Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to Diamond, Day 209: Not One Dimensional

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 25, 2025- The day saw me in three states of being. Morning started, foggy-headed and with an appeal for help, from a family that was in a situation similar to the one in which we found ourselves in the late 2000s. I am eternally grateful to family members who helped out, back then. The best way I can still re-pay them is to help this present destitute family, while maintaining the expectation that they make their own case, as we had to after a fashion. So, food was put on the table and a road map was given towards it not becoming a constant appeal.

When I was younger, say, in my twenties, it was easy to look upon people in a one or two dimensional manner. No matter how often Mom said to not judge a book by its cover, the boy saw girls as potential mates and little else. (Thankfully, the decent part of me never pushed the physical aspect of that mindset. “No” was woe, but never was confused with “go”.) The student had a tinge of condescension towards the worker, until a working man turned the tables one day. I took a hard line towards those who did not toe society’s line-even as I had several motes in my own eyes. On the other hand, there was self-loathing.

By mid-day, I had regained equilibrium. The family’s needs were met and I caught up with a few lingering Red Cross tasks from yesterday. I was not feeling fog-headed and was thus able to plan for the rest of the day, and for tomorrow’s work day. I remembered that the fog was mainly from having had an overactive mind, in the middle of the night, mainly dreaming about lightning and rain, neither of which will get here until the middle of next week.

Evening came, with a Baha’i planning session and light supper. A brief afternoon nap had dispelled the fog and my attention was where it need to be-noting important points on the document being studied.

Any given day can bring energy phases, especially in the heat. Any given day can also bring reminder that no person is one or even two dimensional. Each of us is therefore entitled to some grace, when stumbling or when pretending that hubris will solve problems. Each of us is allowed to learn from mistakes and to grow. The only thing that doesn’t get a pass for very long is standing still.

The Road to Diamond, Day 208: Simulation

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 24,2025- I was the “client” in today’s simulation of a Red Cross response to a house fire. My role was as the head of a large family, which I made up. The purpose was to train four volunteers in the procedures of a Disaster Action Team, taking information for the organization’s assistance to house fire victims. I was there primarily to support the instructor, so taking the role of “victim” seemed the right way to do this. House fires constitute the most frequent theater for a Red Cross response-more than Blood Drives or disaster shelters. Red Cross volunteers are there for people at what is a profoundly personal time of need. Their most important material anchor, their home has been damaged or destroyed, and in most such instances, they and their loved ones are the sole victims. Red Cross can offer assistance for temporary shelter, transport and food, connections with recovery services, personal counseling and basic health care. That aid is no simulation.

Earlier in the day, I attended another meeting that was more concerned with local affairs, in the time of straitened circumstances. While I was waiting for the others to show up, I noted the presence of a man whose personal philosophy is rather medieval. He started, several years ago, questioning big government. That, in itself, is not a bad thing. Yet, several simulations and rabbit hole explorations later, he is unable to keep from questioning even the most basic physics. Gravity itself is not spared, and those who see planets as spheres are viewed by him as dupes. He himself has become a means of gratuitous entertainment to a fair number of people, and little else. More’s the pity.

After the meeting, which briefly also touched upon national and international events, I pondered the notion that perhaps one or more people in government are also engaged in simulation-and thus we have various experiments being done, with the view of seeing which one works. So far, I am not seeing any of them showing a whole lot of promise. Simulations, it would seem, have to be a bit more rooted in higher aspirations than is presently the case.

The Road to Diamond, Day 206: Wars and Rumors

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Posted by on in Assistance, Community, distraction issues, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 22, 2025- In Episodes 3 & 4 of The Chosen, Season 5, there is much posturing and self-interest playing out among the Jewish priests, the Roman officials, and the apostates from the Plains of Sharon(who are actually fictional characters), none of whom like one another much and are united only in their disdain for Jesus the Christ.

In a gathering of His disciples, Christ speaks of wars, and rumors of wars, as a result of His fate, which He does not divulge to them, beyond saying “I go away and come again unto you.” He goes into detail about the course of events that would follow even the spread of His Faith.

We see posturing and self-interest once again, and again it is primarily in western Asia, again involving the major power in world affairs. Once again, it involves high-ranking clergy, who are also well-heeled, and there is a snippet of “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s”. It is serendipitous that these episodes depicting the Life of Christ should find themselves imitated by current world events, but here we are-and here is where the comparison ends.

