Journey 3, Day 12: The Opaque Mirror

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September 11, 2023, Kittery, ME- I rang the doorbell to an old friend’s home, in mid-morning, and was glad that he was home and agreeable to a visit. He looked slightly better than when I last saw him, four years ago, though he is moving slowly. We reminisced, as always on such visits, about the old neighbourhood, whose make-up has gone from mostly European ethnicities- Irish, French, Italian, Polish and English, to largely Brazilian and Cuban. He, unlike me, still lives in the house of his youth-inherited from his parents, whom I adored.

Many of the gripes he had with others are similar to behaviours he has himself exhibited on occasion, as have I. Not answering one’s phone, in times of busy-ness, or while driving (not everyone has Bluetooth), or when someone has already called three times in a span of two hours, is an understandable situation-though it probably hurts the caller on some level.

The things that rankle us about others are also the things that most bother us about ourselves. Mother gets irritated, when I am too fastidious about placement of napkins or eating utensils on a table, but guess who taught us that etiquette? I don’t like getting three Messages a day, from the same person, generally about small matters-but I have been known to Spam people about things that are so crucial to me. Life is certainly a big opaque mirror.

The rest of the day was spent with Mom, though I got in a half hour of exercise-as Saugus has a Planet Fitness. I also had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, before heading up here, to a cozy room, in rainy Maine. In between, there were a trio of Lifetime movies, each with similar plots and dialogue to the other two. It makes Mom happy- and I recall the devotion she had to the repetitive activities of ours, as toddlers. It’s different in tone and intellectual level, of course, but letting her routine be repetitive is only fair.

The mirror remains opaque.

Three Little Things

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November 5, 2021- I spent the day working mostly with a child who had a reputation for being feisty and insolent. While I saw flashes of those traits, at different points during the day, he was for the most part a delightful student. Many times, a child’s behaviour is a reflection of the attitude of the adults around. Besides, one can say such things about any person, at certain times.

I noted three little things about myself during the course of the day. I can start my day, with or without a cup of coffee, but it is the easing into a day’s activities that is facilitated by hot java-and a look at what is happening in the vicinity and in the wider world. Whether I am addicted to caffeine is debatable-and likely irrelevant. I drink no more than three cups, and then only a low energy day.

Multi-tasking, while rarer than it once was, is made easier by focusing-just for a few seconds, on how to do one thing (driving), while carrying on with another (talking with someone on the phone, using the speaker system). I had to do this, more often than I wanted, during all the years that I was caring for Penny whilst holding down a job. Thank God for the speaker feature-and Bluetooth. Talking with Aram, when he needs me, is ever a priority-and I’m glad when circumstances permit this.

Lastly, it is easier for me to correct my course of action than it used to be. The key is not to get rattled. Hosting Zoom calls is not always a shining moment, if one forgets to click the “share computer audio” button, at the bottom left of Screen Share. My audience, even the most tech savvy members, have become more forbearing than they once were-and in turn, I can correct course in less than thirty seconds. Staying mindful of the task at hand, and not being concerned about what others may be thinking, makes all the difference. As the Star Wars adage goes, “The only way is through.”

Every day has its gems-mine them.

Unwanted Feedback

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April 29, 2021- Certainly, the title does not refer to input from friends and family, even if it is critical. Rather, I am thinking of the voice echo that occurs when one is speaking to someone who has Bluetooth on, in an enclosed space, such as a car. There is nothing more irritating than the sound of my own voice coming back at me, when all I wish to do is speak to the loved one on the other end.

This reminds me that so often, my ill-considered comments have bounced back and impaired my friendships with others. Sticking with a conversation topic, long after the flow of dialogue had moved on, was once one of my “specialties”. Then, there were the facts and figures that I felt everyone “should” know. It didn’t matter that the audience was not especially concerned with the information, or that it had little to do with circumstances.

Thankfully, all that is behind me now and topics of conversation are more germane to matters of common interest. Conversely, I do find myself being more patient with those who perseverate, or are “broken records”. Helping them get back on track is far more satisfying than mounting a high horse and acting as if their behaviours are a mere nuisance. The end result, of another person being able to take a welcome place in society, is magnificent.