Category Archives: Family

The Carson Loop, Day 8: Being Ourselves

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 22, 2022, Carson City- There was big news out of Grapevine, this afternoon. Aram received his Chief Petty Officer pins, and will now serve in that capacity, in the U.S. Naval Reserves. He will continue to work on his Baccalaureate-and he will earn that, as well. We are a determined lot, we Boivins, as were/are our Fellman relatives.

My day here in Carson was spent with an equally determined bunch, the Smith/Carrillo/Sandoval extended family. The running conversation centered on something especially dear to my heart-the right of each person to be self. It was pointed out that most of the difficulties facing society, both here in the United States, and globally, stem from failure of people to accept each other as they are. Much of this, in turn, seems to come from personal insecurity, and as was pointed out, in another conversation, earlier this week, the notion of zero sum; if one person, or group, achieves or gets something, others stand to lose what’s theirs. This line of thinking has fostered everything from civil wars to the begging culture that arose from colonialism. It was certainly behind the brief episode of screaming and yelling that occurred last night, while I was walking along, and minding my own business. It is behind sibling rivalry, oneupmanship and people talking over each other, or interrupting someone who has the floor, and is speaking in measured tones, or haltingly.

It took a very long time for me to value who I am. I made a lot of progress in that regard, over the course of my 29-year marriage and, thus far, 34 + years of parenthood. I have had precious little trouble accepting everyone else, for who they are, but myself? It’s only, really, been since 2014, that I have been 100% okay with me.

My extended family members, one in particular, stressed that this concept is actually one of the primary keys to the growth of a peace culture, to wit: Parents should lay off pushing their children to follow a narrative that is primarily designed to fulfill the wishes of the parents, and not their own. This affects everything from mistaking a phase in the child’s life for an indicator of his/her destiny to fulfilling, for the parent(s), a long cherished dream, which is NOT necessarily the child’s own, to the attitude that so many have towards people who disagree with them, even on relatively mundane matters.

The consensus of our conversation today was: Let us each be, and love, ourselves.

The Carson Loop, Day 7: Brushing Off Gnats

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 21, 2022, Carson City- The truck with a “Black” flag slowed as it passed and the visibly angry passenger screamed out the window: “Get out of this town!” The truck kept on going, and so did I, walking to Ming’s Chinese Restaurant and Sushi Bar. I got my combination fried rice and egg rolls, enjoyed a few cups of hot jasmine tea, and remembered old times in Phoenix, Saugus and other places with good Chinese cuisine. I most often opted for fried rice of some kind, or buckwheat noodles. Tonight, carrying leftovers, I walked back to the motel. The gnats in the truck had been brushed off, and I had no further trouble from anyone.

The day as a whole was uneventful. Breakfast at Holiday Motel was cereal, muffin and yogurt, with “of-course, coffee”. I left Winnemucca around 11:30, then stopped for lunch at Lovelock’s Cowpoke Cafe, where a bustling lone server took my order, wiped tables and delivered soft drink orders to three tables-almost in one fell swoop. He was soon joined by three women, one of whom helped for more than ten minutes. I’m not sure what the other two ended up doing, but the food was good and the people all seemed happy.

I settled into America’s Best Value Inn, called my extended family here in Carson and made tentative plans for the next three days. Visits to a nice new home of one branch of the clan, a devotional and a birthday party will be on tap. The best news: Aram has completed his Chief Petty Officer training, for the Navy Reserve and will receive his rank tomorrow. I have a hard-working family, all around, so the various successes don’t surprise me at all.

The Carson Loop, Day 4: Shakespeare and Sand Dunes

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

October 18, 2022, St. Anthony, ID- The best thing about hiking on a sand dune is returning the sand to its spot on the ground, by emptying the shoes. There is no better feeling in the world, than “giving back” in this way.

