Paternal Love

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June 18, 2023- Dad taught each of his four children who were of sound mind the basics of automobile maintenance, the basics of responsibility and the basics of getting along with others. A work ethic was instilled in each of us, and each of us holds on to that, to this day. He held us to fairly high standard-and any lapse in conduct, once he taught us, was on the individual child. He played no favourites- and I, as the oldest although the most troubled, was not cut any slack. It was no fault of his, when I made bad choices-and it was only fortunate that no one was hurt by those choices, except me.

Dad’s demeanor was steady, and while his manners were those of the blue collar French-Canadian family in which he grew up, he was a gentle man, devout and not given to cursing. He rarely, if ever, punished us physically. He loved only his wife, our mother, even through the stressful teen and young adult years of their youngest child, who was in constant pain and was unable to communicate in other than the simplest language-and frustrated acting out. He loved the five of us, but in the end, I fear he did not love himself enough.

His passing took place thirty-seven years ago, this coming Wednesday. My siblings gathered at the family home, post-haste. I traveled from Arizona, after gathering food for Penny, who had to remain behind. After a long stretch of driving and flying, I was there, too, for our mother. The subsequent wake and funeral saw nearly 500 people pay their respects, and none of us would have expected any less. Penny’s parents drove from New Jersey-a clear symbol of the friendship that had developed between our two fathers. Family was there from all over New England and several from further afield. “Freddie” Boivin was treasured.

7 thoughts on “Paternal Love”

  2. My dad is insane. It’s gotten worse. He would call me in the middle of the night drunk and tell me all sorts of odd sexual things, boasted, and that he wanted to bring me to God with. He stockpiles weapons, cameras, and armor for the end of the government. He’s going to be some official or something and rule the mountain. What’s sad is that I was truly concerned about him almost a year ago because he was way off the deep end. It’s like, no, I do not have cum (Sorry) on my purse. What? No. I called the police and all they did was call him. It’s like, are you nuts? I’d heard May in the background, and he had knocked her to the ground, and I think he was having sex with her. Sadly, this is a man’s world. He was able to commit and now is getting guardianship over my grandma. He told the police that she has dementia, which she does not. She’ a harmless crazy. She spends all her time going through laws and documents about adoption, as she gave him up but doesn’t think she did. Her whole line for a few generations have had this problem. The females do okay. I have moved into an adult facility because I will never be accepted in civil society. And everything else they’re doing. Anyway, I called elder abuse, and they did nothing. He’s draining her money, which isn’t a big deal because she’s giving him everything anyway. He will keep her on the hill forever. He’s one of the worst people I’ve ever met, so I cut him off. I swear he has some demonic sacred markings on him.
    But he’s your fath–” Do you like breathing air? It doesn’t mean I’ll get rid of him, just like in School and with the FBI. I’m so mean. My stepdad was more of a dad, but he died this year.

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  3. I’m glad you have good parents. You give it back by helping people. It’s difficult in life when you don’t have good parents because most of the time, no one loves them like they do, if at all. I had good grandparents and my stepdad. My dad is truly insane, not a cheap label like, “narcissist.” He thinks he’s a genius, too. Once he was bathing all the time because he wanted to moisturize his skin. It’s like, that is not good for your skin, and it will dry it out. He didn’t know how to use a chainsaw and almost hurt my brother. He almost knocked a wall into the house when he cut down a tree. He’ll never accept when he’s wrong. When his brother told him this, he said something that doesn’t make sense, like, of course I knew that. I was warning my son. He does whatever he wants. We’ve all tried to get rid of him many times. It never seems to work, and we pay each time. He knows what to do and his charming nature is like a mast. He used to watch piranha fish and see domination and submission with other animals. His friends blew a locker up with a small bomb, put a cat in a basket with balloons. If you knew him for a while, this would make sense. I guess the devil keeps his children safe. I tried to tell my grandma to stay away from him and not move in with him.

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      • Thanks. It’s not easy to get away from him. After years of trauma and even more in life, my care team and family told me to cut it off as soon as grandma died. I did get one, “But it’s your fath…” He will destroy my life if I let him. It will be my fault. People hate him once they get to know him, so he traps friends and family. I know he has a deep and destructive disease, but they come after me. He’s banned from even going to the home where I stay. Trust me, my grandpa didn’t offer to kill him for no reason.

        I’m sure we all have to deal with issues.

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