Category Archives: distraction issues

As Chaos Calmed

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

June 10, 2021, Bellemont, AZ- Beware slumbering. in the calm sea, lest one be unaware when the roiling comes along. During the day, yesterday, things were smooth as glass. After dinner, though, came a sprained ankle, five other people (teens and adults) needing “immediate attention” (simultaneously, of course) and the recognition that everyone needed to be sent to their respective quarters, and any visitors bid goodnight, a bit earlier than usual.

The night thenceforth passed, with no further incidents. A perceived insect pest was spotted, this morning, and the requisite protocol was set in place. After the offending pest was found and eliminated, followed by the contents of the building subjected to six hours of bright sunshine and a fairly warm afternoon, the alert was lifted.

This is the way of the world, for as far back as I can remember. Problems find a designated solver, the crisis gets resolved and, after a fashion, the next order of business presents itself. That is, unless the disgruntled and the bored contrive a solution in search of a problem. Then, there are at least two problems.

Ludicrous

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

June 9, 2021, Bellemont, AZ- Arguments and fighting can sometimes clear the air, in which case they serve a purpose-and need not be repeated. Most of us have experienced this sort of thing, at one point or another, in our lives. Often, fatigue, depression, and feelings of abandonment can trigger a quarrel, which forbearing people de-escalate. The underlying love that the parties have for one another will win out, in such cases.

The most intractable quarrels, though, find their roots in ego, insecurity and not a small amount of malice. These tend to be found within the larger issues facing our species, our nation-and a good many communities. Egotistical actions themselves are mainly rooted in insecurity-the parent of narcissism, which, to me, is a misplaced attempt to cover for feelings of inadequacy. One public figure, known for expressions of narcissism, experienced a childhood in which he was routinely berated and belittled by his own parents.

Where we, as a society, or as a planet, suffer from acts of egotism or insecurity comes in cases of reckless prejudice, greed or lust. We see these in the behaviours of some in government, in business and even in public service. A senior figure in our Federal government recently asked people working under him to act against certain legislation- “as a favour to him”. Some on both sides of a conflict, in another part of the world, continually focus on what they see as the “transgressions of the other side”. A military leader in a developing nation seized power in his country, claiming that only he can save the country from “the forces of corruption”.

I go back to problem-solving processes based on transparency, unconditional positive self-regard, and respect for other people in general. There is also a degree of letting go of past hurts, which proceeds from the aforementioned qualities. There can be little doubt that the paths which perpetuate turmoil and division between people, at all levels, are ludicrous.

Reflections on A Day Taken Off

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 6, 2021- Thirty-nine years ago, today, Penny and I formalized our commitment to one another-and the marriage would last, through thick and thin, for twenty-nine years. I was hoping for at least forty, but we take what we are given. Some people are married for fifty years plus, and are inwardly miserable. We were not either. Speaking of which, as an aside, an indie artist, at a gathering on Saturday night, played a clip of his, on which a local philosopher opined: “”One who claims to be miserable, and at the same time insists he is right, is stating the impossible. It can never happen.”

Processing the loss of one of my closest cousins, I received word that a fellow member of the American Legion Post to which I belong had suffered a heart attack and is in hospital, facing the now de rigeur bypass surgery. He is one of the regulars, at our Sunday morning breakfasts, holding court and waxing eloquent about everything under the sun, in the style of an English aristocrat. That he is of Sicilian descent matters not. T’s heart and soul are rooted in the Merry Old Isle.

My day was otherwise occupied with the mundane-getting laundry done, gluing the front right quarter panel of my Hyundai, with the same substance that’s kept the back left in place, for nearly three years and watching episodes of “The Underground Railroad” and “Peaky Blinders”. Five of us pondered another set of quotes from the Universal House of Justice’s (Baha’i Governing Body) compilation on Social Action. I got in another workout.

In all this, I am looking at what is going on in the wider world, and just shaking my head, keeping up with it all, yet feeling as if it’s all a dream. The most important things in my life are all revolving around family, friends and the children-always, the children.

One of the traits that my cousin, John, had was presence, centering on who was in front of him, for as long as the person needed. That has not been my strong suit, though I am getting better at it. I am still not great at the perfunctory- greetings or conversation for their own sakes, especially online or long-distance. Birthdays and anniversaries are different; they draw my attention, because they matter so much. The rest of it-well, maybe my agenda is too broad and the next thing is always on my horizon. Still, I am making progress at being present, with someone who is in front of me, at any given time.

Twenty-nine years did teach me something.

Clarity Makes The Difference

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

June 4, 2021- The photo appeared in my Messenger feed, this morning, showing exactly what was needed to realize a dream that its recipient had been struggling to express, for three years. I have said, and meant, for many decades now, that anyone asking for assistance, especially for financial help, must have a plan as to how that assistance will bear fruit.

