Category Archives: Inner Struggles

Simply Put

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 6, 2024- “Do not tell me ‘No’.”, the precocious five-year-old stated. So, I did what any sensible adult would do. ”No”, was all I said- and he wasn’t asking where a man might find a bed. He got the point and went off to engage in an activity that was within the bounds of the class’s purview.  I had not worked with Pre-schoolers, in eight years. The instructional day hasn’t changed much: 3-year-olds in the morning and 4-5 year-olds in the afternoon. There are 5 adults working in the morning, and 3 in the afternoon. We locked the doors to the closet, to the cleaning supply cabinet and to the hallway. A couple of kids cried, when they didn’t get their way, and I showed one of them how to resolve the triggering issue, without melting down. At day’s end, it was still raining, so we walked the bus riders through a completely enclosed route and to their designated vehicles-keeping very sharp eyes on our little charges, all the way. Yes, school has been in session for six months, but small children are small children, and I retain too many anecdotes, from over the years, of kids wandering off, going to the rest room without telling an adult or even falling asleep-on the wrong bus, and being left there, because the driver had checked off all his “regular” riders, and hadn’t checked the actual seats. The angry father all but made the Superintendent go to the bus yard, when his little girl didn’t come home, as expected.

Simply put, no stone is left unturned, anymore, when it comes to child safety, and parental nerves.

California was pummeled, again today, and will be, into tomorrow, as another Atmospheric River soaks the region, from Ensenada to the Lost Coast and from Los Angeles to the Colorado River. This, of course, means Arizona and Nevada are getting their share of wet. It rained all day, here, and now it is snowing, briskly, with six inches on the ground,as I write this, and lots more to come, overnight. I pray that friends and family in California and Nevada are safe-and that we, here, also keep clear of harm’s way.

Simply put, Mother Nature is scolding us, for the self-centeredness of all too many, who disregard her warnings.

Habit, or Potential

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 31, 2024- As I woke from a disturbing dream, this morning, I realized that I was not driving through gale force winds or microgusts, that there was no Mexican farm woman being propelled by such gusts, towards my vehicle and that I was not at risk of hurting her, or anyone else. My habit, after such dreams, has been to engage in what-ifs and self-doubts. I would not let that happen, today.

My cosmic advisor, Elizabeth Peru, talked about the choice we each have, this year, with its Eight Universal energy that is action-focused. We can act out of habit-thus invoking the Irish admonition, “Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” We can, conversely, act based on our potential-and show what we can truly offer humanity.

The year began with my going back to Blue Collar roots, and pushing myself to drive through snow, to Ghost Ranch, and doing the noble work of a tradesman, step-by-step, not cutting corners and above all, not doubting my capabilities. I fashioned a heart, from soapstone, to send to a beloved friend, next month. The rest of January has been more quotidian, but the year ahead is filled with opportunities to make the choice: Habit, or potential. I have an added incentive: A relationship to foster and tend. The habitual Gary would mess things up, through self-doubt. So, I am going with potential. The good woman I met, last Fall, deserves my best.

Elizabeth says that only one other year, in recorded history, has featured Eight Universal energy at the same time as a solar maximum is taking place. That year was 1979. Remember where you were, if you were born prior to 1974, or thereabouts. What was going on in your life? I recall that 1979 was the year that I truly started to get my act together-and began to really explore the West, transcend my comfort zone and stand up for myself, when attacked by a disgruntled former colleague. From that point on, I went back and forth, several times, between habit and potential. It has, however, mainly been an upward trajectory, with the plateau decade of 2000-09 nonetheless seeing a rise to the challenges of caretaking and facing down my personal demons.

This year will not be one of habit.

The Gem of Solitude

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Hiking and Nature, Historical, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 30, 2024- I came upon the heart-shaped mineral, admiring its inherent sublime beauty. Picking it up, and feeling its smoothness, just for few minutes, gave me an appreciation of the heat, the pressure and the various cracks and separations that this piece of finery endured, over millennia, to arrive here, along Highland Nature Center’s Trail #4442. I noted that it has, underneath, a perfect heart-shaped indentation in the ground.

