Category Archives: Family

Coming Together

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 28, 2024, Carson City- Little Man wanted to learn the simple game, which other members of the family were playing. So, he was given a seat at the table and the process was explained very simply. He’s a bright child, so it didn’t take long, and he was fully participating in the game-actually doing quite well at it. Allowances were made for his attention span, so he came and went-taking care of other things that had his interest.

His older sister was involved in the game, and played more consistently. A household chore took her away from the table, and that was more than okay. Peace in any house depends upon respect, across the board. When it later came time for her to spend quality time with her father, as well, that took priority.

There was a calm and very civil air in the house today. I sense it has much to do with the departure of some rather troubled and uncivil neighbours. Toxicity can spread, almost unannounced, insidiously. It was the first time, in quite a while, that the head of the household felt comfortable working in his own back yard, and the relief was palpable. These are good people, who have much love to give to their children and to extended family.

We are each individuals and will always have a sense of separation from even those closest to us. At the same time, we need one another, and pretending otherwise just leads to an unnatural divide. Coming together requires respect, in both directions. Miscreants can be brought into the fold, but on the terms of those who are practicing virtuous behaviour, not the other way around. There is a story that an early Baha’i told, of a saintly man and a ruffian. The saintly one told the ne’er do well that he could help him turn into a respected member of society, “in a month’s time”. The thug replied, ” I can corrupt you, in less than a day.” Both were right, underscoring the need for virtues to be instilled in children, and modeled in a consistent manner, by all significant adult role models in their view. Fortitude and self-discipline are needed, in withstanding the temptations thrown out by such as the miscreant in the story.

I am relieved that the two children, who I love very much, will no longer have to endure the nefariousness next door-and that everyone will be able to show the love for one another that has never been far below the surface, even in times of tension. This has been a wondrous cap to a very fruitful journey. Tomorrow, I head back to Home Base I.

Getting Past Hiccups

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 20, 2024, Tofino, BC- I will forever consider myself blessed, when it comes to family. I can talk with my son, any of my siblings and any in-laws, with no qualms or trepidation, at a moment’s notice.

So many friends don’t have that blessing. I have heard from friends, recently, about being cut off from adult children and siblings-most often not because of anything they did, but because of third-party interference. This may, or may not, be part of the story, or even the whole story. I know there are those who prey on disaffected youth and actively work to turn them against their parents. There is a special place in the world of retribution for such monsters, but I digress.

No one can turn a person against their loved ones, without that person’s consent. In the end, though, there is loneliness. Chances are, the manipulator won’t be there for the lost soul. The person who is disaffected from their parent(s) or their children will have outlived any usefulness to the predator-who is most often seeking power, in a neurotic manner. So often, the predator will use mainstream religion, or cult membership, to appeal to the prey. Only when the troubled soul wakes up and reconciles with those s(he) has cast out, can there be any chance for real recovery.

I thought about these things, whilst en route to the exquisite Pacific Rim, of west central Vancouver Island. Earlier in the day, after a marvelous rest at Turtle Hostel, in Victoria’s Hillside/Quadra district, I had pleasant meetings with two dear friends, and was glad to be able to offer them support. Regarding Hillside/Quadra, it is ringed by churches and Victoria’s Conservatory of Music-and as I mentioned in the last post, is a haven for unhoused people.

Alex Goold Performance Center, Victoria Conservatory of Music
Anglican Church of St. John the Divine, Victoria
First United Church, Victoria

Each of these institutions does what it can, to help its unhoused neighbours. As is the case back at Home Base, Prescott, there are soup kitchens and active efforts to clothe the people. There, but for the grace of God……

In the next post, I will focus on the cathedrals of a different sort: The majesty of the Pacific Rim and the edge of Clayoquot Sound, particularly in Tofino and Ucluelet. Here is an example:

Clayoquot Sound, Tofino

Devotion

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 14, 2024, Carson City- There is much that one does for love, in this life, that would not otherwise be on one’s personal agenda. Parents and grandparents most often know this. So do caretakers of disabled spouses or elderly parents. Teachers and coaches also do, to some extent, though their personal agendas are wrapped within their callings.

