Monthly Archives: January 2015

The Road to 65, Mile 51: Real Friendship

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January 18, 2015, Prescott-  The question came up, earlier today, about energy flows and what they might have to do with who is attracted to whom. Throughout life,  I have found myself inexplicably drawn to people, of various ages, and all types, for no outward reason.  The same has happened with people being drawn to me.

Most of these encounters tend to run their course, and many of these people I see once, twice or a few times, and then not again, for a long time, if ever.  Yet, I never forget them.  There are others who have gone on, and with whom I still communicate, in thought waves and in visions.  This is especially true with my late wife.

There are maybe two dozen people alive today, who are indelible in my life, and with whom I enjoy a robust and mutually supportive friendship.  Perhaps five or six, I have never met, in real time.  Another ten or so, I’ve met, face-to-face and spent a day or two with them, here and there. Others are a regular, almost daily, part of my world, both on-and offline.

Real friendship does not depend on physical presence, on lock-step agreement or on identical world-view.  It does depend on mutual respect, regard and willingness to fully entertain and learn from the other’s point of view, It also depends on a passionate commitment to the friend’s best interests, as well as to one’s own.  Forbearance is frequently essential, for who among us is 100% in sync with any other person?  True friends are there at the end of a bout of pain-fueled rage; there, as a period of confusion and  foolishness ensues; there, in happy times and in their opposites.  A true friend sees the real person shining through, regardless of occasional lapses.

There will not be a time when I don’t treasure my real friends.

The Road to 65, Mile 50: “You Are Not Alone”

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January 17, 2015, Prescott- Since I was small, I could not envision forcing anyone into a solitary existence.  Pariah-hood does not become us, though there are some who need a period of isolation from those they hurt or deceive.  I thought a lot about these sorts of issues, over the past couple of days.  Like anyone else, I can get caught up in emotionally-charged issues, and come down on one side or another.  When the issue is properly resolved, though, all parties are clear with one another and there is either compromise, or full resolution.

If we look upon those who oppose us or try to force our hand, it’s easy to wage war on a personal level.  In the quiet of the night, or the ensuing early morning, though, personal war rings hollow.  I’ve had a few conflicts, of late, one of which is at least at the live-and-let-live stage; another, which occurred this afternoon, was resolved by both of us learning what we did wrong and taking the right lesson going forward.  A good friend has been there for me, to help in processing what is right by everyone, and in reminding me of how not to handle an issue.

I spent this evening at Planet Fitness, then by watching “Into The Woods”.  I will admit it, I am a schmaltzy sort, when watching sad parts of a film, even when the sadness is punctuated by hokeyness.  I laughed when a little girl in the audience mockingly joined in, when the two princes (Chris Pine and Billy Magnussen) offered a full-on rendition of “Agony”, complete with ripping their shirts open.  Tears formed though, when the Baker’s Wife was reported dead and their baby cried.

The Baker and Cinderella reassure the orphaned Jack the Giant Killer and Red Riding Hood that they were not alone,  a theme song that reverberated throughout the musical, and serves as its saving grace.  I thought more about that, also.  No isolation need be forever; no loss need go unreplenished.  Any obstacle can be faced by people, of all ages and backgrounds, and both genders, forming a united front.  This is all too easy to forget, when our individual personas clash with others.

I am coming up, in another 1 1/2 months, on the fourth anniversary of my wife’s passing.  Losses differ, in type, in circumstance and in aftermath, and no one loss is greater than another, except for a parent losing a child.  The common thread in all, though, is superbly laid out by Stephen Sondheim:  “You are not alone”.  I’m not, and neither are you, no matter how it may seem in the dark night, the early morning, or any time in between.  To everyone reading this:  Speak, be heard, but also be willing to listen. You matter.

The Road to 65, Mile 49: Victims

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January 16, 2015, Prescott- As far back as I can remember, two themes have defined my life:  Love of females and honesty.  Perhaps because my mother, grandmothers and aunts were there for me, even when Dad had to work the graveyard shift in order to put food on the table, I have felt a closeness to girls and women- besides which, I started getting physically drawn to the opposite gender around age eight.  Females, being human though, are not always right, and can be underhanded, and brutal, when they feel insecure.  So can men-being human.  I’ve been furious with girls, less so with grown women, but underneath there is a very deep core of love.