A quiet testimony to the love of the Universe

After placing the stone carefully back over its indentation, I thought of the value of solitude. What would I do, if everyone I cared about, including the woman I love most in this world, were to disappear from this life? What would I do, if they all decided they’d had enough, and left me on my own? I would be like the rock, still occupying my space and still reflecting the strength that the Divine has imparted into me. I would be ready for whatever came next.

As long as we draw breath, there is a purpose. As long as we have form, shape, solidity, there is a future. I went there, to Highland Center’s trail to Lynx Creek, having not been on it for several years, after another event was canceled, due to a scheduling conflict. The trail showed me the seemingly endless stretch of the Bradshaw Mountains, to the south and southeast.

Bradshaw Mountains, stretching south from Lynx Lake

After a stretch, I came to Lynx Creek, frozen on its surface, about a mile from the lake that was formed when it was dammed, in 1952. Of course, being Arizona, the ice is scarcely an inch thick.

Lynx Creek, at Highland Nature Center

Coming out of my reverie, I recognized that this morning of solitude was largely due to everyone else being busy with life, as I am myself, most days. My dearest, across the ocean, was asleep-and besides, she is in the midst of a very busy week. My friends here are likewise dealing with life’s happenings. I will be back in that regimen, myself, tomorrow and for the rest of 2024’s fifth week. Today, though, it is as if I have Planet Earth to myself-looking at the stretch of the Bradshaws, this morning and at the shimmering oak tree, in my neighbour’s front yard, as I write this piece.

Here is a gratuitous reminder of that regimen, from yesterday’s trip to Phoenix: The Arizona State Capitol.

The house with the copper dome

The Wider Net Cast

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 29, 2024- There was nothing left behind, forgotten, when I finally got underway, taking a friend to Sky Harbor Airport, this morning. Much ground was covered, in terms of what is needed in order for humanity to understand self, for its members to understand themselves-and one another, for children to be truly honoured and understood and for the global plantation mentality to be overcome, transcended. I was set straight, that in this friend’s opinion, I had some serious work to do with regard to what I was willing to accept from children. In her view, everything that a child does needs to be accepted and understood. 

I will go with the understood part, but we can’t just accept destructive behaviour, no matter who is engaging in it. Children do appreciate guidance, having limits set and gentle models provided, by the adults in their lives.

As for the hierarchic mentality-whether we call it plantation, patriarchy or Fascist, the idea that some are inherently superior to others-the Hammond Doctrine, if you will, needs dismantling. There will always be some who have strengths in certain areas and less so in others. My dearest one is skilled in finances. I am fairly competent in that area, but I don’t hold a candle to her. My son is a whiz in technology and systems security. Again, I can maintain a modicum of computer safety, but that’s as far as that ship sails. Others are primo, athletically, artistically or scientifically. I am lucky if I hit a baseball or softball to the outfield, throw a football 30 yards or swim one lap, the length of an Olympic-sized pool-and then with my head underwater. I made a stone carving, a few weeks ago and fashioned it into a rough necklace-but it doesn’t look half bad. Just don’t ask me to draw a human or animal, freehand. At age 73, I can balance a chemical equation and probably figure out simple physics problems, but that’s the extent of it. As brother put it, my strength is in my heart. The point of all this is, each of us has strengths and flaws. So, none can inherently just assume the mantle of authority in all things. Hence, there ought be no hierarchy. It’s the collective, the sharing, that proffers strength.

I had the pleasure of seeing that my site has drawn a fair number of visitors from a nation, other than the United States, that is dear to my heart. A wider net was cast, and seems to be attracting those whose views I also value.