This goes well beyond the obvious things, like bathing and dressing those who are unable to do so for themselves, or watching small children who are playing outside, or in a public space. It extends to those who “hold their noses and play yet another round” of a game one finds tiresome or even irritating. It becomes, at its level best, an exercise in detachment.

Thus did a friend spend time with a beloved child. I joined them, finding actually a mild amusement in the game, which is more than a bit whimsical. Such is childhood, on occasion, and rightly so. There is more than enough preparation for adulthood that faces today’s children, and at an earlier age-despite what pundits and commentators say about delayed adolescence. There is that too, of course, and the rub is that someone has to be the mature decision maker and social actor. When an adult-even a parent-is in the midst of delayed adolescence, sometimes the child(ren) have to step in. I have seen this in a great number of cases, over the years. Children, in such instances, are out on a limb, and do the best they can-but they don’t have all the tools necessary to hold things together.

Grandparents are in a very special position. There are jokes made about being able to send the kids home, at the end of a day, but there is no love quite like that of Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Nonna, Aba, Bump or Meemaw. It is, in its essence, a reflection of the deep love that is held for one’s adult children, that the thought of them not succeeding, of them suffering the injury or loss of their offspring is beyond the pale.

Being a grandparent in waiting, I understand this concept, and am glad to just be able to dote on those children and youths of other friends and relatives-until such time as my own grandkids arrive-and even then, devotion is unlimited.

“You’ll Understand Some Day”

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 12, 2024, Beatty, NV- So did the attendant, at a convenience market in the small Mohave Desert town of Dolan Springs, explain a decision she had made to a much younger woman. Since I am inclined to wish long and happy lives to just about anyone I meet, I silently concurred. Mom always answered my chortles at one or another of her predicaments by singing “Your day will come“.

After a morning of home base activities, whilst waiting for the final word on a possible shelter, I prepared for Trip # 3, of 2024. Right at Noon, the shelter was deemed unnecessary, and by 1 p.m., I set out. Six hours later, after pit stops in Seligman, Dolan Springs, Las Vegas and Amargosa, I stopped here, so as to join a Baha’i Zoom call. It was plenty to drive here, in heat that ranged between 95-118 (35-47.77) degrees. My AC worked its magic and I was fine, so long as I kept pushing water down my gullet.

All along the drive, I contemplated the when of letting go- of power, of control, of position. This is not an issue for me, personally, but it seems much of the leadership of our governmental, financial and social institutions is unable to pass the baton. I have been ecstatic when a younger person shows up and is ready to take up the mantle of whatever mission I have had in front of me. I will always be willing to lend a hand, but being in charge is a bonus, not a craving.

Perhaps some of the younger ones will experience a strong urge to hold on, overstaying their welcome and even outliving their usefulness. Should that happen, I offer this, right here, right now. “May your time in the limelight impart lessons and knowledge that serve you well-and may those be of the sort that can be shared with the younger generations of YOUR seniorhood. May you remember these days, and know when to take the position of being ONE among many, of a number of generations who work together.”

I will spend much of the weekend with one of my favourite families, with 5 or 6 bright, engaging children, and their loving parent and grandparents. There is no overbearing or insecure adult there, at least not when it comes to the children’s upbringing.

Those who have tried are relegated to the periphery of the children’s lives. May they understand, some day.

Once More, with Cinnamon

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 11, 2024- The whirling dervish of energy kept on spinning today. At one point, I packed a “go bag” of stuff, went out to the car and found…I had left my keys in the house. After looking about for a bit, I found the carefully hidden spare key and got my act together again.

This is a week of everything happening simultaneously. As the call came for me to join two other volunteers on a preliminary shelter arrangement, I was also dealing with a charitable transaction that involves a phone app-which is similar in name to another phone app. (Don’t worry, both are legitimate.) The school that is getting the cash will wait until tomorrow, and as it happens, the decision on setting up a shelter will also wait until tomorrow.

So, three of us went out to a community about 45 miles west southwest of Prescott, and dropped off a trailer of supplies, to be used in the event of a shelter being established. We then turned around and came back. My part in this matter is done, unless a roaring blaze rekindles, between now and 10 a.m. tomorrow.

