Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to Diamond, Day 81: “The Last Ten Minutes”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

February 18, 2025, Hong Kong- I actually have time to sit and enjoy this spacious facility, after a brief and pleasant hop from Manila.

My friend, Kathy, has a descriptor for the late phase of any event, activity or process: The last ten minutes. She mentioned, in last night’s coming to terms between us, that we were, generally speaking, in that phase of our lives. My silent retort was that I intend to soak up every nanosecond. She later, independently, gave voice to the same sentiment, regarding her own life. Vindicated!!

We have had far more interesting conversations today, with the vagaries of romance having been set aside. One of the points she brought up was that one can really only do justice to one major personal event or process at a time.

For me, this would be taking the lead in Red Cross Disaster Cycle Response for Yavapai and Mohave Counties, Arizona- particularly from late May to early September, aka the Fire and Flood Season.

It makes no sense to play juggler. Rushing back to Manila would be little more than an act of giddiness, and I’m a bit long in the tooth for giddy.

She has some equally cogent plans, helping her younger son complete his education and a possible upgrade to a Baha’i- owned property in Metro Manila. We are pulling for one another. At some point in the next few years, I will visit “the Phils” again, because several people would like to see me again, and some of them will be visiting here, over the next little while.

For now, though, I’m in a good place, headed back to a place where I might “shine” as my friend put it.

The Road to Diamond, Day 71: Smoothing Rough Edges

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 7, 2025, Manila- The otherwise courtly man awoke from his nap, and marched into the kitchen: “Where’s my coffee??” As the rest of us have been fixing our own caffeinated drinks, for as far back as I’ve been coming here, I was a bit nonplussed. The ladies in the kitchen were, however, furious, as was the construction project lead, who is every bit as much an advocate of women’s rights as I have been. The visitor got his cup of coffee prepared for him, with the understanding that any refills would be prepared by him, alone.

We are in an age of smoothing rough edges. This state of affairs means that each of us must bring ourselves to account each day, work on those weak spots and give some grace to those who stumble in one area or another. The visitor was, in general, polite and considerate, and was more than generous to the kitchen manager’s teenage son, after realizing that he had offended people with his earlier demand.

Back in the United States, it is particularly urgent for people to look at one another with the eye of understanding. Overlooking the viewpoints of other right-thinking people will not, inherently, change those viewpoints. Rather, it will only increase the likelihood of a return to policies that are seen as shopworn, anachronistic or otherwise counterproductive. The other thing that will guarantee revanchism is overplaying one’s own hand. For example, forcing others to adhere to one’s own orthodoxy-even if that belief system has some redeeming social value. People need to be persuaded, not coerced. That persuasion has to appeal to the hearer’s understanding of the world.

That means giving the “other side” the tools by which to smooth their own rough edges, while one smooths his/her own.

The Road to Diamond, Day 67: Stay Brave

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 3, 2025, Manila- Over the weekend, people without security clearances gained access to sensitive information. So is the news coming our way from North America. People here in Manila have been, understandably, not overwhelmingly feeling bad about the internecine battles in Washington. This was, to them, and to many in struggling countries around the world, the mother of all First World problems-until the USAID closure.

It will take time for the President of the United States to sift through the programs of USAID and figure out which programs, if any, are “corrupt, and worthy of dismantling”. In the meantime, thousands, if not millions, of lives in countries across the world, will be at risk. This is not a simple matter of rooting out “crazy, ultraleft, socialist, wingnut policies”,as someone back in Prescott once characterized USAID. This is rule by swarming, done by individuals with little or not knowledge of the larger effects of their actions. It evokes the scene in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, where Randle McMurphy leads the gang in party night, getting even a hydro-cephalic patient intoxicated. We will see where the present state of affairs leads, in short order. It will not be as easily resolved as the scene in the movie.

To anyone, anywhere, who is being affected by the turmoil in Washington, DC, and elsewhere: Be brave, stay focused and live your truth. Some may lose much, if not all, of their nest eggs, but judging from the slow recoveries that those before us have seen, in crises past, the losses will not be permanent. Be watchful, be vocal and do not let yourselves get distracted by multiple crises seeming to occur at once. Be discerning, and do not let less than savoury actors rule the day. Above all, follow the law, even if it looks like those in the driver’s seat are not.

Justice will prevail.

The Road to Diamond, Day 66: Not The Same Old Stuff

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 2, 2025, Manila- It was hot here today. I am far from the cold hills of western Pennsylvania, so there is no anticipation about what Punxsutawney’s groundhog will “prognosticate” about the course of the winter. Ditto, with respect to the forecasting rattlesnake of the Sonoran Desert. I am in a place of never-winter.

