Tag Archives: Substitute teaching

The Hana Chronicles: Month 8, Day 7

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 28, 2026- “Let’s go.” With that remark, Hana stood at the gate to her playpen, and was ready for me to help her take some steps. She is not shy about asking for help, or,as was the case today, telling me she wants assistance. I carefully opened the gate and we took about a dozen steps, almost making it to her mother’s office. She stopped at the small rise between her play pit and the front door. After thinking for a few minutes, she took the step up and made it along the wooden floor as far as her father’s pair of sneakers. Her mother came out of the office and Hana decided she’d done enough step-taking for the morning.

The three of us went shopping at Costco, as Aram was at work. When Yunhee said she was going into the fruit cooler, to get blueberries, Hana excitedly said “Yum!” She can’t get enough of them. The four of us do go through blueberries rather quickly.

She was exhausted by day’s end, not letting herself sleep, even when put down for a nap. She had to keep practicing standing and scooting, much of the afternoon. After her bath, she was in bed by 6:45, and out like a light.

HANA’S NOTE- I am glad that Papa understands me, when I say some words in his language. I am understanding his language, and my Mama’s, more and more.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-2011 Aram made the call, while I was at work, in the last few days of February. Penny’s visiting doctor and home nurse had both come down with the flu and were unable to fulfill their visits. She needed care, regardless, so back to the Hospice she went. We spent most of our time there, the next several days. Penny began to throw out the artwork that visiting children had left, and she was asleep most of the time, anyway. My wife of twenty nine years became unresponsive in the evening of March 3. She remained in laboured breathing, the next day. as there was no available room for me to stay that night, Aram and I went home.

The next morning, I awoke to a heavy presence that filled our bedroom. I knew Penny was saying goodbye. Getting up and readying for the day, I took a call from the Hospice, just after 6 a.m. We had to go there quickly. When Aram and I arrived at the Hospice, the air was still, but there was a light spiral of dust and leaves going upward, near the front door. We went inside, where the nurse said she had just checked on Penny and she was lying calmly, in shallow breath. That breath had stopped, however, at 6:03, and her still warm body was lifeless, as I held her hand. We summoned the doctor, called a friend who was a mortician, and spent about thirty minutes saying our own goodbyes. We then had to drive to Prescott, and sat with Penny’s parents, in this time that no parent should have to endure.

The following Tuesday, I wrapped my beloved’s body in silk, carefully following the directions I was getting from her spirit. It was a dignified ending, to a horrific eight years of physical and mental decline. It had witnessed me grappling with every bit of self-loathing, while I kept going because Penny needed me, our son needed me and, I needed myself to get a grip and somehow pull through.

Family came, we gave her a loving funeral and then, I was alone, save for our son. I went back to work at Dysart and Glendale Union, the following Monday. Outside of work, though, I was a shell of a person, for two months. In May, Aram and I drove east, to my third niece’s wedding, in New Hampshire, one for which Penny and I had prayed for most of our last year together. It was an event that I needed to attend, even if some of the family thought it was too soon for me to be out. It was a beautiful affair.

Summer came soon after. Aram entered the Navy. I moved my belongings to Prescott, leaving behind our home of eight years. Then I drove east, again, spending a week at Louhelen Baha’i School, slowly pulling myself together. Visits with family in Georgia, New Jersey and Massachusetts were alternately hard and comforting, but I’m glad to have made them. When I went back to Prescott, it felt like I was settling into a haven of peace. Gradually, I would shed the cloak of self-loathing and earn the respect of all but one or two of my family members. I would also feel like I had found community, at long last.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 8, Day 3

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Education, Family, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 24, 2026- Hana is now trying to stand, just momentarily, without holding onto the bar, whilst in the play pen. She managed for a split second, then reached and grabbed the bar, to steady herself. Most of her practice involves holding onto the bar, though more and more, she is using her right hand only to steady herself, whilst upright.

She has her mother largely to herself this week, and maybe next, as Yunhee transitions into a another position. So, I used the time to empty my storage unit and clean out a few boxes, once I had everything upstairs. Gradually, the mess that I once let sprawl out in my apartment will be sent to a new life somewhere else or will be recycled.

Hana talked almost constantly, much of the day. She called out to her mother: “Oma!” or to me: “Papa!”, Her father was called, also, almost as soon as he walked in the door, this evening: “Daddy!” She seems to be telling us how important her practicing is. We all agree.

