It’s been quite a week, starting with a very intense forty-eight hours of helping a stranger, who has become a friend, to move into a new home.  This whole experience put several things into perspective;  The demons of my adolescence had to be put to bed, for good, over the LAST forty-eight hours.  These were the nattering voices of “_________ is way out of your league”, “A loser like you couldn’t get out of the batter’s box with ________”, “Give it up and make do with so and so”.  I had to sit myself down last night, and say it plainly “Gary, come on.  We are talking about FRIENDSHIP here, not some wild and crazy emotional blow-out.  Besides, where are all those hotshots today?  Either they are stuck in humdrum marriages, are living just like you are, alone and searching, or they’re dead.”

The fact is I HAVE made a new friend.  Yes, she is physically beautiful, but that’s NOT the main draw for me.  This person is for real; no airs of pretense and no hidden agendas.  It’s all about the company I might keep, the time we might spend together, the enjoyment of life we might share.  I say “might”, because I still don’t want to be a nuisance.  As much as I love being with her, I have to respect her space.  So, I will wait, let her know, in little ways, that I think of her often, and hope for a call or a message.

I did not “make do”, when I entered into my first post-adolescence friendship with a woman.  It turned into a marriage, and a darned good one, though it was stormy at times, and involved a lot of growth by both of us.  Not all friendships between men and women, however fond they are of each other, become marriages.  Certainly, my long distance friendship with a person in another state, which will last forever, is decidedly not romantic and will not translate into such.  My newest friendship is just that, a friendship.  I love her, and would do anything honorable for her, any time of day or night.

So, I have to be forbearing- with my critics, with well-meaning friends and relatives of my friend, who are just trying to look out for her, with those women to whom I am not attracted, but who still want my attention, with the men who ridiculed me, back in the day, and, most importantly, with myself.

It was a very intense week, last week.  My new friend is recovering from all the stress.  I pray for her, in that regard, and for her happiness.  I am recovering from what I now see has been a long 2 1/2 years of emotional night, with false starts, blind alleys and strange interludes.  M, I  care for you and don’t care who knows it.  I just can’t say it enough, and if I don’t see you, have a nice day and a good week.