Category Archives: impediments

“You’ll Understand Some Day”

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 12, 2024, Beatty, NV- So did the attendant, at a convenience market in the small Mohave Desert town of Dolan Springs, explain a decision she had made to a much younger woman. Since I am inclined to wish long and happy lives to just about anyone I meet, I silently concurred. Mom always answered my chortles at one or another of her predicaments by singing “Your day will come“.

After a morning of home base activities, whilst waiting for the final word on a possible shelter, I prepared for Trip # 3, of 2024. Right at Noon, the shelter was deemed unnecessary, and by 1 p.m., I set out. Six hours later, after pit stops in Seligman, Dolan Springs, Las Vegas and Amargosa, I stopped here, so as to join a Baha’i Zoom call. It was plenty to drive here, in heat that ranged between 95-118 (35-47.77) degrees. My AC worked its magic and I was fine, so long as I kept pushing water down my gullet.

All along the drive, I contemplated the when of letting go- of power, of control, of position. This is not an issue for me, personally, but it seems much of the leadership of our governmental, financial and social institutions is unable to pass the baton. I have been ecstatic when a younger person shows up and is ready to take up the mantle of whatever mission I have had in front of me. I will always be willing to lend a hand, but being in charge is a bonus, not a craving.

Perhaps some of the younger ones will experience a strong urge to hold on, overstaying their welcome and even outliving their usefulness. Should that happen, I offer this, right here, right now. “May your time in the limelight impart lessons and knowledge that serve you well-and may those be of the sort that can be shared with the younger generations of YOUR seniorhood. May you remember these days, and know when to take the position of being ONE among many, of a number of generations who work together.”

I will spend much of the weekend with one of my favourite families, with 5 or 6 bright, engaging children, and their loving parent and grandparents. There is no overbearing or insecure adult there, at least not when it comes to the children’s upbringing.

Those who have tried are relegated to the periphery of the children’s lives. May they understand, some day.

Frenzy All Around

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, impediments, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 10, 2024- In the span of fifteen minutes, the skies opened up, thunder and lightning were all about, cars were coming out of every side street and driveway, and I got a phone call from someone who was at wit’s end about a conflict.

I pulled into the driveway at Home Base, with caller still needing my attention, as I juggled key, coffee cup and phone. Why didn’t I just hang up? Caller said no one else was willing to listen to him and several were avoiding his calls. Somehow, we were disconnected anyway and I was able to take care of more urgent business. I called him back and reached a point of closure, at least for the time being.

There are frequent spates of frenetic activity. Maybe it’s something in the air. Maybe, as my brother says about dreams, it’s the altitude-but that doesn’t explain frenzy, or fever dream, in places like Phoenix, New Orleans, or Bombay Beach, CA. I do think that it has to do with electricity in the atmosphere. We’re certainly not close enough to the full moon, at least not for another ten days.

The day didn’t start off in frenetic fashion, nor is it ending that way. The campers were in no hurry to leave, and so departed an hour later than their schedule said. I couldn’t blame them: 118 (47.8) in Phoenix makes 88 degrees (31.1) in Bellemont feel like the beach in Bermuda. Even after I left, so as to meet an appointment in Prescott, they were still at the truck stop, when I stopped to fuel up with gasoline.

We got a preliminary notice about a possible shelter being needed, tomorrow, in a town an hour west of here. I could help tomorrow night, and if it gets to be a major event, then the trip Northwest will be delayed. As I write this, though, the fire is being “monitored” and no shelter is being set up, yet. We will know more in the morning.

The day included a drowned yellow jacket, examining samples for which colour to use in an exterior paint job, getting the camp facility semi-closed, reconciling my chiropractic schedule with summer and fall travel, and assuaging the anxiety of the above-mentioned caller, a friend of ten years. Through it all, I did not personally feel frenzied. That’s progress.