Also right up there is seeing the lights in several children’s eyes shine, as they learn of things like rhymed couplets and iambic pentameter-taught by one who knows them best, their mother. Home Schooling makes sense for some children, and I witnessed such a group today. I needed to be with other kids, so it would not have been good for me. The three boys and their sister were able to dive into the mechanics of poetry, and read Shakespeare’s “The Tempest”, with each person selecting a part, and Mom taking up the slack. Math, mythology, science and Physical Education rounded out their day, later on.

By then, I was off to St. Anthony Sand Dunes, another surprising aspect of the Snake River Plain. The dunes are twelve miles northwest of town, beyond the potato fields that are so synonymous with this swath of central and eastern Idaho. They were the result, it is said, of the shrinkage of several large lakes in the area, as the climate warmed, towards the end of the last Ice Age. The smaller lakes exposed fine sand, which stopped and began to pile up at the foot of the extinct volcanoes known as Juniper Buttes, as well as at older, longitudinal dunes from previous climate shifts. Today, the Dunes range in height from 10 ft. to 500 ft. Those off to the west tend to be higher, and are given names like Choke Cherry and Dead Horse Bowl. As one might expect, ATV users are given paths to follow, through the fine, white sand. The season for ATV use is essentially from April or May to November. The dunes are mostly closed from January to April or May-to allow for dune regeneration and to give the area’s wildlife a rest.

Here are some scenes of the foliage around Egin Lake and of the dunes themselves.

The oaks in transition, at Egin Lake, St. Anthony Sand Dunes
Egin Lake, with oaks across the way
Egin Lake, with both oaks and grass in fall splendor
Eastern dunes
Sage, oaks and sand
High dune, off Red Road (northern sector of the Preserve)
Dunes up against Juniper Buttes, Red Road sector
Up close with high butte, Red Road sector

Once back in town, I stopped at Chrissy’s, a family restaurant a few blocks from Three Bear Inn. They are well into the Halloween spirit. If you look closely, a skeletal parrot and donkey are in the lower background.

Halloween display at Chrissy’s Restaurant, St. Anthony

I got back to Three Bears in time to keep the ducklings company, while the clan went off to a physical education session. It’s been a rejuvenating 1 1/2 days.

The Carson Loop, Day 3: Sea of Lava

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Hiking and Nature, Historical, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving, Travel

October 17, 2022, St. Anthony, ID- The boys noted a white ball cap, at the bottom of the small crater. One of them asked if he might shimmy down and retrieve it-which of course brought his father’s gentle but firm negative response. The presence of the family of five was a delightful addition to one of the most impressive flows of lava rock in the continental United States: Craters of the Moon.

This was my main draw to eastern Idaho, with Three Bears Inn, a cozy family home here in St. Anthony, a very close second. Three Bears is a serendipitous find, coming about when someone at Hotels.com misinterpreted my request for a room in St. Anthony, Newfoundland, last June. I was offered a room here, as compensation, for the charge that was incurred then.

The day started, somewhat chilly, in Jordan Valley, with a convenience store breakfast sandwich the only morning meal option. After a fashion, I headed off towards Idaho’s Owyhee Region. The name is a corruption of “Hawai’i”, coming from fur trappers having brought a crew of Native Hawaiians to the area, in 1819. Three of the Hawaiians embarked on an exploration of the Owyhee River’s canyonlands, but never returned to the base camp. The name Owyhee has been bestowed on the area, spanning parts of Oregon, Idaho and Nevada, in their honour.

Owyhee Overlook, Idaho
Owyhee Overlook, Idaho
Owyhee Overlook, Idaho

I continued past Boise, which will be a stop on the way back to Carson City, and found Little Camas Valley, where some of Idaho’s fall foliage was on view.

Oaks of the Little Camas, south central Idaho
Basalt outcropping, Little Camas
Basalt promontory, Little Camas

The presence of so much basalt, all along Highway 20, interrupts the constant presence of sage brush, as does the large presence of agriculture-both corporate and small scale. The Snake River Plain, from Fairfield in the west to Ashton in the east, is a prime potato growing region. Just shy of Arco, however, Craters of the Moon’s lava fields interrupts the farmlands, as much as the soil itself was created and enriched by the flow. This is the bounty of the Great Idaho Rift.