The project outline, and the accompanying photo, show that my exhortations, and probably those of others in the young man’s life, have begun to sink in and he will have a genuine chance of success-much in the way that a friend of mine, much closer to Home Base, has succeeded, in her two years of agricultural entrepreneurship.

On the other hand, much of the current unrest in the country stems from either sensing that one is being deceived, or believing the deceptions that one is being fed. This goes for extremists on both ends of the spectrum-and for many who are somewhere between the fringes and the center. I notice that a few of the ringleaders of the deception are using pseudonyms. Others are just using bullhorns. Still others smile, say nice words and do the opposite of what they are telling us.

There is no substitute for clarity, in actually getting things done.

Interruptions, Not Setbacks

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

June 1, 2021- As I did every year, until the 2020 COVID interruption, I went over to the Veteran’s Administration Hospital, two miles north of here, this morning and received an essentially clean bill of health. I am also getting help with a small skin issue, that has been around, in one form or another, since 2013. The NPs who looked at it this morning took a biopsy, directly from the cyst, so I should have a better sense of it by Monday.

The other development is that someone apparently hacked my debit card, over the weekend and sent a purchase to the bank, which jumped on it right away. My card is canceled, with a new one taking its place. Thus, tomorrow or Thursday will be spent informing my legitimate vendors of the new information. As for the bogus company, no dice.

These matters pop up in everyone’s life, now and then, and when dealt with promptly, are mere interruptions. Setbacks, which many of us also face occasionally, can still be turned into progress, into victories, when we derive the intended lessons from the occurrences. So, I feel the morning’s events are new beginnings. I will have my account back, in a day or so, and I may well have my face back-as I was shown in a dream recently, within a few weeks.

Life doesn’t have to be a bowl of cherries- I actually prefer salted nuts, dried cranberries and seaweed snacks. Those arrived today, also.

The Ephemeral Gains

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 31, 2021- Someone, writing about Memorial Day, recounted the most significant things about his time in the Armed Forces, especially with regard to Iraq. His love of the pomp and circumstance, esprit de corps and the camaraderie that he found in each of his units was reflected throughout the essay. One statement he posits, however, is particularly curious- “It’s the unbreakable bond that only war can provide.”

War certainly does form unbreakable bonds. It can also form unbreakable barriers. It is also not the only means to build such bonds. Any number of shared struggles can do the same, and not all are calamitous in nature. Any gains made by a fight to the death are, in fact, ephemeral.

Some will argue that the current territorial condition of the United States was made possible primarily by warfare. That, in its initial increments, is largely true. However, the initial victors have had to either fight a series of subsequent conflicts, either as declared wars or as acts of political chicanery. This has been true of every conflict faced by the United States, with the possible exception of World War II-and even it did not address the totalitarian threat posed by Communism-or the lingering residue of state-sponsored racism and anti-Semitism.

Building societies and social bridges can certainly construct unbreakable bonds along with them. It just takes a whole lot more enlightenment than we’ve seen in the past.

Much Ado….

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

May 30, 2021- Have you spent much time in your life, building a small matter up, until it becomes overwhelming? It often occurred, that the matters, which so affrighted me before they were resolved, quickly became lost in the fog of the mind’s archival footage, once a day or two had passed.

These are matters most often related to finance, or to interpersonal relationships. Panic attacks and anxiety (which are serious medical matters, deserving of professional attention) aside, it generally happens that careful thought and emotional grounding can help to put things in their true perspective. Past unpleasant experiences can cloud one’s judgment, so it is important to recognize that each situation is different, that learnings from the previous bad experience can be put to use for a better outcome, this time and that the person, him/herself, is different now than before.

There are situations, of course, which are dire and which deserve all the “ado” they can be given: The illness or disability of a loved one, especially of one’s child, spouse or parent; a natural disaster which threatens or damages one’s home; a sociopolitical riot or rampage in one’s home area. That, in turn, is why we humans are social beings-that we may call on one another and anticipate support in a truly dire emergency.

I have had such emergencies in my life, and am fortunate that my family and close friends have been responsive and helpful, in a nonjudgmental manner. I would do the same for them.

Living Dreams

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving, Travel

May 28, 2021- In the midst of settling back in, for four weeks or so, I took the time to work on resolving the one nagging issue that has pursued me, for three years and, most recently, across the country and back: Doing something about African poverty. To his credit, my constant correspondent has become much more forthcoming about how he specifically plans to use any funds that are raised in his name. That made it much easier for me to set up a secure transfer process, for the funds which others and I raise, from now until June 21. There are two things to consider, both matters of justice: 1. Neither I, nor anyone else, am/is obligated to send money, in perpetuity, to anyone who requests it (Calling me “Dad”, or “brother”, does not help matters any, either); 2. At the same time, neither I, nor anyone else, can simply ignore the less fortunate. I have mentioned before, that I give, locally and further afield, to a reasonable extent, so that others may realize their goals-or at least survive. This current, limited and task-specific effort is an example of that. Each person is free to pursue a dream. No one is free to bleed another person dry.

