Tag Archives: sexual orientation

Evolution

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 5, 2021- There was a lot of sameness about today: Breakfast at Post 6, the Sunday paper, and getting the laundry done, for another week. That set me to thinking, though, about what has changed, over the years, in a “then” and “now” fashion.

Then, I knew only people who looked, more or less, like me. I had little sense of how people of different backgrounds, who lived in other places, really thought, felt and acted. There was always a curiosity, though, and while interacting with people of other backgrounds, as I grew into manhood, was sometimes tough, we made it through to the other side as friends.

Now, I am blessed with so many people I love, our respective backgrounds, beliefs and affiliations mattering little.

Then, I knew the small area of Saugus and the surrounding towns and cities. Up north was New Hampshire, where we went on the first part , if not the entirety of every vacation. Down south was Cape Cod, which saw the second part of vacation, when times were good. Places like Providence, Rhode Island and Stamford, Connecticut were rare to our family itinerary, as was Martha’s Vineyard. Now, I have seen parts of all fifty states, have lived near, and walked all over, our nation’s capital. I have lived in Maine, during one of the worst blizzards that New England experienced during the late ’70s. My home, from 1978-86 and again, since 1992, has been Arizona. It was here, in the Southwest, that I met my darling wife, found my true Faith, and came to grips with the state of mind that set me apart from others, for so long.

There have been other places that made me grow. Jeju, Korea taught me the value of looking at life, through other cultural viewpoints. It was there that a son came into our lives, and where he would be hard-wired to seek his own helpmate, thirty years later. Life among Dineh and Hopi further expanded my sense of looking at the world through different lenses. Travels to places like Israel, the West Bank, Guyana, Taiwan, England, France, Luxembourg, Belgium and Germany showed me, time and again, how much we can all learn from one another.

There was a time when I was of a warrior mindset. People abroad could only be saved by us mighty Americans. Then, I went to Vietnam, and found out differently. There was a time when I was of a very exclusive mindset. It was best for others to assimilate into mainstream American culture. Meeting people who are Black, Brown, Indigenous to this continent, East Asians, speaking Spanish, Navajo, Apache, Korean, Mandarin, Creole and yet, going about their lives in ways that taught me volumes, and showed how much assimilation is a myth. There was a time when I had little use for homosexuals. Then, I kept meeting people whose sexual orientation differed from my own, and found they are, in many other ways, the same as I am. Then, too, I saw how some friends underwent the hard process of gender reassignment, and I saw just how these steadfast and forthright friends of mine, one of whom was my rock, when I was at the low point in the grieving process, struggle in very fundamental ways, with aspects of life that those of us who are straight and cisgender handle in de rigeur fashion. I see that no one is pressuring me to adapt to a lifestyle to which I have no attraction; nor should I exert pressure on those who are not drawn to mine.

There remains one “blind spot” of sorts: Grifters, beggars, takers.. Is it true that, being “kind to all who cross my path”, and “if someone asks for your coat, give him your trousers, as well”, should be taken at face value? I am generous in prosperity, and yet, I do not see that having limits to largesse, lest I become a ward of others, means that I lack trust in the Creator. The Prophet Muhammad spoke, “Trust in God, but tie your camel.” I have been homeless, albeit briefly. I have been destitute, also for a very short time. The key to rising out of penury has always lain in being proactive, open-minded and resilient.

Thus have I evolved.

Unprogrammed

2
Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 3, 2021-

Stories are surfacing, of people wanting to “deprogram” others. The whole premise seems to be to bring the other people to their senses; in other words, to get them to drop what are seen as fanciful attitudes and opinions, which the “deprogrammer” wants to replace with attitudes and opinions that a) are not threatening to him/her and b) are more in tune with the mainstream.

There are several varieties of deprogramming. Perhaps the best known is “conversion therapy”, the aim of which is to convince a Gay or Lesbian person to change their orientation, to heterosexuality. There is considerable risk, in such an effort- as the primary mode seems to be psychological and fairly short tem in focus. The flip side of this is, of course, the relatively rare attempts by Gay or Lesbian people to introduce heterosexuals to a homosexual orientation. Neither is going to work, to any great degree, as there are aspects of sexual orientation that go far beyond physical attraction, or even psychological programming.

There is Stockholm Syndrome, in which the victim of a crime comes to identify with the perpetrator(s) and adopts their attitudes, behaviours and mindsets- often engaging in similar behaviour to an even greater degree than the original criminals. This phenomenon far predates the incident for which it was named-as witness the Roman slaves who, once freed, became masters of other slaves. Human nature does as it will.

Getting back to the present-the whole programming, deprogramming, reprogramming thing is, as far as I can see, more about the person trying to effect the change than about the person whom he/she is trying to change. It is, arguably, doomed to failure. The only path to disabusing a person of thoughts and behaviours which are clearly harmful is surrounding them with unconditional love, a course of action which takes considerable time, energy and patience-and which avoids guilt, shame and the projection that one is in any way superior to the other person.

The only real change is that which is effected from within.

Integration of Masculine and Feminine, and That Solstice Thing

4
Posted by on in collaborating, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

December 21, 2018, Prescott-

I love balance. Today featured several imbalances in the wider world, not the least of which is what happens every year at this time, with regard to day and night.  The  Winter Solstice has power to heal, though, by initiating a gradual, minute-a-day increase in daylight and by summoning so much collective spiritual energy.  It is no accident that Holy Days based on hope and resilience:  Hanukkah and Christmas, occur during this time.  It is also no accident that those whose concerns are primarily material suffer so many setbacks during December.  This last month of the year has been tough on the governmental and financial sectors, for four of the past five years-with 2016 being an anomaly, for the world of finance.

Let me get to the main point of today, however.  This evening, I spent ninety minutes on a conference call with four women.  The topic was the integration of masculine and feminine energy, which exists in each human being.  As we concurred in the discussion, this is not a gender matter nor is it a question of sexual orientation.  I am happy to be a man, have never been sexually attracted to other males and have always valued my nurturing energy as much as I have my building energy.  Every other person on Earth has both, and those who have experienced the most lifelong success are those who have tapped into both, on a regular basis.

I pondered my current friendships, as I listened to the women and offered some of my own thoughts.  Of the ten people I regard as my best friends, outside of immediate and extended family, four are women who are in committed relationships.  Three others are single women, to whom I am either not physically attracted or who are not so drawn to me, and three are men.  So, romance is not a factor in my present circle of friends.  This, in one who has been bonkers over the female of our species, from the age of eight-and probably earlier, is quite a self-revelation.

The other thing that occurred to me during this discussion, is that I have arrived at a point in my life where my only concern, regarding others, is that I am prepared to do everything possible to help them advance.  This is true  regardless of any physical, mental, or circumstantial status of an individual.  Many, if not most, of the two rising generations are already at this level of understanding.  Perhaps this is why I feel such a psychic closeness to the young.

It all boils down to intuition, and to self-awareness. I credit Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz, whose book, “Awakening Intuition”, started me on this path of self-examination; Ms. Corina Luna Dea, whose online group has offered boundless insights into the process of self-awareness; Ms. Medea Bavarella Chichik, who co-moderated this evening’s call; and a person, who shall remain anonymous, whose challenges of  two months ago led me to a long-overdue self-examination, as to the level of my presence in day-to-day interactions.

The work of integrating feminine and masculine energy is ongoing, and as I said above, it is independent of  both gender identification and sexual orientation.  It is about the total human being.