Category Archives: impediments

Bugs

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 30, 2026– When my son returned from a shopping run, this evening, among the items he brought out were two electronic flying insect zappers. This sparked a conversation about the pests that occasionally find their way in from the outside-the houseflies, mosquitoes and sewer cockroaches. We maintain roach motels for the latter, which only show up after a heavy rain. So, the zappers should take care of the rest.

To be clear, we maintain strict standards of cleanliness around the house. With a baby becoming more mobile, we take no chances. Besides, who wants to “share” food with flies? The kids loathe them, and even I, in my sanguinity towards all life, will wield a fly swatter or kill a mosquito with my hands, before seeing either harm anyone in my family.

This brings up the place of scavengers in nature. Aram would gladly burn all vermin, if given the chance. So, what would the planet look like, with no flies, cockroaches, mosquitoes, rats (which we don’t have, thankfully) or carrion-eating birds? Since all living things eventually pass on, I daresay the planet would be far more of a mess, if not for the clean-up crew.

Further, I have been in places where there is either irregular trash pick-up, or none at all. My penchant for being a good citizen and picking discarded paper or plastic off a sidewalk and depositing it in a trash receptacle would have seemed ludicrous in such communities, The animals are, in such cases, fully “on the job” and humans have their work cut out for them, in maintaining hygienic boundaries in their homes.

So, we carry on with the balance of cleanliness and dirt, life and decay, conflict and resolution. The effort is a constant-and the bugs will keep getting zapped.

The Knowing

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 26, 2026- Virginia Roberts Giuffre died a year ago today. In that year, halting progress has been made in finding justice for her, and the thousands of other victims in the Epstein Network. There is a long way to go. In that year, justice was found for Gisele Pelicot, as 51 males were found guilty of raping her, while she was drugged by her then husband. In that year, CNN brought a “mainstream” website to light-it being openly called “Motherless.com-Rape Academy”, viewed over 62,000,000 times. In that year, serial abusers from across the political spectrum were called out-even one, Cesar Chavez, who is long dead.

I have shared a Substack post about the meaning of the term, “motherless”, on Facebook, and can only hope it gets read and taken seriously. I was raised by an exemplary mother. The idea of denigrating her infuriates me. I would have done anything she asked, even though I was a difficult child at times. My son was raised by an exemplary mother. He treasures her memory to this day, even though he was a difficult child at times.

I don’t know many openly misogynistic men, but many men I do know have areas in which to grow-as do I. Suffice it to say, those who hate women also harbour self-loathing. Many tell themselves otherwise, weaving fantasies of greatness and irresistability. They project themselves as monumental figures, as men of consequence, legends in their own time.

I once was deep among them, always wondering why I had no success in finding a mate. When I did find a woman to love, it was only because I had begun to rein myself in, take stock of my behaviour and put sexuality in its place-not as the be-all of life but as one aspect of a committed relationship. My wife initiated the process of my maturation. It took until she passed on, for that maturation to fully take root.

All those who viewed “Rape Academy”, and took its misguided message to heart, are only fooling themselves, damaging their own lives and those of any women hapless enough to become their victims. Humans, our animal form aside, are primarily spiritual beings. What one does to another person, to another sentient being, even to another life form, affects the spirit. It is not a matter of Heaven or Hell, but a matter of behaviour and consequence. Some of those men who have been publicly exposed as rapists and abusers have also done good, even great, acts for the betterment of humanity. Yet, in the end, Christ’s admonition-“Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, that you do unto Me”- refers as much to the harm we do others as it does to what we do that is of help.

The physical, however enticing and pleasurable it may be, is as nothing in the eternal realm. Power, the driving force behind most rape, does not carry over into the next world, but the lessons one must learn in this life are put off by the reckless pursuit of power-and must be learned, with considerably more difficulty, in the next.

Growth can come only with the Knowing, and its practical application to life.

