Category Archives: Family

Comely

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Posted by on in collaborating, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 25, 2024- Mother has been unequivocal, all these years, about us sons not dwelling upon the physical appearance of this young lady or that woman. We were taught, early on, not to stare at people, or to make untoward remarks or comments on anyone’s appearance. “You will get your mouth washed out with soap!” That applied equally as much to cussing, in general, but she and Dad both stressed that our job, as boys and as men, was to safeguard the rights of women and girls.

She has been the comeliest of women, so that admonition had valid roots. No one in my circle ever said anything remotely disrespectful about her; we were hard-wired in that way. My memories of her, growing up, were centered though, not on appearance, except as a marker of self-esteem and of respect for those around us. We were taught to dress nicely for school, for medical and dental appointments and for formal social occasions. Mostly, though, how we looked was an indicator of how we regarded the people around us.

When it came time for me to choose a mate, I valued Penny’s intellect, spirituality and musical bent, even more than her beauty. We had the old Amish adage: “Good cookin’ lasts; good lookin’ don’t” on our stove, for a good period of the time we were together. She looked lovely anyway, but that was a bonus. The same is true now, with someone who has drawn me in, with her spirituality, vibrant air, common sense and gentle demeanor. That K is comely is also a bonus.

All the souls gone on will no doubt be glad for those of us who have reached that point in our lives, where we treasure that old Amish adage.

Transitory

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Posted by on in Assistance, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 24, 2024- As I spoke with friends at a coffee klatsch, this morning, and at the Soup Kitchen, this evening, it occurred to me that little about the next six weeks is even remotely cut and dried. Routine stuff, like tomorrow’s bloodwork at the VA, could reveal things that are life-altering, or they could give me a clean bill of health, in two weeks. Wednesday’s flight to Boston is most likely to be uneventful, even given the early Phoenix-St. Louis leg and the long layover at Lambert. Traffic from Logan Airport to Bedford should not be all that bad, given the after rush hour driving time.

From there, everything about the time with, or about, my mother is a cypher, up to God alone. The right thing, by everyone, will happen. It may well, however, have a domino effect. Doing right by her comes first, though, before jumping back on a plane, July 1; before being at Bellemont from the 7th to the 10th; conceivably, even before having my annual physical exam on the 11th or going up towards Carson City and the Northwest, a day later. Those affected by any change in plans need to understand that, and not be bothered by it.

This is all about a woman who gave of herself, unfailingly, for the twenty-nine years of her youngest son’s life; for the duration of recovery from the tragedy that nearly killed another of her children; for the effort it took to get her eldest, me, to find the right spiritual path and moral compass point-and turn away from a destructive road.

She will have all she needs, of my time and energy, for the duration of her transition. It’s just that simple, and just that complex.

Anticipatory Memories III

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Posted by on in Assistance, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 22, 2024- I was sitting on my bed, in a room for married students, at Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff. It was a Sunday morning, in 1986, and the two of us were planning our respective study days. We were both Graduate Students, I seeking my initial Master’s Degree and Penny, her second.

The analog phone rang and Penny answered. Mom was on the line and asked to speak to me. “Are you sitting down, Honey? Dad died this morning.” Just like that, my world joined hers, in collapse and disarray. I was, however, 35 years old and had to make some quick decisions with my wife of four years. After telling Mom that I would be in Saugus as quickly as possible, I made flight arrangements and packed. Penny would be unable to join me on the flight, as she had a major language exam, the following weekend. We went shopping for all that she would need while on her own, without a car. I then set out for Phoenix, and by midnight, EDT, I was across the country, in my childhood home, embracing my dear mother, then sleeping in my old bed.

The next morning, she told me that she had just been covered by a cold touch. She thought it was Dad. Having been visited by my maternal grandmother, shortly after her death, in 1960, I made sense of that. (I would later, as Penny was transitioning in 2011-, feel a full ectoplasmic presence in our bedroom, though she was in a hospice room, 20 miles to the northwest.) The departing reach out to their loved ones. (This afternoon, I heard two distinct whispers, while I was helping someone put a long folding table into a truck. The co-worker wasn’t whispering, and no one else was around. I have heard nothing further about Mom’s condition, but I am sure she is trying to communicate with me.)

