Tag Archives: intemperance

Observant

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 22, 2026- Hana enjoys sitting and watching her mother do simple household tasks. She is very intent while Yunhee folds clothes or cleans countertops. Of course, when Mommy is putting a small piece of furniture together, that brings a smile to Hana’s face. It’s almost as if, the more complicated the task, the more it captivates her. I can see that once she starts walking, Hana will be her mother’s shadow and will probably want to help in small ways.

Babies, being pre-lingual, can learn best by such observation. How ironic it is that so many of those with the power of utterance forget to be observant. There is a seeming disconnect between the five senses and speech. We are at a stage where, for too many, my late father-in-law’s wry comment “In the brain, out the mouth” is a rule of thumb. Pop would have liked Hana, just quietly watching everything that goes on, and only fussing when her initial cues of discomfort are not noticed by her grown-ups.

She has only one standing request, to be included in the life of the family, no matter how quotidian the course of events. It means the world to Hana to be sitting on the lap of one of us at the dinner table-again watching how we eat, listening to our conversations and seeing how we care for one another by passing food around the table and sharing everything.

We could all stand to remember what it’s like to not yet be mobile, and yet so observant, drinking in all the practical skills that will be needed later.

No Infantilization

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual

February 21, 2026- Hana was squalling about a break in the feeding action, until I came downstairs and reminded her, in a calm voice, that being burped was part of the feeding process. She stopped squalling, let herself be burped and went back to feeding.

I know all the warnings given to grandparents about not spoiling their little darlings. As loving as I am to her, though, I will never jive the little girl. Those cautions and that guidance which her parents have in place have my backing as well. I want her to succeed and to enjoy the best that life has to offer. Those things don’t come to someone who throws a fit, and that realization comes with the first sets of delays and procedures that an infant experiences.

I will not infantilize my granddaughter. Her feelings, and her language, when it comes, will be honoured with respect. I will hold her and comfort her as often as she needs; I will not, however, enable her intemperance. Calmly, but firmly, we are checking all reasons for any distress she is exhibiting, and she is most appreciative once the hunger, the gas pains or soiled diaper have been addressed. She already knows, after only two months, that she is being taken seriously by all three of her adults.

I learned a lot from the parents at Dharma Farm, in Paulden, AZ, about not babying infants. That does not mean skimping on nurturing. It means teaching patience, consideration and gentleness, from the time a child can recognize faces and voices. It will also mean being considerate of others, from the time Hana can walk and speak.

I look at the larger situation around our country today and see that there are far too many, even in positions of power, who have been infantilized and pampered, and who have learned to fulminate at critics; manipulating people and situations to their advantage, Whether this has come from a lack of spirituality or from overemphasis on the material side of life, it has laid low any society where people have become numbed to the machinations of the overindulged few.

While I shudder at some of the behaviour of people both in positions of authority and in positions of civic responsibility, I see where it started, and will do my small part to make sure a little girl coming up in the world doesn’t follow poor examples.

Primacy

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Posted by on in children, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 23, 2019-

I have watched the aftermath of this past weekend’s dustup, involving White, Red and Black activists, talking at, and over, each other- with only a smidgen of understanding, and that coming solely from the Native American elders, who thought drumming and singing a prayer would defuse tension.

The whites started out marching on behalf of banning abortion.  The blacks were mainly stating their beliefs about their being descended from the 12 Tribes of Israel.  The Native Americans were in a sanctioned march for Peace on Earth. The whites and blacks began berating one another, and it is academic as to who started what.  There have been all manner of comments, on all sides and from the sidelines, suggesting that, once again, no one was listening to the others- except the silent, grinning Nick Sandmann who, depending on who was watching, was either standing still out of respect to Nathan Phillips or was grinning in contempt of “an other”.

In reality, it IS disrespectful in Native American culture, to speak to someone who is chanting, praying or dancing in a spiritual manner.  Nick would know this, as, likewise, no  Catholic churchgoer engages a priest in conversation, when the prelate is saying Mass or giving a sermon.

It is also reality for some to stand, often with arms folded, grinning while their eyes flash hatred, as I have often seen when disparate groups of people confront one another.

I saw no hatred in the eyes of Nick Sandmann.  I saw a boy who didn’t want to speak, for whatever reason.  I saw his face momentarily turn serious, and what was going through his mind, at that moment, is known only to him.

Commentators have interpreted the behaviours of various people in the situation, according to what they, the commentators, have witnessed in the past.  I could do the same thing, and note that when I was a teen, my schoolmates and I poked fun at one another, sometimes to the point of invoking anger and tears.  We had one another’s backs when real adversaries attacked us.  Thus, the solidarity, the other day, when the whites, the reds and the  blacks felt threatened by one another.

Gradually, as will likely happen with the Covington kids, many of my contemporaries and I expanded our social circles, to include people of various groups.  Primacy of one group over another does not hold water.  Nick Sandmann, and those of his friends who join in, will start learning this WHEN they sit down with Nathan Phillips, and hear his story.  I hope they listen with both ears-and I hope Mr. Phillips remembers what it was like to be male and sixteen.  In answer to his question: “THIS is our future?”, I can only say:  Yes, sir, and it is also our past.  Intemperance and ignorance give way to open-mindedness and awareness, when the latter are brought to bear, in a loving way.  We are, in the end, one human race.