Category Archives: Inner Struggles

A Cluster of Parks, Part I

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Posted by on in Assistance, distraction issues, Hiking and Nature, Historical, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 12, 2024, Manila- On days when K is busy, which are most days lately, I have determined routes for walking and found that Manila has a wealth of green spaces to check out, particularly in the area to the south and east of the Pasig River. Rizal Park, which memorializes the death of Dr. Jose A. Rizal, National Hero of the Philippines, and adjacent Luneta Park, occupy the eastern third of this greenway. This magnificent park was the second area, after Intramuros, that the ladies showed me, last year.

There are five smaller parks and gardens between Rizal/Luneta and the river. Yesterday, en route to a shopping run at SM City-Manila, I checked out Heroes Park. This small, but impressive, gem is also called Bonifacio Memorial. Andres Bonifacio is considered by many to have been the first President of the Philippine people, being a key leader of the movement towards a free Republic of the Tagalogs, in the mid-1890s. He was executed by the Spaniards, in 1897, and is viewed as a national hero by many, alongside his contemporary, Jose A. Rizal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9s_Bonifacio

Bonifacio Memorial at Heroes Park, Manila (above and below)
Just so we’re clear, KKK refers to Kataastaasan Kagalanggalang na Katipunan, which is Tagalog for “Most Honourable Assembly”.

Near Heroes Park is the Clock Tower, which I captured only through the tree-tops. More on that edifice, later this coming week.

View of Manila Clock Tower, north of Heroes Park.

It is Kathy’s stated intention to get to more of the historical sites of the capital region, while I’m here. She’s doing the work of the Divine, though, so I am going to take up the slack and catalog as many sites as I can, on my own. It will make for a more interesting discourse, when we do get to visit the sites together.

My other mission was to replenish a few items and pick up some “breathable” cotton shirts, at SM City-Manila, not too far from Heroes Park. After walking past Arroceros Forest Park, a bit to the west of Bonifacio, I went about my shopping mission and enjoyed some Inasal Chicken, a breast barbecued in lime, pepper, vinegar and annatto/asuete ( derived from the seed of the achiote tree, as a natural food colouring). This style was developed in the area of Bacolod (Ba-KOO-lud), Negros. A couple of new polo shirts, some toiletries and a SIM card, w/ new adapter, for my camera accompanied me back to Ola! Hostel.

What started as a day of dark energy was turned around. Pondering the struggles of freedom fighters will do that. So will being grateful for having a certain person in my life.

Baccarat

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 5, 2024, Manila- What I was told, about yesterday’s travails, more than tugged at my heartstrings. I said as much, and sincerely want to be there, when life goes off the rails for one who has had to struggle on her own, for far too long. I said that, too.

Maybe because she has a need to do things on her own, to struggle and see things through, my comments were met with a shrug. It’s hard to say; after all, I can only be here, this time, for three more weeks. Then I have to return to North America, to at the very least meet obligations, and at the very most finish up what I started, before I met her. While I am back at Home Base, and elsewhere on the continent where I have spent most of my life, K will be here, carrying on and relying on her own abilities and talents. I will be offering moral support, from a distance, and that’s all.

In the game of Baccarat, a player holds two hands and a dealer, one. The player may bet for or against either hand, or against the dealer’s. In life, one can show confidence in the figurative hand one has been dealt or plan against it-or may challenge the hand held by the person in control.

So, I can move forward with confidence, make plans to return here next May, with or without any guarantee that I will initially be welcomed again. I can “bet against my own hand”, put it down and stay put in Home Base, being thankful for even having had time with K, at all. I can bet against the dictates of conventional wisdom, and come here with a greater purpose: To do, in the Philippines and southeast Asia what a core group are doing in the Phoenix area. None of these options depends on the strength of a relationship with a specific person-and that is most likely what would actually save it. Independence reassures-and draws people in.

It’s easy, in some ways, to get young people here involved in the building of an equitable society. They are more likely to bring their friends along to a gathering and to take leadership roles, without being prodded. There is no residue of “Children should be seen and not heard”; no noxious after-scent from the Victorian Era. For their part, youth are more prone to thinking before acting or speaking. A good part of that has to do with numbers: People under the age of 30 constituted 60 % of the Philippine population, in the 2020 Census. The percentage of youth in the United States population, according to the same census, is 28.6 %.