Mom has always been direct with people; no mystery has ever existed, as to where one stands with Lila Mae. I could never even so much as fib to her, without her knowing exactly where the truth was being told and what part of my story was pure Blarney, or as she put it: “Bushwah”. At some very primitive level, that remains in her psyche, even in these last days. I would probably still be bopped upside the head, if I entertained an untoward thought.

When she thought we were being absurd, out came the Irish oath: “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” She would later say that she was merely praying,but there was no mistaking the message. Each of us was always expected to do better-and excuses were given no quarter, in my mother’s court. At the same time, when one of us did well, or had a hopeful development, there was no more exuberant cheerleader.

Anticipatory Memories-II

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 21, 2024- All of my arrangements are now in place, for what may well be my last visit with Mom, on this Earth. I will fly to Boston, stay at a motel in Bedford, driving from the airport to the motel and to wherever I need to be, the following four days- Lynnfield, Saugus, and any number of surrounding towns where friends and family may want to gather. I will either fly back to Phoenix, on July 1, or adjust my plans as Mom needs me to.

Her macaroni and cheese, baked haddock, meatloaf, lasagna, velvet crumb cake, tomato soup cake, toll house cookies, cinnamon rolls-all are embedded in my culinary treasure chest. Even her salmon casserole, an acquired taste, would not any longer pass from my plate into the compost. Mom made as much from scratch as her schedule, increasingly complex over the years, allowed, as one became two, then three-four-and five.

Sis and I walked our siblings, leading to good-natured ribbing from neighbourhood boys, who swore they wouldn’t be caught dead pushing a baby in a carriage. Every last one of them married strong women, and sired at least two kids apiece. I have to wonder.

Mom never coddled us boys, when we were knocked around by guys stronger than us. She and Dad got me a set of barbells, and like the bicycle that came before, I “tried” them for about six days and lost interest. My next brother inherited what interested him, and they became less than a total loss. She listened to my tales of woe, but her mantra, on a good many occasions, was “poor baby”. When she did see that one of us was being unjustly treated, though, she was like her favourite hockey player, Bobby “Katie Bar the Door” Orr.

My seventh grade home room teacher, a large and very loud man, thought it funny to lampoon my family name, until 128 pounds of fury was standing in front of him and letting it be known that his job could very well be at risk. The better angels of Mr. Anzalone were ever present, from that day forward.

She was also no holds barred, when it came to defending her youngest child. B could scarcely catch a break, in his short life, but he did get lucky when it came to parentage. She did the right thing by him, every step of the way.

She has done the right thing, by all of us, every step of the way.

Anticipatory Memories

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Posted by on in Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

June 20, 2024- Mother always said that the time to honour someone is while they are still alive. So I am sharing some stories of her life, over the next several days.

When I was around 4, Mom got into an argument with someone, who got a bit physical with her. She shoved back and got the better of that person. He never bothered her again. Mom was of medium height, but she was robust.

After my father passed, Mom took up golf. She would go to the links, usually Nine Holes, with a good friend, or sometimes with one or more of my siblings. Even after she was no longer able to do the course, she enjoyed watching golf on tv.

Once, during the summer, when we were about to go to one of my favourite theme parks, called Pleasure Island, a neighbour woman came over and told her that another neighbour had died. She told the woman that she would go to the funeral. Having no concept of time, I thought, for a few moments that the trip to the park was going to be canceled. I knew better than to grouse and complain, but my face fell, just a bit. Mom explained that a funeral was seldom, if ever, the same day that a person dies. We went to Pleasure Island and had a great time.

When I was eight, I read the package of one of my Christmas gifts, and saw “Made in West Germany”, on the label. Sister started to wince a little-so we asked Mom, “Why doesn’t this say ‘Made in North Pole’?” She leveled with us about Santa Claus, and went on to say that the important thing is that there is a God. That was small comfort to me at the time, but I kept the Santa Claus business under my hat and we never told our younger brothers-just let them find out for themselves.

Anticipatory grief is unpredictable, and in this case, I handle it best by remembering stories like these. I hope to share a few more, while she is still with us.

