Category Archives: Family

Eastbound and Back, Day 5: Adventures in a State of Flux

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 3, 2024, Shelburne Falls, MA- Three of us wound up and down the curves and dips of State Highway 2, going along the slopes of Mount Greylock, this state’s highest peak, and its neighbouring ridges. I once hiked up the mountain, and camped there overnight, waking to the cheerful sound of four prom-goers, on the morning after their big event. The kids from nearby Poesten Kill, NY, were curious about my experiences-the girls wondering why I was up there alone. Why was I shy? Where was my girfriend? (I had no one in my life, at that moment, in 1975.) Such is the exuberance of people in the bubble of one of the finest times in anyone’s life: The senior year of high school.

The lead vehicle’s driver chose to keep us other two drivers set at 25-40 mph, fine for the bulk of the drive’s curves and double-yellow lines, at least for me. The guy in the middle, though, had enough of the double yellow, and of the lead driver’s caution, and so pulled out and around, double yellow be durned. It was not his time to go, fortunately, and since it definitely was not my time, either, I stayed behind the lead driver-until I came upon Red Rose Motel, here in this lovely little village, in the Berkshires, north of Amherst. By this time, another antsy driver was behind me, following a tad too close, but as luck would have it, there was a large pull-off area, half a mile further, where I was able to ditch the tailgater, and make a U-turn, getting back to this quiet haven.

My principle concern, for the past week, has been the state of my mother’s health. She is stable, mind you, and will hopefully be in good spirits, when at least two of her four children are in her room, tomorrow afternoon, and a good part of Sunday. What happens next week will depend entirely on what I find, when I get to her side. There is, at present, a Plan A, largely already scheduled, that will take me up through Maine and New Brunswick, to the Eskasoni area of Cape Breton and on to Newfoundland/St. Pierre & Miquelon, for two weeks or so, but we’ll see what lies in store.

Today was a rather quiet drive, lovely but uneventful. It was an introduction to the windingness of the upper Susquehanna, from Lock Haven, PA to the Chemung region of New York’s Southern Tier. There is much beauty on both sides of the bi-state area, but as I have hinted earlier, this is not a photo-intensive experience, unless and until I get up to Canada. There were few stops today. After leaving the Motel 6, in Clarion, a small snack stop at a Sheetz, in Mansfield, PA and a couple of rest areas along the Southern Tier were my only breaks. Plaza Diner, a pleasant little establishment, on the east side of Oneonta, was my dinner break-with two tasty, ample crab cakes and a full plate from the salad bar, accompanied by creamy but nondescript macaroni and cheese. The place was convivial, and I would stop there again, if I find myself in Oneonta. Albany and Troy, further along were both bustling and lively, on the Friday night, but I kept going. It seems that, with colleges and universities prepping for graduation, there was no room at the inns. (Once I got here, to Red Rose, my host, Aldo, said it was like that all over Amherst, as well. I got a nice room, at a discounted rate, so no matter.)

It will be good to be back with family for a bit, no matter the circumstances. Mother has raised and treated us well.

Eastward Bound and Back, Day 1: Towers of Power

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

April 29, 2024, Miami, OK– He stood with his feet planted firmly on the floor, arms forcefully at his side, clutching two bottles of Gatorade, jaw set and eyes blazing-with the unspoken message: “Just TRY and take one of these from me.” His father had his back. The future force of nature is four years old, one of the faces of the Texas that is yet to rise.

Father and son were just two of the faces of strength, the towers of power, I encountered on this day of passing through three states. Glenn, the baker, was at his craft, producing, among other delectables, some of the finest breakfast burritos in all New Mexico-if not in the entire Southwest. His red burritos got me off to a good start, this morning.

In the small eastern New Mexico settlement of Milagro, an earnest woman staffed the thriving gas station/convenience market that two friends started, about eight years ago. She was grateful that the Filipina co-owner had filled the windshield cleaner tanks, as it was still a bit nippy there, in late morning. I am glad to see the young couple, who I met in those early days of their enterprise, are doing so well.