Here are some scenes, north of the actual monument grounds, and along Idaho Route 20.

Lava beds, north and west of North Crater, which is the central point of the Monument.
Lava bed, along Rte. 20

Pioneer Mountains, above the lava beds

Entering the Monument, which focuses on North Crater and its nearby flows, I encountered a family of four, joyfully coming back from a short walk in the lava field across from the Visitor Center. Here is what they saw.

A determined and lonely pine rises above sage and stone.
Older lava flow, at base of North Crater
Dwarf buckwheat is one of the more prolific flowering plants that has adapted to the lava beds.
Inferno Peak, a hikeable cinder cone.

I made the hike to the top of Inferno Peak in ten minutes. There, to greet me, was the Leaning Juniper of the Craters.

Lone juniper, atop Inferno Peak
Resilient sage and mature buckwheat, Inferno Peak summit
Big Craters, from the summit of Inferno Peak

Red cinder, Inferno Peak summit

The last focus of this visit was on the Spatter Cones, small volcanoes-or as one of the little girls present called, “Baby Volcanoes”.

Here was the place where I encountered the family mentioned at the beginning of this post.

Lastly, I stopped at Devil’s Orchard, an otherworldly group of standing lava rock. The place was so named by a visiting Christian preacher, in the early twentieth century.

Basalt standing in Devil’s Orchard

The scope of Craters of the Moon surpasses Arizona’s Sunset Crater, and rivals Lassen. It will be a stop along the way to future visits to Yellowstone and Grand Teton. For now, I settle in for a day or so, with new friends at Three Bears Inn: A strong couple, three sons and a daughter, two cats and two ducklings. Everything is just right.

Sharing

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

October 14, 2022- Once upon a time, three of us went trick-or-treating.

We were never out of each other’s sight,

stayed clear of any house whose lights were off,

and had no worries about bullies trying to raid our stashes.

When we got home, all three stashes were dumped on the dining room table.

Mom and Dad went through the pile, with fine toothed combs,

looking for signs of tampering.

They never found any, but I am grateful to this day that they did this.

I was raised to share, to not hoard.

“This is myyyyiin!” seldom, if ever, came out of my mouth.

If it did, the soap bar was at the ready.

Grown, a long time ago, I still share-my time, my energy

and, to the extent that is prudent, my money and my thoughts.

I try not to overshare. Friends and family have enough going on.

Being a burden to anyone is not my style.

Economy Kick

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

October 12, 2022- When we were kids, there would occasionally be times when Mom would announce to us that the family was on an economy kick. That was about the extent of our involvement in family finances, but we knew that costs were outweighing income, and not to ask for anything extra. We got three meals a day, without fail, the house was comfortable and well-kept, and the clothes were always clean. Not much else really mattered, even to me, in the throes of autism, of which I knew nothing.

I had to manage a household, myself, during Penny’s decline, and through being frugal, managed to keep 3-6 people fed and comfortably housed, even while working through Chapter 7 and the uncertainties of the housing crisis, combined with medical costs. The economy kick came, almost with its physical counterpart- when an Arizona state employee came to the house and demanded I turn over Penny’s care, and her benefits checks, to the state. It didn’t happen.

Every so often since, frugality has been my answer to the forces of greed and deprivation, when they stage assaults on our well-being. I know that the financial markets, being global entities, are not cash cows, so when they get raided, I know to tighten the belt. This is what I am doing now, though it may not look like it when I head up to see friends in Nevada and Idaho, in a few days. The thing is, I don’t cancel plans to visit people, just because the powers that be are trying to take us all down a notch.

