Category Archives: Inner Struggles

Pounded

2
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 16, 2024- No doubt, the wind and water were practically freezing people in their tracks, as the monster called Man-yi, the sixth (or seventh) of its kind to hit the Philippines, in little over a month, wrought floodwaters, mud and collapsing buildings, from Samar, in the central region known as Visayas to Aurora, in northeast Luzon. People who I helped, after the earlier Typhoon Kristine, will not be able to tell me if that aid survived Man-yi (“Pepito”), for several days. They appear to be safe, in either government shelters or with family, elsewhere. Those in Metro Manila, including K, have full plates, I’m sure, keeping track of those close to them who live in Bicol, Catanduanes and Samar. Metro itself does not appear to have suffered.

Here at Home Base, the talk is more about who will serve in what position. What will they do, to cut the national debt? Whose jobs will they cut? Will there be attention paid to what the new “masters” regard as frivolous programs? Will they have frivolous programs of their own? In any adjustment of budgets and spending that involves large numbers of people, there needs to be attention paid to the households, and communities, that will be disrupted if there are mass layoffs and job cuts. This process can not be a frivolity in its own right. It can’t be managed by AI, by people acting like AI or by someone several degrees of separation from those impacted on the ground. (That last has been a sore point with those who, ironically, identify with the populist movement which seems to have prevailed, worldwide.) It stands to reason that meaningful work needs to be generated, at local and state levels, or in the private sector, before the proverbial swamp gets drained.

Nature, in this time of global change, can be brutal and unforgiving. It has consequences, both anticipated and unknown. Government, in this time of rearrangement and a degree of revanchism, does not have to be blinkered, in its pursuit of economy and justice for the small tax payer. Planning ahead and layering of cutbacks can prevent wholesale collapse of local economies from immediate mass cuts in government spending. It is not impossible for jobs to transferred to the private sector or to lower tiers of government, if enough advance planning is exercised.

We don’t need to leave one another feeling pounded. Nature does that well enough, on its own.

Pause, and Reflect

8
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 8, 2024- The ice in her words was palpable and almost debilitating. They seemed to have come out of nowhere, but the message was unmistakable. So I told her that her wishes will always be respected.

I have fallen deeply in love with only two women who were not responsible for my birth and upbringing. One gave me the best years of her life, and I gave back, to the best of my ability. It was hard to let her go, at the end, and for two years afterward, I even saw her in people I barely knew-leaving temporary wreckage in my wake. We all survived and recovered, and I thank dear Penny’s spirit for my survival.

I did not see the second one coming, but little more than a year ago, there she was. I had not gone to that place on the far side of the Pacific to find a wife, but I was smitten from the moment she walked in the room. A year’s worth of messages followed and I at least got to take her on a couple of daytime dates, on my last visit. I was prepared to move to that place, and relinquish all that I had gathered here-Home Base, vehicle and other possessions, and to bid farewell to so many friends. I only wanted to be with her, not out of fantasy or obsession, but out of a deep love.

I did not see the end coming, until the messages came this morning-First, a disembodied asexual voice: “It’s over”; then the words, discouraging me from continuing with my move and someone else’s message: “You’d only be in her way”. Family and friends here have warned me not to get too wrapped up in my feelings. They know that there are too many things that can go wrong-in a relationship that is hobbled by time, distance and cultural differences. I know that, too, and it takes some of the sting out of what happened this morning.

In the end, I had four different obligations-each relatively minor, but needing attention, nonetheless. So, I got myself together, went to Bellemont Baha’i School and checked the winterization process-completed; went to two different VA offices and called a third, regarding the discrepancy with one of my health care provider’s records; returned a call from one of the potential movers to the intended country and will get a quote from them next week, for good measure and took care of a bill that I had spaced out, last week. This evening, friends hugged me and said it was too bad. Music, at a small house party and at the Raven Cafe, helped to further lighten my mood.

