Tag Archives: boundaries

The Road to Diamond, Day 339: Continuity

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 1, 2025- One of the things that appeals to me most about Home Base I is that not a whole lot changes, on occasions when I am away-even for almost two months. A restaurant closed, with the promise of re-opening in another location, “soon”. Taking its place was a high-priced establishment that serves dinner only, five nights a week. No other changes are evident, though.

I dropped in at one favourite stop, and found the owner, a friend, uncharacteristically angry. It turned out that someone reneged on a promised gig, for the flimsiest of excuses. I would have been furious. I think my friend handled it rather well, considering.

Today was All Saints Day, mostly celebrated heartily in predominately Roman Catholic countries. It is a national holiday in the Philippines and in several Latin American nations. In Mexico, it dovetails with Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), which is more prominent in Mexican culture. I was present for the holiday in Manila, in 2022, even if I was merely wending my way to Aquino International Airport. It was still a day when many Filipinos were on the move, both domestically and internationally. To me, sainthood is relative. Only a few souls have neared perfection, in this mortal life, and even fewer have attained it.

I have a long way to go, but that’s okay. I am giving life my best shot.

The Road to Diamond, Day 247: Under A Small Tent

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 2, 2025- Half of the large and amazing farm family were gathered under the little tent, enjoying the artificial, but soft, “grass” and managing to stay out of the heat, whilst enjoying the afternoon breeze. They stayed long after the crowds had departed the Market, but none of us on staff were eager to displace them while there was other work to be done. They are avid supporters of the Prescott Farmers Market and themselves run a family farm, about twenty-five miles north of here. They were, therefore, allowed to stay and relax, until “their” tent was the only thing left to put away.

I am one who will gladly give people the courtesy of lingering, so long as my teammates and I are not taken for granted. The family mentioned above would be mortified if they felt that they were being inconsiderate. (I have visited their homestead several times, and they are most gracious.) Conversely, on Monday evenings, I wait long enough so as not to rush Soup Kitchen guests through their meals-but 5:30 p.m. is the limit set by those on the team who have worked since 10 a.m. So, sometimes it means things might get a bit tense, with those who have little sense of time. It is important to show them that courtesy goes both ways.

We have reached a point where those whose primary value is self-reliance and those who cherish achievements as a group have somehow separated from one another. There is what I consider an artificial division between the two, largely fueled by our culture of anonymity, the overvaluing of personal opinion and of course, the wirepullers- opportunists who alternately whisper and harangue. When I go about tasks of service, working with some at various points along the political spectrum, I find that when the goal is understood, the results are the same.

When profit, a worthy pursuit to the extent that it provides for the well-being of many people, is allowed to exceed the public weal in importance, there is an imbalance. When one’s stated opinions, valuable to the aggregate of the community, are given more importance than the views of others, there begins a process of stagnation. I believe that, once views are stated, they belong to the group to which they are directed. They become part of what is hopefully a healthy conversation and ideally contribute to a solution.

I believe that, big tent or small, there is room for many.

The Road to Diamond, Day 202: Antics and Responsibility

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 18, 2025- A man came into Theodore’s Fine Foods, his little son in tow-or maybe it was boy with Dad in tow. At any rate the child had the place captivated, as he relished a raised doughnut, covered in chocolate. His father went for napkins, several times, enjoying his own bagel and cream cheese, in between face wipes. It’s been a while since I’ve seen such enjoyment of a breakfast pastry by a small child. The boy did not run about, but sat joyfully until the treat was eaten. He then carefully walked his plate to the dish bin, and his napkins to the trash receptacle. This, apparently, was not his first go-round.

This is what I’ve observed as the most common behaviour of children in a restaurant. I’ve heard the horror stories-of parent engrossed in the phone screen, whilst brother and sister are pulling each other’s hair and tussling in the aisle. I have yet to see such things. I think the last time I experienced an obstreperous child carrying on in a public space was before Aram was born. Penny and I stopped at a small cafe, en route to Phoenix. A child, around the corner and out of sight, was yellling continuously, for about ten minutes. A deep voice called out, “SHUT UP!” Nothing further was heard from noisemaker. Son, himself, learned to behave nicely, after one trip back to the car, of an evening’s dinner stop.

