternoon. She hid behind a curtain, and I pretended to not know where she was. She thought it was great fun, and laughed for a minute or two, before coming out from behind the curtain. This evening, when her mother sang “Itsy Bitsy Spider” in an atonal manner, Hana groaned. She knows how the song is supposed to go. She does like her Mom’s singing Korean songs, and would probably groan if I tried singing those.

She took four steps this afternoon, with my support. Walking has thus become an intermediate goal, and will probably immediately follow standing, once she can do the latter for five or ten minutes, with support. She can stand for about 30 seconds without support, which is pretty good for a seven-month-old.

HANA’S NOTE- I like Hide and Seek. When I start walking, I will hide in places Papa can’t find me. I will probably give myself away, though, by giggling.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-1995 This was a year that I put up a swing set, for Aram and his friends to use. The neighbour kids were also welcome to use it. One boy fell off and bruised himself. Knowing his mother, and her desire to handle her children’s problems herself, I sent him home, once it was clear that he wasn’t badly hurt. In the night, though, he and two other mischief makers came and wrecked the swing set. His mother re-reimbursed me for the damage, but we had to take the equipment down and haul it to the dump.

Aram had friends in the Hopi villages, who were coaxed into meanness towards him, by older men. One of those men ended up dying in a roll-over, a few weeks later. There was prejudice, and there was a lack of self-control. The kind people on both Reservations helped us cope and we continued to be invited to social dances.

We went, as a family, to a Baha’i school in the Midwest, during the summer. Aram was sleepwalking, a couple of nights, and we were taken to task for this, by the Administrators. We were able to keep better watch on him, after the third night, so nothing bad happened during the rest of the camp. On the day we left, however, he went by himself to the playground, climbed up on a piece of equipment, and suffered a mishap, which resulted in us taking him to the ER. We assured the administrators of the school that we did not hold them responsible for what he did without permission. The rest of the journey was error-free.

We lost Penny’s paternal grandfather, the inventor and businessman, Abraham C. “Al” Fellman, in late summer. “Grandpa Al” was 95. He had invented the Fellman Boot, the first combat boot with a non-slip tread. It was adopted for use by the U.S. Navy, in World War II. To think that two of my uncles wore this boot, on their respective destroyers, during the Battle of the Coral Sea, and the Battle of Midway, is quite a revelation. Al was a gracious and graceful, gentleman.

Life continued to be mostly a positive experience.

Agency

0
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 21, 2026- Hana came up with a simple game today. In her play area, there is a multi-coloured arch. As I was in front of the arch, she pushed it gently towards my head. I nudged it back with my forehead. She pushed it towards me again, and I returned it. Back and forth, we did this, ten times. Then, she changed direction and began crawling towards her multi-tasking cube,with its alphabet blocks, animals making sounds and the numbers 1-10.

I let Aram have his own agency, in matters that did not present any safety risk. He learned, early on, that his opinions, and methods of doing simple tasks, were as valid as anyone else’s. I got some push back on that, from some family members, but I pointed out that no one of us can be around for him, all the time. He kept and grew his agency.

The three of us are equally at home with Hana having her ability to choose what she wants to do, within her play area. If she wants to leave the area and watch whoever is in the kitchen, from the safety of her bouncy chair nearby, she will look in that direction and focus on it, while babbling insistently. My granddaughter is curious over just about anything. She also notices when I have removed something that might be an attractive nuisance, and crawls towards the area to which I have moved it. The important thing, to me, is that she is processing what she sees and is making decisions about how to handle it. We will provide the safety and the guidance, but it will not come at the expense of her agency. When she can’t be allowed in a certain area or be near certain things, we will take that responsibility and explain to her, when she is old enough to understand.

There are two primary schools of thought about agency: Empowerment and acquiescence. The former seeks to build the decision-making capacity of the individual and teaches risk assessment, self-confidence and networking skills. The latter teaches trust in authority, deference and obedience.

Most of us use a mix of the two. This is especially true when one wants a child or underling to be able to make some decisions on their own, but does not see the value in either too much independence or in relegating oneself to an advisory role or mentorship. It depends a lot on one’s personal sense of security and self-confidence. I made the decisions that I did, regarding my son, with the conviction that he would honour his own agency. Life threw some curve balls at us, and in his teen years, the choices we made backfired somewhat, Fortunately, the military helped him, as it did me, and his agency is on track.

That brings me back to Hana. She is a bright little girl and seems to listen well, so I have confidence in giving her a limited measure of independence, based on her developmental level. This would include both limited choices and, once she can walk and talk, some small responsibilities.