May 11, 2017, Prescott-
I have, as most are aware, led a life that has been far from conventional. My love and I did not play by the rules, as much as we might have, when purchasing our home, in 2003. I did proudly bring in my mortgage check, for five years, whilst juggling her increasingly unpredictable medical state. Then came the Madoff scandal, which hit us, indirectly. Then came the “Great Recession”, bankruptcy and short sale. Three years later, she was gone. Son moved on with his life, a testament to our own resiliency, and his.
We, the survivors, are hanging in there. He’s fine in Busan, South Korea, as far as I can tell. I am stable in Prescott, as far as I can tell. Money is tight, but no matter. Those who played by the rules have their struggles, as well. In the end, we each have what we’ve earned, and little else.
My autism has made me different, from day one. I approach new situations, new groups of people, from a distance, with some caution.That’s caused issues with others, who jump into newness with both feet, and think a delayed response is a sign of apathy. It’s caused initial issues with women, who are more in tune with connection. After reading my heart, much of that has faded away, but it still irks me- that I can’t.quite. be. as forthcoming with new friends, as seems reasonable.
Life is better now, though. At this age, most of those around me have either been through their own scar-fests (my contemporaries and elders) or are heart-readers (children and teens). I have one goal, for my own behavioural exchequer: Feel less inclined to hang back, in new situations. ACCEPT that most people are naturally inclined to be social, to be accepting, themselves.
It’s okay to be different.