One of the things I mentioned on these pages, the other day was that “I harbor no secrets”. This sort of thing has boomeranged on me at times- cost me a job, cost me money. Now, it seems, it may have cost me several friends.
I hear, through the ether, that having been honest about having had feelings for a certain person was not good, that it was proof I was inappropriate towards her and thus no longer welcome in certain circles. Another long-time friend, bothered by something else I said, two nights ago, has similarly pulled up stakes from my circle.
I haven’t heard any complaints from the woman in the first instance, nor from her significant other, so I will regard the swirling tales as conjecture, which they probably are. The man, as I recall him, is not one to hold his tongue, when he feels wronged. Besides, I had next to no contact with either of them, save being in the same room as she at a recent gathering, anda few blog posts in which I said nothing but good about her.
Nonetheless, I tend to listen, when even the most egregious people speak, at least long enough to get the gist of what they are saying. One of the reasons for adversity in this life, as I understand it, is that we need challenges in order to build our spiritual qualities. Otherwise, in the next life, we will be rehashing the same conflicts, over and over.
Now, here’s the deal. I lost the love of my life, two years ago. I have heard some women find me attractive, which is sweet, flattering, very nice. My needs at this point, however, preclude being involved with any but the strongest and most self-assured of women. The person to whom I felt attracted was such a lady. She is also in a relationship- so the discussion has ended. I pray for their continued happiness and growth, as a unit.
So, to those who are offended, some of whom may read this post- know that I am not a renegade, a snob, a rake, or a lost soul in need of pity. I am just a person making his way in the world, with honest intentions, preferences in different aspects of life and an earnest desire to serve others.
If you cut yourself out of my life, or me out of yours, I will miss you, but I will not pander to anyone. My feelings and thoughts are my own. I hear you, do you hear me?
A Sagittarian Seeker 
Very well said, Gary! It sounds like we are not having much luck with friends lately. If people can’t accept your ideas or who you are, then they are not really your friends. I don’t think you did anything wrong from what I’ve been reading. You’re attractive in many ways and you have great qualities about you. I think any woman can see that. If a woman can’t see that about you, then she is either blind or too busy looking at someone who isn’t worth what you are worth. I’d say let people be and if they cut you out that’s their loss not yours. You’re an amazing person! Hugs. ❤
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You’re exactly right, Sandra, and I am feeling fine about myself. This, ironically, has to do with people who say they want to work to make the world a better place. We must do so, starting with oneself.
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I agree with what you said! In order to make the world a better place we gotta see ourselves in a positive light first, that way we can carry that positive light into what we do to make the world a better place to live in. It doesn’t sound like the people you referred to are doing so. I think the same goes for loving someone; if you can’t love yourself first, then you can’t love someone else. It’s great that you feel fine about yourself! I wish I could say the same for me but I am working on it. Best wishes! 🙂
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You seem to me like a wonderful person, Sandra. Keep strong through all that you are enduring right now, with loved ones illnesses and passings.
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Thank you, Gary! I am trying to stay strong even though I keep falling apart. I feel insecure lately. My online friends like yourself and family, keep me going. It’s too bad I can’t say the same for my local friends and family. Hope you’re having a good day! 🙂
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People closest to a situation are often blinded by the glare. Ignore them and keep focused. I am always here for you, Sandra.
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That’s very true! I do ignore them. Thank you so much for your friendship, Gary! ❤
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Very well said.
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Thank you.
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Friendships are tenuous at best, Gary, though I’m sorry to hear that you are losing friends over your recent posts. It’s hard to imagine you having less than honest intentions, and I hope this uncomfortable situation will work its way out very soon!
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I am sure it will work out, Janet. When one door closes, another opens.
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Sometimes our hearts take us places that we aren’t supposed to follow. I recently had my heart follow down a path that turned out to be the wrong one. I wish he had been more honest. I know you act with honesty and sincerity and you wish no one ill will. You realized the lady has someone in her life, and you moved on. I don’t understand why anyone would be upset. Hearts and heads don’t always act in sync. Like you said, we’re all just doing the best we can at making our way in the world.
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I am truly sorry for your bad experience as well, Jo. It seems that at least one of the people in question realized she was in the wrong and has apologized. We humans are probably one another’s greatest test in this life.
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People certainly can be judgmental.
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True, that.
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Honesty is for the bravest souls – the ability to speak it and the ability to hear it. I strive to be vigorously honest but often fall short. I am sorry that it seems to be taking its toll on you, but I know you can sleep easily knowing you are true to yourself. Big hugs, Gary!
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This is definitely the truth, Christina. I think you are easily among the most honest people I know. Many times, we want to tell people what we think they wish to hear. In the long run, it ends up not working out so well. My sometimes brutal honesty makes me my mother’s child, but it has saved me lots of other grief.
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I hear you Gary. In a way, it is better to know who your true friends are than to put up with fakeness. You are very honest. And you should be able to speak your mind here.
This is the second time I am trying to leave a message. Hope it will stay.
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You did it! I have a fake meter that is second to none, thanks largely to my mother’s flinty-eyed take on things.
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Mom used to refer to people like those you spoke of as “talking out of both sides of their mouth.” They pretend to be good (and in some ways, they may well be), but then they do something crappy. I try to treat others as I would have them treat me: it’s a pretty simple philosophy.
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Amazingly, somehow the couple in question got word of what was being said about me and responded- “Inappropriate, how?”. There is a lot of backpedaling going on right now. I anticipate no further problems with any of them.
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I hear you and know you are a man or morals and values and have done nothing wrong. Those who have left your circle of friends must have needed to go elsewhere as you did nothing to make them leave.
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All of this is true, Ruth, and thank you for your support.
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Great post! Relationships can be tough. But definitely worth working at.
Hey, just keep being you, Gary! You are a wise, kind, loving soul!
We can’t even begin to understand why some people do and say the things they do. We can only be ourselves…try to be open and kind…treat others like we want to be treated. and if people are unkind or judgmental or hateful, we can’t do much about it. I think so many disagreements in relationships come from unfair expectations or from not communicating well, etc. So we can just do our best. The sad thing to me is when people listen to someone (who is saying untrue things), and never go to the source to ask if what was said is even true. They believe before checking out the facts. Oh well.
I’ve been told a million times…people come into our lives for just a season…or for a specific reason…so I try to listen and learn from everyone who crosses my path…so when they are gone, I can carry with me a part of them/something I learned from them. Everyone of those people have helped me to become a better person.
Oh…I also realize sometimes when people lash out and hurt with actions or words or silence or ignoring…it’s because they are hurting inside, but not telling anyone. So I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes friendships/relationships do come to an end.
Oh…my….my comment is tooooooooooooo long! 🙂 Sorry!!! 🙂
Hope you are doing well tonight!
HUGE HUGS!!!
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Your comment was not too long, dear Carolyn. I appreciate all that you do for people here, and, I’m sure, in the physical reality. We tend to enjoy the flow of our relationships, and just have to learn from the ebb.
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Somebody finally arrived. I wonder if your blog is here yet?
Sorry Gary for not staying on topic, I hope people do get more self conscious and not be so rude or not understanding your position.
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I find it happens in the manner upon which I have touched in my most recent post.
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