Category Archives: children

Eastbound and Back, Day 17: France in North America, Part I

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 15, 2024, St. Pierre, SPM- The little girl was proudly pushing her training-wheeled bicycle up the sidewalk of the waterfront park, confidently returning my greeting of “Bonjour”. Continuing my walk, my eyes cast about, for who the adult accompanying her might be, as even in this small town, on a Eurocentric island in the North Atlantic, there is a concern for safety. Not to worry- Maman called to her petite ange, who told her that she would not go onto the street. For good measure, Maman went up to her daughter and brought bicycle and child back into the park. Life on Ile St. Pierre thus proceeds as it does elsewhere in La Belle France, the major part of which lies a minimum of 3822 km/ 2375 mi. (Brest, Bretagne) to the east.

Bruce, the sole attendant these days, at Abbie’s Garden, named for his late first wife, wished aloud that he’d had a better sleep. Still, he put together a fine breakfast and wished me well, on my visit to St. Pierre and the rest of my journey. Then, he said he was going back to bed. I wish him well, and a speedy recovery from what seemed to ail him this morning.

The drive over to Fortune, and the ferry office, was no big deal, but I did have to ask where the ticket office was, as all signs point to the actual terminal. A kind Canadian customs officer steered me in the right direction, tickets were purchased, Sportage was safely parked in a secure lot up the road, I caught a shuttle back to the terminal, and an hour later, twenty-five of us were en route to the sole remnant of French North America, north of the Caribbean Sea.

My interest in St. Pierre & Miquelon is not so much in its being French, as in its existence as a mini-state of sorts-a North American Andorra, or Nauru. Much of the approach to SPM is standard: Bags are inspected, at the Canadian Border Station, in Fortune and again upon arrival in St. Pierre; passports are stamped, with the imprimatur of St. Pierre & Miquelon; a short, but winding, walkway leads out of the terminal.

My shuttle driver, Julie, was waiting, with a sign that had my name imprinted. There was a hearty “Bienvenu!”, and I thanked her, in my halting, tentative French (It’s been ten years since my visit to La Patrie and a brief passage through Quebec, in 2022, scarcely required much usage of La Langue Maternelle at all). Excuses aside, we agreed to toggle between our two languages, and indeed that seems to be the sentiment of everyone I encountered this afternoon.

Auberge Quatre Temps

After settling in, at Auberge Quatre Temps, I got my bearings from the complimentary map, then set out to check the downtown and waterfront areas. Centre Ville has the modest Cathedral de Sacre Coeur, a Prefectural Office and a City Hall (Hotel de Ville). There are several boulangeries and a few Patisseries (One never goes into a bread shop, looking for pastry-or vice versa-save for the one baker here, who offers both). St. Pierre has a public library (Bibliotheque) and a large athletic field, where a few intrepid fathers were coaching their sons and daughters, on the finer points of soccer.

Cathedrale de Sacre Coeur

At the waterfront, once mother and daughter left, I encountered a small group of adults and children, having a celebratory gathering of some kind. The adults were putting on Disney character costumes, which fazed the kids not at all. Two boys were chasing one another around the base of the closed lighthouse, and two girls were helping their elders with the costumes. As I left, and prepared to photograph the four cannons that stand in repose, a bit to the north of the lighthouse, a young woman dashed out of a car, marked “St. Pierre et Miquelon”, tripod in hand, set up the device, focused on a vessel in the bay, took her photos and dashed back to the car, speeding off-towards whatever office awaiting her return.

Lighthouse at Havre St. Pierre

I saw quite a few people driving somewhat hurriedly, stopping quickly, dashing out of their cars, doing a brisk errand and then hopping back in the cars and zipping off to whatever was next. Pedestrians, on the other hand, were relaxed and happy, as they made their evening rounds. When I found myself a bit north of Quatre Temps, a lady was glad to offer direction-in both French and English. This will be a fine two-day retourne a France.