Most parents just seem to be doing a good job, by their children. The key, Penny and I figured out fairly quickly, was consistency. It is natural for a child to try and push the boundaries, even playing one parent against the other-or comparing the parents to the neighbour families. We did not fall for that. Aram got the basic tools he has needed for success. As did yours truly, he had to decide himself to put those tools to use.

The tool kit will, at some point in the not-too-distant future, be passed along to our next generation. I hope to watch and support that effort.

The Road to Diamond, Day 170: Security

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 17, 2025, Grapevine,TX- There are many ways to hack into someone’s computer. It is one reason why I personally have despised the very word “hack”, which just means “shortcut” and is thus a neutral term. Fortunately, no one has hacked my electronic devices, and with the upgrades in security that my CySec adult child implemented today, it is even less likely.

We are each responsible for our own security, once past a certain age. There will always be those loved ones around us who will help some, but essentially from the time one masters “Look both ways before crossing the street” and “Don’t take things from strangers”, personal safety gets a new owner. When I was a child, I never mastered riding a bicycle until I was around thirteen, so I walked-a lot. I never counted my money in public, and was wary of anyone I didn’t know. Besides, walking kept me in good health, especially since I was no one’s idea of a star athlete.

In adulthood, that penchant for walking has translated into a love of hiking. I have done a lot of solo hikes, even in areas that others cringe over. The key there is to get on and off the trail before dark, though I have done some walks by moonlight. Coyotes have warned me that I was going too far afield, and I have heeded their “advice”. Other animals, from cattle to Gila monsters, have communicated with me, on certain trails, and giving them their preferred berth has worked nicely for all concerned. My favourite was the bull elk who bugled at me from the top of a cliff, far above my trail-apparently letting me know to not mess with his cows, which were also on that cliff top.

Technology has, in general, made safety a lot easier. I can certainly find my way around more easily, with its help, while maintaining what I learned about orienteering, in Fifth Grade. Those skills and a genuinely useful intuition, have resulted in my remaining out of harm’s way.

Lastly, I read today about people who have Williams Syndrome, a genetic condition which results in their seeing everyone as an instant friend, without the normative bonding or evidence of the approaching person being worthy of friendship. To be clear, I have regarded many, but not all, of those whom I have encountered over the years as friends, to a certain extent. Acquaintance has seemed like a rather sour term and enemy a rarely deserved sobriquet. I am discerning enough to know that I am not of the Williams Syndrome category, and I do have my clear boundaries.

So, as the most recent road trip nears its last few days, and I return to Home Base I for three months of service, taking stock of security gives me solace. I am being kept safe, on many levels.

Up, Down and All-around

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

January 14, 2024, Winslow- I went into the Welcome Center, to set up for an online meeting, and found that my favoured spot was occupied-first come, first served. It would have been awkward, anyway, as the table is in the area of a looping introductory video-and many new guests were set to arrive today. So, the Acting Director of Ghost Ranch gratuitously let me use a section of her office, for the meeting, which, since it drew only one other person, was a brief one.

I next went to the gift shop (“Trading Post”) and purchased note cards, on which I may write my mother. Then, I packed up and loaded the car. In that process, I saw that I was missing a certain item, looking high and low for it-to no avail. The Aha! moment told me to go back towards Gallup, the way I came. 

Before that, though, I called someone who had asked for a ride to AZ, to check on the status of the roads in that area. When it was stated that the road required four-wheel drive, and that, on balance, the person was uncertain about making the trip, I bid farewell, which wasn’t entirely the response that was desired. Oh, well. I promised my loved ones to practice safety first.

I said goodbye to the Ghost Ranch staff, thanking them for all that they gave us this week. It’s truly been both a wake-up call, for what I still need to do, spiritually and socially AND a reward for having made a continuous effort at self-improvement. 

The drive back towards Cuba, NM was much more delightful than last Sunday’s drive to GR, as the roads were bare today. When I got to Cuba, I stopped for lunch at Chaco Grill. The owner, who is a friend, had found the item I was missing, and had secured it, intuiting that I would be by to check. So, all was well again!