The day started with my annual physical examination. I was pronounced a fine physical specimen-younger in appearance than my age. There is only an issue with not drinking enough water-easily resolved, and a slight uptick in LDL-so I am to take one more Red Yeast Rice capsule (total of 2)-and 1 cinnamon capsule, each day. I can do this, and keep on with weight reduction and a fine mental balance. This PA sees all of his 70+ year-old patients every six months, so I will be checked again in January. No worries.

Tomorrow, I will head over to Kingman, up through sizzling Las Vegas and on towards Carson City, spending two days with my Nevada family. Then it’s up through northern California, Oregon and Washington, with stops to see Baha’i and other friends-and across the Straits of Juan de Fuca, to Vancouver Island, the Sunshine Coast, Metro Vancouver and southeast British Columbia, before reversing the route.

That is, unless the blaze rekindles.

Darlings

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 6, 2024- A fire closed the highway between here and Phoenix, so the shuttle driver took a more circuitous route, still getting us back here in very decent time. I was able to join a snap meeting on Zoom, to tend to a small, but essential, piece of business. All is now well, at the end of a hard, but essential, journey to say farewell to the woman who gave me life. Her photographs, interspersed throughout this modest Home Base, and all those memories of the past seven decades, keep my mother “ever gentle on my mind.”

Four of my darlings have now gone on-Mom, Penny, and my two grandmothers. They themselves are surrounded by those who loved them dearly, and many who loved me as well. All of my aunts, uncles, in-laws and several cousins are in the spirit vanguard that keeps us safe here, in this mortal frame. So are my grandfathers, one of whom I am said to resemble. Though he was long dead, when I arrived, I have thought of him often, over the years and feel a strong connection.

Many darlings remain-Kathy, my nieces and grandnieces, sister, daughter-in-law, sisters-in-law, aunts, and all manner of friends, here in Arizona and across this wide world. It’s different with the men and boys- I love them dearly as well, but the women and girls reflect everything that my dear mother gave to each of her five children. She called it “smotherly love”, and at times it felt rather heavy, but I know just how deeply a mother-child connection is, having watched Penny, from that day 36 years ago, tomorrow, until the moment of her death. Fathers guide, nurture and support their children, but sometimes we get so caught up in our roles as providers, that the emotional aspect of life gets short shrift. Mothers, with few exceptions, never waver in that regard.

Mom always knew how I was, no matter how hard I tried to keep a brave face. Darlings never let their darlings down.

Short Limbos

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, Historical, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 5, 2024, Boston- The cobblestone walk, in the photo on my wall, in this spacious, yet relatively simple room, near Fanueil Hall, pretty much spells it out. There are light curves and a mild turn to the left, before the photo print heads into eternity. The photograph encapsulates my trip from Woburn, this afternoon.

It could have been so much worse, had the random driveway and lane closures of last week still been in effect, around the Car Rental Center at Logan Airport. As it was, we go to the airport area in less than 20 minutes, I topped off the tank and returned the vehicle, leaving plenty of time to catch the shuttle to the terminal, where Aram caught his flight, and my getting cash for incidentals and various tips. It was a quarter mile alley oop to the taxi stand, then the sharp, efficient driver got me to the Bostonian Hotel, in ten minutes.

The Bostonian Hotel, near Fanueil Hall.
The Parlor, lobby of Bostonian Hotel.

These were very short limbos, and it was gratifying that I did far less overthinking and ruminating about them than in times past. Both self-confidence and trust in the Divine are far greater than they have been. Mother got a fabulous send-off, family and friends who I hadn’t seen in years came to pay their respects to her and re-connect with one another, and with me. Aram came to have my back, and in the process completed much of his remaining academic work. Yunhee, waiting at home, got a lobster stuffed figure. I have a sense that one more powerful spirit guide is going to help me over various challenges, in this still roiling year, and through the rest of the decade. As a bonus, she guided me to a nice place for a lobster salad roll and cup of clam chowder, to close out my time in Massachusetts.