Eastbound and Back, Day 14: Universal Mothers

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, children, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 12, 2024, Botwood, NL- Newfoundlanders seem to be fastidious about not mixing strangers at table,in a restaurant- even when the patrons themselves are amenable and there is plenty of space for relative privacy. I noticed this, the last time I was with friends in Grand Bank and again today, at a small cafe in Hampden, a little village between Deer Lake and Grand Falls-Windsor. I found myself seated alone, at a table with eight seats and the hostess steadfastly guarded my space, making a party of four wait until another table had been cleared. I used to be leery of sitting with strangers. Now, if others need a seat and it’s just me at a large table, I invite them to sit.

Anyway, today being Mother’s Day, there were crowds at all three places I took meals: Carriage House, at Glynmill Inn (nice Breakfast Bowl); interesting Crunchy Burger (crispy cod) at Lisa’s Cafe (above-mentioned) and Dannini’s, downstairs from my room at Exploits Inn and Suites, here in Botwood, just east of Grand Falls- Windsor (a bacon grilled cheese, which I brought up here).

Reading another friend’s post on traditions and our need to get together, I thought of all those who deserve honour today: My Mom, who had us all around last weekend, and hopefully saw some family this time; my sister and nieces, all of whom are exemplary stewards of young lives; Penny, who gave the best years of her life to raise our son; Kathy, still giving her all to her sons who are still at home; and all the millions, or billions, of women doing much the same, worldwide. I thought of all the mothers in war zones, and how there will come a day, when they will arise and collectively tell the politicians that no land and no aspiration are worth the sacrifice of their children’s lives.

I am okay, for now, with being on my own on days like this, or even on Father’s Day, because I was raised by people who thought nothing of sacrificing themselves, for my sake and that of my siblings. I was joined, for so many years , by a selfless woman, who gave all she had for her child. I have the privilege of friendship with another woman who lives for the betterment and well-being of her three children.

I have the honour of being treated well, by Mother Earth.

Robert’s Arm, Newfoundland

Oh, it snowed in some places along the way. Here’s a scene that is not far from Glynmill Inn

Eastward Bound and Back, Day 1: Towers of Power

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

April 29, 2024, Miami, OK– He stood with his feet planted firmly on the floor, arms forcefully at his side, clutching two bottles of Gatorade, jaw set and eyes blazing-with the unspoken message: “Just TRY and take one of these from me.” His father had his back. The future force of nature is four years old, one of the faces of the Texas that is yet to rise.

Father and son were just two of the faces of strength, the towers of power, I encountered on this day of passing through three states. Glenn, the baker, was at his craft, producing, among other delectables, some of the finest breakfast burritos in all New Mexico-if not in the entire Southwest. His red burritos got me off to a good start, this morning.

In the small eastern New Mexico settlement of Milagro, an earnest woman staffed the thriving gas station/convenience market that two friends started, about eight years ago. She was grateful that the Filipina co-owner had filled the windshield cleaner tanks, as it was still a bit nippy there, in late morning. I am glad to see the young couple, who I met in those early days of their enterprise, are doing so well.

My buddy, Wes, in Amarillo, was not available for anything other than a comment. That, being that he was stuck at home. So our lunch in the Fun Zone (Old 66) will wait until five weeks from now. He’s the T-shirt king of the Panhandle, among other things, but that’s a story for another day. One of my cousins, in southwest Missouri, will be doing God’s work, teaching middle schoolers, as I pass through that area, tomorrow, so no meeting with her, either.

In Massachusetts, Mom is holding her own, so my visit with her, this weekend will proceed as planned. Any strength of character I have comes from my parents. My siblings are keeping me posted, on her day-to-day. They, too, are towers of power.

At the Conoco, in Shamrock, the little man stood his ground, and eyed me as I was leaving the store, with a ferocity that seldom have I seen from one so young. I hope he holds onto that determination. There is much that will challenge his grit, far more than this aging wanderer ever will.

Three ladies staffed the toll booths along the Oklahoma Turnpike, each taking the time to note that, in two days, their jobs will pretty much become obsolete, as the system goes electronic on May 1. They will go on to other duties for the Turnpike, probably monitoring glitches in the system-which are bound to happen, at least initially.

So, it is that I reflect back on a day spent going through familiar turf, and take my rest in this comfortable room at Deluxe Inn. Tomorrow will no doubt mean more encounters with towers of power.

