Tag Archives: empathy

The Road to Diamond, Day 251: Hope and A Semi-Recluse

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 6, 2025- I’ve largely stayed in, the past two days, both because of heat and because my schedule is not that busy, this week. I have focused on things like culling my e-mails (2011-2020) and household things-and reading. It almost feels like a throwback to summer in Phoenix, but this is only for few days. The weekend, and next week, will be back to busy-ness.

I have thrived, the past fourteen years, on empathy and commitment to communities, near and far. Some who are in the ascendancy have said that empathy is a weakness of our society. Hope is seen as for suckers. These tenets might work for them in accomplishing short term goals, but I think, deep down, they know that the gig will be up, sooner rather than later.

Empathy and hope are what drive communities. They are what keep families and larger social units together. They are what make even time alone feel less than empty, knowing that humanity is just outside, waiting. They are strengths, not flaws.

The Road to Diamond, Day 244: Exchange vs. Relational

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 30, 2025- One morning in late May, 1975, I awoke at a camp site, in Mount Greylock State Reservation, centered on Massachusetts’ highest peak. After getting myself together, I walked down to a spot where several teenagers were chatting, they having camped after their senior prom. After a fashion, I was asked why I wasn’t more friendly. I had no real answer at the time, other than “I just haven’t had my coffee yet”. (Cue the eye rolls). It did set me to thinking, though, as to just how important other people were to me, at that stage in my life. Gradually, over the past 50 years, being congenial has assumed importance to me at some times more than at others.

This afternoon, I came across an article about the range of interactions between customers and workers, at grocery stores and restaurants. Some, in both roles, are geared more towards an exchange mindset-more focused on getting the business done. Others are more relational, in their interactions. They enjoy small talk, visiting, hobnobbing-just getting to know people better.

I could say that I am somewhere in the middle of that continuum. There is, though, more of a foundation of being relational in my interactions. Everyone, it seems, appreciates being asked how their day is going and to be wished well, at the close of the interaction, no matter how cut and dried a business exchange it is. Some lonely people need more time, and it can be hard to ease one’s way loose, when there is pressing business at hand. I have managed the tightrope act fairly well, especially in the past twenty years.

Penny taught me the skill of deferred attention, i.e. “Hold that thought, while I take care of this other matter” or “Let me get back to you on that.” It has reaped dividends over the years, and yes, I do get back to people-even if it takes a week or two. Sometimes, they are surprised when I do get back to them, as it may have slipped their busy minds as well-but the continuation, or the closure, is much appreciated.

The truth seems to be that, even in business, a purely exchange-oriented stance will not reap long-term benefits. Elon Musk’s comment that “Empathy is a weakness of Western society” does not augur well for continued success in living. One can’t be tethered to other people’s private lives, but neither can one be totally unmoored.

I rather enjoy both the pleasure of many friends’ company and the satisfaction of accomplishing honest deeds, both of commerce and of service.

The Road to Diamond, Day 215: Everything, and Nothing

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 1, 2025– Happy Canada Day, everyone!

Today has also seen a burst of activity, on the two major fronts of my summer. Two wildfires have been top of mind for me, these past few days. A major blaze has been consuming the pinon forest between Window Rock and Ganado, on the Navajo Nation. The Dineh have been able to manage shelters, staffing-wise, and will have Red Cross logistical help, by tomorrow noon. They have plenty of government and private enterprise help, in fighting the blaze. Some friends are among those displaced, and I hold out hope that their homes will survive.

Another blaze, closer to Home Base, also led to us gathering a standby crew, but it has since been largely contained and the crew dismantled. There are all manner of small blazes, underscoring the poignancy of the Twelfth Anniversary of the Yarnell Hill Fire, which led to the deaths of 19 wildland firefighters. Over the weekend, in northern Idaho, a transient was asked to move his vehicle by wildland firefighters. He responded by shooting at them, killing two commanders and wounding an engineer. He later killed himself.