Systematic

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 9, 2024, Bellemont- Staff-wise, I was a none-person show, yesterday evening, as camp entered its second night. The chaperones have their own way of doing things, and take the rules and regulations of the camp committee in stride. We both get to the same place, in terms of serving the campers. That, to me, affirms they are on the right path, even if it is different from the way I do things. Al-Bab, Who was executed 174 years ago, today, stressed the importance of working systematically and in unity, in the course of establishing a truly peaceful world.

This being a Baha’i Holy Day, my post is a mere two paragraphs. Suffice it to say, my parents raised us to approach anything we do in a thoughtful and systematic manner. It took me a bit longer than my siblings, but I have been in that frame of mind, for at least fifteen years. It is crucial to my well-being, and personal safety, moving forward. Expanding this ethic, every problem that families, communities, nations and the planet as a whole face requires a systematic and well-thought-out approach, in order to truly address the matters raised. It doesn’t mean that the same problem(s) won’t resurface again, down the road, but it will provide a roadmap for dealing with them now-and when they rear their human-nature-caused heads again.

One More Waltz to Paradise

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 3, 2024, Woburn, MA- So now, we are orphans. The powerful and beautiful matriarch has gone home to her Lord.

Yesterday, the young man was full of himself. Today, he was crestfallen and needed us all to help him deal with the loss of his beloved grandmother. So it was done. That is the nature of any set of random unpleasantries that take place between people who love one another, in their inmost hearts.

Mom lay in repose, and each of us had our time to say our last farewells. Mine was focused on just how powerfully she drew forth the best aspects of my character, and made of them the engine that has kept me going. We four siblings and, by extension, our children and grandchildren are each that much the better for her long and exemplary life. In the end, she looked as elegant and beautiful as she had at any time in her nearly ninety-six years.

Well over a hundred people filled the event room, at the funeral home-and about 3/4 of them continued on to the interment at cemetery, as well to as the funereal meal. The four of us mingled as best we could, with it being a rare opportunity to catch up with relatives and former neighbours we had not seen in decades. In that sense, Mom wove her last magic. Such occasions are in that sense magical, and reassuring.

Mom’s centering principle was that each of us do the very best we can, in any endeavour-big or small. Making the bed was as important as giving a speech. Washing the dishes properly deserved the same attention as delivering up a quality piece of homework. Her send-off reflected that: My sister’s attention to detail made everything click, as Mom would have wanted. My youngest niece created an exquisite audiovisual collage of Mom’s life, which circulated around the lounge at Polcari’s Restaurant, as we enjoyed light desserts after the ample buffet.

I offer two songs, in gratitude, “Until we meet again”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGWs1HK8iDU

Staying Wary

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 2, 2024, Woburn, MA- A family member who is not known for tact tried to put me on the sidelines, in the middle of a conversation. I didn’t back away, which rankled him just a bit, but he didn’t push the issue. We’ve had our differences, now and then, but given that he is half my age, I try not to take things too much to heart.

In the past, particularly in my New England years, there was always a small inner circle, in any group with which I was involved. I was never part of that circle, even if there were only three of us. The other two just had a very strong bond, that either pre-dated my time with them, or was established while we interacted.

Only recently have I even had the level of self-confidence to call out those who sought to keep things tightly controlled or at least keep me on the outside of things. My siblings, thankfully, don’t subscribe to such exclusivity. Most of those with whom I interact now are no more exclusionary towards me than they are towards anyone else. Still and all, I am very wary of anyone who draws a circle around self, and makes sure that “the other”, even one to whom s(he) is related, doesn’t step inside.

I used to ascribe exclusionary behaviour to “American culture”, or “elitism”. Anymore, I associate it with insecurity or misplaced anger. No one can be totally accepting of all those around them, in the course of this life, but it stands to reason that moving away from small enclosed circles is mark of spiritual growth.

Clean-up

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 1, 2024, Woburn, MA- Mom was meticulous, in her prime. While some of that fastidiousness faded, as she entered her tenth decade, we, her adult children kept the faith and would serve her needs, as much as she would let anyone serve. So it was, today.