Dharma Sunset

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 27, 2024, Paulden, AZ- “You’re spirit IS you!”, the 5-year-old boy opined, as we were talking about whether we lived forever. I had just noted that my body would be gone some day, but my spirit would live on. His reply showed that he already knew that we would continue to live on.

He has named himself Sunset, and his parents are going with it. Their overarching concern is that each of their five children, and possibly a sixth, will grow to their maximum potential and on each child’s own terms. So far, what I have seen is an amazing group of strong humans, loving and nurturing with one another-and learning from their mistakes, without accumulating baggage.

It had been three years since I last visited the little bit of heaven that its residents call Dharma Farm. Most of my absence had more to do with scheduling-mine and the family’s. Tonight, though, we were in sync, the older girls preparing a simple meal and the younger siblings, including Sunset, enjoying the two exercise balls which I have given the family, rather than have the balls just sit in my bedroom and be used infrequently. I walked around the farm with the father, noting changes he and his wife have made on the property, since my last visit. Several more trees have been planted and are thriving. A couple of buildings, including a greenhouse, have been added. So, too, has a lonely young girl come to be a regular part of the family and two other, wonderful women and their children settled in.

The place continues to be a haven-and another woman, earlier today, at a different location, musing about how delightful it was to see happy children, would have been thrilled to have been here. The secret to all this is that the couple is committed to both raising their children holistically and teaching thriving skills (on a permaculture model) at the local community school, as well as in a home schooling co-operative.

Sunset will continue to burn brightly, and so will the rest of his family. Below, are two scenes of his inspiration.

I won’t be absent from here for quite so long, going forward.

Diligencia

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

April 25, 2024- The rain came down in buckets, ending three weeks of dryness and keeping the fire danger down for another month or so. I had a room full of Kindergarten English-language learners, who noted that it was raining-again (“Otra vez”) and they hadn’t been out all day. They continued to work on their foldable stories, we read them, they highlighted their sight words, the first letter of each sentence and the punctuation mark at the end of each sentence-and then we played. They built little “forts”, by moving chairs and cushion pillows, while a timer counted down. When the time ran out, the screen said “Poof”, and the hamburger on the screen disappeared. Then the kids did-actually, just going back to their classrooms, after putting everything back.

The others, first and second graders, were equally diligent. Even those, especially those, who had minimal competency in English, applied themselves to their tasks with a drive that people in high school would do well to emulate. They let no time elapse, when finished with one task, before asking what was next, and diving right into it.

That made me think. What happens in the lives of children to turn a hard worker into a dodger, a slacker? Some who go through a slacking phase, and then get their bearings and turn into productive adults, can say it was due to the adults in their lives being alternately overbearing and overindulgent. Others gave in to peer pressure, and others were just testing the limits. In the end, though, those who’ve turned themselves around have looked back at the real “good old days”, when their classmates and they were getting satisfaction from learning, going home to parents who were genuinely proud of their achievements.

The fog of insolence can sink in as early as 7-years of age (I saw one, a scowl on his face, as he waited for his teacher to open the classroom door, while my students and I were walking towards the ELL room). It will likely take a lot of diligence, on the part of educators and social service professionals, to turn his life around. Such a shame. The high achievers will walk on past him, but the smartest among them will stop, turn around and hold out a caring and insistent hand.

Viva diligencia!

Nonstop Talking

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 24, 2024- I asked myself, how long would I last, as a nonstop talker, before someone broke out the duct tape-or everyone just up and left, even if-especially if- I was in the middle of my 286th sentence.

Then I began to think about how I am, myself, towards nonstop talkers. If they are children in a class, I appeal to the their recognition “that there is an agenda, set by the regular teacher, who has to honour the hierarchy from the State Legislature to the State Superintendent to the County Superintendent to the District Governing Board to the District Superintendent-to…” until a bright shining face offers….”Now who’s the nonstop talker?”

If the nonstop talker is a shut-in, chances are the monologues will be looped, and I will be able to repeat them, verbatim, after about a month of visits. I will still visit, though, and still listen, because this could be me one day. Besides, when every day sounds the same, it’s partly because every day is the same.

