September 15, 2015, Prescott- Most of you know I am mildly autistic, and have struggled with being in situations where I must mingle with strangers, especially if they themselves are reserved. Talking with people on the phone is worse, and I usually try to be as specific and brief as possible, on that medium.
Today, I worked with a class of emotionally-handicapped children, with plenty of adult assistance. A child in the room is severely autistic and has serious outbursts, on occasion. Today, he had several, all handled very well by his one-on-one assistant. Dealing with him, per se, did not trouble me. The whole scenario, however, did trigger some feelings of reduced self-worth in me.
I was never outwardly aggressive or raging, as a child- preferring to withdraw from my surroundings, in times of conflict, and work things out in some sort of fantasy realm. When I left the school, at the end of the day, I found several of those old ghosts were revisiting me. The difference now is, I have plenty of friends on social media sites, and several friends in my Faith group, here in the Prescott area. I am less certain about people outside my Faith group, but I realize that part of that is my own tendency to shrink back, when feeling awkward.
Triggers, I have learned from reading “The Peaceful Warrior Collection”, are signals that more work is needed on those issues. The biggest one is my own perception that, to at least three people I have regarded as friends, around here, I am little more than a nuisance, and so I have stopped communicating with them altogether. It’s one of the things on which I must work, internally.