HANA’S NOTE- I have a lot on my mind, so I have to share it.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-2007 Even with Penny being wheelchair bound, we still made it across country to several of the family weddings. We went to our eldest niece’s wedding, in New Hampshire, last Fall. This summer, with a Graduate School “Virtual Field Trip” project woven into the itinerary, we attended our eldest nephew’s wedding, in the Atlanta area. The ceremonies were both lofely, though I admit that I was a bit worn down from caring for Penny.

We had flown to/from New Hampshire, last year. This time, we flew to Atlanta and rented a car to drive along the East Coast, after the wedding. Our stops, mainly for taking footage to be included in Penny’s project, were: Savannah; Hilton Head Island (where we were nearly flooded out of our motel room); Charleston (SC); Wilmington (NC); Fredericksburg and Mount Vernon (VA); Washington, DC (where we took in part of the National Mall, before being sheltered in the White House Visitor Center, with 100 other travelers, due to the heavy rain); King of Prussia (PA) and the Old City of Philadelphia; a pit stop, each way, at the Fellmans’, in Bedminster,(NJ); and the North Shore (MA), where we were treated to a 25th Anniversary seafood dinner, at Woodman’s, in Esssex, courtesy of my brother and sister-in-law (Glenn and Barbie).

All the way, Penny’s rickety wheelchair hung in there, with emergency repairs done by our brother-in-law, Buck, in New Jersey. We stopped in Greensboro, NC, on the way back to Atlanta, then drove through the rain to a motel near the Georgia capital, the next day. We were nearly hit by a student driver, but I managed to see her swerving and moved to the next lane. She was in tears, mouthing “I’m sorry”, as I passed her a mile or so further. I was no prize, at that age, so I just smiled and kept on. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time and headed back to Phoenix, rickety wheelchair and all.

Fall and winter were more WIS, International and substituting at both Glendale Union and Dysart, while Penny plugged away at her third Masters and volunteered with a campus environmental group. She also dabbled in the Melaleuca Company, a nutritional supplement firm, based in Idaho, and got me involved with Ameriplan USA, a multilevel marketing company. I stuck with that for a couple of years, then distanced myself-the majority of the people involved were rather difficult to be around. We volunteered a bit with Phoenix Childrens Hospital and Childhelp USA, an abuse and neglect prevention organization. Penny was able to get a motorized scooter, in mid-September, which made things a lot easier. I had the Saturn outfitted with a retractable platform,which secured the scooter.

Slowly, though, we were moving towards a time of reckoning.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 3

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Historical, Personal Values, Social, Striving

July 24, 2026- When I rest my head on the large plush lion, while with Hana in her play pen, my granddaughter sits quietly next to me, as if watching over her Papa. Aram would do the same thing with Penny and me, when he was a baby.

Hana looks at my watch, very intently, when it is about the normal time for her parents to get home from work. It has Roman numerals on it, but somehow, between the position of the numerals and her own internal clock, she knows it is time for their return. If they are late, she starts calling “mama mama mama” or “oma”.

Our walk today took us past the nearest elementary school. I told Hana that, if we are still here when she reaches school age, that will be her school. She gave a big smile at that news. It is just past a pleasant section of Hoblitzelle Park, and a bridge over Russell Creek. She likes going that way, on our walks, as do I.

She has had a good week, despite the intense heat of Monday and Tuesday.

HANA’S NOTE- Papa doesn’t know it, but I have been looking at his watch, when Mommy or Daddy come home, every night for a while now. I don’t know what the letters mean, but I know that’s when our family is all together again.

YEAR In REMEMBRANCE-1976 This was our nation’s Bicentennial. When Independence Day came around, I was again working at Quisisana, for the summer. I went with the Staff Waiter, to Bridgton, his home town, and took in the festivities there. We each had an open can of beer, which a police officer spotted and told us that was illegal; then he just walked away. We finished our beers and found a trash can. The other thing about Quisi was that I did not make any lasting friends this time around. I was less focused, having spent the months after my graduation, substitute teaching in Saugus and up the road, in North Reading. Neither town had opportunities for a new teacher; the waiting list for a Social Studies teacher was quite lengthy and the oldest teachers were in their late fifties, not at all ready for retirement. It was also during my time at Quisisana that a family member suffered a horrible injury and we lost someone very close to our family, in the same accident. That sent me on a tailspin, and I made serious errors in judgement with regard to some budding friendships.