If the motormouth has encyclopedic knowledge of ten different subjects, I will want to be seen and not heard, because there are significant gaps in anyone’s knowledge, and we need to check-in with each other, and the nonstop thinker who can put thoughts into words deserves a full platform.

These thoughts came to mind, this evening, as I witnessed nonstop talkers, talking over one another. Thankfully, they each came to a happy medium and let each other have the dais, for a few minutes at a time. I would not do well, as a nonstop talker.

Power Language

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 19, 2024- When I was a child, the concept that every blow delivered would be followed by an equal and opposite retaliatory strike was alien to me. I thought, naively, that a simple exchange of blows was enough for each boy to express his annoyance at the situation. My opponents uniformly believed that there had to be a winner and a loser.

There has been much discussion, over the past five years, about Love Language-the way in which an individual gives and receives love. My love language, for example, is acts of service. Words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch are secondary love languages-expressed only to a certain few.

Power is also a concept that is expressed in “languages” of sorts. (These are only my thoughts on the matter.) The power languages I have ascertained are persuasion, coercion, diminution, guilt-mongering and inclusion. The first and last are positive means to power. The second, third and fourth are negative, if not neurotic, power languages.


Both persuasion and inclusion involve patience, flexibility and a regard for others that is equal to one’s self-regard. Persuasion entails a commitment to a lengthy engagement with those whose agreement and co-operation are desired. Inclusion entails an inherent regard for the other person’s, or group’s, sense of self-worth. Inclusion is a longer game, in which the perception of power, coming from within the self, is large enough a reservoir that the individual sees others as being of the same worth as self. The two power languages do not entail a lesser view of either oneself or any other human being. They may even extend to non-human animals, plants, funga and spirits.

Coercion, often involving physical force, but also including bribery, co-opting, blackmail and obfuscation, is the most common historical power language. Even in modern times, the cynic’s Golden Rule, “He who has the gold makes the rules”, has silenced those whose financial or time-management skills are sufficiently wanting, that a keen observer who is hungry for power can leverage the person’s weakness and buy or intimidate them into giving up their agency.

Diminution, the convincing of social groups of their own unworthiness and of the superiority of others, is a second very common historical power language. It is the modus operandi of the plantation, of the colonial system and of patriarchy. Diminution depends on a top-down decision-making apparatus. It goes beyond the sensible system of parenthood, infantilizes women, disempowers adolescents, and instills a sense of superiority in members of a dominant culture. This is most obvious in the notions of White Supremacy and Male Superiority, but is also true of any culture where a dominant group trivializes the contributions of marginalized communities.

Guilt-mongering is the “when all else fails” power language of dominance. It features self-as-victim, gaslighting, false equivalence and an “after all I’ve done for you” pitch, each of which is like a rock in a shoe, designed to nettle and disrupt the other’s concentration and sense of well-being. It manifests itself in endless legal appeals and slow-walking of valid processes, just enough to create doubt and suspicion. It is a favoured tool of those among the well-connected who lack a moral compass. It is also a favoured tool of those in the media whose primary concern is generating revenue, at the expense of morality.

We are seeing a slow, but inexorable, move towards persuasion and inclusion as preferred power languages. The futility of coercion, diminution and guilt-mongering is being seen by more and more people around the world, as their perceived value is recognized, more and more, as impermanent, ephemeral and of scant overall value. The language of power will, in time, become linked to the language of love.

Gordian Knots

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

April 18,2024- A bit ago, a boy in an intermediate school was placed in detention, for hitting a girl classmate. He told the principal that he felt demeaned by the girl and her friends, so he did the only thing he knew-he lashed out.

Anxiety fuels fear, which fuels aggression, which fuels more anxiety and aggression-all tied up in a Gordian knot. The legend of Alexander the Great has the king using the expedient solution of cutting a complex knot with a sword, rather than trying to loosen and unravel it. Modern times find certain rulers using brute force, in an attempt to bring an end to “intractable” problems. Thus, a series of events that would be amusingly schoolboyish, were they not so chilling, are unfolding between two countries-in the guise of preservation of faith.

