Category Archives: Inner Struggles

“What Would They Want For You Now?”

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 23, 2023- A group of about two dozen young men walked into a Los Angeles session that offered poetry and meditation, to address social dysfunction. One by one, the men spoke to the three “experts”, saying that all this philosophy was good on its face, but that the reality they faced each day was far more ominous- 9 mm weapons pointed at them, suspicious police tailing and stopping them, food deserts, joblessness, and so on. Besides, the men said, they knew too many of their peers who had been slain on the streets, in the past year.

The experts wisely acknowledged that there were too many souls who hadn’t been honoured, so they asked each of the men to go outside and gather up a stone, for each person they knew, who had been killed in the last year. After several minutes, the men came back inside, each carrying many rocks. They sat down, a candle was lit and placed in the center of the circle, and each person was asked to give a name to each of the stones. He was then to say the name of the victim, and place the stone next to the candle. This continued, until all the stones were set around the candle, honouring each of the murder victims.

Jack Kornfield, a social psychologist, and author of “A Path With Heart”, which helped me so much, in the early stages of grief, in 2011, was one of the “experts”. He posed a question to the men: “What would they want for you now?” One by one, the members addressed that question, in a pensive and serious manner.

As I listened to this presentation, I thought of Dad, Penny, Brian, my in-laws, grandparents, aunts and uncles, even the most rambunctious of my cousins. I think they would want me to know peace, to have arrived at self-acceptance and to keep on in the path of service. Each of them sacrificed, in one way or another, that the world they left behind might be a better place. Friends, like John H., Deedee B., Donna G., Sean W., Mario M., even Frankie Q., would want me to be doubly sure that the person inside this frame was jettisoning the baggage that held me back, for so long.

I have to want the same for myself-and believe me, it is happening-slowly, but steadily.

What Spring Sprung

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 20, 2023- I had lunch with a good friend, in a restaurant run by another good friend. This was the high point of a day that was intentionally low key. I needed to regroup, after the intensity of the camps and yesterday’s clean-up, and spending an hour or so with Akuura was a good way to relax. It’s been a while, due to my being busy with camp, so we covered a lot of ground. Emileigh, as always, was solicitous, while being low key-just a delightful young lady.

That brings me to the whole matter of “friend” vs. “acquaintance”. In tonight’s Zoom call, a session of the ongoing “Copper 2 Gold” series on Race Unity, a few people made a strong case for being discerning, in using the term “friend”. I have a different take. I consider people friends, even if we barely know one another, if I sense that they have my best interests at heart, and are kind, overall, to other people as well. “Acquaintance” is a term with which I have a hard time, mainly because people I trusted, in the past, have referred to me as such, in a standoffish and negative way. Having felt like an outsider, too often in the past, I use the term in my own speech to refer to those I meet once or twice, like a clerk in a store that I don’t frequent.

Spring has come to an end, and with it, the academic year of 2022-23; the Bellemont camp season; my tenure as Study Circle Coordinator, in Prescott Cluster (area)- a Baha’i volunteer position, which rotates every five or six years; and the intense phase of my weight reduction program (202-38= 164). What Spring sprung was a keener sense of self-worth and a better ability to help others, without putting myself behind the Eight Ball.

Now comes summer-much of it to be spent here at Home Base, or within a day’s drive. It’ll be refreshing to be around for the Fourth of July and another friend’s milestone birthday. Of course, a drive up north will take up two weeks in the latter part of July and the end of summer will find me back east, for Mom’s latest milestone. In between, barring Red Cross emergencies, I will be here in the place that the gracious Divine has set aside for my well-being.

Heave-Ho

2
Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 19, 2023- The bags went into the landscaper’s trailer quite fast, and two at a time. Two of us managed to clear one pile and add 1/4 of the other, some it dry yard waste and some rather wet refuse from the kitchen. We got to the landfill in about thirty minutes, at which point the driver went through a learning curve about Landfill Etiquette. His documents were accepted, but it took just a little explanation of the protocol for dumping and re-weighing an empty vehicle. We then drove out to the dump site and reversed the process-emptying the trailer. The same process played out, one more time, rinse and repeat. It was a bit warmer, and the bags heavier, but we managed quite well.
Two men, working with a purpose, got a task, which many said needed four pairs of hands, done in two hours, driving 22 miles each way.

