Category Archives: Assistance

Scapegoats

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 8, 2026- I recall my father telling me, when I was nine, that President Harry S. Truman said “The buck stops here”, as a point he was making on taking responsibility for one’s actions. I largely managed to stick to admitting my mistakes and taking the consequences, for about the next twenty-five years.

As time went on, and life threw a few curve balls at me, and at my family, I fell into the habit of blame casting: “The politicians” or “Big Money” was responsible for my being let go from different jobs. I saw myself as an honest servant of the common people-and it was corrupt overseers who wanted me gone. That may have been the case, but the fact remains that I didn’t learn anything, or make any progress as a human being, by not owning my part in my own situation.

We seem to have created a situation, in which scapegoating is a national pastime: Depending on who is talking, the nation’s ills are being created by “the Democrats”; “the Republicans”; “drug cartels”; “immigrants”; “Fascists”; “Communists”; “Californians”; “New Yorkers”; “Texans”; “Europeans”; “the Chinese”; “Sleepy Joe”; “MAGA”.

My late father-in-law had a simple cure for my own blame-casting “No one is that powerful. Besides, even if there was a person who contributed to your being let go, you bear the ultimate responsibility. You don’t live rent free in anyone’s head. Why let them squat in yours?”:

Each of us can identify people who contribute to the nation’s well-being, or to the nation’s ills. In the end, though, how we fare depends on the actions of the citizenry as a whole. Scapegoats, as my FIL said, are little more than squatters.

Messy

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 6, 2026- Babies can be messy. They need to be bathed, have their diapers changed, undersides cleaned, faces washed and mouths rinsed with pre-dental solution.

Children can be messy. They need to be taught to take their shoes or boots off, when entering a house, or wipe their feet, when entering a public place. They need to be trained to wipe themselves after using a toilet, and wash their hands afterward, then dry them with a cloth or paper towel. They need to be shown how to make their beds and clean their rooms, putting things back where they found them.

Teenagers can be messy. They need to be held to account and actively encouraged to slow down and be present in a situation. They know how to focus on others; they do so with their friends, all the time. Extend that focus to people older and younger than themselves.

Families can be messy. Patience and communication are the cleaning agents. So is reflection-remembering when one was in the same position as the one who made the mess, or looking ahead to when one will be in the same position. The child will become an adult, and very well may be a parent. The parent may very well become a grandparent. The grandparent must never forget what it was like to be a baby, a child, a teenager, a parent.

Communities, and organizations, can be messy. Patience, and communication, are even more essential here, even as they become more complex. Technology can help, and it can also hinder; the way in which it is used determines which will be the case. The viewpoints of leaders, and members, will decide how tools, including technology, are used.

Life is messy; it can only be cleaned by those living it.

Restoration

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 2, 2026- I watched an episode of “Chicago PD’ on restorative justice, this evening. Like all procedurals, this one took some twists and turns, but ended up with the back story of the attempt at restorative justice. The offender was killed, as it turned out, by his actual victim.

It became another case of a woman killing her male assailant. The police did everything they could, to advise the young woman and prepare her for what she might face in the correctional facility, pending trial. The story reflected what is an all too common occurrence in criminal law: A battered woman, or girl, fights back and either maims or kills, in self-defense. The legal system puts an emphasis on the “rights” of the male and puts the full burden on the female.

There are two aspects to this phenomenon that I would like to address here. First, there is an overemphasis, in popular culture and in its attendant media, on the physicality of human existence. The physical attributes of a human being are stressed, and become the initial basis for a relationship. Men feel pressured to “score” with attractive women. Women are held to a certain standard, from which deviation is grounds for various sanctions. Most of us have been there, to one degree or another.

We are though, at our core, spiritual beings. The most enduring relationships are always those that are rooted in a spiritual bond. Physical attractiveness is bound to fade, at one point or another. It is no mistake that the “ties that bind” are always based on the “inside” aspect of “beautiful, inside and out.” In my own life, I probably felt closer to my late wife in the time of her physical decline than in our earlier years together. The inner beauty never faded, but became clearer, as her life edged towards a close.