Honesty has been my friend, also, though it has frequently gotten me in trouble, and a few times, almost killed.  Life in a New England mill town, with neighbourhoods set against one another, and towns versus the burgs next door. frequently gets dicey.  I have, plenty of times, spoken truth to power.  Power that is not sure of itself strikes out violently, or runs and hides.  The insecure powerful, back in the day, would knock the stuffing out of those who came out against them.  Those for whom I had genuine respect, though, came back, stated their case in a direct, forceful manner and left it to us to learn the hard lessons of life.   My father, the better among my teachers, Coach Wall and one of the best bosses I ever had, Bob Powers, were people of power.  They were not, for the most part, people of violence and handled whatever insecurities they had, in a way that cemented the respect others had for them.

I haven’t considered myself a victim, very often.  When I have indulged my weaker self, there has always been someone dear to me- my wife, our son, one of my brothers, my father-in-law- to set me straight, usually in a voice I would myself use with someone who was in a shaky place.  The fact is, when I have felt the world turning against me, it’s because I have shut some part of it out and become adamant and intransigent about considering other points of view.  My brother pointed out to me, the last time that happened, in 2009, that it was doing nothing to help me obtain what I said I wanted in life:  A better situation for my family, for my increasingly frail wife and our young adult son.

That’s the thing about conflict- there are no real winners, only victims who savage one another and create more victims in their wake.  We all have differences, AND we all have similarities.  We can dwell on the one, and stay off balance, or we can focus on the other, and build bonds.  The key is listening, with both ears followed by action, with heart and mind working in sync. No one can force another to “do what is right”, but if doing things a certain way brings only further distress and misery- then that becomes the person’s Ben Franklin moment, and the old sage’s definition of insanity flickers in the mind.  Honesty, as brutal as it can be, is chemotherapy for the cancer of conflict.  One need not be a victim or, as Glenn Frey once put it, a prisoner “here, of our own device”.

I will not shy away from tongue lashings, people in my face or any form of disagreement.  I’ve learned as much, or more, from my critics as I have from trusted friends, over the years.  I expect to be heard by them, as well, though.  We are all in a place of growth, all in a place where we can falter and all in a place where we can triumph.  Victim or champion, the choice falls to each of us.  Thanks for reading, and listening.

The Road to 65, Mile 48: Trust

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January 15, 2015, Prescott- A little bird told me today, that my trust had been broken, and quite egregiously.  Details would only dignify the insult, so I am going to be brief and succinct about the overall picture.  The foundation of all relationships is trust.  When I have, in the midst of my own suffering and confusion a few years ago, hurt a very dear person emotionally, it took a long time to make amends, and I would not blame my friend if I had been completely cut off.  On that occasion, though, I was like a bull in a china shop.

There is a difference when one abuses my trust, and stealthily acts as a Trojan horse, to curry favour with a third party.  That sort of misbehaviour only magnifies the matter and amplifies my annoyance.  Keener intuition than mine figured it out and let me know.  We are advised, in the Baha’i Writings, not to bare our necks to a wolf.  So it will be, and I have cut off contact with the individual.  Diseased thinking requires quarantine.

The Road to 65, Mile 47: First Come, First Served

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January 14, 2015, Prescott- Those who know me in Prescott, know I have been paying back the kindness of strangers from 2011, by taking a man who is down on his luck from one place to another, over the past four weeks, as my own obligations allow.  It’s worked for him, thankfully, though he’s run into one road block after another, in trying to secure a residence.  My lease doesn’t allow me to put up anyone who doesn’t have a domicile of their own, but he’s been in out of the cold, one place or another, elsewhere.

The man has tried to obtain government assistance, only to be told that others worse off are getting priority.  Yesterday, we came within five minutes of getting him a rental, only to be pushed aside by another person flashing a wad of cash.  This was not exactly a case of the Golden Rule of Greed:  “He who has the gold, rules”.  It did get me to thinking, though.  Competition, real or perceived, has been the source of so many divisions in the world, from time immemorial.