Others, in several other places, chose to act out-using what is becoming the default method of solving problems, in too many instances. In Willowbrook, IL; George, WA; Lewistown, PA; St. Louis; Carson, CA; Baltimore; Kellogg, ID; Philadelphia; San Francisco and Milwaukee, people were slain-“for reasons unknown”. It could have been a domestic disturbance, or someone who had a bad childhood lashing out at others celebrating Father’s Day, or someone angry at the Juneteenth holiday. It could have just been someone deciding to kill for the thrill.

We did our share of heave-ho, this morning. It’s time for another sort of heave-ho: Stop making excuses for people who use guns to solve their problems. I know a good many who own guns, and use them properly; some are lifelong friends and some are family members. They would not think of taking their frustrations out on the lives of others. They would not make their weapons available to misfits or to the immature. It is time to demand an end to giving firearms to the mentally ill, in the name of the Second Amendment. It soils the dignity of that document and tarnishes the very term “American”. It is time to stop putting profits-or ideology, before human lives, in both this specific area and in a broader sense.

The bigger the problem, the more collective effort is needed. We know this, and yet…..

Camp Three, Day Two: Cold Lava Tubes and A Warm Bonfire

4
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 14, 2023, Bellemont– The tell-tale thump, after I had loaded the empty propane tanks into Sportage, for a short journey of refilling, turned into a learning exercise in putting together an inflation kit. The kit, when plugged into what used to be the cigarette lighter port, operates from the battery and puts enough air into most tires to get a vehicle to the nearest town-as long as it is not a hundred miles away. Like yours truly, Sportage does not any longer come with a spare tire.

“Town” being Flagstaff, twelve miles away, I managed to get to the Big O Tire outlet and when the service manager noted my long history with that company, my tire was repaired free of charge. Getting the propane tanks refilled was an easy next task.

The campers spent the afternoon in the Kendrick Park Lava Tubes, where they encountered ice-lots of it, on their carefully-picked way down. The tubes are icy and cold, ten months of the year- July and August being the exceptions, before ice re-forms as nights, at least, start to cool again in September. “September Swelter” is less of a thing in the High Country, at least for now.

When they returned, pizza awaited, after a brief period of unwinding. The campers, ranging in age from six to forty-six, were uniformly in awe of the Lava Tubes, having spent 2 1/2 hours picking their way along. After dinner, they rested further and finished the day with devotions, songs and s’mores, around the first campfire I have built in almost thirty years. The basics worked-pine needles on the bottom, then small sticks, short branches and the larger wood on the top. The campers were delighted and the day was another success.

Life itself daily features cold, followed by hot, and vice versa. Cormac McCarthy, who died yesterday, was first known to me through his “No Country for Old Men”- a chilling tale of a psychopathic genius on a mission of mayhem, in west Texas. McCarthy himself was a warm paragon of inspiration to amateur writers like me. His idea of heaven was to sit in a quiet spot and write his heart out. I fully intend to read his “The Road”, next week, as it concerns itself with fatherhood.

The day also featured a side drama, with someone far from here telling me, essentially, that she would show God a thing or two, and her Satan would show his power I calmly observed that Satan is a construct, and while dark energy can wreak havoc, when concentrated in an individual’s mind or in collective action, it has no creativity and no long-term strength. The Divine, the Creative Force, on the other hand, is enduring, is all about creativity and being unknowable, as to Essence, and is far beyond any man-made construct, no matter how appealing that construct may be to a fragile human ego.

People do what they do-and only action based on love will endure.

Witnessing Justice

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

June 12, 2023- A visit to the local office of our regional Council of Governments, this morning, yielded a few recycled names and addresses of agencies that were either unable, or unwilling, to help a displaced family get resettled. One name on the list proved fruitful-a community services specialist at our public library.