It was a nice run, though, and it restored my self-confidence, even if it turned out too good to be true. I will love K forever, and life will go on.

The Difference Made

2
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 3, 2024- On February 24, 1981, I called my mother and told her that I had become a member of the Baha’i Faith, letting her know the basics of the then-138-year-old religion. The most important of these, to her, was that use of mind-altering substances, including alcohol, was prohibited. Baha’u’llah teaches that presence of mind is essential and that anything which interferes with such mindfulness is to be avoided.

He was born Husayn Ali, to Mirza Abbas-i-Nuri (Mirza Buzurg) and Khadijih Khanum, on November 12, 1817, in Teheran. Despite being a member of a noble family, Husayn Ali eschewed a life of privilege, and became associated with a new religious movement, based on the teachings of al-Bab, which taught that “One greater than Myself” would appear and unveil teachings that would in turn unite mankind. When al-Bab was imprisoned, and subsequently executed in 1850, Husayn Ali became a leader of the inchoate Babi movement and was Himself incarcerated in a dungeon known as Siyah Chal (“Black Pit”). While there, shackled among a hundred or so others, many of whom were violent criminals, and with no personal space, Mirza Husayn Ali had a vision. A maiden-like presence appeared to Him and revealed that it was He to Whom al-Bab was referring. The title Baha’u’llah was conferred on Him, in that moment.

Over time, through three exiles, the last of which brought Baha’u’llah and His family to Akka, in what is now Israel, and through the ministries of His eldest son, ‘Abdu’l-Baha, and of His eldest great grandson, Shoghi Effendi, the Baha’i Faith grew to several million people, spread over all six inhabited continents. When Shoghi Effendi died in 1957, without leaving an heir, the Faith was briefly led by a council of stewards, known as the Hands of the Cause of God, until a nine-member Universal House of Justice was elected in 1963. This last was in accordance with the terms of Baha’u’llah’s Will and Testament, also known as Kitab-i-Ahd. The Universal House of Justice has been elected by the members of Baha’i national assemblies every five years since 1963. It remains the Head of the Faith.

Getting back to my own situation: In 1981, I was at the tail-end of a long personal struggle. Baha’i teachings have gradually guided me to shed lots of personal baggage. It has not been a walk in the park. Change involves a lot of work-physical, emotional and spiritual. As with any transformative effort, there are successes and there are setbacks. I was blessed with the love of a good Baha’i woman, until her passing in 2011. I am blessed with a son who has grown into a strong, well-balanced man. I am also blessed with many friends, across the United States and around the globe, including a woman who has captured my heart. I am, most of all, blessed with the transformative power of a Messenger’s Teachings that have given me the strength to shed baggage that has bedeviled me since childhood.

I have taken ‘the road less traveled and that has made all the difference’. (apologies to Robert Frost)

Trickery

2
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 31, 2024- The recent stunt, in which a candidate for President drove around in a garbage truck,left me a little cold. It would have been mildly amused, had he done donuts or peeled out-on an empty street, mind you. The impetus for this was the current President’s remarks, in response to an off-colour joke about Puerto Rico at said candidate’s recent rally, in Madison Square Garden, that used a possessive pronoun that sounds like the noun that is the plural of “supporter”. One cannot hear an apostrophe, so the quick and dirty conclusion is “He’s talking smack about us, just like the candidate did in 2016.” That’s a shame.

Those who have arbitrary and exclusionary solutions to social problems will very often try to divide those whom they either openly or secretly regard with disdain. Thus we have Project 2025 and USA.INC, as comprehensive and arbitrary solutions to problems which are best resolved by a careful blend of conservative love of family and individual initiative with progressive concern for the well-being of even the least among us and collective sense of hearing everyone out.

I’ve already voted, and in any case, have not been fooled by the jumping around, half-baked rhetoric and name-calling, back and forth. All the noise is best moved beyond, by reading the candidates’ position statements and deciding what most accurately fits your world view.

