March 13, 2015, Chino Valley-  When I was growing up, there were two kinds of bullies in  my life, neither of them overly prominent.  The first type were those of low self-esteem, who sought to spread their misery among scrawny, unathletic kids like me.  The second were Type A’s, kids, and a few adults, whose intentions were honest- to “help me reach my potential”.  They were overbearing, though, when more patient encouragement would have worked better.

I thought of them this evening, as eight adults and a child were having a dinner time conversation on the general topic of bullying.  The little girl said she didn’t get bullied much, but she stood her ground when she was and defended others, when they were being harassed.  Several of us pointed out that criticism is a life-time thing, as each of us has different perspectives on any given topic and each of us has areas of insecurity.

I would occasionally find myself wandering into bullying territory, but each time it felt awful and I pulled back.  The whole tender-heart thing won, in the end.  Once, I even had a dream, when I was about 19 or so, of having the opportunity to kill a brutish tyrant.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it and offered him mercy, instead.  The surprised brute limped away and didn’t seem to be in any mood to bother anyone after that.

I know many will read the above and think, “Yeah, sure.  A leopard does not change its spots.”  We’ve seen how that works- Saddam, after the First Gulf War; various dictators, after assassination attempts gone awry.  I have also seen bullies’ hearts change, usually after their own insecurities get mended.  In fact, I can’t think of one of my tormentors who, having grown up and taken on a wider view of things, still harbours anger and a twisted desire to inflict pain.  In real world terms, I guess I am more exception than rule, but people do outgrow their misanthropy.

Bottom line, for now:  Human hearts can change.  It most often takes patience, and the example of understanding, mixed with firmness of resolve, to turn a tormentor into a friend.