Tag Archives: expectations

The Road to Diamond, Day 277: The Labour of Love, at Quarter Century

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 1, 2025- A friend was clearly shocked, voice breaking, whilst reading the message from a mutual friend, which indicated that here were two people talking past one another, regarding an act of service in which they had spent most of yesterday-and were pondering how to complete the job today.

We “Boomers” are in situations, quite often,in which two or more people get involved in helping a destitute, or infirm, friend-and find selves reaching own physical limits. I am fairly robust, at just shy of 75, but many of my contemporaries are not. I stand up for them, when they have to back off from work they find too onerous, given their physical state. The friend I first mentioned above is one of those who has every right to set limits. So, too, is the second friend, who is, in fairness, selfless to a fault. At some point, very soon, I hope that is realized.

I have to be very transparent, of late, about my own limits, which are more financial (preserving the means to reach my goals and to provide in the event of unforeseen emergencies) and temporal (not being able to spend time with certain folks around Home Base I, as I will be away for a good part of the rest of this year, and next),than physical-for the foreseeable future, anyway.

What my friends and I do is sincerely out of love. Favours, though, cannot be expected. In the past day or so, I have had to let two people, for whom I care deeply, know that they are not entitled to have me at their beck and call. This is as much out of regard for their own dignity and worth as it is for my own. I had to learn this the hard way, several years ago-and am grateful for the lesson, both as giver and as receiver.

We give of ourselves both in gratitude for those who gave to us, back in the day, and out of love for those who are at wit’s end. We offer a hand up, rather than a hand out, as much as our own means allow. Happy Labour Day, all!

“What Would They Want For You Now?”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 23, 2023- A group of about two dozen young men walked into a Los Angeles session that offered poetry and meditation, to address social dysfunction. One by one, the men spoke to the three “experts”, saying that all this philosophy was good on its face, but that the reality they faced each day was far more ominous- 9 mm weapons pointed at them, suspicious police tailing and stopping them, food deserts, joblessness, and so on. Besides, the men said, they knew too many of their peers who had been slain on the streets, in the past year.

The experts wisely acknowledged that there were too many souls who hadn’t been honoured, so they asked each of the men to go outside and gather up a stone, for each person they knew, who had been killed in the last year. After several minutes, the men came back inside, each carrying many rocks. They sat down, a candle was lit and placed in the center of the circle, and each person was asked to give a name to each of the stones. He was then to say the name of the victim, and place the stone next to the candle. This continued, until all the stones were set around the candle, honouring each of the murder victims.

Jack Kornfield, a social psychologist, and author of “A Path With Heart”, which helped me so much, in the early stages of grief, in 2011, was one of the “experts”. He posed a question to the men: “What would they want for you now?” One by one, the members addressed that question, in a pensive and serious manner.

As I listened to this presentation, I thought of Dad, Penny, Brian, my in-laws, grandparents, aunts and uncles, even the most rambunctious of my cousins. I think they would want me to know peace, to have arrived at self-acceptance and to keep on in the path of service. Each of them sacrificed, in one way or another, that the world they left behind might be a better place. Friends, like John H., Deedee B., Donna G., Sean W., Mario M., even Frankie Q., would want me to be doubly sure that the person inside this frame was jettisoning the baggage that held me back, for so long.

I have to want the same for myself-and believe me, it is happening-slowly, but steadily.

Desiderata- Part II

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Posted by on in collaborating, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 12, 2019-

In the last post, I looked at the first half of Max Ehrmann’s 1927 prose- poem, which attained wide popularity in the 1960’s, due to a mass, unattributed distribution of the verses, the result of the author’s having not copyrighted the work.

In this post, the second five lines are the focus.

“Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Original text

I have yet to pretend to like someone, much less to love them.  I have had friendships which turned sour, because one or both of us failed to meet pre-conceived expectations.  I have learned, in very ingrained fashion, to approach friendships more carefully. Cynicism about love, though, is out of the question.  It is as perennial as the grass.

As one in late middle age, I do not act like, or pretend to act like, the youth I once projected.  I still have energy and drive, and I also get arthritic aches, if I sit for too long.  I make regular use  of essential oil supplements, hydromassage and therapeutic exercise, as those are the counsels of age.

I have, with help from skilled financial planners, shielded myself from later distress.  Strength of spirit is there, to help keep distress, and any external threats, at bay.

Being gentle with myself, and recognizing my right to life, has come hard.  I went through a long period of self-loathing, which was mitigated, but not extinguished, by my late, beloved wife.  Only standing up to critics and challengers, including the most recent bunch, has given me the sense that gentleness with self is my due.

I know, finally, that all that is happening, for short-term good or ill, will result in what’s best for the Universe and for mankind.  I have, even recently, seen sham and broken dreams.  Those who jive others, or try to fool themselves, will learn the hard truth sooner or later.

Yes, it is still a beautiful world, and I intend to experience more of it.

The Road to 65, Mile 87: Choices

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

February 23, 2015, Prescott- When I was deep in mourning, and on the road, one of my closest friends reminded me that everything one does, regardless of circumstances, is the consequence of choice. I got a call, this morning, at 5:47, from one of the districts for which I work.  I was not quite able to wrap my head around getting it together, and opted for a bit more sleep.  On days like this, I am well aware of the consequence, both immediate and down the road.  So have I learned to not blame others for much of anything.

Ann Landers once said, “No one can take advantage of you, without your permission”.  How true, and how often disconcerting. One must have clear boundaries.  The people we let into our lives are going to have expectations and are going to pursue agendas, which may or may not be in keeping with our own goals and plans.  It is up to each of us, whether to play a particular game, or opt out.

Without making conscious choices, a life gets bogged down and the person living it, dependent, bitter and often self-harming.  I have known many, besides myself, who defer decisions, based on excuses and the notion that “Conditions aren’t quite right”. Conditions will never be just so!

The other “tool” that the takers of this world employ, all too well, is guilt.  I have learned to sleep very well at night, doing what I can for the dispossessed and others in need, without going so far as to put myself among their number, through reckless spending at the loud insistence of guilt-mongers.

There is simply no substitute for taking responsibility for one’s own actions and beliefs.

The Road to 65, Mile 58: Hiding in Plain Sight

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Posted by on in Social

January 25, 2015, Prescott-  A few days ago, my topic was Expectations.  As I figured, the topic offended some people, but that’s the risk one takes, on a dedicated series like this.  Regardless, I will continue to write what’s in my heart.  Many of us prefer to overlook things which are either mundane or unsettling.

When I was still quite young, I sometimes would win a game of Hide and Seek, by simply lying down prone on the ground, close to the bottom edge of a cliff or berm.  The seeker would, without fail, walk or run past me, and back to goal I would head in triumph.

Fast forward to the present, and a job market which frequently casts its nets far afield, while overlooking local talent, either out of the vanity of seeking the exotic or in the belief that someone who comes from another locale, will bring fresh vision and energy to the table.  I fell in that trap, a few times, in the late ’90’s, only to be overruled by my Board, which chose an aging local person for the position.  She turned out to be perfectly suited for the job, and grew in it, professionally, to serve several more years- long after I had left.

It’s just a thought, but how much would business and  industry  save, if they were to prioritize finding local talent, especially in smaller, close-knit communities.  The newcomers do bring a different perspective, but they often must be eased into the community, while so many who are passed-over are still in the community, years later, and could have been a far greater asset to the organization, overall.