February 2 is, at least for me, a day to wrestle with my own feelings of being “less than”. I don’t know where this subpar self-concept came from or who might have set it in motion. I know that some, on both sides of my family, struggled with their own self-worth. Growing up, and even through the course of my marriage, those closest to me were put off by my self-criticism, to the point where, on a few occasions, I was someone with whom they were “making do”, tolerating.

In time, I have learned that in order to counter such diatribes, I have to do more than tolerate, or make do, with myself. I am up front, with the person I love most now, about my struggles. Though we are far from sure as to which direction our friendship will go, she is far more understanding and supportive than many were in my past. Looking back, they had their own self-doubts and struggles; so, they could not be of much help.

On the bright side, our communication is much better than the channels I had with those I loved, in bygone years. So, despite my lingering misgivings about self, I know that those will not be fed from outside of me. K and I will be friends forever, and as with some others at Home Base I and across the globe, we will always have one another’s back. My self-concept will not get in the way of being here for others. I want what is best for those I love and that also goes way back.

Unlike Bill Murray’s hapless Phil Connors, in the film Groundhog Day (1993), I don’t have any need to loop counterproductive attitudes and behaviours, in order to achieve what I either think I desire or genuinely want. So, today’s sitting in on a group that was mostly speaking Tagalog was actually time well-spent, as hearing a language other than English, for an extended period of time, leads to internalizing the tongue. I found this to be true of Spanish, French, Korean-even Navajo, Hopi and Persian, to some extent. I can at least pronounce words in print, having heard them spoken for a time.

That is just one way in which my time here is proving to be helpful, on a personal level. I look forward to experiencing others.

The Road to Diamond, Day 65: Lipa

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Hiking and Nature, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

February 1, 2025, Manila- I have been hoping for a diversion from the turmoil back in the U.S. My friend here, who has her own priorities, gave me just such a diversion today: Six adults and a child piled into a van, and were chauffeured down to the mid-sized coffee-producing city of Lipa, which has Batangas Province’s main cathedral and is its largest city, by population.


Our first stop in town was in a gated community called Miracle Heights. There, we met our local host for the day, Marilyn, who also goes by the sobriquet Geen-Geen. After a light lunch and a visit to her son’s tattoo studio, Geen accompanied us to Casa de Segunda and to San Sabastian Cathedral. As it happened, there was a wedding just starting, but we were allowed to enter through the vast courtyard and and observed the proceedings on the sidelines. It was greatly comforting to see two people who love one another confirming that sentiment and starting their life together.

Here are scenes from Geen’s garden, from Casa de Segunda and from the Cathedral.

Dragonfruit tree, in Geen’s garden, Lipa, Batangas.

Casa de Segunda is the preserved home of the Luz-Katigbak family, having been built in the 1860’s. Segunda Solis-Katigbak was, in her youth, the first love of Dr. Jose Rizal. He went on to give his life for the cause of Philippine nationhood. She went on to marry Manuel Mitra de San Miguel-Luz, becoming with him, the parent of nine children and a patron of the arts.

The entrance to Casa de Segunda. The gate is of heavy oak.
Here is a view of the main dining room.
Here is the exterior, from the courtyard.
A local resident came along and greeted us.

At the cathedral, we noted the following views.

Porta Santa, Cathedral of San Sebastian, Lipa.
Chancery of cathedral, from courtyard
Exterior of main cathedral.

The wedding saw the cathedral at its finest.

The interior of San Sebastian’s dome.

Here is a long view of the wedding aisle.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

From the cathedral, we went to Cintai Coritos Garden, in nearby Balete. There, we enjoyed a sumptuous dinner of low mein, followed by a dessert of sticky rice dipped in chocolate. A relaxing walk in Coritos’ grounds, at dusk, finished the day.

Friends view the green lagoon at Coritos.
Here is a small pavilion shrine, which reminded some of the friends of Bali.
Here are more Bali-esque images.

The day was typically well-packed, and had the desired effect of getting me to lighten up.

The Road to Diamond, Day 60: Floating and Weaving

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

January 27, 2025, Hong Kong– When I was a teen, boxers would speak of the technique of bobbing and weaving, as a means of dodging an opponent’s punches and getting in blows of their own. On a long-distance aircraft, the techniques for safely navigating an expanse of ocean, or of continent, or both, require knowing when to move aside an air current and when to “float” through it. The flight crew of our Cathay Pacific craft handled the turbulence over the mid-Pacific very well tonight.

It is the time of Lunar New Year, ringing in the Year of the (Wood) Snake. The holiday in general leads thousands upon thousands of East Asian people to travel to their ancestral homes, and there was quite a multitude in LAX, on our flight and others like it, and in the transit lines at Hong Kong International Airport. We moved, sometimes in flow and at other times haltingly, but there was only a minimal delay in take-offs and in deplaning upon landing. What issues arose were mostly because of scanning issues, with regard to passports and boarding passes, or because people did not understand the concept of facial scanning. It could be construed as a privacy issue, but to me, the government knows what I look like already and I have nothing to hide from any given national authority, so I look straight into the screening device and am waved on my way.

