Category Archives: Family

Small Havoc

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 7, 2026- A heavy rain fell, and there was a fair amount of thunder and lightning, into the mid-morning hours. A branch of one of our trees is partially severed from the main trunk and is now partially covering our front sidewalk. That gives me something to work on tomorrow, when the weather is expected to be nicer. My goal is to at least clear the sidewalk. Working from the outermost edge towards the thick part of the branch, I should be able to get a fair amount of the debris cleared and hauled back to the alley. The larger part of the branch will take a bit longer to clear. Son won’t be back for another two weeks, so I will carefully get what I can done rather than leaving it all for him.

There was a warning of possible tornadoes last night, but none materialized this far south. Our safe zone is a windowless bathroom on the first floor. Strangely, there is no community shelter, but there are plenty of “tornado shelter companies” willing to sell shelters to individual families. I guess the idea that this is an individual endeavour strikes me as odd. The only times that I have been near a tornado, in Missouri and in Ohio, there was an active effort at getting people together in community shelters. Fortunately, we were spared, this time. My condolences to those people in eastern Oklahoma and southeast Michigan who were not so fortunate.

Every part of the world has its drawbacks, either in terms of natural phenomena or of being in the crosshairs of some conflict. There are always innocent victims, in any event. My job now is making sure that my granddaughter isn’t one of them. Not everyone thinks I have her best interests at heart. I guess they will just have to find out. Suffice it to say that no one will hurt her, as long as I am of sound mind and body.

First Laugh

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 6, 2026- Hana laughed just before her mother and I had lunch, this noon. It marked the first time either of us had witnessed her chuckling. She is very happy, when we bring her to the bouncy chair at our mealtimes. The sense of being included has already been integrated in her 2 1/2 month old mind. It is a tradition of sorts- Penny and I always had Aram with us at breakfast and dinner. (I didn’t always get back for lunch, but when I did, he was with us then, also.) I initiated having her at table for dinner, and her parents were quick to affirm.

She chuckled periodically, throughout the day-and as I fed her a nightcap bottle, she was thinking about something funny and let the amusement process, laughing quietly before starting to take her nourishment. As the days roll by and she has more experiences in her memory, I fully expect she will find something to joyfully recall. When she develops language, I’m sure she will share them with us.

Dineh people have a tradition, where the first person to make a baby laugh gets to throw a laughing party for the family. I did so once, for a little boy who is now 39 years of age. In Korean tradition, a baby is honoured on the 100th day after birth. Aram, as we were living in Jeju, Korea in the days of his babyhood, was given a 100 Day Party and wore a hanbok, the garb of a baby on the hundredth day. He was also given a tiny ring, which we probably still have in the jewelry box.

Hana will have a hundredth day party. We will also honour her laughter, as well as any other milestones she passes before then. She is likely to have several things to “say” about this. Her cooing and babbling are quite frequent now. We engage her in conversation, to encourage these.

Fifteen Years

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Family, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 5, 2026- It was a mild, crisp Saturday morning, when I got the call that I had been expecting, since having woken to a heavy presence in the bedroom that Penny and I had shared for nearly twenty-nine years. I was told that I didn’t have long to get to the Hospice, if I wanted to “exercise the option” of being with her when she passed. I had not taken the spare room that the Hospice provided to those who were expecting a loved one’s imminent passing. because we lived thirty minutes away and a gentleman from Nashville was present, waiting for his mother’s demise.-

This was a case of trusting the Universe to arrange everything nicely. As it happened, the entrance ramp that would have gotten Aram and me there on time, was blocked. The detour added an extra ten minutes to our drive and we arrived, on a still morning, to be greeted by a slow spiral of leaves and dust, swirling near the door. Three minutes had gone by since Penny’s departure, so quiet that the nurse, who had checked her ten minutes earlier, was taken aback. Still warm to the touch, eyes still open, I know that my beloved would have preferred to wait, but it was not to be.

My task, in the years that have gone by, has been to make a concerted effort to live a far better life. It took a few more years, after that day, to vanquish my demons and accomplish most of what we had planned to do together. Here I sit in a comfortable open office, in our family’s home, looking at our infant granddaughter, via a monitor. She is asleep in her crib, with plenty of room, on a soft but firm pad. Helping to raise her will be my lasting gift to the wife who sacrificed everything to help me turn my life around.

It’s been a long process, but I really think I’m there, at long last.

Proactive

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 3, 2026- There was a time when I procrastinated, and sloppily put things together at the last minute. I was in eighth grade. and found myself getting further behind, even failing in the “New Math”, which was en vogue at the time. I got myself together, just a bit, and managed to raise my grades to acceptable levels. Grade 9 saw a repeat of the process, with me telling self that four of my six teachers were incompetent. They were, but I didn’t help matters any. Things got better for the last three years of high school. I did well, even in the one class that had an incompetent instructor. The first year of college, or should I say first semester, was a wash. I had not integrated the work habits that a successful run demands.

