Sixty Six, for Sixty-Six, Part XXXIV: Different

May 11, 2017, Prescott-

I have, as most are aware, led a life that has been far from conventional.  My love and I did not play by the rules, as much as we might have, when purchasing our home, in 2003.  I did proudly bring in my mortgage check, for five years, whilst juggling her increasingly unpredictable medical state.  Then came the Madoff scandal, which hit us, indirectly.  Then came the “Great Recession”, bankruptcy and short sale.  Three years later, she was gone.  Son moved on with his life, a testament to our own resiliency, and his.

We, the survivors, are hanging in there.  He’s fine in Busan, South Korea, as far as I can tell.  I am stable in Prescott, as far as I can tell. Money is tight, but no matter.  Those who played by the rules have their struggles, as well.  In the end, we each have what we’ve earned, and little else.

My autism has made me different, from day one.  I approach new situations, new groups of people, from a distance, with some caution.That’s caused issues with others, who jump into newness with both feet, and think a delayed response is a sign of apathy.  It’s caused initial issues with women, who are more in tune with connection.  After reading my heart, much of that has faded away, but it still irks me- that I can’t.quite. be. as forthcoming with new friends, as seems reasonable.

Life is better now, though.  At this age, most of those around me have either been through their own scar-fests (my contemporaries and elders) or are heart-readers (children and teens).  I have one goal, for my own behavioural exchequer:  Feel less inclined to hang back, in new situations.  ACCEPT that most people are naturally inclined to be social, to be accepting, themselves.

It’s okay to be different.

14 thoughts on “Sixty Six, for Sixty-Six, Part XXXIV: Different

  1. After a few months of talking with me, my mental health counselor in Calgary wonders whether I don’t fall somewhere on the autism spectrum.

    I’m to do a test in her office next month to determine whether that is so.

  2. Gary, Your insights are always welcomed. Your eyes twinkle when you tease. You are different from most men I know. Thank God you are different. I enjoy you just the way you are!

  3. I march to my own drum to the consternation of many. However you define your path, it is just that YOUR path – own it and revel in the uniqueness. If everyone was a cookie cutter replica the world would be a boring place!

  4. I’m really loving this reflective piece. It opens up a window into the writer’s life but its honesty also makes the reader take a step back and introspect. This is great writing.

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