Wedged as I was between two Chinese men, both bigger than I, on the fifteen hour haul from Los Angeles to Hong Kong, it was nonetheless a stress free leg. The three of us had an unspoken agreement that when Window Seat passenger needed to answer nature’s call, we all found our way to the Comfort Room, Aisle Seat passenger going last. There is plenty of leg room and a fairly ergonomic seat construction. Even though we were at the very last row before the galley cabinets, room was still made for us to recline our seats. In fairness to everyone else, who had to bring their seats upright at meal times, we uprighted ours as well. The meals themselves, dinner and breakfast, were fully balanced and appetizing, by airline standards.

I slept for probably 6.4-7 hours, during the flight, availing myself of three films, during the waking portion. “The Wild Robot” explored the notion of adapting Artificial Intelligence to interpreting and communicating with non-human sentient beings. It also considered the adaptation of AI independence from possible future orthodoxy and repression. “Kingdom of Heaven” followed one man’s spiritual progress through the terrifying time of the Second Crusade, and the overarching climate of relative harmony between Christian, Jew and Muslim up until the time that a boorish claque of English and French nobles used the death of the Christian King of Jerusalem and Acre (Akko) as a pretext to seat one of their own on the throne and to wage war against the mighty Saladin. Various documented aspects of the actual Second Crusade, which ended with Saladin’s capture of Jerusalem were incorporated into the film’s narrative, but the story was greatly embellished. “High Noon”, a classic Western of the early 1950s, is a film I had not seen, though I was named for its lead actor, Gary Cooper, and its themes of the nobility of a true hero and the fecklessness of both politicians and the average “get-along” citizen are quite remarkably presented. The film is about 1 hour long,and its plot concerns itself with one hour in the life of a small southern New Mexico town of the 1880s.

So, my time crossing the Pacific was well-spent, and now I ready myself for the final 2-hour flight to Manila. Much will be decided, these next three weeks.

The Road to Diamond, Day 45: Seniorhood

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 12, 2025- Two men, about my age hung around me last night, at The Raven, as a diverse crowd of us took in a concert by CheekTones, one of Prescott’s premier bands. Don Cheek and three or four bandmates have been rocking various houses for about twelve years now. They invariably pack whatever establishment they’re in, to a great measure because they can hold a tune for six or seven minutes-sometimes longer.

At any rate, one of my age mates is given to want to have conversations, while the band is playing. That doesn’t work too well at a CheekTones gig, and he was visibly frustrated, both with me and with the couple whose table he was sharing. in a mild bit of projection, he asked me if I was having fun. I was, actually, especially when the band was in full roar. The other gentleman, who lives just up the street from Raven, comes in and either stands with other people his age or takes the wooden chair by the house piano. He rarely speaks to anyone, but likes to hear CheekTones and one or two other bands. If I manage to get a table, I am glad to share it with whoever needs a seat. Life is too short for anything less. It’s hard on a night like that, to actually get a seat, but I did, when a wary, guarded woman who had been sitting by herself got up and left. By then, the silent man had also left, otherwise, he could have joined me.

I mention all this, in consideration of my being in the middle third of my eighth decade on this blue planet. Years ago, a long-time acquaintance, then in his early nineties, sported a bumper sticker on his SUV: “Aging-if it’s not your issue now, it will be.” At the time, aging was my issue only in regard to my in-laws, who were in their mid-eighties and my mother, in her late seventies. My primary issue then was adult care of a middle-aged disabled person, my wife. Children’s issues were important, too, but secondary.

I have, however, always recognized the import of the matter. Being the oldest of four surviving siblings, every year I live is also a beacon of hope for my sister and brothers. Besides, I agree with someone who remarked this morning at breakfast: “I love getting older.” Before the brickbats start flying, let me say that I enjoyed being a child and a teenager, and being in my 30s and 40s; 20s and 50s, not so much, but much of that was on me.

It helps that I have feelings for someone, who I will see again soon. It helps that I have a strong network of friends and a loving family. Mostly, though, I have come to be a self-contained unit, comfortable in my own skin. Mom taught us that, by her own example. She liked being with people, but when alone, she was quite happy. Love from others cannot really mean anything, without a healthy self-love.

So, despite the aches and pains which I see around me, and which may someday hit closer to home, I am good with seniorhood.