Rounding the Corners

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 20,2026– Hana has taught herself to turn, when she gets to a corner on the crawling mat. She had been getting frustrated at the presence of a baseboard and wall, but understood, when I lightly knocked on them, that the choice was to either move left, onto the carpet or right along the north edge of the mat. She chose to turn right. She later had a very satisfying army crawl session, and went completely around the mat, turning at all four corners.

My granddaughter’s early demonstration of common sense shows that it doesn’t necessarily take a command of language, in order for the thought process to engage. Perhaps there is a lesson here for some who either overthink things or whose minds are so bollixed up that common sense appears to have gone on permanent vacation.

I am hardly proposing “Are You Smarter Than A Four-Month Old?”, yet we could do without some of the word salads that are coming out of the mouths of some prominent people, including a few who are in leadership positions. We could do even more without the defense of inanity that follows such diatribes, in certain elements of the media.

Life is a series of rounding corners, and in many cases, of following a path out of the square or triangle into which one has been wearing a path. Hana has already figured that out, also, and has communicated to me that she wants to be able to crawl outside the mat. Once her parents and I set up a safe, clean route for that, it’ll happen.

No matter what age one is, there is no need to turn a path into a rut.

Snapped

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 19, 2026- The news about a man killing seven of his children, and one of their friends, hit hard. It happened in Shreveport, 2 hours and 49 minutes from here. There are a thousand reasons why anyone would be prompted to kill his/her own offspring-and none of those reasons are good. There is speculation that the suspect, himself now dead, just snapped. There are survivors of the day’s events, and maybe they will shed some light on what led to the slaughter. It will pulsate for a long time.

Life, especially when stress levels are not addressed, preferably by family members who have cache with the suffering one, can be overwhelming. In my extended family, interventions have been timely and effective-in saving marriages, mentoring wayward teens and young adults and, in one case, saving a life. My parents had cache on both sides of the family, and were not shy about stepping up to help, when they saw a problem.

I had a dream last night, that Hana had been spanked for crying-not by her parents, and certainly not by me, but by another family member, indeterminate. In the dream, I was yelling at the punisher, who just shrugged their shoulders and said that’s how it is here. To be sure, in real life, none of the three of us are inclined to use corporal punishment, for any reason. Certainly, an infant would be kept safe from such a thing, especially for self-expression. Once she reaches toddler stage, her parents vow to be firm, saying and meaning “No”, when necessary, while still acknowledging her feelings and offering some limited, acceptable alternatives. The same will continue throughout her childhood and adolescence. I will support them in their efforts.

Eight tender souls, their lives snuffed out, as someone on whom they should have relied turned on them and became their executioner. It could be laid at the feet of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, on our culture of anonymity, on the shifting sands of spiritual connection, or lack thereof. It is always a wake-up call-and how many of these will be needed, before each community takes stock of its members?

Self-Image

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 12, 2026- Dessert time, this evening, featured ice cream for the three adults, and a back-and-forth laughing contest between Hana and her mother. They made each other laugh, continuously, for about fifteen minutes. The laughter of a baby is always extra sweet.

Hana can now recognize herself in a mirror, and smiles at what she sees. She has also managed to get herself to sleep and can turn right or left, when she gets to a barrier during her scooting. That last has become her preferred self-directed activity, and she works hard at it-even inside her crib. Of course, this makes it all the more imperative for us to watch her constantly. The danger of suffocation is very real, for infants between 3-6 months of age. Hana is ten days shy of 4 months.

So many of us derive our self-image from how well we do our tasks, both assigned and self-appropriated. For many years, I let the expectations of others determine my esteem levels. After doing the best I could for Penny, during her long illness, I stopped worrying about what anyone else had to say. That has led to occasional tension with some family members, but in general, I feel good about how I have completed any work that I’ve shouldered.

