We are each on a journey of some sort.
I’ve had a lot of thoughts and a few conversations, over the past month or so, as to what sort of person always seems to be on the move, and what exactly is it that such a person is seeking. I can only speak for myself. I have been peripatetic from Day 1, it seems, and not just in the sense of exploring new physical locations or different scenes. My nose has been in a book, far more often than my feet have been moving forward. Ironically, though I love to be walking here and there, when the occasion requires, I can sit still for hours on end, patiently reading, watching the most inane TV shows or just letting my mind wander. This last characteristic served me well during my Penny’s final year- much of which I spent at her bedside- because there was no place I wanted to be more.
Whether one is engaged in a building project, sitting at dockside with a fishing pole in hand, coaching a soccer team, designing jewelry, doing one’s taxes or climbing Sagarmatha, a journey is a journey. There may be miscalculations and setbacks along the way, and re-dos are the task of the lucky. The rest end up in one abyss or another.
This brings me to relationships. I was more fortunate than I can ever express outwardly, that I had the companionship of a blithe spirit and keen intellect for thirty years. I will have a spiritual bond with Penny for all eternity, and there will never be a time when I don’t feel her presence. I am fortunate to be surrounded by family, in an ever-distant outward ring, which is nevertheless always pulsating. I am fortunate, too, to have friends both near and far- those who understand me, and still refrain from judging.
Some ask, why do you not want another companion? The quick answer is, I am a self-contained unit, and always have been. Penny drew me out and aided me to build on what my parents instilled in each of us- to be urgently aware of our surroundings, and BE HELPFUL. I’m far from dead, emotionally, and see women I consider attractive, in one way or another, every day. The most important thing, though, is that I have finally learned that it is the friendship, not the attraction, that sets us free. I would rather have a hundred good friends, or a thousand, than be in any relationship where one of us is feeling like “Damn it, I can do better.”
So, I am happy to have the friends in my life, female and male, young and old, on whom I can count and who can count on me, with no ulterior motives. We are each on a journey, every minute of every day, and it is a fine thing to see a traveler smile along the way.