November 7, 2019-
When I was a child, I was not “picked” for a team until last, most of the time, because of my relative lack of coordination. I was, however, not an unpopular person, mainly because everyone was welcome in my yard, and in my sandbox. The disputes I had with some neighbourhood kids were never permanent. I was taught that I was not the center of the Universe.
Jordan Peterson entitles his fifth rule for life “Don’t Let Your Kids Behave in A Way That Makes You Dislike Them”. He notes that many parents vehemently deny that they could ever dislike their children. I was not one of those. When our son did something that was distasteful or reprehensible, I thought to myself that it would be remiss of me, as a father, to gloss over it. So, I corrected him and established the lesson, that what his mother and I found unlikable, other people would also be inclined to take umbrage.
In seeing what he did that was unlikable, I also had to face myself, and look to see if I was also behaving the same way. Penny was good at making me take account for my flaws, and vice versa. We helped one another shed a fair amount of baggage, and after her passing, I had to shed a lot more-sometimes with the unwanted help of online critics but most often with my one-on-one self-critiques.
Today, he is largely a self-starter, and has weathered quite a few storms-many of which were not of his own making. He has many friends and has found a wonderful woman, with whom to build a life. None of this would have happened, had he been saddled with laissez-faire parents and absent extended family. Penny’s parents were present, every step of the way, and my siblings took their avuncular duties seriously.
Dr. Peterson has thus encapsulated the need of the human being for constructive criticism, as well as praise, when it is warranted; that we innately have a need for boundaries to be set, as a way to know that we are in a safe environment. There is no finer gift that a parent can bestow upon a child.
Good parenting is SO important in the growth of a well-rounded, likable child.
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Indeed it is!
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Nice post….
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Thank you, Nabeeela!
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My pleasure….
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🙂
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Thanks for the post. I was not popular, but I eventually found my niche as a sort of black market servant (not drugs, don’t worry; I dealt with candy and soda or other things of the sort). A lot of it had to do with the fact I’m weird, had an LD, and I’m ugly, so people avoided me. Most people don’t notice me, so I’m able to sneak around or do other things. Oh well, we all have our lots in life. My parents didn’t have time for me, so I was raised by the village and wolves alike.
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Perhaps the wolves taught you some fine survival skills.
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Excellent post and eloquently expresses how important good parenting is for our children.
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So many people can address their flaws, if given the tools by committed parents.
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Boundaries and structure are important and necessary for children – and I’d say that they are needed by many adults as well!! Very good post!
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Yes, it’s shameful that many adults have forgotten the boundaries and structure that they were taught.
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