Category Archives: Assistance

An Eclectic Gathering

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Striving, Travel

August 12, 2023, Lake Havasu City- The ebullient young man practically burst through the front door, carrying his crock pot full of macaroni with three cheeses-his contribution to the festive birthday gathering. I took a spoonful and can attest that it is among the best “mac and cheese” I’ve ever had, and told him so, which made his effusiveness that much keener.

I came to this city that exists almost in isolation from the rest of Arizona, with wilderness as its California neighbour, to attend a friend’s 31st birthday. Arriving at 6 p.m. made the most sense, given the two activities to which I needed to attend earlier, back in Prescott. It also made sense, temperature wise: Lake Havasu City sits squarely in the western sector of the Sonoran Desert, and temperatures here have hit close to 120 F-as recently as last month. It was 102, when I arrived at the party site, where I am also spending the night.

I knew only three people, the birthday celebrant and his father, who live at the party location, and a friend from Bullhead City, 1 1/2 hours north northwest of here, when I first arrived. I still would characterize most of the rest of the crowd as pleasant acquaintances, as I came to know very little about them, but this does rank among the most convivial of gatherings, in recent memory. The conversations ranged from Lahaina- on nearly everyone’s mind, these days, to a guest’s unusual medical condition and another guest’s recent loss of a loved one. The common thread, though, was the deep concern people have for one another. No one who expressed a personal issue or health concern had it glossed over, by the group.

Here were several workers from the local hospice, stay-at-home mothers, teachers, gym attendants, an architect, two high school students, a retired surfer, a deep sea fisherman (also retired, given the fact that the water here is in a fresh-water lake, and it’s a long way to his former haunts in Sitka, AK) and a couple of ten-year old boys, who were mostly focused on the video game that was on the wide screen in front of them. The high schoolers were the mac and cheese chef and his girlfriend, who served delectable soft chocolate chip cookies. “She’s a fabulous baker!”, boyfriend proudly crowed. I would agree that that the two of them have a fine future ahead, in the culinary arts.

So went the evening, and one of my rare summer forays into the Sonoran realm. With reliable air conditioning, in both Sportage and this house, being out in the warm desert evening air was actually pleasant. Tomorrow, I will stay here long enough to host a late-morning Zoom call, then head back towards Home Base, and stay tuned for what the week shall bring.

A Dozen Years

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving, Travel

August 11, 2023- On this date, in 2011, I posted a short, tentative introductory post, inaugurating this site. It was at a difficult time in life. My wife of twenty-nine years had been gone five months. I was feeling isolated from many people, and was feeling pressured by others, to do what they thought was best for me, going forward. I ended up “going dark”, for the most part, until the following January.

A dozen years later, I’m still very much here, and no longer feeling besieged, either by my own demons or by others’ expectations. So, I want to take a look back, at some of the things that I did right, during each of these years.

2011- It was an honour to help my in-laws, providing food for them, over a two-week period, when they were laid up and unable to prepare their own meals. I also re-connected with my father’s older brother, in Colorado.

2012- Some of the places that Penny and I had wanted to visit together, I was able to reach-with her spirit very close at hand: San Francisco’s Baha’i Center; the Redwoods, both coastal and interior; the Oregon Coast; the Portland Rose Gardens; Neah Bay and Cape Flattery, WA; Seattle.

2013- I was able to attend a “Sail Blind” event, in which my second-eldest brother was participating.

2014- Attended the 70th Anniversary of D-Day observance, at Utah Beach, and visited the site of my father-in-law’s World War II imprisonment,in Berga, Germany- both in his memory.

2015- Made it to southeast Alaska, which we had also hoped to visit as a couple.

2016- Overcame a lot of self-doubt and took on a job that involved helping other autistic people. With considerable help, replaced the broken-down vehicle that I had bought on the cheap, two years ago.

2017- Kept at my final full time job; had a smooth drive, to and from New England.

2018- Faced down a very powerful negative force.

2019- Survived a physical attack; made the decision to move into semi-retirement. Went to Korea and attended Aram’s and Yunhee’s wedding.

2020- Worked the floor, twice, during the height of COVID-19, at Red Cross storm shelters, in Louisiana and Texas.

2021- Drove to and from Massachusetts, twice, to assist with Mom’s move and the clearing of our former family home.

2022- Traveled to Newfoundland and Cape Breton, fulfilling another of our couple dreams. Bought a vehicle on my own, this time in a proper manner.

2023- Made a concerted effort to reduce my weight-and succeeded. Visited a few friends,in the Pacific Northwest, who had felt isolated during the long night of COVID-19. There are two long journeys, at least, left in this year. I say “at least”, because there is no telling what will be asked of any of us, by the Red Cross-with regard to Maui.

