It’s said in physics that the breaking of ionic bonds has serious consequences for the entire chain to which the broken ions belong.  It is also said, in some circles, that each ion is attracted to some other ions, and repelled by still others, which may or may not be attracted to it.

This explains a chain of human interactions.  I referred yesterday to my high school friend not being attracted to a boy who loved her, and who, in turn, was liked by a girl to whom he was not attracted.

It goes around and around like this, throughout life.  I have been in the middle of this, several times.  I have been drawn to a person, who is drawn to someone else, who is drawn to yet another, and so on.  On my other side, there is one who is drawn to me, while turning away from someone who is drawn to her, who turns away from yet another, and you get the picture.  This could be Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools” or just the human condition, voicing its disquiet.  Nonetheless, even those who feel like they’ve never been loved are attractive to someone- they just haven’t met, or acknowledged, that person.

Each turning away causes some turmoil.  The wiser among us realize that each soul, each human; each mating, befriending being, has criteria for making these choices, these bonds.  For some, the criteria are physical and so don’t endure.  For others, the criteria are spiritual, and less easily understood or accepted.  For still others, there is this attraction that makes no sense to the casual observer, and much less to the receiver of affection.

I’ve felt all three types.  With my wife, Penny, the first two sets of criteria existed simultaneously, and the spiritual set endures, though she is in another realm.  I’ve had plenty of physical attractions, and these have fizzled, after a very short time.  Ditto for those whose being attracted to me is purely physical.  There are a few in my present life to whom I am attracted spiritually.  These attractions linger in my heart, even though I no longer have any direct contact with them.  Luckily, I am not involved in the third type of attraction.  The last such was in 1976, and hurt the intended recipient, terribly.

My bottom line is this.  The most horrifying thing I can ever hear from another human being, especially someone I love, is “I am really hurt by what you did(said)”.  I know I must hear it, and make amends, but knowing I have crushed someone’s spirit shakes me to the core.

This is becoming a trend:  Soul-sharing in the morning, travel-sharing in the evening.  I think that’s how it will remain.

Anyway, my mind drifted back to my high school days, yesterday.  I was trying to find a parallel for just how I really feel about my best friend.  Romantic thoughts just don’t jibe, though she is a beautiful woman.  The thing is, 62, with under 40?  Umm, not very likely.  Brother and sister?  No, and for the same reason.

Here is a parallel.  In the summer of my junior year, I would spend most week days at Fireplace 10, of  Nahant Beach.  I would alternate between sunbathing and hanging in the blanket area, and body surfing, when the tide was coming in.

Although I had no girlfriend of any sort in high school, I had a lot of friends, both male and female.  The girls would often sit down on my blanket and just share their feelings and frustrations, seeking a “safe” male perspective.  It made me feel purposeful.  One of these was Joan.  She is two years younger than I, so she was entering her sophomore year.  There was a guy who was absolutely bonkers over Joan.  She was, and is, a lovely woman.  She was dating a guy already, though, and they were happy.  Charlie was one one of my best friends in school, and Joan felt safe talking with me about her dilemma.  She didn’t want to hurt N’s feelings, but it was she and Charlie, and no one else.

As my senior year progressed, N moved on, Charlie and Joan remained a committed couple and they both were among my best friends.  Joan was probably my best friend that year, and I could share my own hopes and dreams with her, where the guys with whom I hung out were far more opinionated and judgmental, with me and with one another.  Joan also didn’t mince words, when she thought I was being over the top, but there was never unkindness in her demeanor, or her voice.  She just was, and had nothing to prove.

Once I graduated, I would only see Joan now and then, at the Friendly’s Ice Cream Parlor, on Rte. One, or at random parties.  Three years after I graduated, we lost Charlie in a tragic accident.  Joan, bless her, moved on, slowly and with determination to survive and thrive.  She was doing well, the last time I saw her, working out of Boston and traveling, both for her job and for pleasure.  She waxed poetic, on that last meeting, about East Asia, especially Japan.  That was thirty-eight years ago.  I believe she is now a grandmother and still working.

She remains, though, an inspiration and a long-ago source of stability in my life.  I guess that’s why I feel the same about a person who is an inspiration to me now.  Many blessings, to you, my best friend on the planet.

This morning, things were made clear, as all matters of deep and abiding friendship must be, and must stay.  The person I will regard as my best friend, for the rest of my earthly life, will remain just that.  I will have her back, whenever she needs me.  She does not have to provide anything in return, other than respect for me as a person.  Today, she provided that respect in spades, which only deepens my regard for her as a human being, and as a spiritual presence.