The Road to Diamond, Day 42: I (We) Also Served

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 9, 2025- The teacher was effusive, in thanking me for having served as a postal worker, while in the United States Army from 1969-72. He himself had been a medical technician, and while remaining stateside, he did have his share of trauma, by working with those who came back from the First Gulf War with horrific third degree burns. Even stateside, he needed contact with family and friends at home-and mail was a key part of that. He was also, however, thanking me on behalf of all those who barely made it back-and some who never recovered.

A rather high percentage of those who serve in the Armed Forces-Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, National Guard and the inchoate Space Force, do so in a noncombatant capacity. They (we) certainly have been trained in the essentials of the combat arms. Every postal clerk, medic, chaplain, cook, motor pool mechanic, musician, computer technician, orderly room clerk and financial specialist knows how to assemble, fire, disassemble and clean a firearm. Their (our) essential duties, though, are in support of the infantry and artillery units, the fighter pilots and crews of destroyers and attack submarines.

I was, personally, glad to have spent time in the mail room at Fort Myer, the accountable mail cages in Long Binh and Cholon, and to pitch in when it came time to unload the Sealand trailer, with its bulk mail. I pulled perimeter guard duty, about five times at Long Binh- and while I never saw any suspicious movement in the field of surveillance, just being there in case of that one possible incident was important to me. I had, and have, my reservations about the regime that our military was supporting, but that did not get in the way of how I went about any assigned task. None of my tasks involved killing anyone, so that made it easier. I’m not sure how I would be today, had it been necessary to kill or maim, in the line of duty. As it was, though, I (we) also served.

The Road to Diamond,Day 41: Unpredictable

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 8, 2025- The ongoing saga of people settling in and around Los Angeles, for either a life of leisure or for pursuit of a fine, active regimen, and finding that Mother Nature has other ideas, has reached crisis proportions even more dire than in any past year. Perhaps it is due to the increased density of population, from even the 1990s-2010s, or just a consequence of rising global temperatures, but it seems worse.

Here at Home Base I, there was a brief period of snow, in the higher elevations, southwest of town and in the Santa Marias, to our northwest, but here in the downtown area, just a few sprinkles fell, late last night. We, like, California, are facing a Big Dry-at least until March. There is, of course, plenty of water-on paper, but I digress. The ultimate test of hydration for a community is if the taps start to trickle. Who knows if and when that will happen.

Life on the ground here remains fairly predictable, but on the larger scale, we may be seeing seismic changes, in short order, and it feels at times like the news cycle is whipsawing, back and forth. I have learned, though, that as long as the markets are open and there are no manufactured crises hitting too close to home, that we can each do our civic duty, show kindness to others-especially those most vulnerable and continue to speak our peace.

These things came to mind, this afternoon, as we considered another strange and unsettling time in our recent past: September, 2001. The teacher recalled his own experiences during that time, as a security guard in Phoenix. His wife was working in the tallest building in the city, at that time. He made a beeline to get her home, as soon as he saw what had happened in New York and at the Pentagon. In my case, I had no work that day, but heard over the radio about the first tower strike and also headed straight home, being glued to the TV screen most of the day. Penny and Aram went to their respective schools, which were let out early, as many parents were beside themselves, with “what ifs” and doomsday scenarios. I was just as glad they came home.

Stay aware, friends, and stay close to those you love-in California, in the frigid eastern half of the country and anywhere else that may be suffering in this winter of heightened challenge.

The Road to Diamond, Day 32: Fluidity

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Posted by on in distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 30, 2024- As I listen to traditional Celtic folk tunes, a sense of the flow between permanence and impermanence comes into the ether. These songs have been around for over a thousand years, and have largely remained the same. A few clever musicians have tried to rework them into rock or jazz, but by and large, they have come across as too clever by half, and the songs endure as ever.

The same has been true of my life. The themes of quietly being in support of my parents, siblings, wife, child and friends and of walking in love for all about me have ever been present, even when in moments of false bravado, role confusion and lack of self-confidence or self-loathing, I presented different themes. My struggles, in my twenties and fifties, did not define me, instead bringing up baggage that needed to be cast off. In maturity, this song has also remained more like its original form.

Water does not let barriers prevent it from doing its prescribed tasks. It sometimes flows around, at other times over, or may even undermine the foundations of a barrier. Water takes materials along with it and is ever bound to head towards the ocean, to the whole.

It is the same with each of us. Fulfillment requires fluidity, transparency and use of other divinely-given properties. Water’s properties can be used for good, or for ill. The same is true for the properties of air, fire and mineral. We are, physically, a combination of water and mineral, so it is true of us as well. This is a contingent plane of existence, so we may choose good or ill. Just as water must sometimes change course, so must each of us, adapting to changes in circumstance, remaining fluid.

I have had these same thoughts at the end of every calendar year-and with the end of a given cycle. The year now ending has seen plenty of both; so, too, will the year that will shortly commence.