The Summer of the Rising Tides, Day 85: Curbing the Projector

August 24, 2020, Beaumont-

As several of the planets of our solar system are in retrograde, in relation to Earth it is said that we each go back over old ground. In my case, I have found, in meditation, that I want to pull back from groups of people- and the more insular I perceive the group to be, the less I want to do with them, of late.

Group leaders seem to pick up on that, and I end up excluded more from discussions and more specific conversations. I know, deep down, what my own task is, in reflecting a more positive self-image in their presence. It is a matter of shutting off the aspects of my own being that end up being projected onto those whom I perceive as more “prominent”, “eminent”, “powerful”.

This old ground will be raked over, a few more times, until I can at long last manage to cease viewing myself, internally, as less worthy of being part of a given group-especially as I have been included, at least to some level. That this goes back to high school, which, in reality, was essentially a happy time for me- with only my self-concept occasionally getting in the way, is a sign that it is long past time to realize, and accept, how far I’ve come.

4 thoughts on “The Summer of the Rising Tides, Day 85: Curbing the Projector

  1. I can relate to this — to an extent. Since the pandemic began, I’ve been included in Zoom meetings of a group in CT and one in Florida. Both of these groups share experiences and feelings quite freely — I have found that difficult to do. I was asked to share something over the weekend, and when I did so, I was surprised that the rest of the meeting was spent encouraging me, and sharing similar experiences. We all share insecurities (except narcisistics) — overcoming them is key to further inclusion in group settings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The search for acceptance is hard enough without the weight of self doubt. Hope you can see how worthy you are. And you are worthy – you have all the required ingredients to be a huge asset to the mission! You have intelligence, experience, empathy, inclusivity, organization and leadership… and a winning smile!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No sooner did I wake up and get myself together, than I was asked to take an older nurse to our next station- a three-hour drive from Beaumont to Baton Rouge. I kicked the negative voice of a long-gone detractor out of my head and did just fine.

      Liked by 1 person

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