My buddy, Wes, in Amarillo, was not available for anything other than a comment. That, being that he was stuck at home. So our lunch in the Fun Zone (Old 66) will wait until five weeks from now. He’s the T-shirt king of the Panhandle, among other things, but that’s a story for another day. One of my cousins, in southwest Missouri, will be doing God’s work, teaching middle schoolers, as I pass through that area, tomorrow, so no meeting with her, either.

In Massachusetts, Mom is holding her own, so my visit with her, this weekend will proceed as planned. Any strength of character I have comes from my parents. My siblings are keeping me posted, on her day-to-day. They, too, are towers of power.

At the Conoco, in Shamrock, the little man stood his ground, and eyed me as I was leaving the store, with a ferocity that seldom have I seen from one so young. I hope he holds onto that determination. There is much that will challenge his grit, far more than this aging wanderer ever will.

Three ladies staffed the toll booths along the Oklahoma Turnpike, each taking the time to note that, in two days, their jobs will pretty much become obsolete, as the system goes electronic on May 1. They will go on to other duties for the Turnpike, probably monitoring glitches in the system-which are bound to happen, at least initially.

So, it is that I reflect back on a day spent going through familiar turf, and take my rest in this comfortable room at Deluxe Inn. Tomorrow will no doubt mean more encounters with towers of power.

Dharma Sunset

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 27, 2024, Paulden, AZ- “You’re spirit IS you!”, the 5-year-old boy opined, as we were talking about whether we lived forever. I had just noted that my body would be gone some day, but my spirit would live on. His reply showed that he already knew that we would continue to live on.

He has named himself Sunset, and his parents are going with it. Their overarching concern is that each of their five children, and possibly a sixth, will grow to their maximum potential and on each child’s own terms. So far, what I have seen is an amazing group of strong humans, loving and nurturing with one another-and learning from their mistakes, without accumulating baggage.

It had been three years since I last visited the little bit of heaven that its residents call Dharma Farm. Most of my absence had more to do with scheduling-mine and the family’s. Tonight, though, we were in sync, the older girls preparing a simple meal and the younger siblings, including Sunset, enjoying the two exercise balls which I have given the family, rather than have the balls just sit in my bedroom and be used infrequently. I walked around the farm with the father, noting changes he and his wife have made on the property, since my last visit. Several more trees have been planted and are thriving. A couple of buildings, including a greenhouse, have been added. So, too, has a lonely young girl come to be a regular part of the family and two other, wonderful women and their children settled in.

The place continues to be a haven-and another woman, earlier today, at a different location, musing about how delightful it was to see happy children, would have been thrilled to have been here. The secret to all this is that the couple is committed to both raising their children holistically and teaching thriving skills (on a permaculture model) at the local community school, as well as in a home schooling co-operative.

Sunset will continue to burn brightly, and so will the rest of his family. Below, are two scenes of his inspiration.

I won’t be absent from here for quite so long, going forward.

Matching Parts

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 17,2024- I was asked, at the end of my last appearance in a particular school, this year, whether I enjoyed the class and the day.

Children squabble, and if gently but firmly kept from escalating their conflict, will move on and find common concerns over which to consult and move forward in friendship. Most times, an observant adult does well to not actively interfere in children’s interactions, other than to guarantee each child’s physical safety. I have found that honoured children will find their way to a place of balance, vis-a-vis relationships. There is often the element of a friendship, when two children seem overly concerned with one another-even if the concern is at first frictional.

Children and teens do look carefully at how the adults in their lives interact. The adults who are there for them are granted the most respect. That young people are sensitive to sensing abandonment should come as no surprise. That they may be slow to forgive someone who just “up and leaves”, like a parent who walks away from the family, is equally self-evident. Kids are the sum of their parents’ parts, and then some.

I have found many “matching parts” in my life-certainly Penny, who was with me for nearly thirty years, our son, Aram, my siblings and extended family, a wide variety of friends, many of whom I count as professional colleagues and one with whom there is a developing bond. We each complement one another, in different ways-and I trust that my presence and actions are of some value to each of them as they are to me.