Youth in developing nations, like the Philippines, are more likely to be in the driver’s seat, so to speak than their peers are in the developed countries, whose populations are both aging out and much more in a state of time consciousness. There is much that we can learn from countries like the Philippines, in terms of youth engagement.

I hope, thus, to pick up some of those lessons, in the next three weeks-and trust that the right course of action in 2025 will make itself known.

Soloing

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Historical, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

September 28, 2024, Puerto Princesa- The shoe, it turns out, was only moved a short distance from its untouched mate. Darkness keeps us in suspense, yet I sense when patience will win out, in daylight. The pair again adorn my feet.

I met another American, this morning. He has settled here in Palawan and farms with his wife, near BM Beach, which will itself be my beach experience on Monday. I have made it known that, so long as I am welcome in the Philippines, next year will bring a longer stay. The “Great Adventures” I had planned for the next five years are better off done with someone I have come to love-and trust- very much. Before them, then, comes earning trust, myself-and so I make that commitment, even with the adjustments this will bring to my comfortable life in Arizona.

Family has only grown larger, over the years, but I have seen a bigger picture than my local scene, since I was four years old. Always branching out, farther and farther-while never forgetting my roots, it has been such a rewarding life. Some of this has been imparted to my son, who is in the rootedness phase of life, and so will be the anchor of annual or semiannual jaunts back to North America. The wider family, though, will hardly shrink.

I felt comfortable enough, this evening, to walk south and west, and take in Puerto Princesa’s Bayside Park, its Cathedral and Plaza Cuartel- the scene of a brutal massacre during World War II. It may or may not be a hallmark of American travelers, but I go anywhere that is not off-limits, or is obviously dangerous turf. Puerto Princesa is not a dangerous place.

Statue of the “princess”, for whom the city is named. She was an elusive figure, it is said.

Peacock Statue (Tandikan)-the provincial bird of Palawan.

University crew members, in practice

City logo, at Bayside Park.

Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, Puerto Princesa

Account of brutality that grew out of fear.

So went my solo visit to Hondo Bay and its interesting park.

No Compromise

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 23, 2024, Manila- There was not much on my plate today, except to recount to a couple of friends, as to my visit in Baguio. I also “planted” the second rose quartz heart in a Philippine locale: The front garden plot of the Regional Baha’i Center, in Manila’s Santa Ana neighbourhood. The first was “planted” on Saturday, in the front garden of Rosevilla Transient Guest House. Others will be interred on Palawan and in places I will visit, in the remaining four weeks of my present sojourn here.

I have met several men who have come from afar, and married Filipina women. Some have known their mates for several years. Others came on a wing and a prayer, and found the one they sought. I wish them all many years of happiness.

I did not come here, last year, with the intent of finding a special person. I had twenty-nine years of love from Penny, and her spirit still guides me-and so I was guided to a shimmering, radiant soul, when I least expected. As to the outcome, it’s been a lovely year of long-distance communication and an equally lovely set of in-person meet-ups, so far. We will see where this goes, but I am in a joyful state right now.

One thing is clear, though: I do not view Kathy, or any woman for that matter, as an idea, a trinket, a plaything or a pastime. Penny was for real; so is K. I am a head or so taller than she, but we are eyeball to eyeball, and her thoughts, dreams and life plan are as important to me as anything in my life.

There are those who will read this and tell me-“I remember when……” Of course you do, and so do I, sometimes to my chagrin. Those friendships, or reasonable facsimiles thereof, each imparted a lesson for me-and probably for the women involved as well. I have seen those of them who have remained my friends go on and meet good men, or continue along an intentional life of single person hood.

I have long since reached the point of no compromise with the lower nature. As my bond with K evolves, and in whatever direction it goes, I will follow the path of honour. My marriage to Penny taught me the way and all else that follows is in that vein.

Metro Manila, Day 7: The Envelope Girl

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Posted by on in collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 17, 2024, Manila- The little girl clutched her assigned supply of envelopes and note cards with one hand and held onto my arm with the other. She desperately wanted to get some pocket change, which I could have spared-but for the fact that a boy appeared, also carrying envelopes and note cards-and it is pretty much guaranteed that ten more “vendors”, along with a few pickpockets, would have surfaced, in short order. I walked along, with a platonic friend who is like a sister to me, and the little angel still clinging to my arm. No one got anything from me, and after I said “Palaam” (goodbye), at the corner, the pair hung back, looking surprised, but resigned.