Taking Ownership

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 25, 2024- Child # 1 kept denying having broken a health-related rule, even though ten of his classmates testified that he had done so, and the evidence was there, on his desk. He was held to account for the violation. Had he not been, who knows how many copy cats would have followed suit?

I have said it before: I was the world’s worst miscreant, when it came to covering up misdeeds, from childhood to the end of my erring days. I was actually relieved, in later years, when called to account for bad choices. It meant, usually, a chance to start afresh and act more in tune with Divine teachings.

We’ve discussed owning one’s bad choices before, on this site. Families, communities and countries have never been known to thrive, when a key member of the grouping goes from one denial to another. Yet, some believe the denier, largely because they see so many dodging responsibility for their actions. So, “why not give ________the benefit of the doubt?” Well, there is “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” There is also the fact that the individual’s spiritual state does not improve, over time, with the accumulation of “duck, dodge and hide”.

What I’ve found is that I have gotten umpteen chances to overcome a character defect-until the time comes that the baggage is actually cast overboard.

The Spirit Moves

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 22, 2024- A friend at the coffee klatsch, this morning, casually mentioned that she was moving from one building to another, within the Senior apartment complex. This was two days after I had helped another woman, also like a sister to me, move some of her belongings to a larger house. 

January is a month of new beginnings, yet it is not, customarily, a time for moving, given that cold weather and precipitation abound-across most of the North American continent. This year, however, is one of actionable change, and moving is often part of that process. 

I received a “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” post on social media, last night, showing a set of attractive and affordable apartments, in another location. While someone, about whom I care deeply, lives in that place, I have no plans to relocate, this year. Also, it is a matter that this person and I would need to discuss, fully and calmly, before deciding whether one of us, or both of us, would pack up and go elsewhere. That will likely occupy the rest of this year-but who knows?

Another person for whom I care deeply is making initial, and solid, progress in dealing with a health concern. I was very glad to hear specifics on that matter, earlier today. This, and the above-mentioned, are as much spiritual journeys as physical and pecuniary ones. We are each stepping into the unknown, and following our hearts as well as our minds-trusting in a Higher Power.

I am, while anchored at Home Base 1, resuming my taking stock of household inventory. Checking the cabinet that held sheets and towels, I found that 90 % of what was in that container was excessive. It was one of the last parts of my household that was mostly left over from when Penny was alive. So, a fair amount went to a woman with a large extended family, this evening, and the rest will go to a shelter collection drive, tomorrow morning. Other items that have outlived their usefulness, or that no longer reflect the person I have become, will also go to Thrift Store shelves, tomorrow.

I have no way of predicting how my life, or anyone else’s, will look, in December of this year, but the Spirit is moving mountains-and hearts.

Cold Mist

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 21, 2024- It is dangerous, to put on airs, in a cold mist               To go outside, shirtless, and mug for the camera,                      in any air that is less than 32 F(0 C).                          Water freezes at that temperature, and we are 55-60 % water.              Imagine, being a block of ice, with a pleasant countenance                 that is now marked in a grimace.                            You, too, could be portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix, or Jack Nicholson-drawn out of retirement, and away from Lakers games.                             In all seriousness, though, pneumonia is never a trifle, and its little sibling, bronchitis, is a pain in the neck. Corona viruses are always waiting in the wings, also. People here are still finding themselves with COVID19-or 24, or the flu of the year.                  This PSA is not meant to be a nuisance, in and of itself. I just like seeing my friends, either in person, or online- looking happy and productive, not aching and sad in a corner.      Safety first-from Utgiagvik to Tampa, from Portland, OR to St. Anthony, NL. Stay warm and dry.

Revitalized

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 20, 2024- The watchful Apache man saw that all the modern conveniences that had been installed in his new restaurant kitchen were still missing a key component: A means of heat. He had a stack of firewood on hand, and was able to get a fire going, safely, in his fireplace. The cook stove, of course, was a secondary means of heat. In time, the solar heater would be on track, but for the time being, the fireplace saved the day.