After Quisisana, I went up to the Bangor area, and subsisted between substitute teaching at Bangor Junior High and High School and tutoring a homebound student in a nearby town. I lived in a boarding house for a time, then moved in with a couple of young men who had advertised for a roommate. That lasted until mid-February of the following year. While there, I lived a quiet life and disturbed on one. In November, I was hired as a Title I Paraprofessional, whose responsibility was to run a self-contained program for eight emotionally-handicapped middle school boys. It was in a rural school district. I put together what could best be described as a patchwork program. I had no real administrative support and no background in the field of Special Education. I was a warm body, who showed up most days. It did no one much good.

Other than being close to a large family of a paternal uncle, aunt and cousins, and enjoying many lovely parts of Maine, the decision to re-locate there was not one of my brightest moves.

The Road to Diamond, Day 267: Needful Things

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 22, 2025- The girls were forthright in asking for help on their writing assignment, asking me to help, instead of one of the regular staff. They were crestfallen, when I told them I had to take care of other business on Monday-but that they would not be left alone. I trust that a caring soul will be on hand, and tend to their needs. I was able to meet those needs today, so it was a good day.

A friend shared memories of childhood; of witnessing lynchings-the sort described by Billie Holliday, in her song, “Strange Fruit”. This is something that no child should ever have to witness. Another friend shared the news that a young man had taken his own life, shattering her immediate community. This is something that no youth should ever need to contemplate. In my own work, keeping children safe from both external and internal trauma was a major focus of time and energy. It had to be done with regularity, and without judgment as to what the urgency level may have been.

I was not able to prevent all suicide. No one can know for certain what the turmoil is. inside another soul. The first friend has never spoken of what was seen, until now. The young man did not share his pain, even with his closest friends.

I am fortunate, in life here in Prescott and in the various places I have been honoured to visit, over the past fifteen years. Rarely has there been a closed door, and then only because of my own shortcomings or faux pas. With that good fortune has come a fair amount of responsibility. So, I don’t think of time spent anywhere as “vacation”, even though to those whose life commitment is to stay put and focus on one community or one neighbourhood, any time spent not working-or not spent “blooming where planted” is a lark.

So be it. I will wake each day, no matter where I find myself and make the same commitment to the well-being of those around me, as I did in schools and communities, across Arizona and in South Korea, for 46 years. Some of that will be in schools; other will be on the road or in communities where I might be expected to relax. It will be what appears to be needed.

The Road to Diamond, Day 147: What It Takes

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 24, 2025- The girl was unequivocal about not liking the leg stretching exercise that is part of her daily routine. I told her it was better for her than just letting her muscles turn to mush. Somehow, she understood and stopped complaining. To me, her being able to stand is as important as a classmate’s learning the basics of the Periodic Table of the Elements-if not more so. Everyone’s goals matter, regardless of how simple they may seem.

Today was probably my last assignment of the academic year, with next week being full of Baha’i and Red Cross activities, and the following three weeks being Road Trip time. This week has also seen a few time-zone influenced snags-with messages about online meetings giving a start time in either Eastern or Central Daylight Time-in small print, of course. So, I missed a few meetings, that were thankfully not crucial to attend. Still, it is an annoyance and a wale-up call to slow down and pay closer attention to the fine print. It came to a head this evening, when I had to go back and forth several times, to make clear what the time was going to be here for a short, but critical online meeting tomorrow.

Much of my own work seems, on its face, to matter to me alone. It was therefore a pleasant surprise that my staff for the day expressed a wish that I would come back and cover for their boss, a couple of days in May. I told them that was not possible, for the reasons stated above. It was gratifying, nonetheless, that simply doing a job to the best of my ability is viewed as something extraordinary. I can only hope that more people will see fit to do whatever a job takes to be done properly,

The Road to Diamond, Day 92: Plotting Course

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

February 28, 2025- Just before waking, this morning, I dreamed that I was climbing up a ladder made of tree branches. At a certain point, a key rung in the ladder snapped off. Unable to safely continue up the ladder, I got off and followed a dirt path, that wound around towards my home. I was walking contentedly along the path and came upon two groups of youths who were tussling and wrestling, in front of a primitive lean-to, thatched roofed house. I felt composed and detached from what was going on, and kept walking-at which point I woke up.

