Yesterday was my mother’s actual 85th birthday. We had no group events planned for today, just those of us who love her most either called or went to see her. I did the latter.
In the course of our two-hour conversation, I realized that this is the first time I have EVER talked with the woman who gave me life as one adult to another. She asked me how I was doing with my grief over losing Penny. I told her I was in the state of acceptance. She asked me about my friendships with other women. I told her I felt close to one person, as a friend, that this woman is very nice and had had faced and overcome several challenges. After bantering to me about how she thinks I should be looking for a SugarMama, who will shower me with money and good things, my mother got serious again. She agreed with me that any future relationship would be built step-by-step, and would be the outcome of a friendship built slowly and carefully, over time.
Mom said that, when the man who was her best friend came into her life, two years after Dad passed on, the man seemed breathless, desperate for her love and attention. Gradually, he calmed down, and took her as a friend, on her terms. Mom asked me whether I ever felt desperate.
I had to be honest- there have been two occasions, both thankfully of brief duration, when an impulse of desperation came in to my consciousness. In the first instance, no one said anything to me, despite the abject silliness of my behaviour. Instead those who are aware of the situation have chosen to whisper among themselves, and keep me at arm’s length, showing a cold cordiality when I join their meetings.
The second instance was handled by the person involved, in a far different manner. She confronted me privately, gently, but with a definite and earnest fire- owning her own hurt and disappointment in my behaviour. This was a wake-up call like no other, and I have been alert, ever since. She showed me just how un-desperate I actually am, and should remain.
That, my friends and readers, is how an ADULT handles obstreperous behaviour; how a true friend turns an overgrown child into a mature, and fully-functioning being, operating on all cylinders and giving the most to a friendship.
I will always love this person, and intensely so, for the very reason I just described above. Those who expect, and exact, the very best from us are our only real friends in this life, and in this universe. My angel, in the great beyond, looks out for me, and sends people into my life who will keep me as honest as she did, in her life on Earth. I am grateful for her having been in my life for so many years, and for her watching over me still. I am grateful, too, for my best friend, C, setting me straight, and staying in my life-when it would have been so easy for her to cut loose. I am grateful for all those friends whom I have met and with whom I have spent time on this trip- Wes Hardin, Sandra Liz, Beth and David Glick, Tom and Jody Stevens, Tom Belmonte- and for those friends who I may very well see on the return trip. I am grateful for my mother, my late father, my siblings and all my relations, because of the life you have enhanced.
My friends, embrace life- and you need not struggle. There is enough to go around, for all of us.
A Sagittarian Seeker 
Glad you had a good conversation with your mother. My grandmother always tells my uncle to find someone with money no matter how old she is lol. I don’t agree with that and I tell her so. I’ve been alone for years and she never tells me to find anyone. I’ve been in long distance relationships for the last 10 years and always wonder when that will end. I am sick of being alone.
You were truly blessed and fortunate to have had many years with Penny. I truly hope you find that one companion who values you in every way. “She agreed with me that any future relationship would be built step-by-step, and would be the outcome of a friendship built slowly and carefully, over time.” – I agree with that!
Glad you have many friends supporting you. I’ll always support you! You’re a sweet friend. I love you dearly, my friend! May you always be well and have peace in your life. God Bless! ❤
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I seem to have found a person who values me in every way. This became more apparent this morning. I know you are a wonderful and supportive friend, also, Sandra, and you are also dearly loved. I hope you find a loving and wonderful person who values you. You have so much love to share. 🙂
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That’s great to know, Gary! You deserve that and more. Thank you for your sweet words! I think I’ve found the one for me but he’s too far away. I guess if it’s meant to be it will happen. Best wishes and many blessings to you! 🙂
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I think the same, Sandra. My best friend and I have so many common interests, and the same basic beliefs and sense of humour. If your man is far away, and it’s in the cards, the distance will shrink to almost nothing. 🙂
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Common interests, same beliefs and sense of humor are all important to me. Specially same beliefs. I am glad you found that in her. As for my man, I hope distance won’t be an issue much longer. God willing I am off to England next year and I hope to be living there the year after that. Hopefully things will work out for both of us. 🙂
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I loved reading about the conversation you had with your mother. It frankly amazed me, because I could never have a good relationship with my own mother. That will be a big story if I start. Your mother is truly amazing and loving and alert even at the age of 85. From the time you were born, you were blessed.
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Yes, I believe I was, and am, blessed, for my whole life. I believe you have become a blessing to your child as well, by doing what is in your heart.
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A person who has a more aware reaction is a treasure. I am not there, but I strive to be that type of person. Happy birthday to your mom.
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I have had to be aware of my surroundings and have learned to be more sensitive, both to the true needs of the one I love, and to the needs of others in my life, who are also valuable friends.
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It’s hard. So far, I’ve only given in to desperation a few times.
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In my case, it has only caused more problems, John, as I’m sure it has for you.
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Your mother is wise… and yes, desperation is off-putting for people. It comes across as extremely fragile and clingy. It’s also not necessary. It’s good you’ve calmed past that to operating on all your cylinders again.
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