This was one of the vignettes that flowed through “Gather: The Fight to Revitalize Our Native Foodways”, a film that was shown this evening, at our Elks Performing Arts Center. The film illustrated First Nations people working to re-establish viable food systems, in areas across North America. A Dineh farmer is working to increase use of the Little Colorado River, in its traditional role as a water source. A young Lakota Sioux woman is spreading understanding of the nutritional value of the meat of grass-fed bison, such as her father raises. A Yurok man is teaching young men in his northern California community about traditional spear fishing, and keeping salmon populations sustainable. A San Carlos Apache grandmother is teaching a young girl about catching kangaroo rats, and respecting the home of a rattlesnake-not just because it is venomous, but because it, too, is a living being and helps keep the rodent population in balance. She is also teaching the child about harvesting edible desert plants. The White Mountain Apache chef is likewise using local products, in his preparation of dishes at Cafe Gozho’o’ (the second o is silent). Gozho’o’ means happiness, harmony or balance, in the Nde’e’ language of the Apache people.

The key to all this is revitalization, for which this is a year. A friend here in town received final clearance to move her possessions to a house which she had inherited, over a year ago. There had been delays in the move, for various reasons, which have now been resolved. I helped with moving some of the items, this afternoon. Her life, and livelihood, are being regenerated.

My own life has not been stagnant, yet its pace, too, is picking up, in terms of financial, interpersonal and goal-setting elements. This will be a truly interesting year, one in which decisive action becomes the norm.

“Just Tryin’ To Get Home”*

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 19, 2024- One sang a prayer to the angels. Another mused about her Love of thirty years. The third one sang to a dead friend. The fourth sang to his daughter, who was some distance away. Four musicians, offered the stuff of their hearts, in a round table of harmony.

We are all trying to get home-as *the song by Meg Bohrman so poignantly states. Those of us with home bases are ever looking to be ready for our spiritual Home, when the time comes. Others, whose time here figures to be a lot longer than mine, are also looking for a “forever home”, in which they can raise a family. Still others would just like a home that is not a tent in the woods, or a lean-to, or a cardboard box.

My home is in my heart. So, it feels like home, when I have served well, on a given day. It feels like home, when I have made someone smile. It feels like home, when I have been present for my new Love, and been strong for her, when we connect electronically, even though the physical distance between us is, for now, all too wide. It feels like home, when I reflect that my demons, known only to God, to my departed Angel and to me, have long been cast out. It feels like home, when I know that my little family, extended family and wide circle of friends are safe and well.

Home is in the heart.

Just Being

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 17, 2024- Someone I love dearly sent me a message, this morning. It was a description of her quotidian life and of the joy that some friends had brought to her world, these past few days. I responded with my normal comings and goings, including some photos of the past few days.

There are no expectations, per se, in our friendship. It is a matter of just being, just sharing what goes on and what we think, feel and experience, because we care enough about one another to make this a regular part of our existence, once or twice a week, until we see each other again.

Once upon a time, this was the province of the telephone call. Mothers and daughters, in particular, talked several days a week, but occasionally men and boys got involved. Social media, at its finest, lets us acknowledge birthdays, anniversaries and achievements. These are all fine things-as long as people are allowed to just be.

Earlier still, communication was face to face. The old-fashioned home visit, sometimes lasting for hours, or for days (before the snarky business about fish and old clothes became the standard), was not an unusual event. In some cultures, not staying overnight is deemed an insult. In others, prior invitation is expected, even for a one-hour house call. Yet, the main thing is that each allows the other to just be.

Another friend wrote to several of us, about having written a book, that is intended to be published. She told of all the trepidation that came, prior to the actual preparation of the book. Once she let herself relax, and accept the achievement, the book became her friend, and her being was enough.

You know, it took me a very long time to get to this point, but now, just being-walking alongside so many good people, and feeling, knowing, that I belong, is a springboard to all that I know I can achieve.