My own dreams are quite simple. Most involve building and maintaining friendships, and being there for people, emotionally and physically. So, I am present, when here at Home Base, and when on the road. This summer will be another one of “those”, which make more sedentary people roll their eyes. The fourth week of June, in Carson City/Reno and Pyramid Lake; July 5, onward, to the Dallas area, New England and several points in between, then across the northern tier to Oregon and Washington, before September beckons, and I take another Home Base respite. October, in western Poland and Germany(Mom’s ancestral region), and a zip down to Croatia to visit an online friend, is still possible. Yes, I get my fill of visiting historical and natural wonders, but I do that here, too.

Dreams are affected by the wider reality, and a relatively minor medical issue may alter my plans a bit, but in the end, the dream and the goal are the bases for what one achieves in life.

Home Base Bound: Day 2

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Posted by on in Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Travel

May 22, 2021, Terre Haute- Any day that begins with a simple, but fortified, breakfast at Route 220 (formerly Bedford) Diner, in Bedford, PA and ends with tossed crispy chicken salad from Fricker’s, Richmond, IN, is a good one. I go as much by the ambiance of an eatery as with the quality of the food and the congeniality of the staff is always a huge factor. Both the above-mentioned establishments are high on my list, along with nearly two dozen others, in this country and abroad.

The thing that stood out for me today was the tenor of the traffic. It was slow only in one spot, east to west: The area in and around Wheeling. That is largely do to the seemingly endless construction projects along I-70, which have been part of the scene for at least four years now. West to east, I was awestruck by the length of a tie-up from about 5 miles west of Richmond, IN-to the Ohio state line. As we sailed along, in the other direction, there was scant movement across the highway.

The other common thread was capricious speed and lane-changing. I-70, at times, resembled the Indianapolis Speedway, or should I say Phoenix International Raceway. Several of us were excoriated for staying a safe distance behind the vehicles in font of us, with the horn-blasters and fist-pumpers upset that they could not squeeze behind us, on whim. The prize went to one, from an undetermined state, doing 100 in the outside lane-and few saw him coming, until his squealing horn made us abandon our own plans to pass others, in a safe manner. Last time I saw, he was still doing 100, in the slow lane-which is the passing lane of choice for too many these days.

I spent the last leg of this day’s drive on U.S. 40, from Plainview to Terre Haute, finally locating a motel which was actually open for business: The Woodridge. It’s a relaxed, homey place, which again is what appeals to me about overnight accommodations.

The life of this sometime wanderer is a series of blessings.

Around Hometown: Day 2

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

May 18, 2021, Saugus- My visit with Mom, this evening, produced a lot of talk of her long life, with the joyous acknowledgement that her life is far from over. She is grateful that she has us, her children, tending to the house and making time to visit her in this first week in new quarters. None of us would have it any differently. Mother has given us so much of herself, from my own Day One, onward. Another woman in our nuclear family has taken on so much of tending to her needs- as well as initiating and maintaining the process of clearing and selling the old house. This week is the least we men can do to help out. I will likely be back, in late July or early August, to follow up with Mom’s progress in adjusting to her new home. In the meantime, she has plans to join in the Center’s activities and I know she will make new friends.

Curiously, the “don’t forget about us” calls and messages I have been getting, from elsewhere in the country and across the globe, have both made me put this current effort into perspective, and have triggered some old trauma, which has only been vaguely in my memory. I have figured a way to help another family, experiencing dislocation, even as my mother has successfully been resettled. There is someone else, in another part of the world, whose difficulties are, in large part, the result of his community’s failure to act in concert with one another. When I have encountered such dystopia, in the past, the feelings that have arisen are confusion, anxiety, then sadness, and finally, an angry outburst at those who refuse to work together. There is also a measure of self-loathing, as invariably those same people will turn and list all of what they claim are my own shortcomings and all the ways that I have failed them.

My psyche is changing, though, and I am seeing more clearly that the only way out of any impasse is for those on the ground to work together-and never for someone from outside to swoop in, throw money at the problem, and leave. That colonialist and patriarchal method has become the default for so many, in impoverished communities, both in this country and elsewhere. I am no longer going to blame myself for the refusal of others to help themselves, regardless of their own past experiences.

When I left Saugus, so many years ago, I was hobbled by fear, uncertainty of self-worth and the Rescuer Syndrome. That was not my parents’ fault, but it was my burden to cast aside. It is gone, now, and I feel it important to hold others to the same standard. All communities, especially those which are disadvantaged, need to band together and raise themselves up-confronting, as a unit, every single obstacle in their way.