It’s hard to say who in the current state of affairs really sees himself as the protagonist, actually saving humanity from a great evil. There is a lot of fulmination about this or that “Great Satan”- primarily the advocate for a system of values that is at variance with those values that confer power and wealth upon said “protagonist”. The West sees those who propose top-down stringency, an almost medieval code of conduct and a stated willingness to abolish the Jewish State as inimical to its interests. On the opposite side are a gaggle of authoritarians, not all of whom are necessarily proposing the oppression of women and only some of whom are anti-Semitic, but all of whom are opposed to the concept of individual freedom. The latter are confused by the present American leadership, which essentially seems more concerned with imposing what it sees as business-like efficiency on the government system than it is with coddling dictators.

My take? There will not be any peace until the various forces place a spiritual foundation under all their actions. That means giving up a focus on their own material and political power, and being concerned instead with what will truly help the common people to level up themselves. Human nature, not the air, water and soil of the planet, is what needs a great shaking-just as it did in the time of Jesus.

The Road to Diamond, Day 204: Dragon Dance

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 20, 2025- The group of eight filled the study period a lot better than I had anticipated. Guiding mature adults through what seemed, at first glance, like it might be an overly simple process actually ensued quite joyfully and meaningfully. We were studying the first sections of a book that explores the human spirit and its development in this life and the next. Despite its rather catechistic format, there is an underlying depth to the questions posed. Our discussion was slow, deliberate-and rather delightful.

Spiritual teacher and sometime politician Marianne Williamson pointed out, in an essay published this morning, that most everything resembles an iceberg: 1/3 or less is in the visible realm; the rest is below the surface. This is, essentially, the Law of Unintended Consequences. Relatively few of us think things all the way through, in the manner of the group mentioned above. We simply convince ourselves, or are convinced by others, that there is not enough time in a day for such deliberation. As mechanical tasks have become more automated, this has in many ways only gotten worse. Sooner or later, however, the tendency to engage in a mad rush leads to mishaps of one form or another.

I was in two restaurants today-one for an early lunch; the other for a small dinner. At both places, the mood was a bit tense, what I would call a Dragon Dance. The people involved were making a show of working together, but were barely tolerant of one another, and seemed a bit wary of their customers. At lunch, whilst sitting and enjoying a well-made club sandwich and side of salad greens, I heard a clatter from the work area around the corner. Something told me to stay seated, and let the process roll out as it would. A few minutes later, two workers came back out, neither looking at the other, and as I packed up half a sandwich and rose to leave, one tersely wished me a good day.

The afternoon was punctuated by the enjoyable gathering. The heat, though, would wear on others. At dinner, in an outside patio, I was served by two different workers, who were at first cheerful and pleasant. A musician who was performing 60s and 70s tunes, began making mildly misogynistic comments and chose songs that had the effect of irritating the women present, including the two servers. All service to unaccompanied men, including yours truly, then came to a screeching halt. The singer was oblivious, but the faces of the ladies had an “if looks could kill” tenor. I was due to leave for an evening meeting, and so bussed my own plate and glass. The server who took the items from me was appreciative, then remarked to her co-worker that she was feeling overwhelmed. They both continued about their work, but the stomping around and slamming things down painted a picture of people at the limits of their patience. I can only hope the manager was able to get things back under control.

Spring has now come to an end, and we must face even more heat, dance with more dragons, while maintaining equilibrium. The topic of the evening meeting, that followed the tense dinner salad and cool beverage, was “How do we see others?” I have a tendency to look at people very deeply and try to understand them from a number of angles. My only hope is that I don’t end up seeing things that aren’t there.

The Road to Diamond, Day 196: Clarity

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 12, 2025- Angela sang a mix of love songs and reflective ballads, in the corner of Gypsy’s Bakery, where I stopped for a while to enjoy a light lunch. Gypsy’s is just one of several delightful spots that are within walking distance of Home Base I, making it as easy to take a meal out as it is to prepare my own. Angela’s music was an unexpected and soothing bonus.

I had a modest mission besides: Getting a back-up medical monitoring device, as my old one may be just wearing out, after fifteen years. I feel perfectly well, and want to keep it that way. With a potential addition to our family to consider, I need to be “in fighting trim”.

There are tempests swirling around, in other parts of the country and across the globe. These could be mitigated by clear communication, but the trend, for many years, has been to play close to the vest, and to talk in riddles. Another trend has been for people to approach one another like bulls in a china shop, or cannons aimed at mosquitos. Clarity, ahead of action, is the only way to avoid the miscommunication that has led us to our two current impasses, one domestic, the other international.