I do keep my spending to a dull roar, and am quite happy even sitting in the apartment, watching shows and reading. A foray or two to Planet Fitness, or to the neighbourhood park, works nicely, as does a walk downtown. In time, these ebbs will return to being flows, as they always do. Someday, too, the controllers of the purse will realize that prosperity for the masses of people does not mean they themselves must go without. It is not a zero sum game. In the meantime, I will continue use my funds wisely, as ever.

Random Thoughts, As The Seasons Change

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 7, 2022- Some new friends, at an Oktoberfest dinner I attended this evening, told of a young lady who was their cashier, at a small store and who had said she was working two jobs, because she wanted to get things for herself and that was the only way she could do it. They were “amazed”, that such youngsters still existed. My thought: Welcome to the majority of people, young and old, alike! The noisy, entitled class are not that common, they’re just loud.

I have things that I want to do, over the next several years. So, I’m still working, to a reasonable extent. Honest work remains the best way to assure that one can cover the cost of what is wanted, or needed.

I watched an online memorial service for a man who was a friend to thousands of people, around the world, myself included. His wife and children remembered him, in a good way, which goes to show that a loving soul can and does put family first-and expands his soul family, through continuous acts of love. He was laid to rest in the midst of his beloved Black Hills. Rest in power, Tokaya Inajin. You were a fine friend and mentor.

My little family is now in the last two weeks of an extended training exercise, which when completed will leave them in a more secure position. Son will also have made solid progress in his academic work, and have 3 or 4 semesters left, after this. I have every bit of confidence that he will emerge in a place of strength.

It seems some politicians are all over the place, in their public remarks, of late. That, to me, indicates a loss of control, a sense of powerlessness. I’ve had times in my life, when that’s happened. They were not pleasant experiences, and I am grateful to my spirit guides that these are things of the past; that I can respond to challenges, both from random other people and from the course of events, in a more stable way. Another friend, this morning, called that maturity. I agree wholeheartedly.

Food for thought: Behind every extremist act, or pronouncement, lies a fear that has overtaken the mind, as well as a person who should have offered consistent care and guidance, but did not. There but for the grace of the Divine, and for the consistency of my parents, go I.

How She Saw Things

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 30, 2022, Flagstaff- Today would have been Penny’s 68th birthday. She would have joined me in cringing, if anyone said sixty-eight YEAR anniversary. We were of one mind, about language purity, and if anything, she was more adamant about precision, when it came to names of people and things.

She saw beauty in most things, although acts of racism and sexism were called out for what they were. She struggled, mightily, to throw off her own vestiges of prejudice, and would have made overcoming “white fragility” a major focus of her life, had she been here when it rose as a social construct.

The most important creatures in her life were animals, especially dogs. People could be the source of disappointment and letdown, but dogs and horses were blameless. Cats were outside animals, and they could come and go at will, but dogs were a source of comfort. Horses were the epitome of nobility, and visits to her horse-owning parents most often meant a ride or two, until she could ride no more.

She would be happy at what women and girls have achieved, in terms of resisting paternalism. Although she, like me, abhorred the idea of abortion, she would have remained adamant that it was the woman’s ultimate choice-not to be relegated to others, especially men. She was of a mind to challenge and argue with doctors, when she saw fit. That, besides the undying respect I had for her judgement and dignity, was why she kept primacy over decisions to be made regarding her health. She was a steadfast advocate for holistic health practices and organic foods. I have tried to keep the faith, in that respect.

She had a strong love for children, and fought with herself-a lot, to put their well-being above her urge towards ego-centrism, the legacy of having been raised as a “princess”. This didn’t do her health any favours, but she was a good mother to Aram, and a fine wife to me. She was also a strong and dedicated teacher, even at the end-when declining health and unsympathetic administrators made her professional life a nightmare. The children always came first.

I like to think she would approve of my autumnal years, and how they are playing out. I get inklings, every now and then, like the image of a spirit that appears on the wall calendar, as if to say, “You are not alone”.

