Category Archives: Family

Practice Noble Things

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 11, 2024, Phoenix- This was the opening sentiment, expressed as a chant, by a devotional singer, as our second day of study of a document on bringing our Baha’i communities’ actions into sync with the true needs of society unfolded.

My main task, this morning, was to take notes for a breakout session, so I determined to be a lot more careful in my printing and to use the cursive writing that was instilled in me by Mom, at a very young age. Practice noble things.

My dear friend, across the ocean, told me of concerns she has. Her troubles are my troubles, so I will do what I can to bring resolution to those that I can, and find help for the things that are beyond my capacity. Practice noble things.

At the end of the gathering, several of us joined the volunteer kitchen staff and made sure the food was stored or prepared for distribution to the unhoused, the coffee and tea were dumped and the vessels cleaned and that the chairs were properly put back. Practice noble things.

Once back in Home Base I, tomorrow and for the next four weeks, there will be activities that will bring to bear a determination to- Practice noble things.

Small and large; commonplace and novel; with friends, family and all those extended kin that we call acquaintances and strangers-Practice noble things.

Fierce

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 6, 2024, Holbrook, AZ- The little girl peeked out, from behind the screen door, as I was speaking with her grandmother, on the family’s porch. She quickly figured I was no threat and came outside smiling, with a hint of mischief on her face. Her t-shirt said “Fierce”, and that is how I remember her mother, who is away on personal business, when she was a child. The present child began to emulate a tiger kitten and paw at the air, with a mini-hiss. In time, and with her family’s continued guidance, she will be fierce-in a good way, the way her mother, at her best, has been.

This was a day spent under a sometimes ferocious sun, looking for gravesites that were not catalogued or mapped-and dependent only on the memory of a mutual friend to me and the decedents. In the end, I did not find either resting place, leaving one flower vase at the lonely, unattended grave of a combat veteran (Afghanistan, 2015) and keeping the other for placement tomorrow, at the tomb of a friend who died nearly forty years ago. It was hot and dusty, at both cemeteries, and I noted both well-kept, love-saturated gravesites and untended, often unmarked, plots, often next to one another. Wind and wild animals have taken their tolls.

I see ferocity as something that is rising, in the life of the world-both good (self-affirmation and love for others) and ill (self-aggrandizement and disdain for those who are different). I see once good-hearted and loving people turn sour and hateful, and I wonder what happened in their lives to make bitterness so appealing. My own life has had its share of trouble an disappointment- but much of that came from my own doing, and the part that wasn’t my fault was shared with a good many other people. I am fortunate to have been raised by sensible and loving parents, in a large extended family and in a close-knot neighbourhood, where any given child was “raised by the village”.

I drove across the Navajo and Hopi Reservations, as the ferocious sun was supplanted by monsoon rain. It was raining, as I left the second cemetery, stopped by the house mentioned above and while I stopped for dinner, at Keams Canyon Cafe, where I had many a meal during my residence in the area, in the mid and late ’90s. It was raining again, when I got here to the Motel 6, chosen after I noted that Keams Canyon Motel had been razed, since I was there last.

The world is fierce, in nature and in everyday life. Let us be equal in ferocity, in the best sense of that word.

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Rude, Weird and All That

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 1, 2024- Years ago, a little girl in one of my classes protested: “Mister Gary, him being wude (sic)!” There actually was a basis in fact for her complaint, but for one thing: The boy’s rudeness was directly in response to her rude behaviour towards him. The problem was only resolved over time, by the staff modeling politeness towards one another and towards the students, sometimes despite the kids’ impolitic.

We have had a spate of public commentary, lately, pointing fingers at certain figures for “being rude”, when they are merely being blunt or direct, in their criticism or questioning. Others are enjoying poking fun at what they see as “weird” behaviour, even if the behaviour in question has not been substantiated, and is reported as “rumour has it that……”.

I remember watching a cartoon, when I was about ten years old. Bandleader Don Redman did a short cartoon, featuring his song,”I Heard”, which obliquely dealt with conjecture among coal miners eating lunch in a cafe. Mom was no fan of jazz, back then, especially on a children’s cartoon, but she said that Redman had a point-People should not make assumptions about anything, based on rumour. Her mantra was ” ‘I thought’ once got a man killed”. We were always encouraged to think things through and get the facts, before heading down the wrong path.