The second aspect is derived from patriarchy. The idea that men and women have set roles to play in the course of society, and there should be no deviation from those roles, is the mark of a culture that is hemmed in by its own hand-and is hoist of its own petard. It penalizes females who don’t play by the rules, which are, essentially, that there are separate codes for men and women to follow. In its worst form, women are categorized as property of a male. Men, from heads of family to pimps, have used this to maintain an inordinate amount of control over the women and girls in their midst.

A society, in which the unique gifts of every human being are valued and celebrated, will not continue to let such an unbalanced system continue to rule the conduct of daily affairs. Replacing patriarchy with equanimity is the only way out of the box in which we have, as a society, imprisoned ourselves.

Not Invincible

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Posted by on in Assistance, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 20, 2026- Chuck Norris died today, the last day of winter taking one of the last Winter Soldiers. He was a lot more politically conservative than I am- I think the last Presidential candidate we both supported was Ronald Reagan-and for different reasons. I thought the Great Communicator was a man of character (until Iran-Contra). Chuck said he liked the aura of machismo. Years ago, I was told, by two different groups of young men, that I looked like Chuck. The first group, of Navajo adolescents, would approach me by getting into martial arts stances-only joking, of course. The second, a trio of young Black men, on a bus going to Buffalo, said I could go around spouting lines from his movies, and some people would do a double take. No one really close to me, though, has ever recognized a likeness.

I never met Chuck Norris, but I watched “The Way of the Dragon” and many of the “Walker, Texas Ranger” episodes. I also got a kick out of the Chuck Norris jokes, even doing a spoof on Xanga: “Chuck Norris vs. The Most Interesting Man in the World”. (The latter was a character on a Dos Equis beer commercial, who was played by Jonathan Goldsmith). I believe one of the lines was “Chuck Norris yawns at the Most Interesting Man, who doesn’t dare yawn back.”

It is at times tempting to take solace in the exploits of a supremely masculine figure-but eventually, the He-Men pass from the scene, as Chuck Norris did today. When I was a kid, I was in awe of Charles Atlas and Jack LaLanne. Charles (nee Angelo Siciliano) was a body builder, well before the heyday of Arnold Schwarzenegger. He lived to be 80, then died of a heart attack. Jack was a diet and exercise guru and lived to be 96, then died of pneumonia, after refusing to see a doctor. In the 1960s, the two were seen as invincible-Jack even said he “could never die, because it’d ruin my image.”

So it goes, and it is equally true of those public figures who seem invincible in their own right. They will come to a reckoning, like you and I and everyone in between. It’ll shock some of their admirers, but as Chuck would say; “You become what you choose.”

Bloodlines

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Historical, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 17, 2026- Today being St. Patrick’s Day, my thoughts go to the Irish heritage on both my mother’s and father’s sides. The Kusches, who hailed from Szcezcin, Poland, back when it was Stettin, Pomerania, ended up in St; Louis and Chicago, by the mid-19th Century. Papa Kusch journeyed east, as a young man, and became a shoemaker in Boston, and a small farmer in Saugus. Before they were Kusches, though, they were Cooks-in the area around Wexford, Ireland. Poverty, and the Hanseatic League’s allure, brought them to the Baltic shores. The family was proud of having been prosperous in Germany, and in the Midwest, and I heard little about our Irish roots, but I always felt a draw to the Emerald Isle. Mom had me pledge to look into her side of the family, when we talked of the genealogy that my Dad’s older brother had compiled. I thought that meant going to Pomerania, but last summer’s visit to Wexford, and nearby Rosslare, brief as it was, introduced me to a few people who looked strikingly like my mother and aunts. I later learned their family name was Cook. Part of me wants to go back and spend more time there, but that will need to wait.

My granddaughter will have far taller order, should she ever want to check out her roots. Half of her bloodline is Korean, and there are probably some Chinese ancestors. going way back. The other half is Heinz 57: German, English, Irish, French, Penobscot, Jewish, Lithuanian, Romanian, and Scottish. Her present and near term well-being, though, has me refocusing my energies. The journeys I undertake in the foreseeable future are all along the paths of introducing a little soul to the wider world.

