May 13, 2025, Oley, PA- I was asked whether I prefer one family member over another, one generation over the others and, for that matter, one nationality of people over the rest. Basically, I do not indulge in any of that.

In terms of what the U.S. Vice President said, not long ago, about the rank order or priority of love that a person can show, there is something of a natural order by which one shows love. This, to me, is the truncated pyramid or perhaps the high rise structure, or even just a continuum, of caring and affection that I feel. Of course, I tend to myself and my own needs first, so that others don’t have to. My son, daughter-in-law and, in time, grandchild(ren) come next. My siblings and extended biological family follow, and on it goes through community, state and nation. The rest of humanity is hardly left out, though-dear friends live in several countries around the world.

I was asked whether I would have to choose one set of relationships over another. Each of the people involved know that I would not exclude them for the sake of those in another set. I have to divide my physical time as equally as possible, and there are tools for that. The use of technology makes such things much easier than they would have been say, even ten years ago. Being able to be in one place and deal equitably with people who are elsewhere is a godsend. I was able to sit here in a friend’s house, this afternoon, and meet with other friends in Arizona. I can send a birthday gift to a dear friend in the Philippines, without too much trouble, from the comfort of any given locus in the U.S.

Most important to keeping equity in relationships though, is deferred attention-and transparency. Those who have high emotional needs can be made to feel understood and comforted, without my having to give them day-long, or hours-long attention, to the detriment of on what else and who else I need to focus. Being able to meet individually with family pr friends helps to strengthen my bond with them, and underscores that they are important to me, in and of themselves.

These thoughts come to mind, as I sit contentedly in an old country kitchen.