Many of us, in the course of our lives, are like the Envelope Girl and her partner in grift. We hope for something from another person-whether it is commerce, approval, friendship or even some level of romance. Sometimes-oftentimes, we can get what we want. On other occasions, the answer is “No”, or “Maybe, just not right now”.

I have been both seeker and sought, plenty of times. Growing up, I was a well-liked, but never loved, adolescent-a permanent resident of what is nowadays called “The Friend Zone”.

There is no Friend “Zone”. There are only friends, those towards whom one feels fondly, with whom one is glad to share good times, thoughts and experiences. There are levels of friendship, from “acquaintance” (whatever that is) to a marital bond-and many levels in between. I can’t, however, recall any person in my life who has been consigned to a limited, stifling place in my world. There have been false friends, whose design was either transactional (like the street urchins above) or vengeful(their whole shtick being to teach me a lesson). Those have been let go, blocked/deleted. There have been those who have been physically attracted to me, but the converse has not been true-and we have managed to build solid, platonic/fraternal bonds. The same is true of many to whom I have been drawn-and the converse has also been true.

At the top of the scale, there are two: Penny, my departed wife, and a person to whom I have made several references, of late. Penny was, when we first met, immediately in full-on attraction mode, (as was I, to her). That settled into a period of retraction, during which she had space to deal with residual feelings towards former beaux, a dalliance with a more dashing suitor and sorting out all manner of conflict between making a commitment and having “freedom”. My feelings never went away, but I stayed in the background, as long as she needed me to. After 18 months, we were married, had a solid, if sometimes stormy, wedlock and I was by her side through it all-including thirteen years of physical and cognitive decline, as I have described in earlier posts.

I met K last year, and had the same immediate attraction. Time will tell, if the friendship will approach the level that Penny and I reached. There are many variables, and all I can say is that my feelings aren’t going away, even as my person gives her the space that I gave Penny. A beloved soul deserves no less. Our lives will continue, will remain full and our goals-both mutual and separate-will be achieved. No two people, no matter how drawn to one another, can possibly meld into a unit where one is indistinguishable from the other. “Between them is a barrier that they overpass not.”-Baha’u’llah.

It has been a wonderful ride, to this point. I’m here, if she needs me.

Metro Manila, Day 6: Transcending Limits

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

September 16, 2024- “Every exit is an entrance to someplace else”-Sign in the Rooftop Restaurant, at Ola! Hostel. I am nearing the end of the first Manila phase of my visit here. It’s just as well. My friend needs to get on with her day job, and I have promises to fulfill, in the outlying areas. After hopefully helping one of the other Manila friends with filing a claim, tomorrow, I will try to get to Corregidor on Wednesday and head for Baguio, in central Luzon, from Thursday to Sunday. The first few days of next week are uncertain, especially given my dearest friend’s work schedule, but I will head to Palawan, for five days, on Sept. 26. Visits to Mindoro and the Bicol region may follow, as October gets underway.

Every trial, every effort one makes, comes with a valuable lesson. Those lessons are what allow for transcendence. One such lesson was with respect to the One SIM card I tried using. It cannot receive text messages from the United States, so it ended up being useless and I have gone back to my regular number. The other thing about trials is that they call me out on whether I mean what I say. I do, but there is always a need to prove that to those who are important to me, but don’t know me all that well.

A long day has come to a close. My intuition, with regard to K, is ever spot on and I will continue to be her rock. The woman has so much to offer this world. That’s all I can say.

Metro Manila, Day 2: The World at 1 Ayala Place

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

September 12, 2024, Manila- It seemed to take forever, for one reason or another, mostly due to traffic, but another friend and I made it to The World on a Plate, a pop-up dining experience, in Ayala Mall. My friend, K, was already there, as she lives closer, so we chatted about a few things and perused the menu. It was about 50 pages, on a Tablet, but I saw what interested me, right away: Thai red curry with beef and jasmine rice, as well as a two-piece salmon and cheese roll. Along with fresh mango juice, that filled the bill. The ladies stuck with fried chicken-Korean and Thai varieties. We watched a rapid-fire set of images, from different countries. I was able to identify all but one or two.

Question of the evening was: “Why is Golden Gate Bridge red?” The answer is that San Francisco Bay was the gateway to gold seeking. Red is simply easy for ships coming in to see the suspension bridge.

Afterwards, we strolled around the patio of Ayala Place and spotted the different restaurants which contributed to The World on a Plate. In the early evening, my friends stood happily in the bright light.

