Category Archives: distraction issues

On Boundaries

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 20, 2023- One of my online writer friends posted, this morning, on the subject of boundaries. Going over both the setting of one’s own boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others and handling those who invade one’s safe spaces, she sparked my own review of past and present behaviours in this area.

When rebounding from Penny’s passing, I gave vent to delusions of having feelings for a couple of women. The first, gently and firmly set me straight on the matter, we parted on civil terms. She is still a friend- and thankfully, is happily married to a fine man. The second is also still one of my best friends, here in Prescott, having set her boundaries early on.

Then, there were those who invaded my space: A homeless man, who did not ask for much more than rides here and there, and assistance with getting established in another town. I was able to help him, and after a year or so, he dropped off the radar screen. A few years later, a well-meaning friend tried to “fix me up” with a woman, who had serious emotional issues and who quickly turned out menacing, even using her thoughts to try and wreck my life-health-wise and in terms of employment. I lost my job, while she had parked her RV in a public area, a block from my apartment. Curiously, on the day that I was fired, she got in the rig and drove away. I cut off all contact with her, have recovered and am living nicely. There was a disturbed young man, who messaged me, continuously, for six months, often sending up to 50 voice messages a day, most of which I deleted, though I listened and tried to understand his issues. I cut off contact with him, after he sent a message attacking the memory of my late wife. Finally, there was the African entrepreneur, who initially appeared to be making a good faith effort to build a life for himself and his family. I connected him with agencies and organizations that could offer real, constant assistance-but he became attached to asking for more money from me-for matters that were not directly connected to the initial investment. I cut him off completely, after about four months of begging on his part.

Now, I have strong, enduring friendships, in a good many states and Canadian provinces, and in three other countries. There will be, I’m sure, more to follow. I have strong feelings for a good woman, who I met two months ago, and am taking care to honour her boundaries and not coming across like a bull in a china shop. The fact that we are an ocean apart makes this a bit easier, but when I see her again, the same respect will continue.

Boundaries, like other aspects of a disciplined, organized and centered life, ensure that one may live in happiness and success.

Perspectives

5
Posted by on in distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 16, 2023- From where I was sitting, the painted scene could have been either looking downwards, towards the ocean, with a maelstrom in the middle or looking upwards, towards the cloudy sky, with a swirling snow cloud in its midst. When I got closer, it was the latter that was being portrayed. 

This was my first visit back to Raven Cafe at night, since the kerfuffle with a pair of disquiet people, in mid-November. Tonight, there was a sparse crowd, though Jillian Bessett and Chris Callahan, from Tucson, gave spirited and engaging renditions of both their original songs and covers of tunes by Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson and Big Joe Williams. It was peaceful. Before that, I had been in Rafter Eleven, enjoying Mike Lopez, of local favourites The Bourbon Knights, doing a solo set of covers. This was also delivered to a small audience. It’s always peaceful at Rafter.

I pondered, in the relative calm, how my own perspectives on life have changed, in the past decade. The clouds in the painting brought to mind how I was in fog, ten years ago-especially in the summer. A pair of voices of reason brought me gently down to terra firma. One of those voices was that of my spirit guide, who had departed this life two years prior. The other was that of the object of my misguided attention. After bouncing around a few more times, over the ensuing twelve months, I came back to Earth, by way of western Europe and Hawai’i, then strode a path alone-but with dozens, nay hundreds, of new friends.

My view has changed again, and with the encouragement of both human and spirit friends, the path to connecting with a precious and beautiful soul has begun. This time, there is no fog and my perspective is clear. This time, I go one step at a time.

Messages at Graveside

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 6, 2023- I sat by her grave, on this forty-third anniversary of our meeting for the first time, and asked Penny what she thought of my recent trip to the Philippines, and of friends I made there, one in particular. The messages that came back to me were a surprise, of sorts, and a comfort.

After getting a clean bill of dental health, I made my way to the cemetery, and having taken along the chair I am sitting in now, I sat and said a few prayers, then began my silent conversation.

“We sent you there and brought her to you;”, the message came, “there is no reason for your aloneness to go on and on.” I asked about my friends here and elsewhere. “Each of you have a role to play in one another’s lives, but you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. If they are upset with you for growing your friendship with someone else, that’s on them. Just treat them with grace and patience, as you always did me.”