That brings me to a separate point. There was once, at a Baha’i-sponsored conference in Florida, a zone set aside for protesters. Neo-Nazis and Black Separatists found themselves next to one another, in that small zone. There are, on both the Far Right and Far Left, those who today preach the credo of division. The truth about human relations is “whatever we say it is”, and any who call for reconciliation between ethnic groups or “racial” entities are accused of clinging to outmoded, discarded concepts. I beg to differ: It is the very divisions to which they cling that are outmoded, counterproductive and dangerous. Clothing them in academic jargon, or using tones of ridicule, do nothing to bring a longed-for peace. I have to wonder if peace is even what they want- or is conflict more alluring?

Regardless, as Hana and others of her generation show, bloodlines are no respecters of truly outmoded ideologies.

Blue Streak

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 16, 2026- My work as Hana’s weekday caretaker started today, sort of. Her mother’s return to work saw a light workload, so Yunhee was around for much of the day, With new items that she had bought, I was able to devise a new activity for Hana to practice. The inflatable seat gives her a soft, but firm, place to sit upright, for a few minutes at a time, It is close enough to a wooden rack, from which some plastic rings are hung, that she can reach and grab the rings-one at a time, and hold onto them for two-three minutes. This adds to the short activity of lifting her head up and looking straight ahead, also for a few minutes, in anticipation of learning to crawl. She also enjoys the manipulation of the balloons, using her legs.

A side effect of these is that, as I am talking to her during the activities, Hana is picking up words here and there: “Wow”, “Yay”, and a clear form of “This is fun” (which she hears on a Sesame Street audio toy). Without teeth, her speech is mostly babbling, but a keen ear can pick up one-syllable words. She is “talking” almost constantly now, so I will not be surprised if her actual speech surfaces early. Penny was a gabber; so was my father. Aram can be loquacious, also.

She is also quite assertive about expressing her needs-with the customary loud crying one expects from an infant, as well as facial expressions-and certain babbles made with eye contact. This, too, presages early command of communication skills. We pay attention to her, so the assertiveness is being reinforced. The activities I mentioned above are done in short increments, three times a day, which I think will reinforce her learning. I look forward to each day, whether she holds her own, advances further or needs to slip back a bit. All in all, I notice that Hana is already motivated to learn. She will go at her own pace, without pressure from us.

Pledges and Promises

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 15, 2026- Hana looked at me with concern in her eyes, as I was next to her, while she was busy pumping her legs in the balloon exercise that I described a few days ago. It seemed she was wondering what I was thinking, as my face was serious. I told her that I wanted her to go after whatever dreams she might have, as long as they help her and other people. She likely has only a very limited understanding of what I was talking about, but a smile returned to her face.

I finished reading “Nobody’s Girl”, by Virginia Giuffre, who was prominent in getting the Epstein Files top of mind, for so many people. She died last year, under murky circumstances, with even one of her own collaborators casting doubt on her mental stability and the status of her marriage. Any of the insinuations, or none of them, could be true. The woman had more health issues in her last years of life than most people have to even momentarily face. It may have been impossible for her and her husband to stay together, though she ends her narrative on a positive note, in that regard. (The collaborator makes a veiled reference to the couple being “estranged”, in the opening pages of the book and a Wikipedia article on Virginia casts her husband as an abusive brute. That same article says that the FBI doesn’t believe a word she said about a sex trafficking network headed by Jeffrey Epstein.)

The drivel in parentheses is one of the reasons that I take official accounts of abuse of women and children with several grains of salt. When I was a counselor, and a young person, usually a girl, came to me and said s(he) had been abused, only once was it untrue-and that fabulist came to me on her own and admitted she had made the whole thing up. I was far more skeptical of people in high places-or journalists, who took the side of the accused. There was always money or power behind their counterclaims. Generally speaking, I found that children should be seen, heard and believed.