Some will say that the world is too complex for clarity. Well, we see what obfuscation has brought us: 249 dead in a plane crash in India; mass destruction in Iran; increasing tendency to pre-empt dissent, by merely arresting the possible dissenter(s) ahead of time. Obfuscation comes from ambition gone sideways; as does repression; as does vengeance.

I pray for all those in Israel, Iran, India and across our country, that there is safety and that there is a return to sanity-as well as clarity.

The Road to Diamond, Day 193: Power

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, Education, Historical, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 9, 2025- In the series,Marco Polo, Kublai Khan gives the air of an omnipotent ruler-acknowledging the legacy of his grandfather, Chingiz, while retaining for himself the aura of consummate masculinity. He notes that Marco’s father is rather derelict towards his son, while Kublai himself is actively involved in preparing his eldest son for an eventual seat on the throne. He therefore elects to take on Marco as a scion project, of sorts, assigning his corps of experts each a skill in which to train the young “Latin”. Even the concubines are given the task of challenging Marco’s sense of chastity, which Kublai expects him to retain.

Kublai has trained himself in the ways of power, and shows just how exhilarating, and exhausting, it can be. His power is both internal and external. Omnipotence, however, he has not. Gradually, Marco Polo comes to recognize the Great Khan’s limits and measures his own actions accordingly.

In historical reality, Kublai Khan had several rivals, and like virtually every other ruler of China, always had to be on his guard. There were occasions for brutal punishment of his nemeses, and times when it was best to placate them.

Each of us has moments when we feel in control of all we survey, and times when we feel impotent-in several areas of life. I have long accepted the challenges of maturity, including the realization that someday will find me in another realm. In the meantime, however, the tasks in front of me call for openness to new practices-dietary, social, technological and intellectual. Tasks which I am being asked to consider, this summer, will involve a measure of flexibility-particularly when two rather different tasks must be accomplished, on the same day.

Power is imbued from the Divine, yet almost always seems to emanate from within. Therein is what leads to a false sense of omnipotence, for so many people. I’m grateful, eternally, for the wisdom to know the difference.

The Road to Diamond, Day 183: Standing Tall

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 30, 2025- The smug administrator showed the two adolescent friends who was boss, by turning them against one another. This was one of the plot twists in a film “Out of My Mind”, a recent film that charts a few months in the life of a 12-year-old girl with cerebral palsy. Melody can not talk, but has a photographic memory. She is determined to succeed in school, despite the lowered expectations and “cringy” attitude of the adults in the school, which get transferred to most of the other students.

On a visit to a planetarium, with her parents and a few classmates, Melody gets bored and wanders into an auditorium, where Dr. Stephen Hawking is presenting, via video. Her father finds her, and notices Dr. Hawking’s Augmentative and Alternative Communication device. Her parents manage to obtain an AAC device, with help from Melody’s advocate at a nearby university. This leads to a chain of events that elevate Melody’s self-concept.

After a day of light activity, including attending the 50th anniversary of Prescott’s Central Library, I was moved to take my director’s chair over to the Community Film, an open-air event across the street. There, I was pleasantly surprised to see a former co-worker present a brief PSA featuring his younger sister, who has non-speaking autism and uses an AAC device. The above-mentioned film was then introduced,as the feature presentation. It was worth every minute, to see the love that the family, their next door neighbour, Melody’s advocate and, eventually, several of her peers, had for this extraordinary child.

Although Melody is wheelchair-bound, she stands taller than her detractors-a fact of life for all too many who “fall outside the box”, and end up shoved aside by those who can’t think outside their boxes. She alludes to this, in a final monologue to her teacher and classmates. Having been through a milder version of this in my younger days, I see the value of the long game, as well as knowing when to stand one’s ground. The latter presents itself more often than some may think.

Melody is a genuine hero.

The Road to Diamond, Day 182: Heaviness

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 29, 2025- It was hard, somehow, to maintain focus during a meeting I attended this morning and through the noon hour. It wasn’t the fault of the presenter, or of the subject matter. The air was cool, so it was not that, either. There was just a heaviness today, that stayed with me, requiring a more concerted effort to get what I needed from the Red Cross training session-for which I was an assistant commentator, to boot. It lingered, even as I purchased a dinner item from a nearby pizzeria, for evening consumption, and as I later exercised on a recumbent bike at Planet Fitness. It wasn’t a physical issue-my blood pressure read normal and I was breathing easily. There had to be some deeper cause.