The spirit encouraged me to keep on with the path that she and others have helped me set for myself, since 2011. Indeed, she has said, more than once, that our life together on this physical plane was not meant to continue any longer than it did. I had growth to do, which required my being alone for a while. That growth, through the love of friends and family, and through the pain of physical and emotional attacks of others, has largely been achieved.

So on I go, and take each day as a blessing, just as I ever have.

Quiet Advent

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 3, 2023- This day sees the tumult of the Christmas season, and all the interplay between materialism and spirituality come to the fore. The plethora of appeals to share one’s real and imagined wealth has come and gone-or at least run out of dedicated days for one aspect of materialism or another. The liturgical aspect of the season, though, has begun for Catholics and other Christians, with this first Sunday of Advent. So, we may expect more caroling-hopeful voices adding to calls for peaceful resolution of the Israel-Hamas conflict, a move towards rebuilding Gaza and an end to displacement of people-anywhere, for the benefit of a chosen few. We may also expect resistance. What privileged class has ever gone quietly into that good night?

By the above, I note the Iranian clerics and their Revolutionary Guards, as well as the West Bank settlers. I note the raiders who attack the people of Darfur, the “monks” who still harass the Rohingya people of Myanmar and all those who amass fortunes, at the expense of the working people. Where is the evidence that any of you have been wronged by those you assail? Savaging the weak and helpless is no guarantee that you will achieve your goals in perpetuity. There is a place for you in the world, but only if you cease and desist your greed-based, power-hungry depredations.

It is a quiet Advent, as the survivors of the MIndanao earthquake and the Wrangell landslide assess their losses and mourn those who didn’t make it out of the wreckage. It is a cheery day for some elsewhere, including three friends who went to a Baha’i wedding in Manila. It is a calm day for me, with a nice breakfast at Post 6, a devotional online and three sets of leg lifts at Planet Fitness. The most important part, though, was reading nineteen pages of an interesting and hopeful letter from our Universal House of Justice. Upshot: We will make it through whatever is headed our way, provided we stick together and don’t let ego delude us.

Actual Vacation, Day 8

4
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, Family, Historical, impediments, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

November 27. 2023, Grapevine- The dream was all too vivid, and all-too ridiculous: I was at a seminar for teachers, wearing white chinos, of all things, and spilled salsa from the provided breakfast burrito. I went to clean my pants, and for some reason, grabbed a push broom to carry with me (never did figure that part out). Walking to find a restroom, I happened by an African English-language academy, and an old-style trattoria, where there were many people gathered, and as I wandered aimlessly back and forth, looking for a restroom, a teenaged girl told me my meandering was getting tiresome. A staffer came out of a back room and started randomly filling recessed open concrete hollows, with rose petals. I began to think the girl was right and I was being a tiresome distraction. Then, I woke up and realized that none of this was happening, nor did it have to.

My reality was that of a slightly chilly, but sun-filled day. I spent the day on a small service project, to be continued on free moments Wednesday, to hopefully generate a just conclusion to a long-standing matter, for a Filipino family. Otherwise, it was a quiet day of relaxation, with Aram focusing on his remaining school projects and Yunhee back at work.

The final three months of my being 72 were no less fulfilling than the other nine. I began September with a drive across southern Colorado, then three days at Eastern Colorado Baha’i Summer School,which as last year was largely a family affair-and I was a bit more included this time. Once the school had adjourned, I made my way east, as detailed in earlier posts. Mom’s 95th birthday, and the arrival of grandniece Adeline Bryan, were the milestone events. Paying respects to a fallen police officer, in Minnesota, and a beloved cousin, in Pennsylvania, were also high points.

October saw my first visit to the Philippines, via San Diego, San Francisco and T’aipei. Getting to meet a sponsored teen, and helping him get a wardrobe item he very much needed, was a wondrous start to this visit. Being guided and watched over by three fellow Baha’is, whilst in Manila, was a magnificent follow-up. Respects were paid to two of the great figures of Filipino history: Dr. Jose Rizal, regarded as the country’s national hero, and Lapulapu- who ranks similar to Cochise or Black Elk, in terms of standing up for the rights of First Nations people. I made more friends for the rest of my life, which is the main purpose of going anywhere.

