Tag Archives: aging

The Road to Diamond, Day 355: Nonagenarian Beacon

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 17, 2025- All three ladies are using walkers, but all three are sharp upstairs and let no one forget it. This was made clear by the way none of them repeated the stories they told at the beginning of Coffee Klatsch, this morning, and for that matter, none has repeated stories they told two weeks, or two months, ago. One put it simply: “Who wants to hear the same old crap? Life goes on, and so do I.” That statement is like a beacon, in the night that, for many, is the process of aging.

The three ladies in question are 94,92 and 91, respectively. I can remember when someone close to me told my mother that her “old, decrepit son” (me) was there to visit. Mom’s reply: “Are you saying old is decrepit?” Her leg went out in a kick, as she always did when someone had irked her. Dignity and self-regard die hard in a person who has all, or most, of faculties into the “higher elevations”. Mom’s idol was Dick Van Dyke and she told me to look to him as a model for how to move gracefully towards century-hood. Indeed, he has a new book out, called “100 Rules for Living to 100: An Optimist’s Guide to a Happy Life”. This is a man who has not stopped moving-and that, he says, is his secret.

So, I went back and exercised at Planet Fitness and showed up at the Monday night Soup Kitchen, where I may stand and serve food for thirty minutes-but then go around and clean all the tables, so it is not a “passive volunteer” activity. With grandchild being my prime motive for moving to Texas, just before Christmas, I don’t think there will be any room for passivity there, either.

The Road to Diamond, Day 45: Seniorhood

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 12, 2025- Two men, about my age hung around me last night, at The Raven, as a diverse crowd of us took in a concert by CheekTones, one of Prescott’s premier bands. Don Cheek and three or four bandmates have been rocking various houses for about twelve years now. They invariably pack whatever establishment they’re in, to a great measure because they can hold a tune for six or seven minutes-sometimes longer.

At any rate, one of my age mates is given to want to have conversations, while the band is playing. That doesn’t work too well at a CheekTones gig, and he was visibly frustrated, both with me and with the couple whose table he was sharing. in a mild bit of projection, he asked me if I was having fun. I was, actually, especially when the band was in full roar. The other gentleman, who lives just up the street from Raven, comes in and either stands with other people his age or takes the wooden chair by the house piano. He rarely speaks to anyone, but likes to hear CheekTones and one or two other bands. If I manage to get a table, I am glad to share it with whoever needs a seat. Life is too short for anything less. It’s hard on a night like that, to actually get a seat, but I did, when a wary, guarded woman who had been sitting by herself got up and left. By then, the silent man had also left, otherwise, he could have joined me.

I mention all this, in consideration of my being in the middle third of my eighth decade on this blue planet. Years ago, a long-time acquaintance, then in his early nineties, sported a bumper sticker on his SUV: “Aging-if it’s not your issue now, it will be.” At the time, aging was my issue only in regard to my in-laws, who were in their mid-eighties and my mother, in her late seventies. My primary issue then was adult care of a middle-aged disabled person, my wife. Children’s issues were important, too, but secondary.

I have, however, always recognized the import of the matter. Being the oldest of four surviving siblings, every year I live is also a beacon of hope for my sister and brothers. Besides, I agree with someone who remarked this morning at breakfast: “I love getting older.” Before the brickbats start flying, let me say that I enjoyed being a child and a teenager, and being in my 30s and 40s; 20s and 50s, not so much, but much of that was on me.

It helps that I have feelings for someone, who I will see again soon. It helps that I have a strong network of friends and a loving family. Mostly, though, I have come to be a self-contained unit, comfortable in my own skin. Mom taught us that, by her own example. She liked being with people, but when alone, she was quite happy. Love from others cannot really mean anything, without a healthy self-love.

So, despite the aches and pains which I see around me, and which may someday hit closer to home, I am good with seniorhood.

On Not Going Gently

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Posted by on in Assistance, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 25, 2024- The seat fairly screamed, in its emptiness. It has been occupied, at a weekly breakfast meeting, for nearly six years, by a true force of nature. It is unlikely that will continue to be the case. After a storied career in the military, age has caught up with the gentleman, and he must face the loss of his independence, at minimum. He may very well be going into that good night.

The Silent Generation, born in the midst of the Great Depression, and growing up in the harrowing uncertainty of World War II, has been anything but silent, seeing the changes in society-changes which must be as incomprehensible, to them, as the changes at the turn of the Twentieth Century were to the Gilded Age Generation. My friend regularly inveighed against both the emerging, often chaotic, claims of the Left and the efforts, to cling to power, of the wealthy on the Right. He wanted things to return to how they were, in the days of Eisenhower and Kennedy.