I get the temptation to take the low road, sometimes just because of fatigue or insecurity. The higher ground is, however, the only place where we are unlikely to be flooded by the dirty rivers of misinformation and character assassination. Truthfulness can keep us on the right path. Falsehood, even with the best intentions, can only be a destructo beam.

Diamonds in the Sky

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 31, 2024- Today would have been my parents’ 75th wedding anniversary-their Diamond Jubilee. As always, I took time to recall so many life lessons and watchwords they each imparted, over the years. They both were fond of singing. Mom had a most melodious voice; Dad’s was pleasant and joyful. He would come down the stairs singing “You call everybody darlin’, and everybody calls you darlin’, too”. The verse was from a jaunty song by Al Trace and his band (1948), and the full message was aimed at those who toss out loving words without meaning them. Dad meant his words-both approving and disapproving. He was a man of principle.

They gave us roadmaps- for financial security, for stability in a relationship and for recovering from hardship. Much of this came from their having been raised in a time of deprivation and war. In my younger, more dissolute days, I admit to downplaying their admonitions. Once I was no longer “young and naive”, and had to face my own set of difficulties, all those watchwords came flooding back. My parents knew when to help out and when it was best to stand back and let us sort through our own problems. I try to do the same, both for my little family and for all those who share their problems.

Now, Mom and Dad are among the stars, so to speak, “diamonds in the sky”. Their spirits, along with many others, are watching through the thin veil that separates us. Their guidance will never be lost, as long as I remain lucid. That, I pray, will be for some years to come.

Eric Came Home

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 30, 2024- The intrepid bicyclist said he’d taken eight days to make the trip from Tucson, to his former residence. He happens to be a paraplegic, with pretty solid looking steel prostheses. He told me a few stories about the stately eight room home, with two stone “horse quarters” on the property (which are rented out as apartments). He lived in one of the horse quarters, but was now just waiting for the property’s owner to show up, that he might spend a few days there. Eric had come home.

I am ever in awe of people who don’t let life’s mishaps deter them from going on. Most of us plan carefully and are having to make a modicum of adjustments in our daily and long-term activities. As long as we are careful with our health, things go on as normal. The presence of those who are “differently abled”, then , can be initially jarring, but also can serve to affirm the greater goodness of all that is here for us in this life. So, we watch the Paralympics and encourage those with artificial limbs, developmental challenges and loss of sight or hearing, to the best of our abilities.

Having lived with a woman who could no longer walk, and eventually, no longer move a muscle, I can say that the inherent worth of human beings never diminishes. The love we have for each other does not depend on physical presence, or even, as I am finding out, on proximity. Our souls are ever present, until the day they are carried by our spirits to a place just on the other side of a thin veil. Baha’u’llah said that the departed souls are “closer to you than your life vein.”. Penny was always able to communicate, to the time of her departure. So, in a more limited way, was my mother. They still do, from the other side.

When I came back along, after stopping in at Raven Cafe, Eric was settled in for the night. I wished him a safe evening. He replied that he was where he needed to be, and would stay right there. Indeed, we are each, at any given moment, where we need to be.

Coming Together

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 28, 2024, Carson City- Little Man wanted to learn the simple game, which other members of the family were playing. So, he was given a seat at the table and the process was explained very simply. He’s a bright child, so it didn’t take long, and he was fully participating in the game-actually doing quite well at it. Allowances were made for his attention span, so he came and went-taking care of other things that had his interest.

His older sister was involved in the game, and played more consistently. A household chore took her away from the table, and that was more than okay. Peace in any house depends upon respect, across the board. When it later came time for her to spend quality time with her father, as well, that took priority.

There was a calm and very civil air in the house today. I sense it has much to do with the departure of some rather troubled and uncivil neighbours. Toxicity can spread, almost unannounced, insidiously. It was the first time, in quite a while, that the head of the household felt comfortable working in his own back yard, and the relief was palpable. These are good people, who have much love to give to their children and to extended family.