Yes, I did enjoy the class and the day, as each child with whom I worked learned at least part of a skill set that will serve her/him well, in the years ahead. I enjoy being a part of their whole.

The Flow of Life

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 12, 2024- During the course of the day, at least 64 people donated blood, in a small conference suite of Frontier Village, a Prescott shopping center, located 2.1 miles from the center of town. Each person potentially saved the life of a hospitalized individual, a victim of a fire, or of a car crash, or a beating. In the days when assaults on strangers seem to be increasing, sixty-four people chose to help someone they did not know. A few of them told me, the registrar of the Blood Drive, of how someone else had once helped a family member in need.

Across the country, my mother is alert, mildly talkative, still taking minimal nutrients, and pondering the flow of life. She is ninety-five years of age, has seen four children and ten grandchildren grow to adulthood. She is seeing nineteen great-grandchildren grow into solid human beings. Through it all,she has been a stellar example of how to face challenges, head-on. Her life is flowing towards the delta that is the gateway to the ocean of eternity. It has been, by all indications, a grand journey.

Here in Home Base I, increasing numbers of people are facing the reckoning that always comes with ignoring a simple rule of life: Other people matter, every bit as much as oneself does. The person in a crosswalk, the rider of a motorcycle, a bicycle or a skateboard, the person standing in line ahead of you are not objects to be conveniently shoved aside or targets to be struck by a vehicle. Red lights, stop signs and temporary barriers, or detours, are not nuisances to be ignored, out of a desire for convenience. People who hold an opinion that differs from one’s own are not monsters to be slain or idiots to be publicly humiliated. I know that every community faces a similar challenge, in a world that still is plagued by anonymity and self-absorption. That self-absorption, though, is always headed towards a dead end.

The flow of life will ever go, in the direction that the Universe intends, and while that sometimes seems to head in odd tangents, in the end, it will likewise find its way to the Most Great Ocean.

Mom

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 11, 2024- It is the flower gardens, that you and Dad tended so carefully, that I recall with the most delight. The yard invited us to get out and exercise-sometimes in play; other times, at work, helping Dad move those seemingly endless rocks. The lawn was my pride and joy, and was mowed every Saturday, once all the shoes were polished.

You have always said that the time to honour someone is during the living years, and you have practiced that, with every breath. I awoke this morning to the news that you are getting ever more tired, taking more and more rest. Darling, you have earned it, like no other. So it is time to honour you, while you still can read it.

I don’t remember what you described as a cramped apartment, on Gooch Street, Melrose. My first real memory was sharing a crib, with my baby sister, if only for a week or two. You instilled in us, that we were to share. Some days, I didn’t want to, but the rule stayed in place, and I am better for it; we all are.

You taught us that work was sacred. What we produced was the most important aspect of our lives, so long as it was put forth with love. You raised four strong people to adulthood, and even though one of us, me, has stumbled on occasion, the roadmap you and Dad gave us was there, when I was ready to find my way back. You took care of your youngest child, our brother, with a passion that set the tone for every one of us, in our own dealings with adversity. That example gave me clear vision, when my own time came to face the fire, as my beloved wife became disabled, and a bright shining light went into decline.

There was no daylight between the straight and narrow, and what awaited us, if we went off the path that was set. With that, you gave us discipline, and it has served each of us well. You stressed that no part of life was to be neglected, and that no failure was permanent-or even to be normalized. Each time that I’ve stumbled and fallen, you told me to get back up, and I did. Each time that I came to you with an injury, I was given the path to recovery, and took it. Each time that I wondered what you thought of my life path, your only concern was that I was happy on it.

So now, whether this is a momentary eclipse, a slow movement towards sunset or merely an overcast sky, know that you have long been the brightest sun in my life, Mother Dear. Every other bright star in my sky shines in your shadow. Your sun is ever in my heart.