In the military, I found that the only way to survive in anything is to carefully plan things out. That snapped the losing streak and taught me proactivity. As time has gone on, being proactive has made all the difference between sink and swim. Everything from arranging travel to carefully meeting the needs of my grandchild has to be planned out and have my full attention. This all sounds quite run-of-the-mill, but the fact is that many people talk about and idealize achieving success. Unless the concept of proactivity is integrated, however, old bad habits die hard, and will resurface.

There are three things on my calendar for this week. The first was to take Aram to the airport, for a business trip. That had to be carefully planned out, so that all aspects of the drive, and who does what around the house, in his absence, were understood and integrated into daily schedules. Next is getting my tax return done. Although that is set for tomorrow evening, all the documents were photocopied in advance and the list gone over again, to make sure nothing is left out. The third thing is voting. I went over and cast my vote in one of the primaries, this afternoon. Being a recent registrant, I found that my name had not made it to the rolls, and that therefore, I have to have my provisional ballot “cured”, at the County Elections Office. That, too, could be done tomorrow-or Thursday.

I used to not be present for a lot of what went on in my life. I like it much better, being proactive and attentive.

Head Held High

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 1, 2026- Hana has developed enough upper body strength to hold her head up, while prone, for several minutes. It will not be long before she can also scoot herself forward, without help. Crawling will come after that. She is able to track the movement of her caregiver and will respond to her name, often by raising her little hand. On top of that, she has started singing little cooed tunes that are in her head.

The biggest contribution I want to make to her life is to ensure that she holds her head high, regardless of circumstances. I am already telling her this, knowing that it will take some time for much of what I say, to register. Still, a lot of what is said to pre-lingual children can register and be used by them later in life. She certainly seems to be storing a lot of information already.

It is my belief that much of the trauma that children experience can be mitigated by a solid first six months following birth. During the newborn phase, many physical and communication skills are initiated. How confident a child becomes, depends on the balance between being comforted in actual times of distress and over-protection, when the child can calm self if given a few minutes to think and reflect, knowing that a loving presence is near, should it all be too much to process.

Hana is getting there, because one or more of us are paying close enough attention to know when she has hit a major bump in the road or just needs a bit of breathing room.

Tommy

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social

February 27,2026- When I was about eight, a group of neighbourhood kids let it be known that there would be a “show” in one of the back yards. The host, who was a cut-up, did a show and tell of wilted flowers, which he stuck under each of our noses, and asked who could smell anything. Then there was Swami the Fortuneteller, a skinny guy about a year older than me, who sported a bed sheet wound around his head like a turban. He made silly predictions, none of which I recall, but the afternoon passed with many of us laughing and having a good time.

Years went by, and I came to know the “Fortuneteller”, his family and their twin German shepherds, Lad and Lady. His mother made the best spaghetti, meatballs and Italian sausage this side of East Boston, from which the family moved to Saugus in 1955. It took a lot to surpass my own mother’s cooking, but Tommy’s mother took Italian cuisine to a whole other level.

Tom went into the Army, not too long after graduating high school, and ended up in an artillery unit, in Viet Nam. I recall making a tape of his extended family, with about eight people contributing their 2 cents. It meant a lot to him to get that tape. When he came back, he had bonded with people of colour and inveighed against what he saw as prejudice. There was no colour in the jungle, except blood red. I was glad to hear that from him.

He went on to get an Associate’s Degree from North Shore Community College, as did several of us in the neighbourhood, myself included. Tom then chose the path of work for the United States Postal Service, following the path set by his maternal uncle. He thrived there and was able to retire after about twenty years or so. He and his then-wife raised three daughters, and he was able to take care of his mother, in her declining years. Tom never let go of his family bonds, and became a beloved grandfather to his three “babies”.

As our lives progressed, we saw one another less and less. I attended his wedding in 1974, before I moved away. When I went back to Saugus, usually once a year, I stopped by his house and we would occasionally go up to Polcari’s or some other pizza place for lunch. He and Beverly were at the reception my parents had for Penny and me, as were several of the guys and their wives. Tom and the gang were also at my father’s wake. After that, a stop at the house on Forest Avenue was a necessary part of any Saugus visit.

Tom passed away last Sunday. He was 77.

Thomas Frank Belmonte never shied away from a challenge and was always ready for a good time. The ability to know the difference between the two was a gift he shared with us. He was also one of the most loyal friends I’ve ever had. Tommy, even from all this distance, I’m gonna miss ya.

Cautions

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 25, 2026- As I brought Hana downstairs, after her bath this evening, I stopped on the last step before the living room floor. She looked at me and babbled a loud caution-perhaps wondering if I was about to stumble. Little ones have more intuition than we might imagine. No worries, though; I just stepped carefully and all was well.