We are each individuals and will always have a sense of separation from even those closest to us. At the same time, we need one another, and pretending otherwise just leads to an unnatural divide. Coming together requires respect, in both directions. Miscreants can be brought into the fold, but on the terms of those who are practicing virtuous behaviour, not the other way around. There is a story that an early Baha’i told, of a saintly man and a ruffian. The saintly one told the ne’er do well that he could help him turn into a respected member of society, “in a month’s time”. The thug replied, ” I can corrupt you, in less than a day.” Both were right, underscoring the need for virtues to be instilled in children, and modeled in a consistent manner, by all significant adult role models in their view. Fortitude and self-discipline are needed, in withstanding the temptations thrown out by such as the miscreant in the story.

I am relieved that the two children, who I love very much, will no longer have to endure the nefariousness next door-and that everyone will be able to show the love for one another that has never been far below the surface, even in times of tension. This has been a wondrous cap to a very fruitful journey. Tomorrow, I head back to Home Base I.

Getting Past Hiccups

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 20, 2024, Tofino, BC- I will forever consider myself blessed, when it comes to family. I can talk with my son, any of my siblings and any in-laws, with no qualms or trepidation, at a moment’s notice.

So many friends don’t have that blessing. I have heard from friends, recently, about being cut off from adult children and siblings-most often not because of anything they did, but because of third-party interference. This may, or may not, be part of the story, or even the whole story. I know there are those who prey on disaffected youth and actively work to turn them against their parents. There is a special place in the world of retribution for such monsters, but I digress.

No one can turn a person against their loved ones, without that person’s consent. In the end, though, there is loneliness. Chances are, the manipulator won’t be there for the lost soul. The person who is disaffected from their parent(s) or their children will have outlived any usefulness to the predator-who is most often seeking power, in a neurotic manner. So often, the predator will use mainstream religion, or cult membership, to appeal to the prey. Only when the troubled soul wakes up and reconciles with those s(he) has cast out, can there be any chance for real recovery.

I thought about these things, whilst en route to the exquisite Pacific Rim, of west central Vancouver Island. Earlier in the day, after a marvelous rest at Turtle Hostel, in Victoria’s Hillside/Quadra district, I had pleasant meetings with two dear friends, and was glad to be able to offer them support. Regarding Hillside/Quadra, it is ringed by churches and Victoria’s Conservatory of Music-and as I mentioned in the last post, is a haven for unhoused people.

Alex Goold Performance Center, Victoria Conservatory of Music
Anglican Church of St. John the Divine, Victoria
First United Church, Victoria

Each of these institutions does what it can, to help its unhoused neighbours. As is the case back at Home Base, Prescott, there are soup kitchens and active efforts to clothe the people. There, but for the grace of God……

In the next post, I will focus on the cathedrals of a different sort: The majesty of the Pacific Rim and the edge of Clayoquot Sound, particularly in Tofino and Ucluelet. Here is an example:

Clayoquot Sound, Tofino

Devotion

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 14, 2024, Carson City- There is much that one does for love, in this life, that would not otherwise be on one’s personal agenda. Parents and grandparents most often know this. So do caretakers of disabled spouses or elderly parents. Teachers and coaches also do, to some extent, though their personal agendas are wrapped within their callings.

This goes well beyond the obvious things, like bathing and dressing those who are unable to do so for themselves, or watching small children who are playing outside, or in a public space. It extends to those who “hold their noses and play yet another round” of a game one finds tiresome or even irritating. It becomes, at its level best, an exercise in detachment.

Thus did a friend spend time with a beloved child. I joined them, finding actually a mild amusement in the game, which is more than a bit whimsical. Such is childhood, on occasion, and rightly so. There is more than enough preparation for adulthood that faces today’s children, and at an earlier age-despite what pundits and commentators say about delayed adolescence. There is that too, of course, and the rub is that someone has to be the mature decision maker and social actor. When an adult-even a parent-is in the midst of delayed adolescence, sometimes the child(ren) have to step in. I have seen this in a great number of cases, over the years. Children, in such instances, are out on a limb, and do the best they can-but they don’t have all the tools necessary to hold things together.