Continuous Flow

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

April 4, 2024- My cousin, John, came by this morning, just before I woke up. He and I were walking, along a rough, rocky path, which had a drop off into the ether, to the left, and a series of other rocky paths, to the right-each of those being separated by drop offs into the ether. He asked if I wanted to stay over there. I told him I had many things to do, before I went there to stay. That was when I awoke.

John and I were quite close, as boys, and into our young adulthood. He visited me, when we were both in VietNam, in 1971. He and his wife, Mary, helped me when I was unceremoniously evicted from my apartment, in February, 1977. We kept in touch, though I last saw him at my brother, Brian’s, funeral, in 1994. John passed away three years ago, this June.

I was not at all jarred by this dream. It just affirmed for me that I have many things for which to remain in this life, from a wealth of good friends-one in particular-to several goals, over the next six years and beyond. About an hour after I got myself together for the day, two friends were asking for assistance, and I was able to help both, in small ways. From there, I retrieved items left behind at yesterday’s job site, then took part in a shelter simulation with the area Red Cross team. This evening, there was a session for healing and assistance prayers, at the home of some Baha’i friends.

I also got some input into cosmic energy trends for the rest of the year, which will help in planning activities, both here at Home Base and further afield, including international travel. There will be some small adjustments made, with regard to dates of overseas journeys, and close consultation with friends in each country is crucial. That should be the case, anyway, but the energy trends amplify that need.

Things are bound to be fast-paced, in certain months, and like cold molasses, in others. Energy will be continuous in flow, though, regardless.

“I have promises to keep, and miles to go, before I sleep.”-Robert Frost

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42891/stopping-by-woods-on-a-snowy-evening

The Fighter Still Remains

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 22, 2024- Dad would have been 97 today. So, I spent a fair amount of time remembering what he taught me, of life, survival and responsibility. He himself was not a physically rough man, and discouraged any such behaviour in his four sons. He was a traditionalist, with regard to Mom working outside the home, but never stood in her way, when it came to her running a hairdressing and cosmetology practice, with the kitchen as her shop. He also let her handle the household budget, while in his own right, he was sensibly frugal. He taught us to figure out what the unit value of what we were selling was-whether it was the family newspaper route, which I had for two years and passed on to my middle brother, and he to brother # 3, or retail offerings. He showed us three oldest boys, and our sister, how to change a tire and change the motor oil and filter. I also watched as he gapped spark plugs. When the horn beeped, on a Thursday evening, all hands were on deck, going out to carry the groceries into the house, and we helped Mom put them away.

He also taught me to stand my ground; again, not violently, but with resolve. It is that on which I have drawn, in a variety of situations, over the past five decades-more effectively some times than on other occasions, but as consistently as I knew how, at the given time. It’s easier now, though the challenges are more nuanced, slightly more muddled, than in my earlier life. As I have branched out, and traveled both domestically and internationally, people have, on occasion, pushed the boundaries of my dignity and worth. At other times, the fight has been within myself, and has required more focus, more resolve.

Looking back, I was not the greatest of fathers, in my own right, but I did offer my son the basics in how to value work, treat others fairly and to take pride in self. I could have been a better husband, but I never strayed and took care of Penny, in her time of infirmity. In her prime, I honoured and valued her as a full partner, a strong, productive human being in her own right. My filial devotion could have been more strongly expressed, even while Mom has been, and is, fiercely independent. I would be at her side in short order, though, if the call came, even if I am 24-hours away at the time it comes. My treatment of friends and family could be better, yet they know I am loyal and that I cherish their dignity and worth-and, from the woman I love most, to the most casual in my friendship circle, value their achievements.

Above all, when it is a matter of their safety, survival and basic well-being, I will stand with any of them-and all of them. No one messes with my circle. Not unlike the character in Paul Simon’s song, the fighter still remains.

Discretion

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 10, 2024- The talk show host listened, incredulously, as a woman insisted that her son should be treated by a veterinarian, because he identifies as a cat. I would recommend a different type of medical professional-for the mother. Children engage in imaginary play and fantasy-all the time. When an adult buys into the child’s mental exercises and verifies the imaginary as real-the child is, naturally, confused.