This, to me, comes from a scarcity mentality coupled with a personal sense of urgency.  I have fallen for both unfortunate fancies, which of course ended with blaming the other, raging against “the system” and hiding in a corner.  I am reading a book called “The Slight Edge”, by Jeff Olson.  In the chapter I read most recently, it’s pointed out that one may take either of two approaches to a failure or setback:  Move forward and try again and again, as an infant does when learning to walk, or move backward, and settle for obscurity.

In reality, there is enough to go around.  Some may have to wait for a re-supply of certain things, be it money, a certain kind of food, a particular model of car or a job.  The necessities of life, however, do, from my experience and observation, appear to those who are persistent and proactive.  That may sound like balderdash to those who are suffering.  Look around, though, and examine three things:  1.  How much are you doing to further your own well-being and how flexible are you in doing so?  2.  If there is a roadblock, is it something artificial or bureaucratic?  If so, have you explored all ways around, under, over or through the barrier?  Have you met the bureaucrats involved, starting with the low person on the totem pole, and working upwards as needed?  3.  Are there, in fact, other people who are more in need than you, and are you prepared to wait your turn, within reason?

I have had to recognize this fact:  God and the Universe meet everyone’s needs.  That we can’t all have what we  want, simultaneously, but do have our needs met in a timely fashion (unless we interfere in the affairs of the Celestial), is a logical result of living in the physical frame.  The queue is a democratic, and fair, system.  It is worth honouring.

The Road to 65, Mile 46: Gaiea

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January 13, 2015, Prescott- (This is my third attempt at this post.  Word Press has CENSORED the first two).

Now, then, there are many who are bothered by the idea of world government, including, apparently the people who run this site.  I will once again address three areas of concern that have been expressed to me by good friends who are political conservatives, and presenting the Baha’i point of view on each.

1.  Global dictatorship:  Historically, every leader, or group, who have come to the fore by advancing themselves as Masters of the Planet, have been primarily interested in self-aggrandizement.  This has transcended the “men of their time” argument, which may have been applicable to Hammurabi, at the dawn of civilization- then again he wasn’t interested in ruling the planet. The others, from Nebuchadnezzar and Ramses II to Hitler, Stalin and Saddam Hussein, as well as the dangerous “wannabes” of Islamic State, have shown more than a slight narcissistic tinge to the eye of history. Naturally, then, people turn a jaundiced eye towards any call for an international government.

The Baha’i Teachings acknowledge the need for, and progression towards, an international governmental structure.  Our commercial systems have been global for several centuries now, and the systems of transportation and communication are commensurate with commerce.  Technology has advanced to the point of near instantaneous contact with all but the most remote communities in the world.  There are many conditions which are of concern to all residents of the planet.

The difference between the global system advocated by Baha’u’llah and those previously sought by authoritarian leaders is, simply, put:  The people of the world will bring the former into being, not by violent revolution and uncontrollable blood lust, but by a carefully considered and informed, “ground-up” democratic process.  There is no place in said global system for an army of jackbooted warriors, or for undisciplined thugs.

2.  Deception:  Scriptures of the past warn us to not fall for the honey-tongued promises of a false prophet.  This is sage advice.  Whenever change is widely-accepted as necessary, there are scores of individuals who come forth with “Our own” programs for healing the ills of the world.  Again, most of these prove to be rooted in narcissism, if not greed.  We are warned to “separate the wheat from the chaff” and “be alert to discern” good from evil masking as good.  We see these readily today, in those who predicate their acts of terror on service to the Prophet, or to the Lord.

The Baha’i Teachings call for independent investigation of truth, for comparing the lives of leaders with their words.  A life is a person’s most telling proof of honour and trustworthiness.  Baha’u’llah writes “Let deeds, not words, be your adorning.”  Universal, compulsory education is also essential, as an educated people are less likely to be duped.

3.  Loss of identity:  This is the primary allure of nationalist, tribalist and religious fundamentalist movements.  The fear of many is that, as large governments tend to be disconnected from the people they purport to rule, a global system would be far worse, and anonymity would befall the vast majority of the populace.  Therefore, the words are:  “Resist, stand your ground”.