It’s time to call out trickery, wherever it is found.

Intensity

2
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 30, 2024-I dreamed of Manila, and of Kathy, most of the night. Maybe those are just residuals from the visit just ended, or maybe they’re a harbinger. When I got up, it was time to focus on getting back into the swing of things here at Home Base, so I walked, happily, downtown and sat for a while in Wild Iris, then came back and briefly discussed a few matters with my landlord. I have told him my time here is getting shorter, and he thinks I need to follow my heart. At dinner this evening, with another long-time friend, I got the same message.

I’ve been in Prescott for 13.5 years, continuously, and 15 years all told, more than any place other than Saugus (20 years, all told). I could easily call this Home Base for the rest of my life; the Southwest is a place of endless beauty and opportunities. There are two other factors, however-My little family, now in Texas, who will be the prime foci of my time in the U.S., should they bring forth children of their own and the second great love of my life, who, as I keep saying lately, is the prime focus of my time and energy, overall.

I’ve sometimes been told that I am far too intense for my own good-and perhaps that is true. I love deeply, which won’t change, for the simple reason is that I don’t see enough love in the world. My friends and family understand this. Kathy is coming to understand it more, just as I am coming to understand her need to show her love in subtle, sometimes opaque, ways. Intense love, however, is needed to deflect and counteract intense hate. Subtlety, on the other hand, is a soothing balm for those times when intensity rubs things raw-and a healing period of rest is needed. It also helps ward off dementia-(just an aside).

On a greater scale, we will need intensity-of thought, of energy, of commitment and of meaningful action. I will say more on what I think is needed for the country to thrive, over the next few days.

Running on Empty

6
Posted by on in Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 28, 2024- The van driver called out what was music to my ears: “Who’s getting off at Yavapai College?” I had designated a stop at Hassayampa Inn, downtown, as my debarkation point,but YC is so much closer, so when the student got off there, so did I. It was a seven-minute walk to Home Base, instead of ten-fifteen.

Between the long wait on the tarmac, leaving Manila and a shorter, but still nettlesome wait on the tarmac in Seattle (One, a ‘technical issue’ on our plane; the second, a ‘technical issue’ on a plane that was sitting in our plane’s designated gate), and having to wander a bit at Sea Tac, to find an escalator that worked (All elevators and one escalator were down, this morning) and the general effects of jet lag, I was beat.

I did push myself, once back at Home Base, to plow through the two boxes of mail that greeted me. I managed to fill out my ballot and prepare it for placement in the drop box tomorrow. Landlord came by and lit the pilot on my furnace. I noticed a new ceiling fan had been installed in the living room and a nice hand-made wooden bench now sits in front of HB.

It was, overall, an enjoyable visit to the Philippines and a change in Home Base, around May of next year, is still a strong possibility. For now, I am focused on getting back on track, with several matters that need attention here, and in Carson City and Grapevine (TX), later in November.

I will be back to full, in a few days.

Technical Difficulties

4
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 27, 2024, Seattle- “In 30 minutes, we should have a resolution to this technical problem.” So said the captain of the jumbo jet that was taking us to T’aipei, from Manila. Four hours later, we took off and had a smooth flight.

The day was pretty much like that, all along. I had a warm send-off from Ola! Hostel, the staff saying they hoped to see me again, next time. I joined a group at the Baha’i Center a bit later than they had wanted me to be there. The laundry service’s schedule and process kept me waiting and then, I had to pack. This was lost on a few of the Baha’i friends, and the last session there seemed a bit cold. They did help me get a ride to the airport, and the driver showed up minutes later. I had no time to really tell a certain person verbally, how deeply I feel about her. It was all rush-rush.

The ride to the airport was smooth. Once there, I waited at the EVA Air section, the line moving fairly swiftly and no problems exiting through immigration or security check. We were checked in and seated on the plane, with minimal difficulty. Then, the wait started and went on and on.