That last incident highlights a fringe element, those who believe that their priorities and their privileges supersede everyone else. We used to call them sociopaths. Now, many of them see themselves as ascendant-even to the point that there is an active movement called Accelerationists, who want to replace elected government with all-powerful Boards of Directors, headed by Chief Executive Officers, who can run roughshod over everyone else, in the name of “efficiency”. This is a huge step away from the workings of the customary publicly-owned corporation, which has a charter, a mission statement and a code of conduct. It, to me, is a system built for sociopaths. (Indeed, Elon Musk recently made a statement that empathy is a weakness of Western countries.) There is little difference between such people and the Idaho shooter.

That brings me to the second overarching concern of the summer: Baha’i gatherings. On Sunday, about forty youth and adults gathered for a lively session of songs and devotions. There was no egotism and no one-upmanship. Yesterday, some of the same youth spent the day visiting adults in their homes, sharing prayers and inspirational stories. Over the next two weeks, various gatherings will be held in the Phoenix area and at Bellemont Baha’i School, for further activities along those lines. These inspirational and collaborative activities are in direct contrast to the self-absorbed depredations described in the last paragraph.

I draw reassurance, also, from conversations with friends here, conservatives and liberals alike, who may not agree on much, policy-wise, but who will stand together against any forces that try to deprive us of the freedom and traditions that we have cherished for 250 years.

He would take away everything is likely to be left with nothing.

A Sestina for the Suffering

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Striving

September 1, 2021- The need to be of help in relieving suffering, be it of humans or of animals, is among the most fundamental urges most of us have. This sestina, a verse of six stanzas, rotating six end words, and capped by an envoi of three lines, addresses the suffering that is encountered by many.

We go about our daily deeds, both joy and drudgery, meeting peace, to outward-seeming. Life has its minor struggles, persistent, sometimes nagging disappointments, and adventure. There is, however, no growth or triumph, without struggle. We learn, at any early age, that one safeguard against harm is that of attachment. The warmth of mother, the sturdiness of father, the friendship of sibling, curl up in memory. As we grow, there are many reactions to those around us; the best of these being empathy.

The plight of the poor, those living below what we have come to expect, summons empathy. There are hovels, tents and rolled-out blankets, which defy credulity, even to outward-seeming. A visit to an encampment, even seeing the modest trappings of ingenuity, is seared in memory. The day-to-day struggles are not uniformly dreaded by the homeless, who may see adventure. A rolled-up camp and the camaraderie of mates may trigger attachment. There comes to be seen as a truism, that what matters is not the destination, but the struggle.

A person, or an animal, waging the fight for freedom, draws admirers to their struggle. There is no end to the outpouring, at least initially, of empathy. The identification of onlooker with target, and against oppressor, becomes a torrid attachment. The course of action becomes clear, to outward-seeming. Some will join in the fray, if only to experience a rare adventure. On their deathbeds, the onlookers turned fighters will whisper their memory.

There is a power, though, in the storehouse that is memory. It nags, it pleads and ultimately forces the onlooker to join the struggle. There is scant relaxation, maybe a dearth of comfort, in the ensuing adventure. The fire of action fuels the sword of courage, forged on the anvil of empathy. Those not convinced of the truth that is spoken to power see waste, to outward-seeming. Greed, envy, avarice, lust and pride are among the foci of their attachment.

The suffering, living day-to-day, may grasp at their helpers, in oblique attachment. The y have yet to experience the living out of a dream, with squalor their sole memory. The plight of the oppressed can seem intractable, to outward-seeming. It is all too easy to kneel in pleading, not wanting to engage in righteous struggle. It is the rising, however, that engenders and sustains empathy. It is the fortitude, the joining of hands, that sustain the real adventure.

The signals are clear, when an oppressed soul stands and embarks on such adventure. The multitude gathers, moves forward in serried lines, and hope is their sole attachment. They walk along, forge past all obstacles, and bathe one another in empathy. In time, the victories, no matter how fleeting, build a treasury of memory. The triumphs fuel, and the setbacks harden, the boldness of struggle. Then, there will be a measure of unity, between inner perception and outward-seeming.

All in all, what is past is prologue, and what is to be, generates from memory. The chef who cooks recollection, needs a fresh supply of struggle. There is no daylight, in the end, between inner perception and outward-seeming.

Purists may bemoan the relative lack of iambic pentameter, but such is life.