In this late hour, I am reminded that today would have been the 61st birthday of my late youngest brother, Brian, who died in 1994, just shy of his 30th. He would have been proud of my service to the community, albeit at a very rudimentary level, as his disabilities made communication difficult. Nonetheless, there was a very basic love about the child, and later, the man. It was in our interactions with him that each of his four siblings developed a compassion for those less fortunate. That has informed our social and community behaviours, as much as any experiences we each have had over six or seven decades.

Those who have left us will communicate in various ways. I think now that the spirit of my baby brother was reminding me that sometimes, life takes a gargantuan effort, just to get through an ordinary day. The heaviness lifted, as I sat and read some pages of a book on the ancient Mediterranean world. Brian liked to pretend to read aloud. He would surely have approved.

The Road to Diamond, Day 174: Heaviness

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 21, 2025- One by one, the four people with whom I met on a Zoom call, this afternoon, described the heaviness of their situations. Much had to do with the circumstances of their domiciles. Some concerned the presence of unruly or insensitive people in their lives.

I have had my share of heaviness, in the past. The 2000s and the first year or so, of the 2010s, were full of lead balloons. It prepared me to be here for other people’s heaviness, just as those who suffered in the Twentieth Century were able to help me get through the intensity and loss of my own time of travail.

The message I was able to offer, after hearing my friends describe their traumas, was one of hope. Much has gone on in this life, and still more is coming to pass, as this seminal year progresses. After I described the past two months since I last met with these friends, and mused about what the rest of 2025 might bring, the friends’ spirits were lifted, and they began to make plans of their own.

Therein lies the main value in sharing positive experiences. Those listening are given to inspiration, so long as there is no hook to their misery. The people on this call are not inclined to enjoy suffering. Neither are the Red Cross colleagues with whom I met earlier in the day, nor my fellow members of the Spiritual Assembly of the Baha’is of Prescott, who I joined for an online meeting tonight. Certainly, my beloved friend whose birthday was today is no wet blanket, either.

As it happened, today also saw a new set of window blinds installed, to take the place of those that gave me fits last night and Sportage got a wash, a thorough vacuuming and full maintenance, after seeing me safely to the East Coast and back.

Even momentary darkness is followed by light.

The Road to Diamond, Day 156: Heroes, Super and Otherwise

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 3, 2025, Phoenix- The comforter on the bed I am borrowing for the evening is Superhero-themed. I am now safe from anything that could threaten the well-being of a six-year-old boy. Since he’s away, this seventy-four-year-old, overgrown kid can expect the same. Monsters and villains, be gone!

Heroes, in real life, come in many shapes, sizes and guises. The people who seem to stand in our way, and keep us from what what we think we might want, will sometimes turn out to be our best friends-and unlikely heroes in our lives. Remember the tale of Majnoon, searching for his beloved Layli (Layla, of the Eric Clapton song). His path was blocked by one or another watchman, until he vaulted himself over a wall-and found her looking fr a ring she had lost.

Heroes can be full of bravado, or they can be ordinary people (as in the Dave Grohl song). They can be constantly in action, in the limelight or just be around-for one day (as in the David Bowie song). Yes, we have been celebrating our deliverers and saviors from time immemorial. From the Epic of Gilgamesh, to the Iliad and Odyssey, the Tales of Hiawatha, Icelandic sagas and stories of the Samurai, all the way to the Marvel and DC characters, we derive much comfort in the idea that someone has our backs.

It is best, though, that we are our own, and one another’s champions. Acting in the interests of each person in our world-starting with ourselves, but not stopping there, can be challenging. The alternative, though, is to let someone else determine the entirety of our existence. That may seem easier, but recall the fates of those who acquiesced to tyrants, throughout history. Were they happier, in the fullness of time? Were their needs met?

Today, in conference with many of my fellow Baha’is, at the Center where Penny and I spent many happy hours, in the often troubled 2000s, I was reminded that “heroism” is hard work and that it is often not intentional, but the result of just putting oneself out there, on behalf of humanity-and of all creation. It most often involves teamwork, and always involves discernment and fortitude.

After our long day of consultation, my host and I joined several old friends, and many youth, in honouring a hard-working college graduate. It was a joy to see people I haven’t seen in fifteen years and to witness how several of them have grown from childhood and become successful adults, in various fields.

Heroes-some of them “super” come in all forms.