Fortunately, once at T’aipei, the authorities had held our Seattle-bound plane for the same length of time that it took EVA to resolve the technical issues on our plane in Manila. The Taiwanese processed us with lightning speed and we were seated on the second plane, which took off in short order.

I slept for about four hours, on board the aircraft crossing the Pacific Ocean, otherwise watching a forgettable Hong Kong police drama and a heartwarming film about a minister and his wife, who adopted several children, and encouraged members of his congregation to follow suit.

By 8:30 p.m., we were on the ground here. By 9:30, I had passed through immigration and customs. Now, at 10:15, I am in my room at Days Inn, ready for a few more hours of sleep, before my phone alarm goes off, at 3:30 a.m,, and I catch the motel shuttle back to SeaTac.

Another chapter in the Seeker Saga is drawing to a close.

Two Songs

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 20, 2024, Manila- One of the segments of the Shadow Play, at Ayala Museum’s 50th anniversary celebration, features a love song that was very popular in the Philippines in the 1990s: “Closer You and I”, by Gino Padilla. When this song was played, I noticed K looked wistful and was gazing straight ahead, as she softly sang along.

Of course, our mutual friends teased me about this, but I thought: “What if this had been the song that she and her late husband regarded as theirs?” It would have been around the time of their wedding, or shortly afterward. So, it is perfectly reasonable, and affirming, that she would be transported back to that time in their life together.

Penny and I also had a song, that she chose: “Just the Two of Us”, by Bill Withers and Grover Washington, Jr. The message certainly reflected our mutual sentiments and views on love and marriage. Like Gino’s tune, it is timeless.

We go through life and experience so many friendships, some fleeting, but others that endure a lot of ups and downs, and never fade. Someone back in the U.S. wondered as to which category my present friendship with Kathy falls. Well, we don’t know. Time will tell, and it won’t be for lack of effort by either of us, if it does turn out to be of short duration. There are far too many factors-social, pecuniary and emotional, that could propel it either way. It also won’t have been a waste of time. This has been a beautiful five weeks, with one more to go, and has certainly brought my self-confidence and feelings about self, to a much higher level.

Here are some scenes from yesterday’s visit to Ayala Museum.

Work by Fernando Zobel, a Spanish-Filipino painter (above and below)
Zobel appealed to my palate, with this piece.

AMPlify was the third session we attended. It was a performance by Manila Symphony Orchestra, whose legacy was mentioned in the last post.

Here is a view of the Symphony.

We then went to spend some time in the permanent exhibits of the Ayala. Here are some scenes of Filipino history and culture.

Filipino dress, through the centuries.
Abaca fiber, commonly used in Filipino textiles
This pot somewhat resembles one that we brought back from the Arcade, a few days ago.
Images of the Sarimanok, a legendary bird of Mindanao.
This panel is from an historic church in Cebu.

Every element of the museum, telling the story of a proud, often marginalized people; every song that appeals to the human heart; every note played by accomplished musicians, working in harmony-all of this is underscored by the most basic of all elements: love, illustrated by cohesion.

A Cluster of Parks, Part I

2
Posted by on in Assistance, distraction issues, Hiking and Nature, Historical, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 12, 2024, Manila- On days when K is busy, which are most days lately, I have determined routes for walking and found that Manila has a wealth of green spaces to check out, particularly in the area to the south and east of the Pasig River. Rizal Park, which memorializes the death of Dr. Jose A. Rizal, National Hero of the Philippines, and adjacent Luneta Park, occupy the eastern third of this greenway. This magnificent park was the second area, after Intramuros, that the ladies showed me, last year.

