February 14, 2026- My kids planned their Valentine’s Day together. Son bought a nice assortment of cut flowers, the only element of surprise, on a day when daughter-in-law took the initiative in scoping out restaurants where they might go. Of course, there was a wait, but the evening worked out nicely. Hana and I had an evening of “stand up, sit down” (one of her favourite developmental games), my reading a chapter of “My Father’s Dragon”, and the snuggling and bottle feeding that are essential in a newborn’s life.

Earlier today, I took part in a brief online discussion about romantic holidays as performance art, as opposed to their being reflective of a deeper, more stable and integrated relationship. My kids passed the acid test. They have made each other’s big days, and their joint big days, focuses of mutual attention and planning, since they became committed to one another. Their platform is solid and supports the stage of important engagements.

I pondered the difference between the above, and the relationships in which one or both parties lurch from one helter-skelter “special day” to another. There are many who “forget” their significant others’ birthdays, or even wedding anniversaries. They are diffident about their partners’ dreams and significant events, or about her/his independent activities altogether. It is not surprising then, when the platform made of particle board collapses under the weight of dreams and expectations made of steel and titanium.

A lot of this is a matter of individual maturity and the developmental level of intuition, of both partners. It is also true that clarity, mingled with commitment, is the best foundation for any relationship. The platform of steel will support the heaviest of stages.