The day had periods of rain and wind, which complicated the process-just a bit. There was also the energy of serendipity: Several things happening in a small space, at the same time. I got a little bit irritated, not at family members, but at random people with competing agendas. I got past that irritation, and somehow, we got furniture, keepsakes, clothing-to-be-donated and several bags of trash out of the room and to their respective destinations, in a matter of three or four hours.

Among the keepsakes are a rolled up photograph of your truly, protected in a scroll. This will be my “personal item” on the flight back to Phoenix. There is also a photo of my maternal grandfather, who I never met in the flesh, but who some say I resemble. That will take its place on the mantle in my living room. There are other photos and journals that enhance our family story.

This is the back side of bringing a long-lived and much-loved family member’s earthly story to a close. Mom chose her own final arrangements, with the strongest expectation that we would all stick together. It is my expectation, as well.

The room is now empty, but our hearts never will be.

Fighter

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 29, 2024, Bedford, MA- Mom had a rallying day, today. She breathed better and expressed herself-not verbally, but very clearly, about a certain matter. We were able to put her concerns into words, because that’s one of the things for which we are there.

I get the sense, from Jetpack, that people are “bored” with this whole account of my family’s travails. Too bad-because it will continue, until its ending. If taking care of loved ones is not your area of interest, feel free to not bother “viewing”. That said, I do very much appreciate all those on shared sites, especially on Facebook and LinkedIn, who have been supportive-along with my two most faithful WP readers, who comment, as well as “like” the posts.

I will continue being here for Mom, taking some time the second week of July, for commitments in Arizona that cannot be re-scheduled (There will be family members here for her, during that time)-but I will return here after those, if she keeps up her fight. She spent a lifetime doing this for all five of her children. Now it’s time for us to stand by her, until transition is complete.

I can’t express enough appreciation for her lifetime of love and service, in any other way.

Defender

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 28, 2024, Bedford, MA- The little boy was only four, but still got in front of someone he thought was bothering his mother, and stood with fists clenched-size differential between him and the perceived threat be darned. His mom moved him out of harm’s way and took care of matters, herself.

Today, I was that little boy, all over again, holding Mom, ready to defend her-against any suffering she might still be feeling. Now, there is little, or none. She still draws breath, and is semi-warm to the touch. Her heart, lungs and brain are still doing their basic work. This didn’t stop me from wanting to protect her-though from God knows what.

I felt the uncertainty, driving back from Lynnfield, this evening. Family members sensed this and engaged in text message levity, which helped soothe any of my own feelings of dread. I also told myself that, whilst on the road, my ancillary mission is to be part of a safe network of motorists. Other drivers are my family, between any two points. The mother and baby sitting on the curb, at Bedford Motel’s driveway, are family. The joggers running on the side of the road, going both for and against traffic, are family. So, too, are the construction workers, the semi-truck driver trying to pass everyone on the inside and the half-crazed person with the crazy hair, tail-gating me on a number of side streets. Most of the rest of the motoring public are like distant, but still significant, cousins.

Mostly, though, I will be told that my main job is to protect myself. So I will-that I may complete this present mission, to finish honouring my mother; that I may manage the four-day camp, after my return to Arizona; that I may fulfill a pledge to visit several Baha’is from Carson City to Vancouver Island and mainland British Columbia-with several people in Oregon, Washington and Idaho, in between; that I may also make good on my promise to return to the Philippines, this Fall.

That little boy will always love and defend his mother, by living up to what she taught.

Extended Stay

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Posted by on in Assistance, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 27, 2024, Bedford, MA- Looking at Mom’s stalwart face told me there was only one thing to be done-so I called the airline, the car rental and a hotel closer to Lynnfield, and made the necessary changes. I will be in the Boston area until the early morning of July 6. That could change, and I may have to adjust with it, but for now this is the plan.

The day began with a switch of rooms here at Bedford Motel, necessitated by the booking agency’s lack of an editing option for reservations, the other night. Software can be as much of a hindrance as it is a help. Simply put, I entered today as my arrival date, and thus needed to backtrack, in order to get a room for last night. That meant a separate reservation, as Booking.com has not provision for editing a confirmed reservation-except canceling and starting over. So, here we are, and no harm done.