There are five smaller parks and gardens between Rizal/Luneta and the river. Yesterday, en route to a shopping run at SM City-Manila, I checked out Heroes Park. This small, but impressive, gem is also called Bonifacio Memorial. Andres Bonifacio is considered by many to have been the first President of the Philippine people, being a key leader of the movement towards a free Republic of the Tagalogs, in the mid-1890s. He was executed by the Spaniards, in 1897, and is viewed as a national hero by many, alongside his contemporary, Jose A. Rizal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9s_Bonifacio

Bonifacio Memorial at Heroes Park, Manila (above and below)
Just so we’re clear, KKK refers to Kataastaasan Kagalanggalang na Katipunan, which is Tagalog for “Most Honourable Assembly”.

Near Heroes Park is the Clock Tower, which I captured only through the tree-tops. More on that edifice, later this coming week.

View of Manila Clock Tower, north of Heroes Park.

It is Kathy’s stated intention to get to more of the historical sites of the capital region, while I’m here. She’s doing the work of the Divine, though, so I am going to take up the slack and catalog as many sites as I can, on my own. It will make for a more interesting discourse, when we do get to visit the sites together.

My other mission was to replenish a few items and pick up some “breathable” cotton shirts, at SM City-Manila, not too far from Heroes Park. After walking past Arroceros Forest Park, a bit to the west of Bonifacio, I went about my shopping mission and enjoyed some Inasal Chicken, a breast barbecued in lime, pepper, vinegar and annatto/asuete ( derived from the seed of the achiote tree, as a natural food colouring). This style was developed in the area of Bacolod (Ba-KOO-lud), Negros. A couple of new polo shirts, some toiletries and a SIM card, w/ new adapter, for my camera accompanied me back to Ola! Hostel.

What started as a day of dark energy was turned around. Pondering the struggles of freedom fighters will do that. So will being grateful for having a certain person in my life.

Baccarat

6
Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 5, 2024, Manila- What I was told, about yesterday’s travails, more than tugged at my heartstrings. I said as much, and sincerely want to be there, when life goes off the rails for one who has had to struggle on her own, for far too long. I said that, too.

Maybe because she has a need to do things on her own, to struggle and see things through, my comments were met with a shrug. It’s hard to say; after all, I can only be here, this time, for three more weeks. Then I have to return to North America, to at the very least meet obligations, and at the very most finish up what I started, before I met her. While I am back at Home Base, and elsewhere on the continent where I have spent most of my life, K will be here, carrying on and relying on her own abilities and talents. I will be offering moral support, from a distance, and that’s all.

In the game of Baccarat, a player holds two hands and a dealer, one. The player may bet for or against either hand, or against the dealer’s. In life, one can show confidence in the figurative hand one has been dealt or plan against it-or may challenge the hand held by the person in control.

So, I can move forward with confidence, make plans to return here next May, with or without any guarantee that I will initially be welcomed again. I can “bet against my own hand”, put it down and stay put in Home Base, being thankful for even having had time with K, at all. I can bet against the dictates of conventional wisdom, and come here with a greater purpose: To do, in the Philippines and southeast Asia what a core group are doing in the Phoenix area. None of these options depends on the strength of a relationship with a specific person-and that is most likely what would actually save it. Independence reassures-and draws people in.

It’s easy, in some ways, to get young people here involved in the building of an equitable society. They are more likely to bring their friends along to a gathering and to take leadership roles, without being prodded. There is no residue of “Children should be seen and not heard”; no noxious after-scent from the Victorian Era. For their part, youth are more prone to thinking before acting or speaking. A good part of that has to do with numbers: People under the age of 30 constituted 60 % of the Philippine population, in the 2020 Census. The percentage of youth in the United States population, according to the same census, is 28.6 %.

Youth in developing nations, like the Philippines, are more likely to be in the driver’s seat, so to speak than their peers are in the developed countries, whose populations are both aging out and much more in a state of time consciousness. There is much that we can learn from countries like the Philippines, in terms of youth engagement.

I hope, thus, to pick up some of those lessons, in the next three weeks-and trust that the right course of action in 2025 will make itself known.