November has seen a productive month at Home Base, and a salubrious week at HB2. Red Cross work was intense, but compressed into one 12-hour day. School assignments were uniformly pleasant. The flu came and went-courtesy of a crowded reception area at LAX. I had one of the finest meals of my life, at 1845 Taste of Texas.

Adi’s birth was a happy milestone. Transitions in the other direction saw the departures of an old high school friend and a cousin-in-law. Steve Finnegan and Caleb Jayne were both humble tradesmen, but neither man was anybody’s fool. Both will be long-missed. Jimmy Buffett, Terry Kirkman, David McCallum and Suzanne Somers all entertained us and engaged our social awareness, as the best of their caliber do. Rosalynn Carter and Ady Barkan raised the bar for true public service.

Now comes another early morning commemoration of the Ascension of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, and with it my re-set, to the age of 73-as of 1:30 p.m. EST, officially. It has been lovely, being 72.

Actual Vacation, Day Two

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

November 21, 2023, Grapevine- There is a small gym here, at Terrawood. It has about half of the Full Body exercise machines that we have at Planet Fitness, back at Home Base 1. So, I got in some elliptical work, leg stretches and curls, chest presses and shoulder presses-as well as getting the steps in, right after a hearty meal of bulgogi with gochu-jong (hot pepper paste), over rice. Snacks and meals are faithfully followed by exercise here. There is even a nieghbour who works her treadmill on the front porch.

I am definitely happy that there is more emphasis on both eating healthily and exercising regularly, in this suburban Dallas community. Even shopping does not have to be a sedentary affair: Grapevine Mills is right across the street from four of the apartment complexes that line the boulevard.

There is no set agenda this week, so naturally, I used some time to reserve rooms and ferry space, for next May’s Atlantic Canada visit. This is more because the spaces fill up fast, for places like St. Pierre & Miquelon and Twillingate. At any rate, those ships will sail, with me on board. (The main event, a milestone for the Baha’i community of Eskisoni, on Unamaki/Cape Breton, is the post around which all these other plans revolve.)

This ship is floating nicely, also with me on board. “John Adams”, courtesy of the late David McCullough, is here at my side. My little family is forging ahead, with their respective goals, the work week being suitably short, before America’s de facto second National Day. The main thing, for me, is that everyone close to me has their personal agency intact. That is what will generate a feeling of inner peace, and eventually an atmosphere of understanding and good will shall return.

As we prepare for whatever form people choose to express gratitude, I want to express my appreciation for the First Nations people, like the Osage, who are still here-despite all attempts to shove them aside, as is depicted in “Killers of the Flower Moon”. Manipulators and thieves are ever with us, and will ever claw their way to the top, unless we learn to discern-and make it an integral part of who we are, as individuals and as communities.

Beeswax Pull and The Flower Moon

2
Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 19, 2023- The beeswax cone did what it was supposed to do, gently cleanse my ears, with a pulling effect. It pretty much confirmed today’s gentler tone-compared to yesterday’s angry intensity. I had more small tasks to do-checking in on senior friends at Post 6 (most are well), attending a Baha’i study session (respectful, but thorough, examination of a letter from the Universal House of Justice), picking up the Farmers Market order that I missed yesterday, this beeswax cleanse and a visit to a Holiday Market in Prescott Valley, to get gifts for Aram and Yunhee.

Now it’s almost time to go view “Killers of the Flower Moon”-an acclaimed depiction of modern day exploitation of resources on First Nations lands. I will have some comments on the film, in the next post. I will say, ahead of time, that the part of the human being that often is killed first is the spirit. Once that happens, it takes a generation or two to recover, if justice is truly exercised.

That brings me to this morning. Last night, I went to bed, questioning my place in this community. In the light of day, though, and after talking with a few friends, my message to those who don’t like my being here- some of whom may read this- is:

I have a place here. It is not defined by you, and no matter who you may try to turn against me, it will not end well. There are many who know my heart, which you do not. They know I have the best interests of children, teens and the disadvantaged always front and center. They know it has been this way, for 42 years. They know I am committed, I will respect your gentle friends, whom I met last night, and show them honour. I will do the same for you, even if you strike back in anger.

So, though you are popular, active in social justice causes and will be in the same spaces as I am, quite a bit- know that I am not going anywhere. We might as well get along; but if not, Prescott will remain my home-until I am needed elsewhere.

