‘There can be no relationships without some pain, for you or for the other person’. This is a paraphrase of what seems to be conventional wisdom. To the extent it is true, the pain stems from the disconnect that may exist between the two parties. A disconnect is almost always, in my opinion, the result of one or both parties failing to maintain clear communication. This failure could be because the person who isn’t communicating is: a) socially awkward; b) insanely busy with other concerns; c) disinterested; d) passively-aggressively hostile; or e) one or more of the preceding.
So, when in emotional pain, one may: a) yell and scream; b) stalk the other person; c) engage in character assassination; d) get over it and find something more meaningful to do, so as to break the cycle.
I’ve been on both sides of this. Good people have been interested in me, but I haven’t been interested in them, in the same way. Good people have been disinterested in me, and it has taken me a bit longer to pick up on their cues, but in each case, I got past it- including with the most recent such person. She really has no other choice than to be disinterested, for reasons I’ll not go into, ever.
Each of us goes through a measure of emotional pain, but, as with the physical kind, it’s necessary, if one is to grow and to realize what life is supposed to become. Some respond to emotional pain by staging temper tantrums, or criminal acts. Others withdraw, avoiding those who stand ready to help them recover and move along nicely. I’ve had tantrums, as a younger person, and withdrawn at times- most recently for three months, after Penny passed. I’ve never been into criminal acts, and am past withdrawing, unless one counts hiking solo as a withdrawal, of sorts.
What really concerns me, in this area, is not perpetuating a cycle. The tendency has been for hurting people to hurt others. So, I ask those who read this to think- “What has been my response, and the response of the person who hurt me, to emotional pain at any stage of life?” “Have I, or has that person, done anything to continue the cycle- or has one of us chosen to look beyond the spiral of pain?”