Just because one can do something, even under the law, doesn’t mean one should engage the whim. I have heard that a man is insisting on his right to use the woman’s restroom, at a place I visit frequently. This establishment has two restrooms-one for each sex. The clientele is older, and more traditional in their view of such matters. In other establishments, most transgender people I know are perfectly okay with using a “Unisex” restroom. In fact, there are several places where ALL the restrooms are unisex. They have stalls, and there are provisions for parents with children, disabled people and their caretakers, and other special cases. Common sense is not on vacation.

At a Women’s March, yesterday, a trio of men showed up and counter-protested. There is no problem there, but the men decided that the March itself deserved to be broken up. I seem to recall this happened fifty-nine years ago, in Alabama, with deadly results. A woman, who was with the counter-protesters, decided to use a bullhorn, to keep the Marchers from speaking their peace. The March had official sanction. The woman with the bullhorn did not. This matter will be taken up by the proper officials. There was no one injured today, but as Justice Barrett said the other day, the temperature needs to be lowered. Just because one can do something, doesn’t mean one should.

Common sense is not on vacation.

In large and small cities across the country, people have indulged themselves with ignoring traffic rules, weaving in and out of the traffic pattern, in small electric vehicles. Others have ignored the rules of commerce, and helped themselves to significant quantities of clothing, jewelry and other items, with the understanding that, as long as the value of the pilfered items is less than $1000, it will not matter. Just because one can do something, doesn’t mean one should.

Common sense is not on vacation.

No Backward Pivot

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Historical, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 8, 2024- My mother was a stay-at-home housewife, who also had a marketable skill: Hairdresser/cosmetologist. Our kitchen was her workspace, and I was honoured to make runs on a bus, to downtown Lynn, MA, from our home in Saugus, to purchase items that she needed for her trade. She is well-read, well-spoken and has kept up with current events, even in her 90s. Mother is nobody’s fool, and the four of us, her adult children, are all the better for it.

Today is International Women’s Day. Besides the maudlin truth that I would not be here today, were it not for a woman, it stands that I would not have had any kind of a life worth living, were it not for the life lessons imparted by Mom, by the six women who taught in our Elementary School, by several of the teachers in Junior High and High School (most notably Mrs. Katherine Vande and Miss Gladys Fox) and the devotion of my late wife, Penny. I would not be living as full a life as I have now, without the friendship of at least two dozen women, including someone I adore the most., but ALL of whom I love dearly.

There are those, both male and female, who harbor a thinly-veiled desire to put women “back in their place”, harkening back to the time when Mick Jagger could sing an abysmal tune, like “Under My Thumb”, or John Lennon croon a wretched song like “Little Girl”, and get away with it, even making a fair amount of money in the process. Maybe they want to go even further back, to the time when women were legally their husband’s, or father’s, chattel.

The genie cannot be put back in the bottle. It is ironic that many of the women who spout “traditonalist” views are self-made professionals, who have even told me that they are perfectly fine without a male mate in their lives. In that last pronouncement, they are right, in my humble opinion. Going back to the time when I was first contemplating proposing marriage to Penny, I weighed, very carefully, just how much I would add to the already distinguished and successful life she had made for herself. I am glad to have fully supported her further achievements, of two more Master’s Degrees and the implementation of three innovative programs, in schools where she subsequently worked. The woman was a genius. She was a fine wife and mother, but she would never thrived in a stay-at-home role.

In the Baha’i writings, it is stated that, given a choice of only educating one of two children, a son or a daughter, it is preferable to send the daughter to school, as the first teacher of a child is the mother. Cases in point: It was my mother who taught me to read, and to write in cursive letters. She was professional and exacting, and the lessons stuck. It was Penny who taught our son, Aram, to read, and to be careful in researching various aspects of life, before making a decision. Every one of the mothers among my female friends has had an outsized influence on the achievements of those of their children who have reached adulthood. That includes my sister, who has raised four strong and successful professionals.

The clock cannot be turned back. Thank God.