May 19, 2020-
Change is a constant, even if some hectoring voice uses that bromide as his mantra. It occurs to me that there was a different me, sometime ago, which is either fading or has disappeared.
Time was, when I was concerned with how people thought of me, how they looked at me, whether I’d be accepted. Now, I see others as fellow travelers, even if they go on a path that’s different from mine. We will all end up at the same place; we’ll just be asked different questions, by the Gatekeeper. I accept myself, and how I look, so it doesn’t matter how others find my appearance. Besides, more and more people are far younger than I am, so they will most likely just see an old man. As for acceptance-that starts with self-and that horse came back into the barn, a long time ago.
Then, I tended to patronize people-kids, women, old folks. I thought it the best road to being regarded as “just folks”. A rough old soldier called me out on the matter, and I began the long road to seeing humans as eyeball-to-eyeball. I had made a lot of progress, in terms of being genuine, by 2005. Then, my beloved began to really go into decline and I put my self-care, and development, on hold. After she left, it took three solid years of struggle, some travel and a fair number of mistakes, whilst on the road, to reach my equilibrium again.
Now, it’s 2020-and getting closer to mid-year. How am I doing? I’m good, in place, and once the curtain gets lifted, and I am cleared to be on the road again, I probably will hang on around here- to see how the school situation is shaking out, and if I am needed there. I will also be even more focused, whether at home or on the road, than I was even last year. There is a five-dimension sense that has taken over my consciousness. It’ll be a most astonishing seven months ahead, and even more astonishing afterward.