Sixty Six, for Sixty-Six, Part XXXII: Art Town Serenade

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Posted by on in Community, Social, Travel

May 8, 2017, Cave Creek-

In my thirty-three years of Arizona life, I had never been to the oft-celebrated, sometimes kitschy, seemingly quiet but artfully shimmering oasis that is downtown Cave Creek.  The southwest is filled with these kinds of places.  I live in one, and have been to several others.  Each has its share of solid, hardworking artistes, and several have kitsch galore.

After a routine dental check-up, I got a message to visit here, whilst at my beloved’s grave.  These notions almost always lead me to a special place, and to increased personal insight.  Today was no exception.

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Local Jonny’s is at the south end of a one-mile stretch that makes up Cave Creek’s arts and entertainment district, aka “downtown”.  It’s attached to “world-famous” Flat Tire Bike Shop, so one could have his bike fixed, whilst savouring a breakfast burrito and cup of delectable brew-of-choice, or carry a cup of java around, whilst selecting her very next entry into Tour de France.

When it was my turn to order, the counter attendant, Hannah, looked me in the eye, as if to say, “It’s about time you showed up !”, and cheerfully took my order.  She had a large, exquisite, Flat Tire Burrito and sumptuous coffee on my table, within five minutes. Jonny’s is one of those places, like The Raven Cafe, Marino’s and Two Mamas, in Prescott, Macy’s European Coffee House and Toasted Owl, in Flagstaff, and Sun Flour Market, in Superior, where if one feels not at home, it’s not the fault of the house.  The ladies told me that Cave Creek is just that kind of place, as a whole, from end to end.

After my early lunch, it was time to check out the A & E.  Cave Creek reminds  me, a lot, of Bisbee, Mesilla Park and Laredo, in the number of metallic art shops, selling all manner of animal figures, made from cast-off  steel, iron and copper.

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Disneyesque Frontier Town opts for wooden figures.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES Essentially, the love and sense of fun, that is exuded here, is not to be bottled up and stored in a cave.

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So, I found that Local Jonny’s, and a dozen other places around town, could easily answer the question posed by another visitor:

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I’ll be back, time and again.

Commitment

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Posted by on in Family, Inspiration, Social, Spiritual

April 17, 2017, Prescott-

I read one of those Facebook things, where you put in name and birthday, and an algorithm produces a canned statement, about How It Is With You, regarding a certain aspect of life.  This one was about relationships.

The algorithm told me that I was lovable, but “commitment-averse”.  I’ve heard that from several people, over the past few years.  Without exception, they’ve had their own agendas, and I am “Other People’s Agendas- averse”, to be sure.  I like to help, live to help, but in my own space and at my own pace.

I am not commitment-averse.  Penny had my full commitment and attention, especially when she needed me most.  I am a father-for-life, and the big guy knows it.  if he were in harm’s way, I’d drop everything and get over there.  I am a son-for-life, and Mom knows it.  She is fiercely independent, and that’s always a good thing.  If things change for her, I’d drop everything and get over there.  I am a sibling, cousin, nephew and uncle for life, and the family knows it.  We are little islands but, yeah, if it comes to it, you get the point.  I am, regardless of where my spirit takes me, a friend-for-life.  It’s gotten me through every tough spot in which I’ve ever found myself, including those tough places where my grief got me, a few years back.

I am not commitment-averse.  Recently, I walked into a small cafe, and was greeted by a soul who, I could testify on a stack of Scriptures, is one of those whom I’ve known forever.  Penny was, and is, such a soul.  Five good friends elsewhere, two males and three females, are likewise.  I’m convinced that, in time of a needful in-gathering, we would find ourselves in the same geographic place.  In fact, one such good friend is moving to a place close by, very shortly.  The thing about those of us who were together, in God-knows-what sort of Soul Existence, is that we understand one another, preternaturally, even supernaturally, and it goes beyond that which we know as empathy.

I will, over time, reconnect with “K”, as I have with the others. Our friendship on this plane will follow whatever course is in store. There are, no doubt, more such souls out there, and we will find one another, likewise towards whatever end the Universe has in mind.  Well, that’s it for now, with what an empathic friend here calls “the hoo-hoo stuff”.

My commitments for today are to continue clearing the backyard, get the clothes laundered and write another post, this evening, on the Atlantic Coast.