I went with the single mother and her older son to the library, where we met with the specialist for nearly an hour. She looked at the toxicology report, relative to the family and specifically pertaining to a family member. She heard the victims describe what they have endured and the responses of the powers that be, to their calls for justice and recompense. She gave the family members a list of resources that they had not previously seen. They made the initial calls to those agencies and people, and await more appropriate responses, given the toxicology report.

Justice, writes Baha’u’llah, is the “best beloved of all things” in the sight of God. Justice is borne of love, not of revenge, not of one-upmanship, not of ego gratification-but of love. The people I accompanied today seek only a fair shake. This comes hard to an enterprise that is motivated primarily, though not solely, by the desire to make a fortune. Setbacks are abhorred, and those who bring them to the organization’s attention are abhorred all the more. So, people suffer slowly-growing diseases, often without knowing what those even are. Whistleblowers, those who upset the apple-cart, are tagged, even by well-meaning people who just want peace, as public menaces. The real menaces go on their merry way, until those same well-meaning people themselves fall victim. ,

We’ve been here before: I give you Martin Niemoller; Malcolm X; Martin Luther King, Jr; Cesar Chavez; Mohandas Gandhi; Erin Brockovich. I will be keeping close watch on what happens in the above-mentioned case-and have every intention of witnessing justice.

Second Camp, Day Two: Retirement? What Retirement?

0
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 11, 2023, Bellemont- My well-accomplished third sibling/second-born brother celebrated a birthday, today, and is actively moving towards retirement, in the near future. We talked for a while, about his post-retirement plans and, like anything else that is speculative, several options, including “semi-retirement”, come to mind. He will do what is best for his wife and himself, by year’s end.

I pondered my own situation, after the call ended. Today was the second and last day of this second camp, and things went very well, with this small and lively group. The kids cut up a bit and had fun, but were anything but destructive. Working with groups of children and teens adds to my life. So does working with the Red Cross, in Disaster Relief, Logistics and as Blood Ambassador. Advocating for displaced people, as I will do tomorrow, also is a plus. Being in nature and visiting family and friends farther afield also extend a quality life.

There is, then, no real retirement from an active life, until one is called homeward. Even then, the spirit self is exuding energy towards helping those of us still in the mortal frame. We are always making a difference, so long as we so choose.

Second Camp, Day One: Tips for Staying Warm

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Uncategorized

June 10, 2023, Bellemont- The chaperone noted that one problem with propane tanks is that the gas can freeze at the nozzle, and it is this which causes the supply of gas to seem like it is fading, due to an empty tank. The tank, in fact, might actually still be quite full. So, we wrapped the nozzles with towels, and hopefully that will keep the generators running.

We are reaching the tail end of cold nights, in the high country and by the time Camp 3 starts, on Tuesday evening, things should be calmer, on the generator and heater front. In short order, if Camp 4 actually happens, we will need to supplant heaters with floor fans. 90 degree heat is not unknown here, around Solstice. For the time being, though, the concern is staying warm at night.

This brings up the notion of staying warm, psychologically and emotionally. I have been up, down and all around, in the latter respect, for much of my life. Recently, I have been watching a series devoted to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), also called “Tapping”, for the physical aspect of the method. Dr. Carol Look is the present proprietor of the information relative to this practice, which entails actually tapping nine pressure points, in the cranial and thoracic regions of the body, using one’s index and middle fingers, of one or both hands. https://www.carollook.com/welcome-to-eft-tapping/

Thus far, it does seem to be working, in helping me maintain a clearer view of a few lingering problematic socioemotional aspects of my life. Things that kept surfacing in my brain, uninvited, fade when I actually go through the tapping process. It’s quite reassuring.