In his prime, and into his early eighties, he was a suave, sleek dancer. When the joints began to give way, and cardiopulmonary issues arose, he was dismayed, but kept doing what he could for himself- continuing to drive, attending weekly functions and winning at Bingo. Gradually, the help of steadfast friends kept him engaged in the activities that meant the most. Then the bottom began to fall out.

He will surely heed the plea of Dylan Thomas, and do his share of raging. In the end, like the great Bard’s father, he will have to close his fierce eyes and still his thundering voice. He will, at journey’s end, find himself in another realm of light. It may be tomorrow, or some time from now. I only pray that it will be gentle to him.

https://poets.org/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-night

Mastering Heat

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 5, 2023- With a “desert fox” cap, replete with neck and face shield, and plenty of sunscreen on my arms and legs, getting around in this hottest-and now largely dry-month has not been as much a game of Russian roultette for my person.

It actually felt more brutally hot this morning, with no breeze, than it did when outdoor chores presented themselves at Noon. By then, the slightly cool breeze tempered our version of solar heat-93F-and the team was able to get its work done, in less than two hours.

Other kinds of heat are not as easily mastered:

The greed that is leading to slow-walking of a legal procedure that involves a dear friend-and the circumstances of which pretty much require non-response from said friend. Passion that involves desire for money is as bad, or worse, than passion involving misplaced physical attraction or even desire for power.

The sense of righteousness that leads to falsifying records, spreading of lies and convincing oneself that the false narrative must never be surrendered or changed, lest one’s whole life be upended.

The demand for personal justice, when the injury to the aggrieved is non-existent, physically, and only a passing emotional slight. I haven’t had this happen to me, recently-thank the Divine, but I know how it feels to be in the crosshairs of someone, whose real grievances were towards someone from long ago-and I just happened to be the “low-hanging fruit”.

The physical heat was less of an issue, once our work was done. I gathered with a group of friends for a consideration of local Baha’i concerns, then later went to check on a friend who had fallen, several weeks ago. He’s doing very well and is much steadier on his feet. Not to self: One lesson from the heat-and from said friend’s experience, is that water much go down the throat, at least once an hour in this aridity. So, I am making that happen.

Royal Treatment

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 3, 2023- A rare visitor to Home Base spent about thirty minutes here, this afternoon, presenting a series of discourses he wants to do, starting in a few weeks. The customary offers of refreshments were made and politely declined. It turns out that he, like several other friends and yours truly, is making a serious effort to rein in his girth-and it’s working well for him. My living room being comfortable, but limited, in seating, friend got the recliner and I parked myself on the couch.

It is well to prefer others to oneself, in most, if not all, circumstances. This shows a trust in the Divine and in one’s own ability to thrive, even in small cases of austerity or discomfort. In the long run, we are going to receive royal treatment, if we give it in this life.

Looking at someone as regal is the easy part. How they are treated is absolutely dependent on the nature of my relationship to the person. Years ago, I offered a bottle of Penny’s perfume, which she was not going to use again, to a young woman friend of Aram’s. Innocent enough-but she freaked out and went to him about it. Aram calmly asked me what I was thinking. That’s all it took, and I have been a lot more discerning about such matters.

The most skilled runner can stumble, even over a misplaced pebble. So, while the same love is in my heart for just about anyone, how I show that is different, depending on our respective ages, genders, relationship status, setting and cultural surroundings. A young Taiwanese girl, about 15, once ran up to me with open arms-obviously wanting a hug. I spotted an older woman watching us, and calmly extended my right hand, with a nod of the head in the elder’s direction. The girl took the hint, and was spared the woman’s disdain. Respect for all concerned requires no less.

As I pile on the years, and the life experience, the ways in which people can be treated like royalty become more varied, and take on a deeper meaning. As with certain foods and beverages, aging only adds to value.

Not A Death Sentence

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving, Travel

April 9, 2022- The lady, who looked to be in her early forties, was bemoaning the fact that twentysomethings looked to her like babies. “I’m olllddd!“, she said to her dance partner, who is in his early sixties, and to me, who promptly told her she hasn’t seen old.

George Foreman famously said that forty is not a death sentence. He is two years my senior, and I would not be surprised if he were to add, “and neither is seventy!” I do not feel any worse for the wear, after a long and sometimes taxing jaunt across the southern part of the country. I feel no worse than I have in times past. Mother, a nonagenarian; my octogenarian aunts and older cousins; and a few older friends are all pushing the boundaries of what is elderly well past what we all thought of as old, even a dozen years ago. I chuckled to myself, appreciatively, a few days ago, when the manager of the motel where I stayed in San Antonio told the Uber driver, whom he was engaging to take me to the bus station, that I was an elderly gentleman. It’s a fine thing that people several decades younger will honour those my age, as I continue to honour my own elders.