In any event, my psyche is in so much better a place, after twelve years of self-responsibility.

The Tiredness and The Shame

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

August 9, 2023- With slumped shoulders and a downcast expression, she handed me a pink tardy slip, apologizing as if the entirety of her lateness was her doing, alone. I suspected otherwise, and asked for a few more details, which the child was relieved to be able to share.

All too many children, it seems, are caught between dependence on those who are barely able to care for themselves-and actually having to raise themselves. The little girl has good judgment, so in the long term, I’d say her prospects for a solid adulthood are quite good. She does not suffer fools gladly-a good thing in my book, nor does she sneer at people who see things a bit differently than she. She also has strong, clear boundaries-which I have advised children to inculcate, as long as I have been advising in general.

D was tired, and felt shame at that fatigue. “I went to bed early enough”, she offered, “It seems the morning comes too soon.” No one, to my reckoning, should have to feel shame at physical states-and I communicated as much. There are too many variables involved in the matter of sleep, as with other health matters-and pre-adolescence, a swell as the change that follows it, are filled with interruptions, expansions and contractions that are bound to try anyone’s patience. How well I remember my own years of transition from childhood to youth!

I left her alone, with her close friend, and being a responsible soul, she pulled herself together enough to complete an assignment and launch into the next activity. When it came time to leave, though, she was first on the way to the bus line.

D, and about a dozen of her peers, have joined the community that lives in my heart. I will look out for her, whenever I can.

Luck Holds

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

August 7, 2023-

This is a simple verse, marking an ordinary day, in which so many affirmations came.

With the urge to turn off the alarm, before it had a chance to bray : “FIVE A.M!”, the left leg moved off the bed, followed by the right hand reaching over and switching the lever off.

A half hour later, grooming and dressing , done in the mirror’s honouring gaze, was in rear view, followed in short order by devotions-and a check of what transpired overnight.

A mention of the trials impending, in D.C. and Florida; another mention of tribulations, across the Great Plains, and headed towards D.C. Cloud cover, here though, tempering the heat.

Plenty of food on hand, for breakfast and lunch. Plenty to be shared with my colleagues of the next three days-a bit of pound cake here; a box of cookies there. Treats go fast, in that school’s lounge.

Children, vibrant and caring, yet struggling with transition from the days of everything and nothing, to these days of something substantial. I recall these same beings as little more than toddlers, now gingerly entering their second decade of life. There is the pretense of not knowing, a facade covering the real questions: Are we loved? Do we matter?

They always matter; are ever loved, at least in these brightly lit and climate-controlled rooms. I treasure this time spent-today, and will tomorrow, and the next day.

The next stop, almost directly after school, is the serving line. Loaves of bread are contributed, along with a couple of Care Kits. I am the soup ladler, not a hint of the “Nazi”, of television fame, just gladness at being able to help those of scant luck feel positive energy. That luck, scant and fleeting as it may seem to the unhoused, is here each Monday night. They love the onion soup tonight. I love that there is a full crew to do clean-up, and I get to leave early.

Each day brings its blessings, with challenges met and surmounted. My luck is holding, rather nicely.

Care of the Threads

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 6, 2023- When I was first learning the use of tools, like wrenches, screwdrivers and ratchets, my father would caution me against either being overzealous in tightening the screw, nut or bolt, or being too timid and not tightening it enough. Each one has its particular tight place, he’d say, and I have followed that practice to this day. Every point of contact has its proper tightness.

At breakfast, this morning, another patron was inveighing against members of the political party opposite hers, saying that if we were to get rid of them, the country would at long last be in good shape. Being independent, politically, I replied that there needs to be a balance in all things. That didn’t set all that well with her, but she had no rebuttal. Others at the table agreed with the notion of balance, expressed the wish that those on the “other side” would see the need for a happy medium, as well.

I see the “wrench” in this case as a means of bringing people together, in just the right measure. The lady in question has no friends, or even acquaintances, on “the other side”. There are those from whom I’ve heard, on that side of the fence, who can’t name one person whose views are opposite theirs, who they regard as compadres. It’s all fear, and apprehension makes a very poor fastening agent. I pointed out, this morning, that if Right and Left came to understand they were both being used, and by much the same individuals and groups, the political differences between them would take second fiddle to the unity that would ensue against those wirepullers. There was no argument after that.

This afternoon, a gathering for the purpose of commemorating the Atomic Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki reiterated that things like poisoning the atmosphere with nuclear fallout are an equal opportunity death sentence for the entire planet. I have had exchanges with proponents of maintaining a nuclear arsenal, at various times over the years; my point being that it really only takes ONE high-capacity nuclear weapon to pretty much wipe out a large swath of the Earth’s population. Some are not convinced of that, but really the nuclear screwdriver would take but a few turns to obliterate its fastener, its handler and everyone between its launching site and its target-as well as everyone beyond.