Things proceeded smoothly, after that. Traffic was “uphill both ways”, but that is Boston, on the cusp of a major holiday. The slowdown wasn’t too bad. I joined my siblings, got brother over to tend to a personal errand and rejoined everyone at the room, about an hour later. Mom is holding on, resting and I am sure she is getting some strength for her journey, from the love that is being showered on her.

My messages and reflections, for the next week or so, are bound to be short and (bitter)sweet. Hang in there, outside world.

No Flight of Fancy

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 26, 2024, Bedford, MA- The young lady looked both embarrassed and crestfallen, upon learning that her oversized luggage would not fit in an overhead bin. Apparently, it had fit on previous flights, but on this full flight, it was a no-go. She asked if the middle seat was taken, and hearing a “No”, dropped her carry-on item on the seat, brought the offending bag to the jet way, for check-in, and came back to take her seat. No further words were exchanged with anyone, until the end of the flight, when she joined another young woman (maybe a sister) and an older man (maybe her father). I heard her tell the man that “that woman just growled at me, when I was bringing the bag out.” Sad that, even when people do inconvenient things, that we can’t summon at least a modicum of grace.

My day began at 1 a.m., proceeding to the shuttle down to Phoenix at 2:30, a somewhat chaotic scene at TSA, which led to a group of us being sent to another TSA check-point, on the other side of the terminal-and an only slightly less chaotic scene. I have rather mastered the art of removing items that need to be placed in separate tubs, ahead of time, thus not being obtrusive to other passengers or to the officers. It worked nicely, this morning.

Once in St. Louis, I got brunch at Bagel Bakery, directly across from our gate. A message came, around Noon, saying the flight to Boston was delayed, so I just settled into Joseph Campbell’s “Myths of Light”, that much deeper. It turned out, though, that the message was in error, so I informed the gate clerk, who checked and found that the flight crew had made up for the late departure from San Diego and would be on time, after all.

We got into Boston, as scheduled, waited at baggage claim for about thirty minutes, and upon finding that Mom was still with us, I proceeded to the rental car center, via a suitably crowded mega bus. Budget’s office, inside the garage itself, was not crowded, and I was in my vehicle in short order. Then came getting out of the Airport. I had almost navigated the Logan Labyrinth, when the driver in front of me stopped, got out and threw away some trash, then got back in her vehicle and- just sat, looking over at me like she was at wit’s end. A MassPort officer came over, and directed me as to how to get the rest of the way towards Revere, then removed some cones that were between me and the actual road. I was out of Boston, five minutes later.

When I was a teenager, being able to navigate Bell Circle, in Revere, at rush hour was deemed a rite of passage by every older man who ever mentored a kid on the near North Shore. I managed, back then. Nowadays, Bell is a shadow of its former self, thanks to properly placed traffic lights and yield signs that are actually obeyed by those approaching them. I was at my Mom’s place of residence, twenty minutes after leaving Logan International Airport. The once terrifying Near North Shore traffic had lost its menace.

Mom was silent, but she opened her eyes, just a bit, and grasped my hand, as I spoke to her and kissed her forehead. Her breath and pulse are still discernible and I know she was able to hear us singing along to James Taylor’s and Carole King’s performances of timeless songs, like “You’ve Got A Friend”. Dave and Deb left, after about an hour, and I stayed on until the night nurse got there. She had her own struggles to get to work, in the rain, but in the end, all was well. I bid Mom good night, promising to come back tomorrow morning.

The elevator to the first floor found me stuck inside, due to a brief power outage, then everything came back on. I was “rescued” by another night nurse who was waiting on the first floor. The drive from Lynnfield to Bedford was made in the rain, and of course once near the motel, GPS got bollixed up and sent me to the next lot over. As I backed up in that lot, to turn around, a random guy wandered from behind my vehicle, because that’s what happens, when it’s dark, rainy and late at night. We are always expected to be on game. He was a security guard for the lot’s owner, it turned out, and was not unpleasant.

Now, I’m in my comfortable room and rest will come easy.