On a related note, I sat down and did the math, relative to modes of transportation. The cost of a car rental, alone, far outweighs what I would have paid in gas and oil/lube, even at the inflated prices of the past few weeks, had I driven the Saturn. Time was the big factor in this journey just completed, which will not be the case in the still-potential trips of mid-June to mid-July and September-October. I will weigh several factors carefully, but my vehicle and I are joined at the hip. It was enjoyable to have driven a late model vehicle, with all the bells and whistles-food for thought, for the next car, when there is one. (It’ll be an EV, at any rate.)

Today was a full day, with an online gathering and two in-person events. I was told by a few people to rest today, and I did get in a nap this afternoon. Being with the three groups of friends was energizing, though. This evening, at Raven Cafe, was also rejuvenating. It was there that the above-mentioned woman made her plaint. As long as there is music and camaraderie, though, life is good.

Year End Reflections,Part 1: Proud

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Posted by on in Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

December 23, 2017, Prescott-

Before heading down to Phoenix, to take part in a Baha’i conference, I want to take a few minutes and look back at those who have made me proud to know them.

My dear friend’s daughter has finished high school, a semester early, with honours and is embarking on two life efforts, dear to her heart.  L is a living, breathing miracle.

My second cousin, the only granddaughter of a paternal uncle, who passed away this year, has finished college, Magna Cum Laude, and will walk the stage, next May.  S is also a living, breathing miracle.

My son, Aram, has made rank, every year since he entered the Navy.  He has overcome many obstacles to get where he is, and will face down whatever gets in his way, because that’s what he knows.

Both of my living brothers are taking life by the horns, and building on already stellar careers, to see major projects through to completion.

My sister, a peacemaker, is ever working to keep her beautiful extended family on an even keel.  Every one of her children is a success, in his/her own way.

My blessed mother continues to show us the way forward, and to send any pre-conceived notions about aging, up the creek, where they belong.

My sister-in-law, in Florida, has taken on the often thankless task of caregiving, which I know, firsthand, means “putting your own life on hold”, while realizing that this is an integral part of everyone’s life.

My co-workers, standing with me, in helping our students face both their own disabilities and the possibilities that life still has to offer, have provided the most rewarding base of operations I have realized, in nearly 20 years.  I look forward to the rest of this amazing year, R and MF.

A Baha’i friend, here in Prescott, mostly singly and alone, is building a spiritual foundation for several children and youth, in her neighbourhood.  J is another living, breathing miracle.

Lastly, my dear friend, you have stood by me and are always encouraging me to go forward.  You are one of the greatest miracles of all, not willing to just survive, but to take leaps of faith, for the sake of your youngest child, to serve your Lord and to let Him carry you forward.  I will be in your corner, always, precious M.

This has been a year of depletion, of replenishing, of sustaining and of thriving.  It has been a year of loss and of gain, of discovery and of reminders.  Those mentioned above, and countless others, have helped make it an unexpectedly blessed one.

 

Sixty Six for Sixty-Six,Part XXXVII: Three Couples and A Lone Wolf

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Posted by on in Family, Social, Spiritual

May 27, 2017, Superior-   I adore strong couples.  I was surrounded, in childhood, by husbands and wives whom none of us could imagine being without one another.  Of course, there were the ones who just could not get along, and who went their separate ways; they were three, out of thirty six, or so.

I spent the afternoon at SunFlour Market, with two dear women friends, whose combined spirit could brighten the gloomiest of days.  Both are happily married, and in fact, I met the husband of SunFlour’s owner, and saw that he is very much involved with his wife’s success.  The younger couple could be my own children, and in fact, I feel like I’ve known the wife forever.  A musician was also present, playing a truncated guitar, produced by Go Guitars, of California.  His wife later came in, having just enjoyed a special health-related treat.

Four of us got onto the subject of keeping oneself healthy, in the face of aging.  Three of us are in our sixties and my young friend is forty-something, looking mid-thirty-ish.  We agreed that it is the blitheness of one’s spirit that keeps us going, as well as using the purest of foods and personal cleansing products.   I fully intend to keep on with that, for decades to come.  I want the same for everyone else, as long as their quality of life is intact.  No one should suffer, years on end.

I want to see married couples enjoy one another, also for decades to come, and to grow ever closer, not apart.  Someone dear to my heart will marry next year.  Someone else dear to me has found a person with whom to build a relationship.  As I write this, I see the face of my departed love, smiling brightly.  I may be a lone wolf, right now, but I know the full joy of being in a strong bond.