Baha’u’llah teaches us to love unequivocally:  Oneself, family, neighbours,community, town or city, state, nation and planet.  In the world that is emerging, there is no need to sacrifice the social structure of the planet, at any level.  “Be fair to yourself, and others”.  “O ye beloved of the Lord! Commit not that which defileth the limpid stream of love or destroyeth the sweet fragrance of friendship. By the righteousness of the Lord! Ye were created to show love one to another and not perversity and rancour. Take pride not in love for yourselves but in love for your fellow-creatures. Glory not in love for your country, but in love for all mankind. Let your eye be chaste, your hand faithful, your tongue truthful and your heart enlightened. Abase not the station of the learned 139 in Bahá and belittle not the rank of such rulers as administer justice amidst you. Set your reliance on the army of justice, put on the armour of wisdom, let your adorning be forgiveness and mercy and that which cheereth the hearts of the well-favoured of God.”- LAWḤ-I-HIKMAT (Tablet of Wisdom)

I fully expect that, this time, this post will be on my site, to be read or ignored, freely, by those who happen upon it, without censorship.

The Road to 65, Mile 45: Baga

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January 12, 2015, Prescott- I have not been to Africa.  Many who have, are more interested in wildlife than in the teeming multitudes.  I do find myself thinking a great deal about those suffering millions, of late, especially in the continuing mystery of over 300 young women, just taken from their families- and supposedly having been “assigned” new ones.

As much of the world is focused on the victims of last week’s massacre in Paris, and rightly so, a brief notice appeared in our newspaper, with somewhat more commentary on BBC, regarding the small city of Baga, in northeast Nigeria.  There, 2,000 Muslims-men, women and children, were mowed down by operatives of Boko Haram.

Nigeria is starting to look like Cambodia, Rwanda and Syria.  It’s a big country, which prides itself on advancement.  So, maybe this is why the government has not raised a cry for help.  The people, though, sorely need the world to care.  Nigeria, as an entity, has needed for people to care, for a long time.  The oil-soaked Niger Delta makes the northwestern Gulf of Mexico look like the sweetest of paradises.

Baga is just the latest in a series of massacres, with the crazed head of Boko Haram making it clear he has no intention of treating anyone but the most loyal of his sycophants with even a smidgen of decency and respect.  Complicating matters is the collective behaviour of the Nigerian Army.  It is very hard for the average villager, or resident of a small city, especially in the north, to discern who, in a position of strength, can be trusted.  in the tradition of the worst elements of the British Colonials, This is the classic notion of “only by beating down everyone in sight, can we defend the realm.”

We are moving beyond that, as a species, and Nigerians deserve a place at the table of solace.  The narrow confines of tribalism, nationalism and the misinterpretation of Scripture to suit the fancies of unbalanced individuals are each going to fall away- either by those involved coming to their senses, or by forces which we can only vaguely imagine right now.  There can, in essence, no longer be a hierarchy of Those Who Matter, and Those Who Don’t.  I see a better day coming, and soon.

The Road to 65, Mile 44: “Pay Attention”

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January 11, 2015, Prescott Valley-  Autism is rarely depicted on the big screen.  We may see it on television, via at least one of the characters on the series, “Scorpion”.  Film, though, implies a consistent flow of action.  We who are autistic are prone to periods of calm and inaction, often accompanied by silence- hardly the stuff of a major box office success.

I joined a group at a Screen Actors Guild viewing of “The Imitation Game”, last night.  As this was a private viewing, there was none of the First Look, previews of coming attractions, or sitting afterwards to check out who played what part, as the credits roll.  There was a solid cast of British thespians:  Benedict Cumberbatch, in the lead, supported well by Keira Knightley, Matthew Goode, Charles Dance and Mark Strong.

The voice-over at the beginning admonishes the viewer to “Pay Attention”, all the more vital, given the slow pace of the film, during the first two-thirds of the story and the constant flip-flops, from one time period to the next.  I devoted myself to do just that; the task was made easier by the presence of another man, who had exemplary command of detail.