I now feel somewhat composed and detached, regarding the current back and forth between liberals and conservatives in our nation. I know that I am not willing to kowtow to anyone who seeks to impose their will, in an ad hoc or ex-oficio manner. I have noticed people on both sides, “yelling” online-typing responses in capital letters and cursing at people they deem to be not meeting their expectations. That is the mark of a desperate soul, expressing fear of the “other side”. I have also seen people on both sides expressing their opinions in a calm, but firm, tone of voice, not yelling-but not giving way, either.

I covered a few small classes today, with little to do other than take roll and remind one or two people to not use their cell phones during class. While the students were working on their Chrome Book lessons, I read some initial chapters of a book on the German Army, 1933-45. It was instructive to find that Adolf Hitler did not, initially, take the full reins of control over the Armed Forces (Wehrmacht) and that he initially trusted the commanders to build up their own fighting force, even pushing aside his paramilitary force, the SS. He seized control, of course, around 1938, and the result was the horror that the world experienced, until 1945.

Technology,and the pace of events, has quickened in the past 80 years, so it is unlikely that we will see any leader bide time and leave matters to chance. The course of human events, moreover, will proceed at a rapid clip, in some ways, and whipsaw back and forth, in other areas. This is why it is best to keep an open mind on many issues, and not assume that those expressing points of view other than one’s own are somehow to be taken sharply to task and fiercely set straight. We do ourselves an injustice by plotting our own courses using a route of fear and trepidation.

The Road to Diamond, Day 40: Cherishing

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Historical, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

January 7, 2025- The animated teacher spoke of a calamitous event in our nation’s recent history. He wanted to remind the adolescent students, themselves only vaguely aware of that particular incident, just how fleeting such memories can be, and how easily they can be manipulated by those with ulterior motives. This conversation will continue tomorrow, and perhaps for several more days.

The freedom we have in this country is worth cherishing. So are the love and friendship that have been built, sometimes over decades. So are the gifts that the Divine has imparted to each of us. I thought of these things all day, as once again, I was placed in a setting where I could focus on one or two students at a time, and key in on the boy or girl and specific needs. I will do this for the next two days, as well. Part of the task is to support the teachers in their explanations and foci. Thus do I go forward.

In an evening orientation, for a Baha’i family who are moving to one of the Native American communities where Penny, Aram and I once lived, I also focused on what is cherished by First Nations people. There are friends in that area who I have not seen for several years and others from whom I hear, every so often. The reality, though, is that were I to return to the place, I would be at least welcomed by some, as if I had never left. That is what I wish for this new family, provided they open their hearts to the people.

I will likewise always cherish the friendships I have made here in the Prescott area, over nearly fifteen years. Regardless of what transpires, these next several months, this will always be a Home Base of my heart. The same will be true of the Philippines, no matter how things turn out on my next visit.

Life is for the cherishing, not for the expectancy.

The Road to Diamond, Day 38: Cycles

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

January 5, 2025- I have listened to two very different takes on this calendar year. The one, of which I wrote yesterday, was made with a hokey presentation but came across as very hopeful, though it involved other galaxies and beings of questionable status. The second, made by a cosmic advisor who is very much grounded in reality, pointed out that this is a year of simultaneous endings of old relationships and processes, and beginnings of new ones. 2024 was certainly a dress rehearsal for that, with the passing of my mother and several longtime friends. The speaker this morning said to remain grounded in a strong soulship, and not to be depressed or downhearted by any rapid changes in relationships, even if they are with those dearly loved. Other relationships and processes will replace those that end. Most importantly, she said it was never necessary to channel energy externally. All the strength one needs is within.

I reflected on my life up to now, not in a rigid decade-by-decade manner, but in terms of actual cycles. 1950-1964 was a time of firsts, and of thinking that I didn’t deserve a whole lot. So, when I did get nice things, I used them for a short time, then set them aside, except my books and records. Bicycles, weight sets, even a junior chemistry set, all were used just a bit, then set aside in the closet or downstairs, or in the case of the bikes-given to my siblings. I didn’t think I deserved friends, and so spent much time alone. It wasn’t until that became counterproductive, in eighth grade, that I started to rethink the matter.

1964-1968, the high school years, was a time of discovering the love I had for other people. Though I still regarded myself as unworthy (a sense that would be my shadow until fairly recently), grades were kept up, school events like dances drew me out and I worked at a job or two, with minimal success.