Nowadays, my main concern is that Hana feels good about herself, even at her very early age, and that she is able to minimize her frustration at not being able to do everything she sets out to do, as the months and years roll by. She has dedicated, loving parents-and I want them to feel good about themselves, as well. They are proving to be an imaginative and loving family.

Obsessions

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 10, 2026- As I sit at the computer, reading some articles and writing my own, I watch one or two squirrels traversing the neighbour’s roof and nearby trees, living the full life of exercise, play and acorn gathering that make up the life of a tree squirrel. I also listen for my granddaughter, napping downstairs in her bassinet. She will call out or coo, when she wakes up, knowing that I will shortly come downstairs and tend to her needs.

In neither the rodent, nor the innocent child, is there an excessive focus on anything other than surviving and thriving. Once a person reaches the age of reason, however, unmet needs can turn into obsessions, almost exclusive foci on one or two persons or concepts, even to the extent of neglecting one’s daily duties or responsibilities.

A friend has written an article about “derangement syndrome”. I have yet to read the piece, but I can say, ahead of the game, that such terms indicate obsession, not only by the person who hates, but also by the one who is receiving the vitriol-if that person encourages the attention. It is well-understood, by child psychologists and parents, that a neglected child, one deprived of attention over an extended period, will construct his or her own universe, in which he or she is the center.

We all do this, to a modest extent, as no parent, however dedicated and loving, can shower attention on a child 24/7. For the well-adjusted person, however, there are limits to self-absorption: A spouse, a friend, a sibling, a child or an organization will have needs that the individual, of own volition, will choose to help meet.

For the deprived individual, however, everything in the constructed universe becomes transactional, with him or her as the end recipient. The longer and stronger the deprivation, the deeper the delusion, the louder the demands for attention, and the more creative the transactions. This has been borne out, throughout history, across nations and cultures.

Now, it’s time to tend to my granddaughter.

Time Frames

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 9, 2026- I was the first person top arrive at Baha’i Feast, this evening. Sometimes, this is awkward, if the host is busy setting up at the last minute, but tonight’s host was gracious and we sat in conversation for several minutes, until the next few friends arrived. As it happened, they dawdled on the sidewalk and steps, finishing their own conversations, before entering. The host opened and closed the door a couple of times, before the friends were ready to come in.

I was raised to arrive on time, preferably five minutes early. On my own, I have adhered to that- and in Prescott, I made that ten minutes early, as many of the members of any given group were transplants from places where “if you’re on time, you’re late” was the mantra. In one situation, a few people decided they would be the first to arrive-and they were, getting to the gathering ( a breakfast) even before the cooks!

In my married years, Mr. On Schedule was happy with Last Minute Lucy. Penny was determined that she would finish what she was doing at home, before we set out for an engagement. That left a few feathers ruffled, over the years, but I always took her side. The punctualists, though I agreed with them in principle, came across like Der Burgermeister- more officious than humane.

Aram has grown to be committed to being on time, simply because,as with me, that strikes him as being courteous. Yunhee is usually ready to also be ahead of schedule. Hana, so far, goes by her body clock and wakes pretty much on time for every feeding, having enough energy to do some activities for an hour, or ninety minutes, after her meal. She is fairly easy to get to nap, when it’s time and sleeps pretty much through most nights.

I still wake with the birds and get to bed well before midnight, each day. The fullness of a day’s schedule, whether caring for my granddaughter or meeting an occasional appointment, is perfectly satisfying.

Scapegoats

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 8, 2026- I recall my father telling me, when I was nine, that President Harry S. Truman said “The buck stops here”, as a point he was making on taking responsibility for one’s actions. I largely managed to stick to admitting my mistakes and taking the consequences, for about the next twenty-five years.

As time went on, and life threw a few curve balls at me, and at my family, I fell into the habit of blame casting: “The politicians” or “Big Money” was responsible for my being let go from different jobs. I saw myself as an honest servant of the common people-and it was corrupt overseers who wanted me gone. That may have been the case, but the fact remains that I didn’t learn anything, or make any progress as a human being, by not owning my part in my own situation.