Getting to Gallup, before sunset, I decided to continue on to Holbrook, then to Winslow. So now I am at some other friends’ establishment-Delta Motel. Tonight, I was given the Veterans’ Room , themed in honour of one of the family’s members who had served in the Army. His uniform and other equipment are here in the room. 

Winslow is a fun town, and also good for at least a night’s rest.

The Tiredness and The Shame

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

August 9, 2023- With slumped shoulders and a downcast expression, she handed me a pink tardy slip, apologizing as if the entirety of her lateness was her doing, alone. I suspected otherwise, and asked for a few more details, which the child was relieved to be able to share.

All too many children, it seems, are caught between dependence on those who are barely able to care for themselves-and actually having to raise themselves. The little girl has good judgment, so in the long term, I’d say her prospects for a solid adulthood are quite good. She does not suffer fools gladly-a good thing in my book, nor does she sneer at people who see things a bit differently than she. She also has strong, clear boundaries-which I have advised children to inculcate, as long as I have been advising in general.

D was tired, and felt shame at that fatigue. “I went to bed early enough”, she offered, “It seems the morning comes too soon.” No one, to my reckoning, should have to feel shame at physical states-and I communicated as much. There are too many variables involved in the matter of sleep, as with other health matters-and pre-adolescence, a swell as the change that follows it, are filled with interruptions, expansions and contractions that are bound to try anyone’s patience. How well I remember my own years of transition from childhood to youth!

I left her alone, with her close friend, and being a responsible soul, she pulled herself together enough to complete an assignment and launch into the next activity. When it came time to leave, though, she was first on the way to the bus line.

D, and about a dozen of her peers, have joined the community that lives in my heart. I will look out for her, whenever I can.

This Close….

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Posted by on in Assistance, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

November 27, 2019-

My mother used to say, “You’re THIS CLOSE to…..” Sometimes, when one of us crossed the line, “close” became up  close.  It happened often enough to shape each of us into being responsible adults.

I learned, over the course of my educational career, that there was precious little daylight, in a good many cases, for muddled responses to people who acted out.  “This close” only worked with students who were genuinely respectful, but who were just testing the waters.

I am having to mean exactly what I say with more people on the periphery of my life, who can and do try to push the limits of what I will tolerate.  Obviously, taking an old-style parental disciplinary approach is going to be counteractive.  Like a good parent, however, I do need to stick to my boundaries.  I have told an online correspondent that I am limiting my time, responding to his long thread of sound bites, to no more than thirty minutes a day. His response, for now, is to send even more voice messages.  No problem; they will wait until the next day.  I know he is just pushing my boundaries and I don’t see any need to be yet another person to cut ties with him-unless the spam fest becomes  a series of threats.  Then, it’s game over.

I’ve only had to delete people twice, in twelve years, and one of them recently was let back in-as the problem was initially my fault.  I am a patient man; some say, too patient, but no matter.  My aim is to live my life as I see fit, within the bounds of my personal beliefs.  Those who are really close to me understand that.  The others, including the lonely soul, will just have to learn.

But For Now

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Posted by on in Community, Matters of Faith, Poetry, Slow Food, Spiritual, Striving

October 23, 2017, Prescott-

Tomorrow, I will write at length about two parts of New Mexico,

but for now, I am content to set my boundaries here, in this room.

Some day, I will likely balance my time between a beautiful little family

and my larger worldwide family,

but for now, I will tend to the needs  of my students and team mates.

Some day, I will be comfortable in the large group of people,

who have recognized the Presence of Baha’u’llah,

but for now, I am patient with my friends who are a bit skittish

about the beliefs I am sharing.

Some day, I will see the world, from a mountain redoubt,

but for now, I am happy to have that world close at hand.

Chaos, then Gold

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Posted by on in children, Personal goals, Striving

November 18, 2016, Prescott-

Unbridled, misdirected energy

needed my ropes and corral posts.

The skittish ones accepted it all,

even hugging me for having set boundaries.

The self-loathing one,

who has bought into the garbage

spewed forth by her haters,

kept a quiet discipline,

craving my approval,

even as she denied her own.

The over-indulged one,

can’t quite conceive

of the need for boundaries.

Sound familiar?

All in all,

the day made me feel

a golden presence,

at workday’s end.