Tag Archives: Jack Kornfield

“What Would They Want For You Now?”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 23, 2023- A group of about two dozen young men walked into a Los Angeles session that offered poetry and meditation, to address social dysfunction. One by one, the men spoke to the three “experts”, saying that all this philosophy was good on its face, but that the reality they faced each day was far more ominous- 9 mm weapons pointed at them, suspicious police tailing and stopping them, food deserts, joblessness, and so on. Besides, the men said, they knew too many of their peers who had been slain on the streets, in the past year.

The experts wisely acknowledged that there were too many souls who hadn’t been honoured, so they asked each of the men to go outside and gather up a stone, for each person they knew, who had been killed in the last year. After several minutes, the men came back inside, each carrying many rocks. They sat down, a candle was lit and placed in the center of the circle, and each person was asked to give a name to each of the stones. He was then to say the name of the victim, and place the stone next to the candle. This continued, until all the stones were set around the candle, honouring each of the murder victims.

Jack Kornfield, a social psychologist, and author of “A Path With Heart”, which helped me so much, in the early stages of grief, in 2011, was one of the “experts”. He posed a question to the men: “What would they want for you now?” One by one, the members addressed that question, in a pensive and serious manner.

As I listened to this presentation, I thought of Dad, Penny, Brian, my in-laws, grandparents, aunts and uncles, even the most rambunctious of my cousins. I think they would want me to know peace, to have arrived at self-acceptance and to keep on in the path of service. Each of them sacrificed, in one way or another, that the world they left behind might be a better place. Friends, like John H., Deedee B., Donna G., Sean W., Mario M., even Frankie Q., would want me to be doubly sure that the person inside this frame was jettisoning the baggage that held me back, for so long.

I have to want the same for myself-and believe me, it is happening-slowly, but steadily.

The Road to 65, Mile 226: The Measure of A Man

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

July 12, 2015, Prescott- I went to the high-end downtown shoe store, yesterday, to be properly fitted for a more stylish pair of black shoes, which will stand me in good stead in the workplace, this coming academic year.

I learned that my feet were different sizes, and that the size I had been buying for the past twenty  years, no longer fit.  I have experienced late-onset foot expansion (my term), with the left foot being larger than the right, to boot (no pun intended).  So, I settled on a size 10 1/2 pair, and will replace the smaller pairs, one at a time, until my shoes are in compliance with Foot Reality.  This, of course, means that my sneakers will be larger, by week’s end.

It got me to thinking:  How do I measure, in other ways.

Health-wise, my teeth, which could be replaced by a full set, are stable, and I won’t worry about the full set unless it becomes a deal-breaker, in an otherwise budding relationship.

That brings me to the notion of relationships.  We’ve discussed this here before, and almost ad nauseam.  I am in a good place, right now, and have several fine friendships with women, based on mutual respect and regard for each other’s well-being,  just as my friendships with men, or with children, happen to be.  None of us sees any reason for that to change, and several of the several are in good marriages, or other committed relationships.  Those who aren’t, are happy being where they are.

I am honest, by nature, and almost to a fault.  This sometimes causes problems with people who communicate with circumlocution, or roundabout speech, subtle hints, etc.  I never was very good at that, even when an offended party screams at me or slams the door, as has happened a few times.  I have to be true to my own soul, though I do make an effort to be gentle about it.

Work-wise, I finish what I start.  So, once this academic year gets on, I will be very conscious of doing all that’s needed to ensure the success of any students with whom I happen to work.  A commentator on another post suggested “take the money and don’t concern yourself too much with the outcome.”  That may be the person’s way of “avoiding burnout”, but to me, it is a recipe for crashing.

I will continue to measure myself, in various ways, knowing that the path should always be, as Jack Kornfield wrote, “with heart”.