The Biggest Picture

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 17, 2024- The first question from friends’ mouths, here in Home Base 1, is not “When’s your next trip?” It is more like “What was your favourite part?” There are several, to which I have alluded here, and am glad to recount again, for those who don’t read this blog. Certainly. time with Mom was priceless. So, too, were visits with siblings and cousins, New England and my little family in Texas. The two visits with the Miqmaq elders in Eskasoni are up there. Making a connection with Kathy’s friends in Newfoundland is huge. Food- in St. Pierre, Twillingate, Botwood, Margaree (NL), Whycocomagh, Shediac, Middleton (MA), Nahant, Downingtown, Ruleville and Grapevine will stay sweetly on my palate.

I was asked further questions about the deeper gratitude. The changes that have been wrought within me, surfacing in the past year or so, are grist for those. I can think more clearly, have more attention to detail, show more methodical work habits and have a better Body Mass Index. What gives? I can’t say enough about the strengthening, deepening of my Faith. Improvement of a diet and exercise regimen has its place. Feeling deeply in love, after thirteen years of widowhood, can’t but help. Deepest of all, however, is self-acceptance, the realization, at long last, that no matter what happens in any of the above areas, I will be okay-or more than okay.

The biggest picture takes me forward, doing the work that I was meant to do, all the way from infancy. Stay around, if you would.

Gratitude, ’24

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 16, 2024-It was a fine pancake, sausage and scrambled eggs breakfast, this morning. Thank you, American legion Post 6. My gratitude list, though, is both more basic and more complex than a simple meal.

My most essential and enduring gratitude is for my parents-the father I honoured today, and have tried, with varying degrees of success, to live up to; the mother who clings to life, knowing at some level that she is still very much needed. My three siblings, each a testament to their legacy, embody the best of what Mom and Dad have tried to instill in us. Son is a reflection of the best of his late mother, and of myself.

Penny’s spirit, along with my Dad’s-and of her parents, still are my blessed guides, steering me towards the Light, even when fatigue and self-doubt have taken over. I am ever grateful that she led me to the Baha’i Faith, the Teachings of which will continue to sustain me-for all eternity.

I am grateful for all the people I have met, both in the Prescott area, across the continent of North America and across the globe. The lessons learned in the course of both work and travel have helped, at long last, to make me feel the inner strength that was probably inside me all along, and to become a person of value to community and humanity as a whole. All this has brought me to a place of sublime love, which I also suspect has been welling inside me all along. It has made me realize how important friends are; how much I need to show grace, even to those who I might think have turned away; it has made me value a new special person in my life and not want to shy away from , or bury, my feelings towards her.

So, I am grateful for Prescott, for the wider Arizona, the Southwest, the United States as a whole, for North America. I am grateful for Europe and east Asia-particularly for Brittany and Normandy, for Alsace, and Luxembourg, for the Belgian Flanders, for a swath of central Germany, for South Korea and for the Philippines. I am grateful for all I have not seen of this world, and for the friends there, who faithfully read my posts and show their love in different ways. I am grateful for opportunities to serve- and for those who serve me.

May this sense of gratitude continue to grow, in this special year of getting away from comfort zones, and in the years yet to come.

Eastbound and Back, Day 35: Unwinding, not Unraveling

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 2, 2024, Grapevine- Two things constituted my contribution to the weekend here: I took the kids out for brunch this morning and I washed the dinner dishes, this evening. I also won the Scrabble game, which just goes to show that unwinding does not mean unraveling.

I tend to jump into life with both feet, which sometimes has gotten me into some boiling water. All the same, I have learned to modify the shower or occasional bath, by carefully adjusting the faucet to a temperature that won’t leave me looking like a lobster afterward. I also have learned to be efficient at showering, so little or no water gets wasted. The same is true of any endeavour. “Waste not, want not” is sage advice, not only for eating and bathing, but also for speaking-and by extension, writing.

It is important, though, to neither be parsimonious with love, while at the same time remaining transparent about the nature of that love. One can only feel romantic love towards one person at a time. All others may be loved fraternally, parentally, or platonically. That was how it was for me when Penny was alive and that’s how it is for me now. I am grateful for every friend who is in my life, and will do what I can to help anyone who makes a respectful and reasonable request. I have a duty to self, to my beloved, and to family to use my resources wisely, so time, energy and money will be stewarded accordingly.