There is an elegant mix of subtleties in Filipino culture, as there is many societies around the world. Being here is good for my soul, as I am being shown again that keen awareness of what surrounds us is ever important, if one is to live life to the fullest. It starts, as I reminded the caretaker of the Baha’i Center, earlier today,with being at peace with self. From that point, one can then be truly valuable to those with whom one is in regular contact.

A Short and Important Day

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Technical stuff, Travel

September 10, 2024, Hong Kong– What’s today’s date? That was not a “senior moment” question for me. Rather, it was one that was brought into my consciousness by the International Date Line. Longitude is our arbitrary tool for measuring time on Earth, as it helps track the “westward movement” of the Sun. So, we left Los Angeles at 1:15 a.m., PDT and crossed into September 11, a scant five hours into the day. Thus today “lasted” only until 6 a.m., PDT, or 3 a.m., Hawaii Standard Time.

One of my favourite ladies messaged me, with some ideas about at least the first few days of my visit across the waters. My first favourite lady would have turned 96 today. Both took up a goodly amount of my thought and heart energy today. The first favourite was fond of the second, though they never met. Mom just liked what she knew of K’s heart. For that matter, another favourite lady, my late wife, has sent only positive inklings about my newest friendship.

I handled the long flight (13 hours) by getting up and stretching, especially when the knees felt stiff after sitting for a stretch. Five hours of sleep at a time also kept me functional, when the short learning curve of navigating Hong Kong International Airport’s transfer system presented itself. It’s actually not that hard: Just go through security inspection again..This is a great crossroad of the world, and a city that is worthy of a visit, in and of itself-at a later date.

This has been one of the rare occasions when I have become closer to people from mainland China, and it was a pleasant revelation. Chinese people take care of themselves first, by and large, but are not ruthless or crass about it. They are not always intuitive, but I am not sure I would be either, if there were 1.1 billion compatriots underfoot.

Cathay Pacific Airlines has efficient counter and flight staff. The food is varied, and fresh-and in just the right portion size, for a sizable crowd that is mostly sitting for 13 hours. It was not a hard flight; at least not for me.

So a lot was packed into this short day-as it ever will be, as long as I have all my facuties.

The Hurt of One

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 6, 2024- There are few details about how the young man ended up in hospital, other than “he was assaulted”. I remember him as a small boy of 8, the youngest of four children. The family, all three generations, is exemplary, and have only done good to their communities.

I am incensed by today’s news, yet am limited to prayer and a small contribution to help offset the cost of his care. His family is large and united, and so is their community. The young man has a lot of group energy going into his recovery. That is more than many have going for them, yet there is irony here. His father has worked, tirelessly, for thirty years to foster healing in communities across the country. Now, in this time of close to home, those of us who love and cherish what the family has represented will stand by them, in the best way each of us can.

The hurt of one shakes the world of all. It goes without saying-cherish those closest to you. Life and safety are never guaranteed.

Staying Centered

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 31, 2024- After running into a couple of Prescott’s elite, this evening, and being greeted with a nod and a sneer, I used Next Door.com to speak to those who would promote Progressive values, many of which are laudable. The progressive elite in this community tend to speak from their heads, not their hearts. After absorbing this, and “sucking it up”, for thirteen years, I finally had enough and let them know. Anyone who wants to foster the community has to first love the people. Having intellectual knowledge of what would be useful does nothing to help, unless the heart is in sync. We have seen the effects of a purely intellectual approach to social discourse and common issues, time and again: Soviet Communism, Kampuchea (Cambodia), North Korea, Cuba, Nicaragua and Venezuela-none a bit better than Hitler’s Germany, apartheid-era South Africa, or the enslavement culture of the Antebellum United States, in my book. The heart and head have to be in synchronicity, or the best ideas will die on the vine.

I will shortly be headed to the Philippines, and will spend 5-7 weeks in heart-focused work, all the while keeping a clear head. Some days, I will be in modern accommodations; other days, in small huts, or maybe sometimes in a lean-to. At all times, though, my heart is looking to my mind for direction-and vice versa. In a time of rapid change,which will only accelerate in the final months of this year, such centeredness is the only guarantee of real sanity. One of my well-wishers here in Prescott told me, this afternoon, that there is nothing I have done, in the past three or four years, that is “ordinary or uninteresting”. That may be an overstatement, but it is comforting. It also underscores my need for staying centered.

So does a long month come to an end, and my preparation for a time of lightning-fast change begin. May all be in harmony.