February 17, 2025, Manila- I left an umbrella at Glorietta Greenway Mall, in Makati. Someone who needs it will be out of harm’s way. I am not leaving my heart here. Out of the blue, K told me, this evening, that she thinks I need to serve the American Red Cross, which means staying in northwest Arizona. I will not make a knee-jerk decision on the matter of my future, yet. That will wait until the time between March 1-16. Part of the deal is that I need to prove to myself that I am able to set up a shelter from scratch, in the simulation exercise on 3/15.

The reversal of my relationship here is nothing new. On the one hand, I have not really felt really accepted as a life partner, completely, by anyone. It took a long time and a lot of work to secure my marriage, and only after 20 years or so was it a fait accompli. I wouldn’t have ever given my wife less than my all, and I never once considered abandoning her. This time, not much is lost, though it would be awkward to return to Manila to live permanently.

The other side of the coin is, unrequited is unrequited. There are women to whom I have not reciprocated a romantic interest, so maybe this is all a trade-ff, or cosmic payback. Most of them have, over time, remained my friends, and K, after a fashion, will likely see me in the same light, albeit from a distance.

Some people, usually men, see their partners or spouses as servants, chattel, part-time interests or outlets for frustration with life. Such people don’t show much in the way of self-respect, so it stands to reason they would not know how to treat others in a decent way. That doesn’t make it right. I have at least built an ethic of standing firm for the rights of others, even if they hold me in disregard or disdain. The Divine, not mortal man, has infused each creature with worthiness. We have yet to approach that sense of worthiness, in our views of one another.

I will head back to the United States, tomorrow evening, by way of Hong Kong. Chapter Two of this unnerving, but vital, year, will start fresh, on Wednesday morning.