Further Reflection

December 13, 2017, Prescott-

Baha’u’llah tells us that each soul expresses a grain of truth.  In the past several days, there has been much discussion, largely initiated by single men, regarding the push for gender equality.

I have responded to some of the posts and been somewhat rebuffed by the authors.  My take, essentially, is that people should not be limited in their pursuits, their dreams, their achievements, by traditional gender roles.  My identity as a man does not stand or fall on whether a woman, friend or not, can change a tire, rebuild an engine or run a Fortune 500 corporation, as well, or better, than a man could.  My identity as a man does not depend on whether I have a lady on my arm, even as I find many women strikingly lovely.
I must, however, agree with some of the men who have posted.  A human being’s relationship with any other human being is based on trust.  Women and men are equally capable of maintaining trust, and are equally capable of violating trust.  I have been in a couple of situations where I was the breaker of trust.  That I was going through episodes of grief, in each case, does not excuse my behaviour and I have apologized, done as each person violated has asked, and moved on.  In my friendships, over the past three years, I have been far more discerning and attentive to trust issues.

No one is entitled to respect, based on gender alone.  Respect comes from maintaining good character, and that includes being trustworthy.  A man had girlfriend begged off of their scheduled date, saying she didn’t feel well. She was later found to be having dinner with another man, that same evening.  She said it was her prerogative, as a woman.  Well, balderdash!  She reaped the fruits of that choice, which was an end to her relationship with Man A.

There is an argument, making the rounds, that women prefer men who are coarse, who will rough them up if necessary, or at least be selfish and disgusting.  My take on that is:

Such a woman is fundamentally looking for someone who is hard enough to perhaps safeguard her from the coarseness and meanness of the wider world.  A nice guy makes a good friend, so the saying goes, but a mate must be willing to be a brute.   My attitude is that a nice guy must also be strong in the face of adversity. Brutishness is a perversion of strength.

I practice goodness towards people, in general, but my mother did not raise any wimps. I stood up for my wife, as she did for me, and we stood up TO one another.  I am loving, nurturing and supportive of my female friends, but the last time I checked, none of them needed a doormat.  I am in their lives on their terms, and they are in my life, on mine.

The bottom line, in all this discussion, is PEOPLE need to be humane and considerate to other PEOPLE.  PEOPLE should be strong and reliable, in the eyes of other PEOPLE.  If a woman doesn’t respect a man, and vice versa, then what’s the point of their relationship?  More basically, if one doesn’t think he/she deserves a strong, reliable, trustworthy mate, then he/she won’t find one.

27 thoughts on “Further Reflection

  1. Gary, you are spot on. I admire you and your perspective; I wish all men would feel like you do and voice it as eloquently. I also have shame about my abuse of a man in my past which haunts me. Keep being you!!:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have always felt that men and women are all people, and should be treated with respect and trust (one engenders the other), even as friendships develop, whether or not the friendships lead to stronger relationships. Brutishness is not an acceptable trait within that model, although strength and support are.


      • I also believe, though, that people are born with personality traits that don’t change without serious training and/or intervention. It is not common for a brute to fully ‘come to his senses.’ I wonder what will happen to all the men who are being upended these days!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “There is an argument, making the rounds, that women prefer men who are coarse, who will rough them up if necessary, or at least be selfish and disgusting. My take on that is:

    Such a woman is fundamentally looking for someone who is hard enough to perhaps safeguard her from the coarseness and meanness of the wider world” .

    And my take is, such a woman needs to check out for self-esteem issues; why need an external body to motivate you into living your own life? I mean, this is just my two cents on the matter.

    If she likes a man with regards to his strength, that’s fine but not brutishness.

    BTW although expressed differently, both men and women can be epitomes of strength.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I don’t think women want men to roughed up. To me, I want someone who is able to be a friend, and not be the higher person than me.
    I get the feeling that no matter what century we are, that time is going back. It is a wonder that, women have come forward and spoke against the sexual attacks that they endured in their workplace. And that, those people are facing the repercussions of their stupidity. Except Donald Trump!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Absolutely on point. I agree to your thoughts. People should treat others as they want to be treated. No one is superior or inferior. Each relationship needs efforts be it a relation of mother-child or of love birds. Respect should be priority. Without respect no relation can survive. Only love won’t feed the human. Respect+love+friendship+honesty completes the best bonds. :))

    Liked by 3 people

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