Slippery

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Spiritual, Striving

June 8, 2023- The wine glass slipped out of the bartender’s hand, crashing and breaking on the floor, with one piece bouncing upwards, just inches away from the busser’s girlfriend, who calmly got up from the stool where she had been enjoying her salad, and helped her boyfriend clean up the shards. One other piece bounced over by me, and the startle reflex led to my knocking my water glass a bit, spilling a bit of water, which caused a chuckle from the crew. Through this 30 seconds of mayhem, the solo guitarist/singer on the other side of the room kept playing.

Old baggage can be slippery to discard, as well. I have been catching up on a series of videos about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), commonly known as Tapping. In the two segments I watched today, Dr. Carol Look, Psychotherapist, walked us through the steps of the technique. When I was done with two repetitions of the process, the issue on which I focused was no longer a “5”, on a scale of 1-10, but a “2”. A second issue was the focus of the next segment’s practice. That issue decreased from “5” to “1”. Of course, regular use of this technique will no doubt be in order, given the appearances of novel situations that might cause lack of self-confidence. I can say, though, that it works for me.

First Camp, Day Six: Adios, But Not Goodbye

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Spiritual, Striving

June 7, 2023- Just as Al Martino sang those words to a hypothetical Mexican woman, back in the mid-sixties, I bid farewell to the forty amazing teenagers and adult minders,who have enriched my world, over the past six days. Wedding Anniversary Week has entailed some sort of spiritually-based service, since Penny passed on-and this year was no exception.

The range of humanity was here, in this group: There were Persians, Mexicans, Dineh, New Mexican Land-Grant Spanish, Tanzanians, African-Americans, Moroccans,Filipino-Koreans, Native Hawaiians, and a few of us Heinz 57 hybrids. There was little, if any, tension though. People were forthright about their wants, needs and concerns. Standing and sitting circle sessions, for both prayer and consultation, kept the water of harmony flowing. Small crises, like yesterday’s allergy attack, kept everyone with arms linked. Even a forlorn soul, speaking truth to the group about having felt “prejudice”, couched those remarks in a hopeful frame, looking forward to working towards increased acceptance.

Strong women and girls stood shoulder to shoulder with men and boys. People who are in a journey of discovery about their sexuality and gender identity walked alongside those of us who determined those aspects of ourselves a long time ago. Boomers and Gen-X’ers were readily accepted by Millennials, Gen-Z’ers and Alphas-and vice versa. Autistic people found a place among the neurotypical. This was a microcosm of what lies ahead for humanity.

Once the kids were on the road, I went about sanitizing the bunks, gathering and securing the trash bags, locking up the buildings and making the drive back to Home Base. Gasing up at Maverik, in Williams (The $ 3.50 price range has returned to Arizona!) and gumboing up, at Danny B’s, in Chino Valley, helped me get back in time for a crucial Zoom call.

A short Home Base break will allow for re-focus, before Camp 2 starts, in about 48 hours.

First Camp, Day Five: An Unexpected Allergen

4
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 6, 2023, Bellemont- On this forty-first anniversary of Penny’s and my marriage, I could feel her spirit, as ever, with many expressions of appreciation for my efforts, coming from the campers. Of course, I won’t ever be as popular as the chef, and she reminds me of that at every turn-but it’s with a twinkle in her eye. I will slowly get over the deeply ingrained doubts over my place in the world-with a few loud exceptions, most everyone these days is my well-wisher. It is only the latter who are here at camp. I don’t miss the others.

A young man found himself in the throes of an unexpected allergic reaction to something that had never bothered him previously: Eggs. He was surrounded by caring adults and peers,and between the sous chef and me, a good supply of antihistamine was soon on site and the suffering teenager was back in the spirit of things by late afternoon. For good measure, he will be kept away from any egg dishes for the rest of camp-and a package of antihistamine will accompany him, in the hands of his lead tutor, tomorrow as they head back home.

Many times, we lack the self-knowledge that would protect us from mental allergies. Those things about others, that remind us of perhaps vulnerable things about ourselves, are ever the trigger. It matters none, though; we each get the same challenge time and again, albeit in different guises-until acceptance of a flaw, and conscious effort to transcend it, become the order of the day.

So it goes, as I learn as much about myself from the campers, as we wind down our time together.