We are, as Walt Kelly said, our own worst enemy. We can also choose to be our own best friends. It all hangs in the balance.

“Shake It, Don’t Break It”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 4, 2023- So sang the irrepressible, ever-engaging keyboardist and social activist, as several of us were up and dancing to the rhythmic flow. There is no better way to get in some hyperactivity, around here at least, than at a Jonathan Best concert. There he was, on the Raven’s sound stage, with members of the Lisa Mitts Band. Jon even wore Lisa’s dress, because she couldn’t be present, this evening. You never know what to expect from Jonathan, but it’s always memorable-and relevant. He is at once an outlier-and a mover/shaker.

I have always been an outlier. At the same time, it has always been important to me to support the legitimate efforts of others, even those who were in a clique of some kind. The elites of my teen years, to the extent they were even elites, were generally friendly and while I was not in any “inner circle”, I was never shut out by them, either. The outlier part was largely in my own head.

Self-fulfilling prophecies tend to perpetuate themselves, though. In the Army, rank and file soldiers, especially in stateside posts, were very clear about who was part of an “in-crowd” and who was a cast off. It had nothing to do with job performance, and everything to do with whether the self-styled group leader liked someone or not. I played right into that scenario. The same pattern would repeat itself, now and then, throughout my working life.

That outlier stigma arises in my head, every so often, still. There are certain people whose presence and energy tend to trigger the feeling that I need to get to the sideline and stay there. One such individual, this evening, had me wanting to keep away from the group that was dancing, initially. Getting a vibe that was both elitist and fearful, it was easy to just bounce and sway, in a corner. My buddy, Ken, a few years older than me, has no such compunction. He went right up to the apparent snob, engaging in banter and dancing in his own style. Ken is everyone’s friend.

Before long, Jonathan’s grooves and beats had me forget about who might have wanted me to stay out of the group. Once Ken saw that I was relaxed and no longer keeping to myself, he went back to his conversations at the bar, and elsewhere, occasionally coming back up to the dance area and speaking with a few of the ladies.

The upshot of all this is that, after all this time on Earth, I am finally casting the burden that not even Penny’s love, or the acceptance I’ve felt from so many friends, could completely remove. I don’t know where my feelings of being an outcast even came from, but I know they need to be gone.

Shake it, don’t break it, indeed.

On Agency

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 3, 2023- The former President of the United States faced a Federal Magistrate today, for the second time in a month. He heard the charges against him, pleaded Not Guilty and thanked the Magistrate, before being released in his own recognizance. He maintains innocence, until proven guilty. He maintains agency, regardless.

The topic of agency arose, this evening, during a study session on the matter of public discourse. While the discussion ended up a bit off the rails, largely due to my being a bit tired, after a long day, and thus, not moderating matters as well as I might have, the agency of both those who were carried away in dialogue and those who felt left out, were addressed by the end of the session. Ground rules were established, going forward.

Ironically, the whole kerfuffle came about when the subject of the agency held by children was brought up-by yours truly. That led to discussion about gratuitous spanking of toddlers, and the umbrage taken by some people of our, and our parents’, generations when objections to such “punishment” are raised. Those who got carried away are of the opinion,as am I, that striking people just perpetuates violence. The others in the group, themselves hardly people who believe in corporal punishment, felt “point taken, now let’s move on.”

I have evolved in my thinking on the matters of both agency for children and of corporal punishment. I once believed in the pecking order, that children should serve adults. That went out the window, when I caught some adults using that notion of “service” as a pretext for abusive behaviour.

I have never given our son anything less than respect for who he is, nor have I, save one or two unfortunate lapses of judgement, as a teacher and counselor, seen fit to belittle a child’s soul. My own experience of corporal punishment, as a child, was sparing. Mom and Dad regarded it as tool, to be used judiciously. I followed suit as a parent, until it became obvious to me that there is a conflict between using force as a parent and communicating responsible behaviour to one’s child.

My overall sense, for the longest time now, is that each person, regardless of age, has personal agency. The child needs guidance and reinforcement. The elder needs reassurance of continued relevance. All of us in-between, likewise, need consistent respect, regardless of our positions on matters being discussed or positions in a community.