Fanueil Hall, Boston

Shortly, I will get my rest, then rise early tomorrow and make the flight back to Arizona, via Denver. It has been a semi-expected, and reassuring, ten days.

One More Waltz to Paradise

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 3, 2024, Woburn, MA- So now, we are orphans. The powerful and beautiful matriarch has gone home to her Lord.

Yesterday, the young man was full of himself. Today, he was crestfallen and needed us all to help him deal with the loss of his beloved grandmother. So it was done. That is the nature of any set of random unpleasantries that take place between people who love one another, in their inmost hearts.

Mom lay in repose, and each of us had our time to say our last farewells. Mine was focused on just how powerfully she drew forth the best aspects of my character, and made of them the engine that has kept me going. We four siblings and, by extension, our children and grandchildren are each that much the better for her long and exemplary life. In the end, she looked as elegant and beautiful as she had at any time in her nearly ninety-six years.

Well over a hundred people filled the event room, at the funeral home-and about 3/4 of them continued on to the interment at cemetery, as well to as the funereal meal. The four of us mingled as best we could, with it being a rare opportunity to catch up with relatives and former neighbours we had not seen in decades. In that sense, Mom wove her last magic. Such occasions are in that sense magical, and reassuring.

Mom’s centering principle was that each of us do the very best we can, in any endeavour-big or small. Making the bed was as important as giving a speech. Washing the dishes properly deserved the same attention as delivering up a quality piece of homework. Her send-off reflected that: My sister’s attention to detail made everything click, as Mom would have wanted. My youngest niece created an exquisite audiovisual collage of Mom’s life, which circulated around the lounge at Polcari’s Restaurant, as we enjoyed light desserts after the ample buffet.

I offer two songs, in gratitude, “Until we meet again”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGWs1HK8iDU

Staying Wary

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 2, 2024, Woburn, MA- A family member who is not known for tact tried to put me on the sidelines, in the middle of a conversation. I didn’t back away, which rankled him just a bit, but he didn’t push the issue. We’ve had our differences, now and then, but given that he is half my age, I try not to take things too much to heart.

In the past, particularly in my New England years, there was always a small inner circle, in any group with which I was involved. I was never part of that circle, even if there were only three of us. The other two just had a very strong bond, that either pre-dated my time with them, or was established while we interacted.

Only recently have I even had the level of self-confidence to call out those who sought to keep things tightly controlled or at least keep me on the outside of things. My siblings, thankfully, don’t subscribe to such exclusivity. Most of those with whom I interact now are no more exclusionary towards me than they are towards anyone else. Still and all, I am very wary of anyone who draws a circle around self, and makes sure that “the other”, even one to whom s(he) is related, doesn’t step inside.

I used to ascribe exclusionary behaviour to “American culture”, or “elitism”. Anymore, I associate it with insecurity or misplaced anger. No one can be totally accepting of all those around them, in the course of this life, but it stands to reason that moving away from small enclosed circles is mark of spiritual growth.

Clean-up

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 1, 2024, Woburn, MA- Mom was meticulous, in her prime. While some of that fastidiousness faded, as she entered her tenth decade, we, her adult children kept the faith and would serve her needs, as much as she would let anyone serve. So it was, today.

The day had periods of rain and wind, which complicated the process-just a bit. There was also the energy of serendipity: Several things happening in a small space, at the same time. I got a little bit irritated, not at family members, but at random people with competing agendas. I got past that irritation, and somehow, we got furniture, keepsakes, clothing-to-be-donated and several bags of trash out of the room and to their respective destinations, in a matter of three or four hours.

Among the keepsakes are a rolled up photograph of your truly, protected in a scroll. This will be my “personal item” on the flight back to Phoenix. There is also a photo of my maternal grandfather, who I never met in the flesh, but who some say I resemble. That will take its place on the mantle in my living room. There are other photos and journals that enhance our family story.

This is the back side of bringing a long-lived and much-loved family member’s earthly story to a close. Mom chose her own final arrangements, with the strongest expectation that we would all stick together. It is my expectation, as well.

The room is now empty, but our hearts never will be.