We seem to have created a situation, in which scapegoating is a national pastime: Depending on who is talking, the nation’s ills are being created by “the Democrats”; “the Republicans”; “drug cartels”; “immigrants”; “Fascists”; “Communists”; “Californians”; “New Yorkers”; “Texans”; “Europeans”; “the Chinese”; “Sleepy Joe”; “MAGA”.

My late father-in-law had a simple cure for my own blame-casting “No one is that powerful. Besides, even if there was a person who contributed to your being let go, you bear the ultimate responsibility. You don’t live rent free in anyone’s head. Why let them squat in yours?”:

Each of us can identify people who contribute to the nation’s well-being, or to the nation’s ills. In the end, though, how we fare depends on the actions of the citizenry as a whole. Scapegoats, as my FIL said, are little more than squatters.

Sanity Prevails-For Now

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, Historical, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 7, 2026- The only possible solution to the current stalemate in and around Iran has been reached-for now. Personally, I am most concerned for the safety and well-being of my fellow Baha’is in that country. They have, since the proclamation of the Babi Faith, in the days of the Qajar Dynasty, been relentlessly persecuted by the Shiite Muslim clergy and by elements of the government. This was as true during the Pahlavi Dynasty of the mid-Twentieth Century as it was earlier. The Islamic Republic has upped the level of persecution, to the extent of desecrating Baha’i graves, banning Baha’i marriages and refusing to let children of Baha’is receive an education, past eighth grade-if even for that long. Many Baha’is have been imprisoned, and several executed.

That said, the way to reversing the waves of prejudice against my fellows in Faith doe snot lie in “an eye for an eye” or “bombing the country back into the Stone Age”. ( Iran was a highly civilized place when much of western Europe was still a land of hunter/gatherers and North America was mostly settled and a place of organized agricultural communities, but not yet of classical, nation-based civilization.) Baha’is take the position that only consultation and equanimity can resolve the various conflicts, large and small, around the globe.

One of the tenets of the Baha’i Faith is to “regard the Earth as but one country and mankind its citizens.” This is accepted, in principle, by a good many people around the world. Some go back, though, to “What about national sovereignty?” or “Clean up your own back yard”, when I have raised this in the past. I say we can, and should, be concerned at all levels. Indeed, my most elemental concerns are for my own health and well-being, then for my granddaughter and her parents, and on up the family ladder. Neighbourhood, community, state, nation and planet do not, however, get short shrift. We all share the air, water and mineral resources.

The various leaders, when they take a break from screaming and yelling at one another, can surely bear witness to this reality.

Messy

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 6, 2026- Babies can be messy. They need to be bathed, have their diapers changed, undersides cleaned, faces washed and mouths rinsed with pre-dental solution.

Children can be messy. They need to be taught to take their shoes or boots off, when entering a house, or wipe their feet, when entering a public place. They need to be trained to wipe themselves after using a toilet, and wash their hands afterward, then dry them with a cloth or paper towel. They need to be shown how to make their beds and clean their rooms, putting things back where they found them.

Teenagers can be messy. They need to be held to account and actively encouraged to slow down and be present in a situation. They know how to focus on others; they do so with their friends, all the time. Extend that focus to people older and younger than themselves.

Families can be messy. Patience and communication are the cleaning agents. So is reflection-remembering when one was in the same position as the one who made the mess, or looking ahead to when one will be in the same position. The child will become an adult, and very well may be a parent. The parent may very well become a grandparent. The grandparent must never forget what it was like to be a baby, a child, a teenager, a parent.

Communities, and organizations, can be messy. Patience, and communication, are even more essential here, even as they become more complex. Technology can help, and it can also hinder; the way in which it is used determines which will be the case. The viewpoints of leaders, and members, will decide how tools, including technology, are used.

Life is messy; it can only be cleaned by those living it.