I’ve said it before, and will maintain as long as I have all my faculties and senses about me-no one hurts my granddaughter-ever. That was what was on my mind, when she looked at me, with such probing eyes.

Ever Friends

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 14, 2026- My hiking buddy, back in Prescott, lost her best fur baby yesterday. Cancer took the lovable fluffy cat, leaving behind her “brother” and their devoted human. I know the pain of losing an animal friend, having had to put down two of my dogs, over a period of fifteen years-and having seen a third, who I had sold to a woman an hour from our then house, dead by the side of the road, near her house, four months after he had been sold.

Animals, from fish and snakes, to cats, dogs and horses, enrich our lives, in ways that can’t be quantified in dollars and cents. It is a shame that dogs and cats cost so much, these days, as pet ownership has been so heavily monetized. That is not the reason why I don’t presently have an animal. My peripatetic nature, while I lived in Arizona, had more to do with that. An animal deserves a human who will be able to offer quality time and attention to its needs.

There may come a time when my grandchild(ren) show(s) interest in having a pet. In that case, I will support the choice that the family makes. It was good for Aram to have been around dogs, and to a lesser extent, around horses. It may be good for his child(ren) to experience the same All I would ask is that the kids treat the animal kindly and that the animal be of suitable temperament to be around children.

A good animal-human match is a forever friendship.

Balloon Game

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 12, 2026- Spending time with an infant is not just feeding, changing diapers and being close by while the baby sleeps. There are developmental skills to be nurtured and a bond to be established.

Hana likes a new game, where two differently coloured balloons on strings are tied loosely to her ankles. Each balloon is anchored by a magnetic clothespin. As she lies on her back, she can make the balloons bob up and down, by the kicking motion that comes naturally to a newborn. She is fascinated by the movement of the balloons and by the fact that she has control over how high or low they go. She is also showing coordination between her two legs. To her, though, the best part is looking over and seeing that either her mother or I is lying by her side on the mat, enjoying the activity as much as as she is. Having her face light up is worth everything.

She is also fascinated by lights, staring at the chandelier or at the “on”light of a humidifier. Tree branches waving in the breeze draw her attention as well. This little girl knows no boredom, and I hope it long stays that way.

Each of us needs a balloon game, to develop skill and keep us occupied for a reasonable period of time.Each of us also needs to know that someone recognizes what we’re doing, and hopefully shares in the joy we feel while doing it.

Clean Tools

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Personal goals, Personal Values, Striving, Travel

March 9, 2026- The City of Plano hauled away a large pile of cut branches, from Saturday’s storm. The haul took place bright and early this morning. It was a good second day of daylight savings time. It saved me the trouble of sorting the branches into piles.

My only remaining task from yesterday was thus cleaning the chainsaw. That brought a trip to Lowe’s, for bar and chain oil, an awl for cleaning the bar reservoir and microfiber cloths for wiping te tool clean. I also got a special oil for the battery posts, to be applied before the next use.

I am quite fastidious about cleaning tools after using them-and that goes for appliances as well. Cleaning the washing machine, dryer, dishwasher and yes, even my laptop-which does tend to get dusty, has its place in the scheme of things. If I could just get around to washing the windows……

Housecleaning can apply to countries, as well. The President of Mexico brought up a good point-that we in the U.S. work on our addictions, before wanting to solve the problems of her country-and others. It is not rocket science to determine that American weaponry is being used by drug cartels to provide “security” for drug shipments that support American addictions. Europe has similar problems, but they tend to work on their own issues, before, say, sending troops to Africa to deal with that continent’s drug traffickers. One thing I noticed, in travels through Canada in 2022-2024, the Philippines, over the past three years and Europe, last year, is that the police forces in those areas are quite on point, when it comes to busting drug dealers and gangs. Many parts of the U.S. do their jobs well also.

We do best, though, by dealing with the tough parts of our own issues first, before wanting to invade Mexico or indulge in regime change elsewhere. People in most countries have agency. Don’t take that away from them.