The Sandbox

4
Posted by on in Assistance, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Slow Food Prescott, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 18, 2023- So often, the most difficult person is who needs love the most.

When I was a child, my siblings and I had a fine sandbox, with plenty of quality, durable playthings. We shared it with everyone in the neighbourhood. No one was excluded. I knew what it felt like to be shoved to the sidelines, and left out. I was determined to not be that kind of person, in my own dealings with others.

Today,a small team of us went about a city that is 2 1/2 hours west of here, and installed smoke detectors in homes of those who requested them. Fifteen households were visited; fourteen of those who requested the implements were grateful. One household was not-for reasons that are best left unsaid. Chances are, the smoke detectors will end up save the life of our detractor. The most difficult person needs love the most.

This evening, I pulled myself together and went to the concert of a dear friend, at a favourite venue. Someone I know, and fairly trust, as an acquaintance, came in and asked to sit at my table. I was glad to see this person, who is fairly popular and influential in town. After a time, I started to feel discomfort, almost as if I didn’t belong in the situation. I focused on my friends’ music and danced about a bit. The most difficult person needs love the most-but in this case, I am not at all certain that my support and caring would be either welcome or accepted. By the end of the evening, and for the first time since I moved to Prescott, in fact, I feel like my status in the community is very much in jeopardy-and I will have to step back for a while. Red Cross, the Farmers Market (to some extent) and Slow Food are safe spaces-but the places I have visited and treasured, like the venue where my friends performed tonight, don’t feel so safe right now.

The most difficult people need love the most, but they can do a lot of damage along the way-especially when they wield a lot of influence. I can only hang on, the best I can.

Not Ugly

2
Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

November 17, 2023- Someone wrote a note to Daniela. In English, it said “You’re ugly!” Then it said, “Nobody’s as ugly as you.” Daniela sneered and sat on the note. After her class left, a group of younger students came in. One of them found the note, and gave it to me. That’s how I knew what it said, and why Daniela sneered.

She is not an ugly girl-nor is any other child in this community ugly. The spirit of one who makes that judgment is rather feo. Spirits, though, can change-have to change. I took a class that had several groups visiting. They each had the same assignment. I found that there were no difficult groups-just more people to whom I felt and showed love.

That’s the beauty of being here-of being with those whose lives are all ahead of them; to whom I can point out that certain behaviours are more deadly, or at least hurtful to them as individuals, than they are to those around them. So the younger ones were not allowed to lift the heavy covers of oaken desks. The older ones had more responsibility to clean up and make sure that like objects went with like objects.

Most importantly, they were made accountable for the well-being of their classmates. A sad child was paired with one or two classmates of the same gender, who were encouraged to say kind things and lift the aggrieved one’s spirits. No one was coddled, but no one was left out-or shut out. Everyone’s work was praised, because that is how people advance-one skill set at a time.

I gave the note to Daniela’s teacher, who had a fair idea as to who wrote it. There will be a healthy discourse on the subject of judging people by perceived appearance.

I see no ugly faces.

Little Deep Breathing Victories

0
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 14,2023- There it was, mocking my best efforts to control its forays into my small coffers: Yet another unauthorized deduction from my account- with no goods or services offered in return. This time, though, yet another call went to the Fraud Department-and got a swift response. Essentially, the bank is tired of the elusive thief’s cat and mouse, no contact number, e-mail or website. The gig is up and the small, but irritating charges have been blocked and will not be allowed henceforth. Whoever it is, never bothered to even try to snooker me. He/she/they just glommed onto a legitimate start-up, which has since gone under-and stopped charging me, since she can’t provide her promised service. Not so the ghost outfit, who soldiered on, in the shadows, oblivious to my protests to the bank-until today. Deep breathing and thought won out.

Later in the day, a hurriedly prepared task was handed me, and its author headed out the door to a meeting. Predictably, when a key detail was left out, the program omitted any links to the next elements of the program. Those of us in the room were left using marker and white board to complete the tasks. I am fairly well-versed in technology, but navigation of a Chrome Book, with no mouse, still gives me fits-especially when a link just up and disappears-not even locatable on the bottom of the screen-which is the first place I look for an errant link. Somehow, with deep breathing, we got through a good part of the task, before an apologetic task writer came back in.

When all else fails, inhale, count to ten and exhale. Repeat 10x-no rinsing necessary.