I was primarily interested in how an autistic like Alan Turing would be portrayed. Mr. Cumberbatch mastered both the autistic behaviour and the non-flamboyant homosexuality of Dr. Turing.  As his long-suffering assistants, Ms. Knightley and Mr. Goode reminded me of the best of my friends from youth and early adulthood.  My wife largely carried me out of the fog of the Spectrum, much as Ms. Knightley’s character, both as his sham fiancee and as a genuine friend, managed to do, with Dr. Turing.

Attentiveness is a huge deal for someone like me.  Having worked so hard to be in the moment and stay out of the fog that’s in my head, I tune out the extraneous, and quite readily now.  If I am engaged in an activity, the phone goes to vibrate- or increasingly, totally off.  If I am working, the rest of life gets checked at the door.  If I am on the trail, everything on all sides, above and below, gets brought into my awareness, as part of the natural experience.  If I am driving, I get irritated by any demand from a passenger to “notice ME and what I want”.  The road, and my fellow drivers, have my full attention.  Texting or talking on the phone, while behind the wheel, are foreign to me, especially since I am no longer a caretaker.

Pay attention- a good way to stay out of trouble, I’d say.

The Road to 65, Mile 43: Wild

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January 10, 2015, Prescott-  It has been, and remains, a dream of mine to hike at least one of the great north-south trails that grace our country.  Before the need to replenish my coffers arose, I had a plan to traverse the Appalachian Trail and Pacific Crest Trail in back-to-back years, 2018-19.  For various reasons, this particular pair of endeavours will wait until I am in my seventies- and it’ll happen, along with some other treks, during that decade, unless the Universe decrees otherwise.  Since this change of plans occurred to me in a dream-like state though, several weeks ago, I think it’ll hold.

Last night, I watched “Wild”, with Reese Witherspoon as the wild child who was tamed by the PCT.  As many of my travels have been inspired by visions of my late wife, so was Cheryl Strayed’s time on the Pacific Crest Trail spurred by thoughts of her mother, who had died of cancer, a few years before.  I could identify with her disquiet, on a number of levels.  Though I never had a serious hard-drug problem, and my alcohol abuse was history well before our marriage, the serious lapses in judgement and difficulty with forming attachments that Cheryl displayed had parallels in my own life, and as recently as 2013.  The PCT tamed her inner beast (shadowed as it was by the fox in the film).  Extensive journeys around North America in 2011-13 and the northwest of Europe, as well as across the eastern Pacific, last year, brought my poisonous remnants to the surface and have established more clarity of vision.

Cheryl Strayed found stability afterward, in marriage and motherhood.  My own renewed stability is forming, not necessarily with another intimate relationship, but with the distinct possibility of finally taking charge of, and seeing through, a service-oriented project that will provide a modest and adequate income. Add to that the extra security offered by wellness advocacy, and the six years left of this decade will lend more credence to “Age is nothing but a number”.

The Road to 65, Mile 42: Denouement

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January 9, 2015, Prescott-   The people of France exercised their collective fury this morning, through the offices of their gendarmerie.  There was collateral damage, as happens in any conflict, but the three terror-mongers met their earthly end.  There will be no reward in the afterlife, for their acts of horror. There were reports that the woman who was with the Bakery Killer was on her way to ISIL Land.  I can’t imagine she is in for a warm reception there, but it would be equally uninviting for her in Europe, after this morning’s bloodbath.

There is a price for not considering the human race, in the course of pursuing one’s own twisted game plan.  John Donne warned us about this, centuries ago; Christ and Buddha, long before that.  Every single tyrant who has spat upon the needs of the common folk has met a sad end.  The same will happen to IS, to Boko Haram, Taliban, Al Shabab, the Rakhine Mabatha and the various drug cartels.

It is not a First World problem, and the current populace of Europe, or of North America, does not deserve to be forcibly driven back to a Medieval way of life, nor do the people of any other part of the world deserve to remain under such a yoke.  This is the Age of Responsibility, and every person on Earth is deserving of the pursuit of true happiness, which does not, and never will, come form kowtowing to the warped interpretations of  Scripture, being spewed forth by unhappy souls.

The last act in the tragedy of the past few days, may just have taken place, in the fire of this morning.  It may still be in the works, depending upon the subsequent actions of Hayat Boumedienne and whoever she draws into this conflict.  The end game, however, will not fall play out according to their plan.