Thomas Sowell’s admonition that there are no solutions, only trade-offs, has never rung more true than in the matter of the conflict in western Asia. The resolution of this matter involves, essentially, two basic processes: 1. All people living within the borders of a nation-state need to have a full voice in the affairs of that nation-state, provided they are willing to abide by the laws of that nation-state; 2. Countries that neighbour one another need to fully honour the legitimate rights of all people in their neighbouring states, to say nothing of honouring the legitimate rights of their own citizens. The trade-offs will need to be worked out, but they cannot allow dominance of any one country, or national ideology, or authoritarian ruler, over its neighbours.

I’m keeping an eye on the situation in western Asia, at least for the effect it will have on my plans for Autumn, which presently involve transit stops in two airports in that region. Those places need to show a modicum of safety, in order for anyone to make even the briefest of stops. There is also the impact the conflict will have (is at least temporarily having) on global finance. The possibility exists that I may be working for wages in October, instead of visiting Baha’is in east Africa, after my September visit to the Philippines.

Fear triggers anxiety, which brings on aggression, triggering more fear and anxiety. I face all this, knowing that in either Plan A or Plan B, I will be okay on a personal level. Many communities and countries will get through the matter, just fine. There will, however, be vast areas, and millions of people, who won’t be at all fine-with the situations in Gaza, Darfur and Ukraine just the beginning, unless the Gordian Knots are untied, rather than cut.

Matching Parts

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 17,2024- I was asked, at the end of my last appearance in a particular school, this year, whether I enjoyed the class and the day.

Children squabble, and if gently but firmly kept from escalating their conflict, will move on and find common concerns over which to consult and move forward in friendship. Most times, an observant adult does well to not actively interfere in children’s interactions, other than to guarantee each child’s physical safety. I have found that honoured children will find their way to a place of balance, vis-a-vis relationships. There is often the element of a friendship, when two children seem overly concerned with one another-even if the concern is at first frictional.

Children and teens do look carefully at how the adults in their lives interact. The adults who are there for them are granted the most respect. That young people are sensitive to sensing abandonment should come as no surprise. That they may be slow to forgive someone who just “up and leaves”, like a parent who walks away from the family, is equally self-evident. Kids are the sum of their parents’ parts, and then some.

I have found many “matching parts” in my life-certainly Penny, who was with me for nearly thirty years, our son, Aram, my siblings and extended family, a wide variety of friends, many of whom I count as professional colleagues and one with whom there is a developing bond. We each complement one another, in different ways-and I trust that my presence and actions are of some value to each of them as they are to me.

Yes, I did enjoy the class and the day, as each child with whom I worked learned at least part of a skill set that will serve her/him well, in the years ahead. I enjoy being a part of their whole.

Sunset Pioneers

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 13, 2024- Last night, I pondered what role medication has played in my mother’s recent health woes. A friend here has had his medication adjusted, at his daughters’ insistence, and the barely cognizant soul, who had us all concerned , has resumed being his relatively feisty self. Apparently, Mom’s doctor had similar thoughts, and the resulting adjustments have made her a bit more like her old self.

This is good news for us all, and while we are not under any illusion, as to the long-term, being able to follow her instructions, that I not give short shrift to my obligations here, will be true to both her steadfast insistence over the years, that our word should be our bond and to my own sense of integrity. So long as her condition is stable, I will keep on with activities in Home Base I, both Baha’i and secular, and will head out across the continent, in the evening of April 28.

We are each pioneering our sunset years: Mom, my siblings, most of my cousins, surviving aunts, a good many of my friends, including my dearest, and yours truly. That means as many different things as there are of us. It means varying health challenges, of which thankfully I have very few, to date and which most have faced with a great deal of fortitude and resilience. I am proud of each one who has faced down aching joints, diabetes and macular degeneration, with corrective surgery, both natural and allopathic cures and a steady regimen of physical therapy. It means having a can-do spirit.

This most recent scare has reminded one and all that family comes first, then community and after that, the wider humanity. I stand firm on each of those counts. This pioneering life will continue in good stead.