Trade-offs

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 2, 2023- A photo has gone viral today, of a stern-faced man, in Niamey, Niger, holding up a sign that says, in French, “Long live Putin”. There appeared to be about five hundred people around him, in the photograph, at a rally organized by the new self-appointed leader of that impoverished West African nation. How many were there of their own volition is debatable, but if they were brought there under duress, or with the promise of perquisites/rewards, the adulation for the autocratic leader of the Russian Federation will soon fade. It would not surprise me to learn that the man mentioned above was put up to holding the sign, by soldiers of the Wagner Group, who are ubiquitous in the Sahel region. He certainly did not look very happy to be there.

In a nutshell, I attribute the ease with which demagogues can rise to power, in impoverished nations, to the legacy of colonialism. When personal agency or a sense of community is cut off, by interlopers, for the sake of satisfying the greed of those invaders, the resentment simmers. This will prove as true for the Russians, as it has for the western European colonizers of yore. The only path to overcoming poverty among the masses is unity-under a democratic system, not under the yoke of a tyrant-be he home-grown or foreign-born.

This brings me to Florida-and the notion that slavery was beneficial to the enslaved. That this trope was first advanced by a professor of history, who is himself African-American, does not impress me in the least. Anyone can excuse abusive or oppressive conditions, and offer up a silver lining. More convincing is the umbrage taken to this cockamamie nonsense, by several Black Conservatives. They may ascribe to the noble concept of self-reliance, but attach to it anything that says their ancestors benefitted from having been enslaved, and the cord, rightfully, is cut.

Everything, as Dr.Thomas Sowell once wrote, is a trade-off. If you enslave a people, you break their self-reliance. If you steal agency from another person, then they learn dependency, and you now have an albatross around the neck. If, on the other hand, a person is empowered, honoured and granted agency for life, then society has one more individual who can actually contribute the gifts given by the Divine-on her/his own.

Box? What Box?

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Striving

August 1, 2023- “There is a cancellation for today, at Noon.”, was the response of the manager at my dentist’s office, when I called to inquire on the matter. My plans for a leisurely day, around downtown Prescott, quickly evaporated, and I was on the road to Phoenix, by 9:40. It wasn’t a hard ride, and the desert was not that hot.

A one-hour slot took forty minutes for the hygienist to clean my teeth , followed by a quick handling of a small issue she found, during the routine. There was some discussion of the vagaries of aging, relative to the human mouth, and I resolved to look into natural, as opposed to fluoridic, means to deal with the matter. For her part, the hygienist did recommend a non-fluoridic toothpaste as an alternative.

I did not follow my usual post-dental visit routine, so no visit to the cemetery or to Local Jonny’s, but straight back to Home Base, giving KIA an hour to cool down-then it was over to the dealer’s, for some TLC. The dealership also had a slot open for today, at 4 p.m. Sportage did a lot of work, going to Nanaimo and back, so an oil & lube, tire rotation and car wash was in order. All is “green” with the vehicle, and it will have a fairly routine month of August, staying within state, before a cross-country jaunt next month, and a San Diego drive, to park near Lindbergh, for my flight to the Philippines in October.

These were just the beginnings of indications that this month is going to be strictly “out of the box”, in terms of what I must do, day to day. A friend will need a ride to an appointment, just before my own, in a few days. The two are in the same part of town, so I agreed to help and can juggle my time a bit.

Others (people I know and trust, BTW) are reaching out for financial help, but that will need to stay in the box for now, as work doesn’t kick back in until next week, and with the Federal credit rating snafu, who knows what our collective nest eggs will look like in a week? Probably, all will be well; I’ve just learned to hedge my bets, over the years.

From all indications thus far, though, it’ll be a fascinating month of serendipity.

The Blessing of Colour

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 31, 2023- Everyone appreciated the readings, music and the spread on my friend’s table. Organizing and moderating an event that honours “perfection” was an all-day affair, but as the name itself implies, was well worth the day.

Costco was a good place to be guided by the unseen, in picking out refreshment items that would both appeal to the eyes and palate, while offering nutritional balance. I try to avoid “junk food”, when planning a set table, and it worked out quite nicely, unless one considers fresh-baked frosted pound cake as junk-admittedly a relative term, anyway. It was a festive occasion, this Spiritual Feast of Perfection, so why not a (guilty) pleasure. All else was light and nutritious.

The devotional program also was varied, and songs that honour the concept of perfection were interspersed between readings, and carried the evening. It is noteworthy that each of us has an element of perfection within us. Some, like yours truly, hide it better than others, but we all have such a seed inside. I see it in those, like the unhoused people I helped feed this evening, before the Spiritual Feast and in those who work at jobs that they may sometimes view as thankless. I see it in the faces of my Baha’i friends and in those of each human who I encounter every day, both here in the Prescott area and when I am on the road.

So, if you so wish, click on this song and ponder how the Divine sends us Perfect Guides, from time to time and to each part of the planet.