There is no more honourable and enduring title that may be bestowed on a person, by another, than “steadfast friend”.  Too often, we can get confused by the intensity of our feelings and send the wheels of these relationships careening off one of the precipices which are all too prevalent in our psychosocial environment.  The 1970’s pop hit, “Rollercoaster of Love” pokes gentle fun at that.  This is especially true of relationships between people who recognize each other as attractive.  It is not fair, in the end, to a person who is in a vulnerable or transitional state, to place too much emphasis on the ephemeral, the physical aspects of friendship.

Each of us has a soul mate.  Once we find him or her, it lasts for all eternity, regardless of whether death or divorce removes the person from one’s physical reality.  This is the point to which my best friend and I came today.  It cements our friendship, and ought to reassure our respective soul mates that they matter most.

When I love a person, regardless of the level that love takes, I love them on their own terms, and unconditionally on mine.  There are no expectations of a reward for me, save what God ordains.  I am a somewhat romantic soul.  I believe that hugging and cuddling have benefits.  I am not, however, indiscriminate in that regard, nor am I ever of a mind to be hurtful to another human being.  A friend recently commented elsewhere that he sees other men as competition.  I am sorry he feels that way.  Every person put on this Earth is entitled to have some ONE to whom they can bond, and with whom they feel safe.  Others may come and go.  A few stay around, as cadre of support and refuge, but those steadfast friends will always be there for the purpose of safeguarding their well-loved friend AND his/her relationship with his/her soul mate.  The soul mate is never, for an instant, regarded as disposable.  To do so, is to show abject disregard for the person whom the friend claims to love.

When Penny had been in the spiritual world for a mere five months, I was getting fawning looks from women who fancied themselves as potential replacements for her.  I therefore know how my best friend must feel, as she navigates one of the most treacherous challenges of her life.  This, though, is where several of us write the book on this sort of thing.  She stands by her love for her man.  He takes the bull by the horns and becomes a better person than he ever was.  Their loyal friends, including me, stand by BOTH of them, as a unit, and do not let harm come to either one, including, especially harm from one to the other, or harm to themselves.

So, that’s where my deepest self is, and if the day comes when I meet someone who feels as much for me as I feel for her, then maybe a second marriage will be an option.  I haven’t met that person yet.  If it happens, though, Christina and Corey, I want you both at the wedding, as guests of honour.

Life is getting more beautiful every day.  Stay well, my friends, all of you.

I am going to take a few minutes with this, before going out to pull more weeds in my front yard.  Of course, I will also post about the American bison and two of Yellowstone’s southern lakes, later today.

A man I have never met, but have come to know vicariously, through the eyes of a mutual friend, is struggling with a medical condition that I’ll not mention here.  He has not, to the best of my knowledge, received adequate resolution to this condition.  He has opted to self-medicate, and to excess.

Some others I know have responded to his actions with ill-disguised scorn.  This is the way, it seems, of modern society, at least here in the West.  In so doing, they disregard the words of  Jesus the Christ, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” John, 8:7. They may not have read similar words from the Pen of Baha’u’llah, “If ye meet the abased or the down-trodden, turn not away disdainfully from them, for the King of Glory ever watcheth over them and surroundeth them with such tenderness as none can fathom except them that have suffered their wishes and desires to be merged in the Will of your Lord, the Gracious, the All-Wise. ” Gleanings From The Writings of Baha’u’llah, 315:23.

It’s something we all do, from time to time, for any number of reasons.  Perhaps, as in my own case in times past, it’s a matter of expediency. It might also be that the onlooker sees something in him/herself that is reflected in the other person’s real or perceived transgressions.  The bottom line, though, is this:  The suffering person is still in the world; is still in the lives of those he loves and of those who love him; still has the capacity to heal, to grow, to change.  No judgment from another person will change that reality.

High horses don’t take well to the high ground.  They stumble on the scree and pebbles, which the careful goats and sheep navigate so well.  History shows that the Caiaphases, De Torquemadas, McCarthys and Starrs of the world tend to fall precipitously, when they reach the inevitable climax of their power.  God, the Unknowable, is the only Judge Whose Hand is sure, steady and equitable.

This is a man who, though I have never met him and may never meet him, is worth my love and support- however indirect and oblique that love and support have to be.  You and I gain nothing by his failure, and may well benefit in many ways by his recovery.  So, I remain dismounted from my high horse and lead it gently through the scree and pebbles.