The Future of Power

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 4, 2022, Colorado Springs- I had breakfast with a group of children, this morning. The topic of conversation (to which I was largely relegated to the role of listener) was the quality of schools and of those schools’ schedules. There was a fairly lively debate about the advantages of sacrificing an hour of sleeping-in, four days a week, for the joys of a Friday off. Siblings from a rural community, in southeast Colorado, have that reality. The rest, living in various communities along the Front Range, are attending schools with standard, M-F 8-3 regimens. Quietly, I empathize with the four-day week, though I would have to LIVE near the school that starts at 7 a.m., in order to work there-especially in winter. The children, ages 6-10, have definite expectations about what they want from their teachers-and recess is not their “favourite subject”.

Another aspect of child life these days is, as it has ever been, the angst of adults, especially of grandparents and their contemporaries, over “What will become of humanity?”, as they observe little boys fighting, throwing things from rocks to tantrums and being generally aggressive. “Where do they get that from?”, asked one grandmother, while fretting that the generation will become inherently violent in their own adulthood. The answer to the question is: We are, physically, animals, and thus have one part of ourselves that is territorial and defensive. The answer to the second fear is: It falls to us to nurture the rising generations, intervene, nonviolently, in the fracas and offer alternatives to trail by combat. It is going to take a long time to get past the genetic memory of spanking, a practice which I admit I used, albeit sparingly, in bygone days. Yes, adults who hit, with the best of intentions, sanction present and future hitting by their offspring. Thankfully, I saw only nonviolent firmness and loving care by parents, even when they thought no one was watching, these past three days. The toughest of men were as steel and velvet, and the women were, as ever, firm and gentle. The little boys will grow up, by and large, to emulate their fathers.

I am coming away from this gathering of Baha’is, and some of our friends from the wider community, with deep-seated hope. The emphasis here has been on cooperation and creativity, as well as the deepening of faith. The power invested in children, and the channeling of energy in a constructive direction, is being replicated in any number of communities, nationally and worldwide. It is this phenomenon which is actively competing with the acquiescence to the above-mentioned violence, and the use of electronic media as passive diversions, for the hearts and minds of young people. The children, based on what I heard this morning at breakfast, prefer the former.

Power thrives on encouragement and nurturing.

“Manitou Likes You!”

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

September 2, 2022, Colorado Springs- After edging along I-25, due to an unfortunate collision, I made a detour over to Manitou Springs, a most pleasant town west of Garden of the Gods and north of Seven Falls, as well as being a gateway to Pikes Peak. My once favoured lunch spot there, Hearts of Jerusalem, closed during the COVID period. In its place is Good Karma Coffee House and Deli, a thoroughly delightful husband and wife-operated spot, with a short, but well-conceived menu. After an “Inside-Out Grilled Cheese”, I walked on over to The Taos Maos gift shop and bought a nicely-made wind chime, which will accompany another that will get from Arcosanti, in a few weeks. Maos is as interesting as its name implies, and has small items that can enhance even the simplest home.

After that was done, I remarked to the parking lot attendants, two very agreeable and helpful ladies, how much I like Manitou. Their response was: “Manitou likes you!” Moments like that are always affirming. I got up to La Foret Conference and Retreat Center, just northeast of downtown Colorado Springs, in mid-afternoon, and checked in to Colorado East Baha’i School an hour early. We began study and discussion of meaningful social action, this evening and will continue over the next 2.5 days.

I am in a comfortable little cabin, with one roommate-a nice gentleman, and six other cabin mates, all very considerate and agreeable people. There is an abundance of children and teenagers here, also very considerate and high-functioning people. As we are preparing to get ready for sleep, thunder and lightning are all around us. Rain has come to CS to the first time in two weeks, a welcome easterly extension of the monsoon.

I bid you all good night, with a scene from Manitou Springs and one from La Foret.

Yes, Manitou is ONE of Colorado’s Christmas cities.
Inglis Hall, named for La Foret’s founders.