Grandparents are in a very special position. There are jokes made about being able to send the kids home, at the end of a day, but there is no love quite like that of Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Nonna, Aba, Bump or Meemaw. It is, in its essence, a reflection of the deep love that is held for one’s adult children, that the thought of them not succeeding, of them suffering the injury or loss of their offspring is beyond the pale.

Being a grandparent in waiting, I understand this concept, and am glad to just be able to dote on those children and youths of other friends and relatives-until such time as my own grandkids arrive-and even then, devotion is unlimited.

“You’ll Understand Some Day”

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 12, 2024, Beatty, NV- So did the attendant, at a convenience market in the small Mohave Desert town of Dolan Springs, explain a decision she had made to a much younger woman. Since I am inclined to wish long and happy lives to just about anyone I meet, I silently concurred. Mom always answered my chortles at one or another of her predicaments by singing “Your day will come“.

After a morning of home base activities, whilst waiting for the final word on a possible shelter, I prepared for Trip # 3, of 2024. Right at Noon, the shelter was deemed unnecessary, and by 1 p.m., I set out. Six hours later, after pit stops in Seligman, Dolan Springs, Las Vegas and Amargosa, I stopped here, so as to join a Baha’i Zoom call. It was plenty to drive here, in heat that ranged between 95-118 (35-47.77) degrees. My AC worked its magic and I was fine, so long as I kept pushing water down my gullet.

All along the drive, I contemplated the when of letting go- of power, of control, of position. This is not an issue for me, personally, but it seems much of the leadership of our governmental, financial and social institutions is unable to pass the baton. I have been ecstatic when a younger person shows up and is ready to take up the mantle of whatever mission I have had in front of me. I will always be willing to lend a hand, but being in charge is a bonus, not a craving.

Perhaps some of the younger ones will experience a strong urge to hold on, overstaying their welcome and even outliving their usefulness. Should that happen, I offer this, right here, right now. “May your time in the limelight impart lessons and knowledge that serve you well-and may those be of the sort that can be shared with the younger generations of YOUR seniorhood. May you remember these days, and know when to take the position of being ONE among many, of a number of generations who work together.”

I will spend much of the weekend with one of my favourite families, with 5 or 6 bright, engaging children, and their loving parent and grandparents. There is no overbearing or insecure adult there, at least not when it comes to the children’s upbringing.

Those who have tried are relegated to the periphery of the children’s lives. May they understand, some day.

Once More, with Cinnamon

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 11, 2024- The whirling dervish of energy kept on spinning today. At one point, I packed a “go bag” of stuff, went out to the car and found…I had left my keys in the house. After looking about for a bit, I found the carefully hidden spare key and got my act together again.

This is a week of everything happening simultaneously. As the call came for me to join two other volunteers on a preliminary shelter arrangement, I was also dealing with a charitable transaction that involves a phone app-which is similar in name to another phone app. (Don’t worry, both are legitimate.) The school that is getting the cash will wait until tomorrow, and as it happens, the decision on setting up a shelter will also wait until tomorrow.

So, three of us went out to a community about 45 miles west southwest of Prescott, and dropped off a trailer of supplies, to be used in the event of a shelter being established. We then turned around and came back. My part in this matter is done, unless a roaring blaze rekindles, between now and 10 a.m. tomorrow.

The day started with my annual physical examination. I was pronounced a fine physical specimen-younger in appearance than my age. There is only an issue with not drinking enough water-easily resolved, and a slight uptick in LDL-so I am to take one more Red Yeast Rice capsule (total of 2)-and 1 cinnamon capsule, each day. I can do this, and keep on with weight reduction and a fine mental balance. This PA sees all of his 70+ year-old patients every six months, so I will be checked again in January. No worries.

Tomorrow, I will head over to Kingman, up through sizzling Las Vegas and on towards Carson City, spending two days with my Nevada family. Then it’s up through northern California, Oregon and Washington, with stops to see Baha’i and other friends-and across the Straits of Juan de Fuca, to Vancouver Island, the Sunshine Coast, Metro Vancouver and southeast British Columbia, before reversing the route.

That is, unless the blaze rekindles.