1969-1980 was a period of self-loathing. I functioned, but just barely, serving in a position of fair responsibility in the U.S. Army; earning Associate and Bachelor Degrees, being in the middle of my class in each; and working at both teaching and a smattering of part-time jobs, while still not exactly excelling at any of them.

1981-1997 was a high water mark. I earned a Master’s Degree, met and married my first true love, sired and raised a child, and actually made a difference in my professional work. Much of this came about because I embraced the Baha’i Faith, and in turn, embraced sobriety. The self-loathing was still there, but kept under wraps.

1998-2013 found me floundering again. My beloved was suffering and in declining health, and I was facing my own demons, though maintaining sobriety, helping our son navigate adolescence and fend off those who wanted to hurt him, and acting as my wife’s caretaker. Jobs came and went, but substitute teaching was my saving grace, and kept us with food on the table and a roof over our heads. For two years after Penny died, my struggles continued, until I finally began to regard myself as worthy of true self-respect.

2014-2024 has been another period of rising. I have rediscovered our country and the world, established genuine friendships and gained the respect of those who knew me when. Public service, mostly volunteer work, has helped me feel like a worthy part of a community. Most importantly, though, my self-loathing is gone. In maturity, I have faced down five people who tried to take away my self-esteem and embraced those who truly have my best interests at heart.

This year finds me at a crossroads. Someone dear to me may, or may not, be part of my future. She has her own path to follow. Either way, I am in a good place and am ready for whatever comes-continuity or seismic change. Never again will I blame myself, or anyone else, for what comes to pass. Everyone is on a journey all their own, and each deserves support from the others.

I briefly considered including Frank Sinatra’s song, “Cycles”, with this post. It doesn’t quite sum up my mood though. Instead, here’s Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.

The Road to Diamond, Day 14: Home-bound

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 12, 2024- Last night was no fun. I got up, twice in the night and knelt by the open toilet. I felt a bit better, after the second time, but nowhere near well enough to go to my scheduled work assignment. The school administrators had no problem with my staying home. I felt a bit better, still, when it approached time for me to get a chiropractic adjustment. Still, the protocol for stomach flu is no contact with regular appointments, for twenty-four hours, so I rescheduled that as well.

I probably got more sleep today than I have in twenty-five years, thus accounting for the fairly quick rebound from this morning. I kept dreaming that I was going through a couple of folders that my friend, Kathy, gave me to read. There are no such folders here, so maybe they are at her house and I will be asked to read them later.

Other than that, my waking time allowed for catching up on reading, and on a bit of binge-watching shows like “Lioness” and season 5 of “The Expanse”. “The Chosen” is also going to be in the queue, but as the weekend approaches, there are three days of intense activity-so long as I make an overall recovery. The computer screen is no match for Acker Night, a Red Cross Christmas Party and a major Baha’i gathering.

The Road to Diamond, Day 10: Consensus

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

December 8, 2024- When I have substituted in an elementary classroom , at the beginning of a week, I have filled classroom jobs, by setting the previous week’s job holders’ names aside and selecting the new people from the jar that had the rest of the class members’ names. There were no favourites, and everyone accepted the job they were given.

Those gathered at table, this noon, were of one opinion regarding the present system of selecting people to fill government positions. Across the board, it seems that those who play the camaraderie game are finding their way to key Cabinet and sub-Cabinet posts. Now, this is obviously an experiment, much as the President-elect’s first term was. It has been pointed out, elsewhere, that there is a chance that the nominees may turn out to be quick studies and actually do great work. They may see things on the ground, that lead them to back away from some of the more radical proposals being floated. My fellow diners were, however, not inclined to approve-even if they themselves had voted for him.

Experimenting and thinking outside the box, in governmental matters-or in any large-scale executive situations, can go either way. The best, most versatile of Renaissance personages can think on their feet and get great deeds accomplished. President Harry Truman is an example of someone who was not given much chance of success, yet rose to the occasion. There are also those who are thrust into offices that are beyond their skill sets, and great damage has resulted. I personally have been in both situations, though there was not a whole lot of wreckage left in my wake, when I was a bit over my head. A good back-up team was in place, and carried on.

I trust that there will be a full period of due diligence by the Senate, and the duty of advisement and consent will be fulfilled. That was the consensus among the gathered friends today, as well. May the reasonable and responsible programs advanced by the incoming leadership outweigh those proposals that may do more harm than good.