Earlier today, I brought my Sportage up to the dealer for several items of maintenance. A recall that had been put off for several months was also addressed. It turns out that the ignition switch was plastic-as in “gone in 30 seconds” plastic. It was replaced by a metal switch-which is much harder to pop out.

I spent my wait time during the service call enjoyably, by walking to and from downtown McKinney-a 2.2 mile walk, each way. Reasonable caution is needed, as not all of the route features paved sidewalks. There are, however, nice grassy paths in the unpaved areas, and one just needs to find ways around a couple of construction sites. Once past that, Texas is very good about making sure there are metered crosswalks, at every major intersection. There is a three or four block commercial district, on the other side of US 75, then one gets to walk through a mile-long residential district, a peaceful place of stately homes.

We then come to McKinney’s historic downtown (There are few downtowns that are not regarded as historic, but I digress.) This area is a pedestrian’s delight, with a goodly number of shops and restaurants. For lunch, I chose a breakfast and lunch place called Spoons. A hot, if mild, cup of chicken tortilla soup went well with a meatloaf sandwich. Christina and her team take good care of everyone. I went on to Neighbor Books, ordering a couple of child development volumes by Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman and finally picking up a copy of “Nobody’s Girl”, by Virginia Giuffre. Caution, for a grandparent, especially for the grandfather of a girl, means being completely informed.

No child, no human being, should be viewed as the means to an end.

How Hard Is It?

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

February 24,2026- Ten random questions come to mind, on this quiet day.

How hard is it, to see a girl or woman as a full human being, with valid dreams and aspirations that are worthy of support?

How hard is it, to not project one’s own insecurities or perceived inadequacies on another person-as a means of avoiding personal responsibility?

How hard is it to recognize that a person of another shade of brown is not an inherent threat to life and limb?

How hard is it to see that a person’s being from another country is not a “Go Straight to Jail” card?

How hard is it to not put an infant, or small child, in harm’s way, in the name of policy?

How hard is it to read the United States Constitution and abide by it?

How hard is it to listen to another person’s point of view, and not take it as a personal attack?

How hard is it to remember the person you once were and go back to the best of those basics?

How hard is it to place monetary gain well behind following the Ten Commandments/ Golden Rule?

How hard is it to have spiritual gifts and not use them as a means to an emotional or remunerative end?

A Better Fit

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 23, 2026– While I was going through my twelve exercises, on the machines at Planet Fitness, this evening, a young woman nearby was benching 225 pounds. I passed by, on my way to the massage lounge, while she was resting, and offered a glance of encouragement. She certainly was performing a feat that I am unlikely to even remotely approach. She is doing something right for herself, and those in her circle who are encouraging such achievements deserve kudos as well.

This is the sort of elevative wraparound I want to build for Hana. The “Mighty Girl”ethos, not taking away from a similar network for boys, but making personal empowerment a universal child rearing model. This is not a zero-sum game, and those who insist it is are themselves only coming from a position of weakness-regardless of their personal trappings of wealth and power.

I have read a fair amount, recently, about the debilitative effects of patriarchy. It is not only the rich and powerful who operate under this system, as any young woman in a tradition-laden society, who has to marry the man who her father has arranged for her, finds, often to her sorrow. There are more subtle ways the patriarchy knocks the props out from under a woman or girl-linguistically, vocationally, or in terms of expectations. Perhaps the most insidious is the use of women who are either defeated or are somehow in league with those men who are maintaining the patriarchal system. There are several prominent examples of this phenomenon in our present society.

Hana will face many more choices, as she gets older. My main focus will be on helping her sift out the limiting agents of the patriarchy (including those who come on as glamourous or empowering, but are really old vinegar in new bottles). Her parents and I will be her sounding boards, and biggest cheer squad-and God help the person or persons who try to derail her.

Observant

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 22, 2026- Hana enjoys sitting and watching her mother do simple household tasks. She is very intent while Yunhee folds clothes or cleans countertops. Of course, when Mommy is putting a small piece of furniture together, that brings a smile to Hana’s face. It’s almost as if, the more complicated the task, the more it captivates her. I can see that once she starts walking, Hana will be her mother’s shadow and will probably want to help in small ways.

Babies, being pre-lingual, can learn best by such observation. How ironic it is that so many of those with the power of utterance forget to be observant. There is a seeming disconnect between the five senses and speech. We are at a stage where, for too many, my late father-in-law’s wry comment “In the brain, out the mouth” is a rule of thumb. Pop would have liked Hana, just quietly watching everything that goes on, and only fussing when her initial cues of discomfort are not noticed by her grown-ups.

She has only one standing request, to be included in the life of the family, no matter how quotidian the course of events. It means the world to Hana to be sitting on the lap of one of us at the dinner table-again watching how we eat, listening to our conversations and seeing how we care for one another by passing food around the table and sharing everything.

We could all stand to remember what it’s like to not yet be mobile, and yet so observant, drinking in all the practical skills that will be needed later.