Tomorrow begins the “homestretch” of this current journey, leading straight into a well-organized, and hopefully fruitful, six weeks of service in and around Home Base I, plus Bellemont Baha’i School-barring any family emergency. The year so far has been one of effervescence, resilience and problem-solving. I aim to continue along those lines.

Eastbound and Back, Day 34: Taking Stock

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Slow Food Prescott, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

June 1, 2024, Grapevine- The new apartment, Home Base II, is a tad smaller, kitchen and living room-wise, than its predecessor, but my little family is happier-which is all that counts. I am as comfortable here as I was on the other side of Grapevine Mills- a testament to the serenity that Aram and Yunhee have with one another. True to form, we dined in nicely, for all three meals and I joined them on a shopping journey, this evening. Sushi was for dinner and a Korean comedy followed, starring the actor Don Lee (Lee Dong-seok), a bilingual actor who is well-known in both South Korea and Los Angeles, for playing tough guys with hearts of gold. This one had Don as a would-be arm wrestling champion, who has to face down small time mobsters-a piece of cake, this being a comedy.

June has ever been a month of transition for me: It was the month when I got married, went on pilgrimage to the Baha’i Holy Places in Israel, both 42 years ago. It was in June, that my father passed, 38 years ago. I graduated high school this month, 56 years ago, and joined the U.S. Army, a year later. So, June has become my time for taking stock and making whatever adjustments that may need to be made, in life and lifestyle.

In a few days, I will be back in Prescott, Home Base I. There are already appointments and commitments set for several days this month, most intensely the management of a youth camp, in Bellemont, for eight days, starting next Friday. A visit to our Congressman’s office awaits, followed by a visit to my chiropractor- though not because of what might happen that morning. Our Red Cross meeting comes a day later, and I will serve as Blood Ambassador, on June 20, then help with a Slow Food event on June 22.

In the background, though, is a family situation that may trump all of the above. We just take the matter one day at a time. It is the Hands of the Almighty now. Life in the wider world will always go on, regardless of what we face as individuals, or as families.

Perhaps the biggest change, long-term, is in how I am called to serve humanity. I have spent much time on the road, these past thirteen years, feeling that my time was best spent in one place or another. There remain, this year, a road trip to British Columbia, via the Pacific Northwest, and visits with friends, one in particular, and service activities in the Philippines. East Africa had been on the itinerary, until security concerns (relative to a transit stop in west Asia) prompted the airline to scrub the flight.

Extensive solo travel, and solo life, may well be coming to an end, with the above journeys. That’s all I feel it prudent to say for now, but I feel a change in the wind. One day at a time, dear Lord, one day at a time.

Eastbound and Back, Day 29: The Forest’s Edge

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 27, 2024, Oley, PA- It was a time of assessment, as the eight-month old regarded me from her high chair, as seven of us gathered for breakfast this morning, at a substantial place called Nudy’s Cafe. I’ve noticed that infants born this year are less likely to grasp a finger that is placed in their hand, without first carefully looking at the person for a while. This is a new experience for me, and it will be interesting to see how the youngest Alphas and first-born Betas (from next year on) turn out, in terms of later social interaction. She did call out to me and maintain eye contact, as the meal progressed. Her older brother, on the other hand, talked non-stop, about subjects ranging from the planets to dinosaurs. He is bound and determined to be a social butterfly.

My PA family (2/3 of them)

Rain, or the hint of it, led to another event in Exton being canceled. So, after the sumptuous breakfast, I bid farewell to 2/3 of my Brandywine Valley family and headed up here, a scant forty minutes and a cultural world away. Oley Valley is all about farms, traditional values of Mennonites and a strong bond between humans and the land. My host, David, said that there was a time when a lively camp existed, at the end of the road which borders his family’s properties on the west. There was camping and fishing there. Now, since the owner of the camp died, the forest has grown back up and there is a clear marker between fields and woods. Manatawny Creek is only reached by bushwhacking a bit, at least in that particular spot.

The Greenhouse, which still bears the Glick family name, and was built up by David and his family, goes on without his leadership. It looks like it is still booming, though, having expanded to nine houses, during his last few years of active work there. He is turning his attention now to the garden beds, on an adjoining property. Love for the soil never leaves a true farmer’s heart.

I walked down to the edge of the forest, and saw these scenes, during the course of this afternoon.